I could have handled it better

[merlinmurph]

I had a bit of a skirmish with a car today, and after thinking about it, I could have handled it better than I did.

Riding out where I live in the boonies, I was going down a long, gradual, tree-covered downhill with houses, and near the end is a right curve followed by a stop sign. I go around the corner and there's a car in the middle of the road, trying to back into his driveway. No big deal, I go around him, and am at the stop sign. All is well.

Then he starts screaming at me, dropping a continuous flow of f-bombs.

So, of course, I start yelling at him. I ask him what he's so pissed off about, drop some of my own f-bombs, then head away.

Then he calls me a ????ing faggot, so now I have to go back and yell at him some more. We trade f-bombs again, and then I decide to leave. That's about it.

I guess he was pissed because I surprised him. I really wasn't going that fast because the stop sign was right there.

Now, this is guy was no threat. He was a 60ish guy (I'm 57), smaller, and definitely not fit. I had no problem approaching him, and I think he realized he pushed the envelope when he called me a faggot. I'm also about the least intimidating guy myself.

After I have these encounters, I always go back and ask myself if I could have handled it better, and in this case, I could have.

I should have let him have his tirade and said nothing myself, just let him vent. Then I should have calmly asked him what the problem was, and explained that I was just riding my bike and going no faster than any car would have been going. Maybe, just maybe, he would have realized that he overreacted and that I really wasn't the asshole he thought I was. Then, we could have parted semi-amicably and he might have ended up with a better opinion of cyclists. If he had no interest in discussion, then I'd call him a ????ing asshole because, well, his mind is made up.

Any comments?

Murph

[AngryScientist]

i'm a big fan of letting people rant and rave, get all pissed off, and calmly as : "do you feel better now" - gets them every time.

dont sweat it, emotions run high every now and then, as long as no blows were exchanged, no harm, no foul.

[SteveFrench]

I can totally empathize with you. I have a knack for matching a motorist's anger, and everytime afterward I wish I handled it differently.

[wooly]

I think you handled it like 90% of us would have but you were lucky that this older gent wasn't a younger red neck with a buck knife, bat or something worse. Although, that may have changed your approach :D

But I agree with your thought of approaching it in a more level-headed way. But then again, it's tough because some guys are real douche bags.

[rugbysecondrow]

I can't remember the last time I have been yelled at like that, but I am not good about keeping my cool either. at least it didn't go any further because then you would see if you fitness was a match for whatever trick he might have had.

[thwart]

It's tough when someone verbally attacks you like that. Counting to 10 doesn't work as well in practice---I likely would have done the same.

Must be the day for jerks... we were out riding tonight with a buddy on a rural road with little traffic, when a new black Camaro SS roars up close by and hammers the throttle immediately in front of us. Another biker came up a few minutes later and said he'd seen the perp leave a bar we passed, did the same thing to him, and then approached us from behind at a high rate of speed before hitting the brakes and doing his litttle performance for us. The biker thought he'd take us out given his closing speed.

[SteveFrench]

edit, nevermind

[rustychisel]

Don't worry, hindsight makes more sense every time. You reacted in and of the moment.

What chance the other bloke finished backing his car, calmed down, and thought to himself "Now what the hell did I blow like that for?". Maybe he did.

[RPS]

...snipped.....
I go around the corner and there's a car in the middle of the road, trying to back into his driveway.
snipped.....

Now, this is guy was no threat. He was a 60ish guy (I'm 57), smaller, and definitely not fit. I had no problem approaching him, and I think he realized he pushed the envelope when he called me a faggot. I'm also about the least intimidating guy myself.

IMO that's a bad assumption on your part. For my own safety I always approach motorist as if they are armed. And in Texas a very large number are. Just because he is in his 60s and not fit doesn't mean he can't shoot you dead.

Funny thing is that the last time I had a similar encounter with a motorist it was I who was trying to back my van into the driveway so I could unload building materials, and a motorist got all bent out of shape because I was blocking the street in front of my house for a second or two, and reacted by angrily leaning on the horn. That escalated fast because I didn’t appreciate their aggression. I very much regret my reaction, but will bet they never do it again.

