Stoner bikes

[velotel]

My name, everyone else calls them gravel bikes or gravel grinders. Terrible name, grates on my ears, like finger nails scratching across a blackboard. I hate gravel, nasty stuff, insidious little rock balls always moving, almost as bad as wet leaves on pavement. Forming a warm connection with a bike named after something as treacherous as gravel doesn’t work for me. And grinder, dreadful, grinding is what I do on steep grades when my legs are bankrupt and all I can do is grind out the climb till it’s over. Thus my refusal to call them gravel bikes.

Stoner bikes because they roll so sweetly over stones. Also a gentle nod to a certain head space some of us are partial to plus it’s a name that makes people laugh the moment they first hear it. No humor in gravel or grinding, lots in stoner.

Stoner bikes, they’re the middle finger given to the rules, regulations, and stress of roads and hyped-up, aggro drivers, and even better they’re all about having the cake and eating the damn thing too. As in riding blacktop fast and hard, up mountains then plunging back down, hammering pacelines across flats, all the usual skinny-tired thrills, but when the blacktop stops and the road doesn’t, neither do stoner bikes. They keep jamming, powering towards distant horizons, spitting stones left and right, or up at the bike’s tubes instantly followed by that distinctive pinging sound only bikers know.

Amazing what can be ridden with them. They won’t go where full-blown mountain bikes go, at least not with normal riders on them, but they’ll sure as heck go a lot more places than lots of road riders imagine. On blacktop, it’s not like you’re on some tank of a bike, no way. They’re light, nimble, and as fast as your legs can propel them, just more comfortable, especially when the asphalt gets that cratered look from too many budget cuts.

Or at least that’s how the stoner bikes I have in mind are. Just ever so slightly modified road bikes. Mostly just more space for fatter tires, but only a little fatter, like instead of 700x25 or even 700x28, 700x33’s. Scot Nicol likes a 700x40. Any fatter than that (and to me 40 is pushing the limit) you might as well get a mountain bike. Stoner bikes are nothing more than a modern interpretation of the bikes that raced through the Alps back in the 50’s, 60’s, etc. Bikes that did it all, asphalt, dirt, cobbles, whatever the roads threw at them.

Stoner bikes are all about road riding without having to have that black stuff. They’re about creating outrageous loops that knit together blacktop and dirt. They’re about powering a road bike hard and fast, in the drops, spinning on the big ring and small cogs only you’re doing it on some dirt and stone track through fields, along a river bank, across the side of a mountain. They’re about climbing over some high col that road riders never see because the asphalt doesn’t get that high.

Like the road I call the Grand Traverse, 15-K of dirt and stones between two cols, the Aravis and the Arpettaz, the finest ride I’ve yet done in France. If it was paved everyone would want to ride it. But it’s not paved, so it’s totally ignored. By mountain bikers too because it’s not rad enough for their needs. This is a ride that defines stoner bikes. A 70-K loop with around 2100 vertical meters (c.a. 6900 ft), two cols, roads that can generate cycling wet dreams, views that make riding almost mission impossible. And the only way it can be done is by riding 15 K of dirt and rock which just happens to be the section with the most gorgeous views you can imagine. The perfect stoner bike tour.

Another one is the High Traverse (again just my name for it) between the road to Col du Chaussy and the Col de la Madeleine. A fabulous ride (just not long enough). Then there’s the Cormet d’Arêches loop, three cols, a hundred plus K, around 3100 vertical meters (10,000+ ft), a stunning ride but the only way to do it is to ride the 8 K of dirt and rock over the Cormet d’Arêches, so hardly anyone does it. Wonderful rides, stoner bike rides.

Having said all that, have to admit my stoner bike is nothing other than my regular road bike, currently shod with 700x28 Panaracer Gravelkings (wonder if I could get them to change the name to Stonerkings). I rode a true stoner bike in Boulder last year, a Moots Routt complete with disc brakes, wonderful ride. Got back to France and was thinking I’d have Kent build me a stoner frame (the Moots was terrific but to my eyes the Eriksens are way more elegant, which doesn’t do squat for the ride, just the perception). Then I got to looking at my bike, no doubt inspired by the budget realities of a fixed retirement income. Looked at the rear triangle and saw enough space for a fatter tire. The only problem is the brake opening. Hmmm, replace the Record brakes with some Shimano brakes with their quick release on the brake, combine that with the Campy quick release on the brake lever, et voilà they should open enough to slip a fatter tire through. Perfect.

Looked at the Enve fork. Not enough vertical clearance for a bigger tire. Okay, change the fork for one with more room. Switch to a Shimano brake for a second quick release and hello fat tires. Beautiful. It’s not necessarily a new bike that’s needed, just a shift in perspective. I mean a stoner bike is nothing more than a road bike with fatter tires.

And now my thinking has gone full circle because I’m enjoying the 700x28 Panaracer Gravelkings (despite their name) so much so that I no longer see a need to switch anything. I’m only running 60 psi and they’re running sweet and fast and soaking up whatever the road tosses at us so why change! Okay, if I had money flowing out of my ears looking for a place to get spent, I’d for sure order a stoner bike from Kent. But without disc brakes. No electric shifting either. But I don’t so, ride the stoner bike I’ve already got. I mean check out these roads I’ve been riding with 700x25 Veloflex Masters and Vittoria 700x27 Paves with no problems at all, including no flats. They’ll be even sweeter with the Gravelkings that are definitely fatter. And yes, with 33’s the ride would no doubt be even smoother but for now, I’ll ride what I got and smile all the way.

[crashnburn]

That is such a beautiful route!
As long as my bike takes me to those kind of views I don't mind what the bike is called.

I currently use 33-35s at a higher psi. But I will definitely try lowering them a bit more.

Again, beautiful views and route.

[Steve in SLO]

As usual, great copy and even better pics.
I have to say my favorite pic is the last one of you, the bike and the scenery...just great!

[AJosiahK]

Awesome

And those shots

Thanks for sharing !

[Mzilliox]

you are the man, thanks for rambling on! I much prefer saying/thinking that I'm looking for an Eriksen or Ti stoner frame to build into a stoner bike than i am saying I want to build an all road, adventure bike, or gravel grinder.
Stoner bike, hey i resemble that... when i get to France, you are gonna get looked up my friend. I dig your style!

Maybe you'd like to share your specs on your "Stoner" build?? aka whatcha ridin?

[Don49]

Nice report and pics, thanks!
I have a backup bike, a Serotta Atlanta with steel fork. I'm going to have a look at what bigger tires it might take.

[PQJ]

Thank you. Mighty sweet, as always. You're my kind of cat.

[Miller76]

Great writing, great photos, I'd ride the hell out of this route and enjoy a beer with you at the end!!!


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[unterhausen]

I'm stealing "stoner bike." I have what I call a "gravel bike," but I can't stand "gravel grinder." Whoever thought that up should live in shame and infamy

[cv1966]

Great write up and pics. Love Velotel's posts.

[Look585]

Bookmarked, this one is in my future.

[Saint Vitus]

Damn you and your beautiful surroundings!!!

[Ronsonic]

Sorry, "stoner bike" sounds like a beach cruiser rattle canned in Jamaican flag colors with a beverage holder in use on the bars holding a bad beer.

But I do like where you're going with it.

[yarg]

Could not imagine much of a better ride in my dreams. So glad you can do it and enjoy it.

[rcnute]

Post is long and awesome like Dopesmoker.

Ryan