[onekgguy]

If you would've asked me a few years ago I would've suggested flipping the guy off and swearing to your heart's content at the driver. But I've changed. These days I simply wave and continue my ride. Nothing can be gained from getting upset. Nothing.

Kevin g

[gearguywb]

I try to smile, wave, and shout "have a nice day". Sometimes it is tough though....especially when the endorphins are kicking in.

[2LeftCleats]

This must be a nearly universal gut reaction. After all the years of dealing with idiots, I have great difficulty rerouting that impulse to my brain instead of middle finger. And I nearly always regret it immediately because:
--it's partially my fault
-- it inflames me and spoils a nice ride
--people carry weapons these days
--I can't run so fast in cleats

[William]

Ahhh, riding is so therapeutic. (http://forums.thepaceline.net/showpost.php?p=384521&postcount=1)




William ;) :D

[Black Dog]

i'm a big fan of letting people rant and rave, get all pissed off, and calmly as : "do you feel better now" - gets them every time.

+1.

I do the same thing now. They feel like asses when you are calm and collected. It makes their tirade seem way out of proportion. I find if I introduce myself and talk about my family and job it makes me human and really deflates them. They need to dehumanize you in order to have that much anger towards another person.

[dekindy]

You were totally in the wrong in my opinion. If you were a car and came around the curve and there was a car in the middle of the road you would have stopped until he was finished backing into the driveway. At least I would have maybe you don't.

He was probably scared because if he had not seen you he might have ran over you while he was concentrating on getting backed into the driveway. You had no way of predicting what maneuver he might have to make.

I am really tired of hearing cyclist's rants when if they would have acted like a car, which is what they are supposed to do, and showed common courtesy instead of thinking they own the road, then incidents like this would never have happened. I did not read all the replies, but the ones I read seemed to sympathize with you and that does not give me much hope. Maybe I am lucky, 99.9% of the motorists in my area give me the right of way when they don't have to. I am also very conservative and cautious, more so than anyone that I ride with, so I come from an extreme position on the spectrum.

[biker72]

What I do is wave and smile. They are mad and want to get you mad. This really pisses them off.... :D

My motto: Don't argue with a 2 ton car....you'll lose.
This is especially true here in the Dallas area.

[merlinmurph]

You were totally in the wrong in my opinion. If you were a car and came around the curve and there was a car in the middle of the road you would have stopped until he was finished backing into the driveway. At least I would have maybe you don't.

He was probably scared because if he had not seen you he might have ran over you while he was concentrating on getting backed into the driveway. You had no way of predicting what maneuver he might have to make.

Thanks, I see your point, and that's a definite possibility. From my vantage point, I assumed that he was backing into the driveway and I very well could have been wrong. There definitely was a chance that he still wanted to go forward.

The problem is, I really don't know the exact reason he was pissed. If it was merely because I surprised him (and this happens a lot), well, too bad. If it was because he had planned on going forward and into our paths, then he had a legitimate right to be pissed.

Thanks again for a different angle on things.

Murph

[dekindy]

I was not sure how you would take my reply. Thanks for considering it.

I just know how much more difficult it is to see motorcycles than cars. I have been startled and downright terrified that I could have killed someone when I look and and it appears to be clear and then all of a sudden see a motorcycle that I missed and almost pulled out in front of. Bicycles are even more difficult to see than motorcycles in my opinion. Bicycles are smaller and silent and tend to be on the side of the road where they are less likely to be seen. This is from someone that used to own motorcycles for several years and now rides his bicycle 4,000 miles on the road and is keenly aware to beware because they are everywhere.

I bet he was horrified when he thought he might have not seen you and ran over you and hurt you badly. Why else would he be pissed? It did not appear that you interfered with him unless like I said he started to pull forward and might have hit you.

[FlashUNC]

We all lose perspective sometimes. It happens. Only thing to do is learn from it for the next time you have a run-in with a motorist. Because it will happen.

I think we've all reacted poorly in those situations once or twice.

[MadRocketSci]

i once got cut off by a mtn biker exiting a trail onto the road. I gave a "***"...he then challenged me to a karate fight in the road (i'm assuming, as he stated he had a black belt in karate and was going to kick my a$$). I was all "you can't be serious, are you like 12?" and rode off. If he was fast there might have been a karate fight in shimano spd-sl cleats that I probably would've lost as I only stayed for the yellow belt in rex kwan do.

[coylifut]

i had a similar situation happen last week. I stood quietly, listed to the rant and after the guy was done screaming I simply said;

"Look, I know you feel like a complete douche-bag for screaming at the top of your lungs in the middle of the street, but don't be so hard on your self."

I then rode off. I felt fine about it and continued my commute to work.

[Joachim]

I probably would've lost as I only stayed for the yellow belt in rex kwan do.

Do you have the flag sweat pants?


William has a pretty cool story too...

[William]

i had a similar situation happen last week. I stood quietly, listed to the rant and after the guy was done screaming I simply said;

"Look, I know you feel like a complete douche-bag for screaming at the top of your lungs in the middle of the street, but don't be so hard on your self."

I then rode off. I felt fine about it and continued my commute to work.


With a chair and a bag of Kettlecorn I'd have fun watching that. :D




William

[Bud_E]

I'm with the "smile and wave" philosophy. What's the point of engaging a belligerent asshole ?

[coylifut]

With a chair and a bag of Kettlecorn I'd have fun watching that. :D




William

if you were sitting there with a bag of kettlecorn, my mouth would be otherwise occupied.

[sg8357]

Real life is just like the crazy people you hear on radio call-in shows
or ranters on the internet. A large percentage of America is either off their meds or is taking way too many. They're not mad at you, they are just crazy,
you just happen to be standing in front of them.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck's?
Igor: [pause, then] No.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Igor: Then you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby... Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles, then] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
[grabs Igor and starts throttling him]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you're telling me?

Mel Brooks understands real life.

[pedlpwrd]

I have had more than one occassion when motorists get worked up over their own inability to notice my presence on the road with them. I wouldnt beat myself up over your encounter today. Personally I was enlightened when I read that you had went back after being called a queer. Self defense sometimes means you arent always going to be the grown up in every situation. Take self satisfaction in giving him a dose of his own medicine. Ride safe! :bike:

[CaptStash]

Not that I can always keep my initial reaction to engage in a full on raging cuss fest in check, but I have found that it is surprisingly disarming to simply take a mental step back and a deep breath. Then either ignore and ride away, or as I have taken to doing ask "Are you ok? You seem to be really upset. Is there anything I can do? It seems like you're having a bad day or something." I don't see any real upside to making him feel bad for losing his cool. Often I get an immediate apology because in fact, they were just having a bad day. And when I get that aplogy, we both feel pretty damn good.

And that works for me.

Saul aka CaptStash....

[konstantkarma]

to the OP: You also had the advantage of knowing where this guy lives. You could have made him aware of that, or kept that knowledge in your back pocket if things escalated further.

I once had a guy almost hit me in his car after after he cruised through a stop sign at a 4-way. I yelled at him to stop and he let loose with several unkind and unwarranted expletives. Unfortunately for him he was on his way home and I searched the neighborhoods by bike until I found him in his drive way exiting his car. You should have seen his shocked expression when I cruised past on my bike to let him know that I now knew where he lived. I never returned, but I bet he was looking under and around his car for the next few weeks.

[norcalbiker]

Everytime I have encountered things like this, I have always say

"I am sorry for whatever I have done to upset you"

Then I just go back to my riding. Seriously, it is not worth of my time and it's not worth aggrevating myself over it. After all, there is no harm done to me or to him that I should agrue and waste my riding time about it. Also, this way, maybe he'll think it oever on what I did to upset him and perhaps realized that it is not worth his energy as well. Or maybe it will make him feel like a man.

[93legendti]

...The problem is, I really don't know the exact reason he was pissed...Murph
THIS is the reason I smile, wave and say "have a good day". Or say nothing.

[MadRocketSci]

Do you have the flag sweat pants?


William has a pretty cool story too...

i split those bad boys after delivering a roundhouse kick to my cousin's face. thanks for reminding me to order another pair (http://www.amazon.com/BAGGY-WORKOUT-PANTS-USA-FLAG-PRINT/dp/B001KWAGXI/ref=pd_sbs_a_2) ...

[sbparker31]

The problem is that in most of these situations, our adrenaline starts to pump and it is exceedingly difficult to keep a cool head. I am better now that I am older (less testosterone maybe?), but in the past I have engaged in cuss fests. On one occasion I wacked a quarterpanel with my fist as I went by a car that was impinging on the bike lane.

I know a motorcyclist that was splitting lanes on the freeway during a traffic jam, and a car saw him coming and took exception and moved over to block his path. He raised his boot up and kicked the driver's side mirror off the car. Unfortunately the driver turned out to be an FBI agent in an unmarked car (why he was being an a-hole, I don't know) and so my friend had some 'splainin to do.

[BlackTiBob]

[QUOTE=RPS]IMO that's a bad assumption on your part. For my own safety I always approach motorist as if they are armed. And in Texas a very large number are. Just because he is in his 60s and not fit doesn't mean he can't shoot you dead.

It's not worth arguing with a driver. If not armed with a gun, they are all armed with a 4,000 pound missle.....

A guy in my club gave the finger to an a-hole driver and the driver hung a U-turn and ran him over. Luckily not killed, but several broken bones --not good.

I'm not perfect at letting it all go, but it is the best practice.

[torquer]

Or maybe it will make him feel like a man.
All these incidents we're talking about: always guy-on-guy, right?
We were discussing some similar situations after the ride on Sunday, and someone (a guy) reported how a woman driver threatened to "knock his block off." Everyone thought that was hilarious, and nobody imagined that escalating like some of the stories in this thread.
Now I realize that there are fewer gals riding, but I wonder what their experiences are. Or does it always require two sources of testosterone (patches optional) for combustion to occur?

[rugbysecondrow]

All these incidents we're talking about: always guy-on-guy, right?
We were discussing some similar situations after the ride on Sunday, and someone (a guy) reported how a woman driver threatened to "knock his block off." Everyone thought that was hilarious, and nobody imagined that escalating like some of the stories in this thread.
Now I realize that there are fewer gals riding, but I wonder what their experiences are. Or does it always require two sources of testosterone (patches optional) for combustion to occur?


I have actually noticed women being more lippy to me than men. I think women feel they have a safety bubble where they can say things with no reprocussions. On the other hand, men know that something could escalate and are less vocal...there are possible reprocussions.

Luckily I have just had one incident on the bike and it involved a bolt being thrown at my head. Otherwise, I have had no issue. I am either lucky or I pay very little attention.

[merlinmurph]

I was not sure how you would take my reply. Thanks for considering it.

Actually, it was exactly what I was looking for - something I hadn't thought of.

I posted this discussion because:
- I wanted to see what others would have done
- I wanted to see if others could offer other insight like you did

I didn't post it because I was looking for support or backup.

One of my main goals is that I don't want people to hate cyclists, and my initial reaction with this guy didn't help that cause. That bothered me. I try to be a good cyclist out there and try to be a good ambassador for the sport. I encourage people when I see them on the road or when I'm talking with them. Hopefully, it will help in the long run.

Thanks for your input everybody.

BTW, I had a fantastic nooner 30+ miler today. The weather is awesome right now and I felt great.

Murph

[norcalbiker]

One of my main goals is that I don't want people to hate cyclists,

Since you brougth this up. Other cyclist do give bad names to other cyclist. :crap: I am not saying you're one of them, but I do know few of them. Guess what, I no longer ride with them. As you can, even a cyclist as myself hate those cyclist that give us bad rep. SORRY!!!

[Seramount]

some of you guys are far more evolved than I. your self-control under duress is admirable.

I'm trying to scale down my hostile reactions to rude and/or life-threatening motorists, but not sure it's paying dividends.

recently, some douche passed me from behind while laying on his horn (not sure exactly what crime I committed to warrant this, sometimes just riding a bike is sufficient cause).

my normal reaction would be a widely-recognized hand gesture, but I refrained and instead gave the driver an exaggerated parade wave and then blew him a kiss as he went by.

my actions caused the dude to almost wad his mini-van up...I've never seen anyone so agitated. he was screaming at me and pounding the dashboard.

maybe I should go back to just flipping the bird, seems less antagonistic.

[rugbysecondrow]

Since you brougth this up. Other cyclist do give bad names to other cyclist. :crap: I am not saying you're one of them, but I do know few of them. Guess what, I no longer ride with them. As you can, even a cyclist as myself hate those cyclist that give us bad rep. SORRY!!!


Agreed.

[drewski]

Actually, it was exactly what I was looking for - something I hadn't thought of.

I posted this discussion because:
- I wanted to see what others would have done
- I wanted to see if others could offer other insight like you did

I didn't post it because I was looking for support or backup.

One of my main goals is that I don't want people to hate cyclists, and my initial reaction with this guy didn't help that cause. That bothered me. I try to be a good cyclist out there and try to be a good ambassador for the sport. I encourage people when I see them on the road or when I'm talking with them. Hopefully, it will help in the long run.

Thanks for your input everybody.

BTW, I had a fantastic nooner 30+ miler today. The weather is awesome right now and I felt great.

Murph



I have been there and it is always tough as a guy to do the right thing
when we are in the heat of battle. I have to remember that these battles
with drivers are very petty in the grand scheme. I have spend time talking
about this with more evolved persons than myself
and have been convinced by others to take the following philosophy:

Risking further injury with a person (man or woman) packing a pistol is
really a selfish act. I have wife and 2 kids. So fighting a person, verbally who
is a rageholic and behind the wheel of a car poses many unforseeable risks. We are very vulnerable on the road.

Unfortunately the only suggestion I have is developing a thick skin
to ass*****. We are powerless. Here in Charlotte there is a system
by which we can report abusive drivers. The other altenative is to
have a video hard drive and record every ride like the police do.


Regards,

Andrew

[bambam]

Maybe the guy was scared and didn't see you. He might have assumed you passed behind him and gotten more scared that the didn't notice you.


I usually use the Smile and wave, with 5 fingers technique. But on Sundays if it looks like the angry person is a chuch goer and is completely bonkers I usually just yell as loud a I can "Hay!!" then in a normal voice say "Jesus loves me to you know." The response is usually silence.

[Idris Icabod]

I didn't read the entire thread but try not to sweat it, some people are a$$holes and this guy sounds like he may be president elect of that club. Some people like to rant and rave at people, some like to threaten to k1ck your a$$, these people should be ignored. I plan on constructing a large iron ball, placing all of these angry people in it and firing it in to the sun.

[clunk]

Ahhh, riding is so therapeutic. (http://forums.thepaceline.net/showpost.php?p=384521&postcount=1)




William ;) :D

Dude, you are the Clint Eastwood of cyclists. I would be pleased to ride with you someday.

[scoobydrew]

Dude, you are the Clint Eastwood of cyclists. I would be pleased to ride with you someday.

"Get off my road."

[Kevan]

I think it says a lot that you reran your mental video tape to evaluate your actions. I wish more people were this conscientious.

[jasond]

You were totally in the wrong in my opinion. If you were a car and came around the curve and there was a car in the middle of the road you would have stopped until he was finished backing into the driveway. At least I would have maybe you don't.

He was probably scared because if he had not seen you he might have ran over you while he was concentrating on getting backed into the driveway. You had no way of predicting what maneuver he might have to make.

I am really tired of hearing cyclist's rants when if they would have acted like a car, which is what they are supposed to do, and showed common courtesy instead of thinking they own the road, then incidents like this would never have happened. I did not read all the replies, but the ones I read seemed to sympathize with you and that does not give me much hope. Maybe I am lucky, 99.9% of the motorists in my area give me the right of way when they don't have to. I am also very conservative and cautious, more so than anyone that I ride with, so I come from an extreme position on the spectrum.

+1

[sbparker31]

I think it says a lot that you reran your mental video tape to evaluate your actions. I wish more people were this conscientious.

Agreed. Too many people go through life in an unconcious fashion, unaware that their behavior may have a negative effect on others, or the environment, etc. etc. Really, it is sickness that afflicts our world in an acute and profoundly negative way. Just realizing that there may be other ways of being/acting is being conscious. Re-running your tape as Kevan says is good. Being conscious in the moment is even better. If I had the presence of mind of mind to ask myself if what I am about to do or say has a positive impact on the world vs. just adding to the rampant negativity then the world would be a better place in some small way. If we all had the presence of mind, the world would be an infinitely better place.

Of course that is easy to say sitting here on my couch on a quiet morning. Putting it in practice is difficult. We are not Buddha or Christ (or pick you diety). But it helps to go through our day to day lives realizing that a lot of people are suffering from a real illness (the ego disease), and under normal circumstances we don't yell at/get in fights with sick people laying in hospital beds. . .

[merlinmurph]

Of course that is easy to say sitting here on my couch on a quiet morning. Putting it in practice is difficult. We are not Buddha or Christ (or pick you diety). But it helps to go through our day to day lives realizing that a lot of people are suffering from a real illness (the ego disease), and under normal circumstances we don't yell at/get in fights with sick people laying in hospital beds. . .

Absolutely right. Generally, screwing-up isn't bad, it's what you do after screwing up that's important. Do you treat it as a learning experience, or do you just ignore it? My golden rule is to give everybody a mulligan, one giant screwup, before I truly judge them - even my best friends. And I sure hope they do the same with me, because I'm sure I've pulled some pretty dumb moves on my part and need all the slack I can get. At 57, I've had enough chances. :o And if you guys are anything like me, it may even take more than one of the same screwup to finally learn my lesson. Geez, is that embarrasing.

FWIW, I know that when I was younger - teens, 20's, even 30's (ouch) - I was totally clueless and may not have reflected as much as I should have. Stupid.

OK, this is getting a bit too serious for me....might be time to get a good ride in. I'll try not to yell at anybody. :)

Murph

[54ny77]

As I've gotten older and become less stupider, when dealing with an irate motorist, I'm starting to follow the maxim of don't start what you can't finish. That's why I find myself walking away from things more if it's just words. The liability of satisfying the ego can be very expensive.

[InspectorGadget]

I'd like to think I have the presence of mind to smile and ask the motorist if they are OK. Since I flunked out of Rex Kwan Do, I would probably get the bad words out of my jersey pocket and hurl them in rapid-fire succession so as to stun my would-be adversary.

Ahhh, riding is so therapeutic. (http://forums.thepaceline.net/showpost.php?p=384521&postcount=1)

William ;) :DWhat brand knife is most appropriate for this course of action? :D


Real life is just like the crazy people you hear on radio call-in shows
or ranters on the internet. A large percentage of America is either off their meds or is taking way too many. They're not mad at you, they are just crazy,
you just happen to be standing in front of them.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck's?
Igor: [pause, then] No.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Igor: Then you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby... Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles, then] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
[grabs Igor and starts throttling him]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you're telling me?

Mel Brooks understands real life.
Frederick Fronkensteen (http://www.ladyofthecake.com/mel/frank/sounds/igor.wav).

[bozman]

I usually ignore most of what goes around me when it comes to motorists being "offended" by my riding but yesterday I was riding home from work on a road that was two lanes in my direction that became three at the light. I signaled that I was coming across the soon-to-be-turn lane because I was going through the light. I signaled with plenty of advanced notice but a Corolla with two teenagers in it honked at me anyway. I kept going and the passenger leaned out and called me a f*cking f*#got so I flipped them off. It felt great!

[Spinner]

Last Sunday morning I was riding through the Cleveland Metroparks Emerald Neckless when ahead and on the left I saw a female cyclist (+/- 45 years old) coming downhill on a side road to enter the Valley Parkway that I was travelling. I watched her carefully as she ran a stop sign and noticed that she did not look at me. As she began to cross the road about 40 to 50 feet ahead of me (I was going about 18 mph and she was running maybe 5 - 8 mph), I in a raised voice, but not yelling, began to say "yo, yo, yo, yo" in order to get her attention. This caused her to scream at me, "I saw you."

In reply, I said to her, "Have a cheery day." She responded, "You f@@king a@@hole." I just continued to ride, although I was aggrevated.

Go figure.

[Peter P.]

I was once on my bike stuck in traffic at a stop light. For some rational reason I forget, the light turned green but traffic couldn't move. Someone a few cars back hollered something like, "What's the %$&!ing problem-GO!" but traffic wasn't budging. I turned and hollered back, "You kiss your mother with that mouth?" The driver turned all apologetic. I think an approach like this can take the wind out of a lot of sails.

Your response to the car driver was instinctive; defensive. It's very common for people to respond in the same "ego state" (in this case, the parent ego state-remember your transactional analysis?) in a confrontation like this. Responding in another ego state, adult or child, takes control away from the other party. It's tough to do when you're angry, but with practice you can master the neanderthals behind the wheel.

I've had my share of run-ins and responding in-kind usually doesn't work. And in your particular case, you need to look at it from the car driver's perspective as you rounded the curve approaching him.

[johnnymossville]

It sucks when this happens. I've had a few similar experiences over the years and have learned a few things.

I notice that if I wave with a smile they usually drive off with no confrontation.

If I give them the middle finger it usually escalates the situation.

They are in a car, we are on a bike.

[jeo99]

You were totally in the wrong in my opinion. If you were a car and came around the curve and there was a car in the middle of the road you would have stopped until he was finished backing into the driveway. At least I would have maybe you don't.

He was probably scared because if he had not seen you he might have ran over you while he was concentrating on getting backed into the driveway. You had no way of predicting what maneuver he might have to make.

I am really tired of hearing cyclist's rants when if they would have acted like a car, which is what they are supposed to do, and showed common courtesy instead of thinking they own the road, then incidents like this would never have happened. I did not read all the replies, but the ones I read seemed to sympathize with you and that does not give me much hope. Maybe I am lucky, 99.9% of the motorists in my area give me the right of way when they don't have to. I am also very conservative and cautious, more so than anyone that I ride with, so I come from an extreme position on the spectrum.

You must live in a dream land there in Fishers. You need to ride here in Michigan. You will not have that opinion in two weeks of riding here! I love the attitude, it just is not realistic everywhere.

:beer:

[tuxbailey]

to the OP: You also had the advantage of knowing where this guy lives. You could have made him aware of that, or kept that knowledge in your back pocket if things escalated further.

I once had a guy almost hit me in his car after after he cruised through a stop sign at a 4-way. I yelled at him to stop and he let loose with several unkind and unwarranted expletives. Unfortunately for him he was on his way home and I searched the neighborhoods by bike until I found him in his drive way exiting his car. You should have seen his shocked expression when I cruised past on my bike to let him know that I now knew where he lived. I never returned, but I bet he was looking under and around his car for the next few weeks.


This is awesome. You should have passed by his home a few more times in random frequency, kind of like ghosts in horror movies. I bet it would have given him some nightmares :p

[Louis]

More driver stories:


Yesterday while on my ride with a buddy we had a mini-run-in with a driver. It was getting late, but still at least one hour before sunset. However, there were very dark clouds out the west, so visibility was adequate but not great. As we slowed approached approaching intersection, where we were going to turn left, a woman in a car going in the direction from which we had just come slowed down and said "Lights would help" and drove off.

What was most annoying was the self-righteous tone of her voice. MO law only requires light 30 min after sunset, so we were OK there. I admit that things were a bit dark due to the clouds - but, there was still plenty of light. She was just being a witch (but spelled with a "b") and you could tell based on her tone of voice. It wasn't a cheerful "guys, it would be easier to see you if you had lights," it was a very condescending "I know better than you" type of thing.

It wasn't a big deal, but it was annoying.

[rounder]

I always try to avoid confrontations, but sometimes you can't.

Last winter, left early (about 4:30) because of an unexpected snowstorm. I was driving around the D.C. beltway or more like it creeping. There were parked cars in all directions along the way from breakdowns and stuck in snow, which made a normally bad drive especially bad. There was bad driving all over with cars changing lanes, following too close, breaking down. Along the way, I was struck twice. The first car me hit me from another lane. I got out of my car (traffic was moving at 0 mph and there was no damage) and spoke to the driver...he said idiot cut me off and had to change lanes...sorry. After awhile another guy hit me from behind. I had been watching him and thought that he had been following too close. I stopped my car (which was still going 0 mph) and got out and spoke to the driver and told him that he had been following too close and he said...sorry I will pay for any damage. There was no damage except a scuff mark where the screw on his license plate holder hit my bumper. I eventually got home at 12:30 that night after driving 75 miles and being hit twice. Others took just as long to get home. I dunno, I guess my point is that things happen out there in traffic (cars or bikes) and it is not a good idea to get too emotional about a situation when you do not know all of the facts.

[sbparker31]

While most here seem to agree that a zen like approach to angry motorists works best, I am of the opinion that whipping a .44 out of the back pocket of my jersey is the best way to handle the zombie threat:

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/jun/23/hacked-road-sign-warns-of-zombies-in-northern-ky/?ap

[rugbysecondrow]

More driver stories:


Yesterday while on my ride with a buddy we had a mini-run-in with a driver. It was getting late, but still at least one hour before sunset. However, there were very dark clouds out the west, so visibility was adequate but not great. As we slowed approached approaching intersection, where we were going to turn left, a woman in a car going in the direction from which we had just come slowed down and said "Lights would help" and drove off.

What was most annoying was the self-righteous tone of her voice. MO law only requires light 30 min after sunset, so we were OK there. I admit that things were a bit dark due to the clouds - but, there was still plenty of light. She was just being a witch (but spelled with a "b") and you could tell based on her tone of voice. It wasn't a cheerful "guys, it would be easier to see you if you had lights," it was a very condescending "I know better than you" type of thing.

It wasn't a big deal, but it was annoying.


I bet she was a cyclist. I have felt like at yelling at riders who are in traffic with ZERO lights or reflecters at dusk or after sunset...meaning too dark with poor visability.

I understand you being annoyed, but you seem to admit she was not incorrect. It also seems she did know more or better than you at that time...lights would help.

Sometimes we need to just take our lumps and move on.

[rugbysecondrow]

Last Sunday morning I was riding through the Cleveland Metroparks Emerald Neckless when ahead and on the left I saw a female cyclist (+/- 45 years old) coming downhill on a side road to enter the Valley Parkway that I was travelling. I watched her carefully as she ran a stop sign and noticed that she did not look at me. As she began to cross the road about 40 to 50 feet ahead of me (I was going about 18 mph and she was running maybe 5 - 8 mph), I in a raised voice, but not yelling, began to say "yo, yo, yo, yo" in order to get her attention. This caused her to scream at me, "I saw you."

In reply, I said to her, "Have a cheery day." She responded, "You f@@king a@@hole." I just continued to ride, although I was aggrevated.

Go figure.


Unfortunatly, that sounds about right.

[konstantkarma]

Thread Hijack....How about more encounters with other cyclists?....I'll start.

Rural roads around here. Nice rolling country, a fair amount of car traffic. Lots of cyclists on the weekends. Last week I finish a climb that ends at a stop sign at a T intersection. As I stop at the sign to wait for traffic to clear so that I can turn left, 4 cyclists make a right onto the road that I am on from the direction I am waiting to travel. They turn right, spread out and stop in the middle of the T intersection, effectively preventing anyone else from turning right onto this road. These are old sunken farm roads with poor visibility because of the foliage. As I am warning them not to do this, a car attempts to turn right into the road that they are obstructing, but can't. Another car coming from behind has to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting the car that is now stopped mid-turn by the cyclists........... :crap: :crap: .

I just kept thinking that I would be angry if I were one of the drivers of the cars obstructed by these "cyclists". Beautiful day, open country roads and you have to increase the hazard factor by randomly stopping to chat, or whatever?

[Spinz]

Keep riding ------- if he comes for you then you have reason to retaliate. Flapping the yap is a total waste of energy and effort. Lp

[Tommasini53]

+1.

I do the same thing now. They feel like asses when you are calm and collected. It makes their tirade seem way out of proportion. I find if I introduce myself and talk about my family and job it makes me human and really deflates them. They need to dehumanize you in order to have that much anger towards another person.

++1
I'll try that....its a nice approach and probably has a lasting (positive) impression....but it will be a challenge. :beer:

[Louis]

They need to dehumanize you in order to have that much anger towards another person.

Ha! An optimist.

Many folks out there are equal-opportunity haters.