How to deal with the loss of a friend/ride buddy

[soulspinner]

So very sorry. In 1989 lost my brother. He was greatest cyclist I knew. Got me into the sport. 26 y/o. Didn't ride for a decade. Wish I hadn't waited as its become therapy now. I like the above mentioned off road riding as exercise will help and not being concerned with cars now is a plus. God bless man.

[Black Dog]

Terrible loss for you. So sorry. Best advice I can give is to feel your feelings. Do not avoid or push down what you are feeling.

[buddybikes]

Best friend growing up, who I got into cycling. We toured Nova Scotia/PEI after my high school graduation. He loved it so much that he decided to go to Halifax for his engineering degree. While there he met his wife. Fast forward 25 years, he son became a top US cyclist, racing <23 in Europe and big stage races in US (while keeping a 4.0average in mechanical engineering) - 21 years old. Crashed at tour of Arizona few years ago, passed away 4 days later after donating every body part to lucky recipients. If I hadn't talked my friend into this tour, life would certainly be different.

[NHAero]

Sincere condolences to you.
Following up on suggestion about grief counseling - your local Hospice may have a bereavement counselor/therapist, and the service might even be free. This is what my wife's role is at the Martha's Vineyard Hospice.

[phoenix]

So sorry for your loss.

[Buzz]

Sad news. In my experience oftentimes family members don’t understand or know a lot about why their loved one rides or what they did other than the fact that they would be gone for the afternoon riding. I know of one circumstance where the riding partner was able to offer a unique perspective on the deceased person that helped and comforted the family. Maybe that is something you could do for your friend.

[Keith A]

Originally Posted by Buzz

Sad news. In my experience oftentimes family members don’t understand or know a lot about why their loved one rides or what they did other than the fact that they would be gone for the afternoon riding. I know of one circumstance where the riding partner was able to offer a unique perspective on the deceased person that helped and comforted the family. Maybe that is something you could do for your friend.

This is a really good suggestion. For the most part, our spouses and family don't ride with us -- and therefore don't participate in an activity we enjoy.

[cgolvin]

Originally Posted by Buzz

Sad news. In my experience oftentimes family members don’t understand or know a lot about why their loved one rides or what they did other than the fact that they would be gone for the afternoon riding. I know of one circumstance where the riding partner was able to offer a unique perspective on the deceased person that helped and comforted the family. Maybe that is something you could do for your friend.

Heartfelt condolences, Mark.

This is also along the lines I was thinking. Unrelated to cycling, but after losing my immediate family members I put together a slideshow of photos that ran in the background during the memorial ceremonies we held. For many people these photos showed a piece of the departed about which they had no idea and they appreciated seeing a wider view of the person they knew and loved. I don't know if you have a lot of photos taken during your many rides, but if you do then putting them together with some of your thoughts and appreciation of your friend might make a meaningful gift to his family, and have some therapeutic benefit for you.

Hang in there, as others have said, time doesn't heal the wound but it helps lessen the pain and deepen your appreciation of your friendship.

[C40_guy]

I lost a riding buddy to cancer. We rode the Pan Mass Challenge together every year, until he couldn't. And then he was gone.

Ten years later I rode the PMC with his two children, then 18 and 22. It was their first year riding the PMC. Each was riding one of his bikes, and one had a photo on her stem, of him holding her as a young girl.

It was a very special experience, and I felt honored to be able to share it with them.

[commandcomm]

Keep on going. Recently at at my church, a gentleman’s wife passed away and they were married for over 50 years. They were the door greeters. The Sunday after the passing, he was there as the door greeter. I asked him how he was doing. He said I have keep on going with life and not get myself stuck in a rut.

Think of your friend and what he would want you to do. Remember him, but keep on going and keep on biking.

[polar8]

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.

[Hellgate]

I'm so sorry to learn of the loss of your friend. I offer my deepest condolences.

[weisan]

Give yourself the permission to grieve in any way you like and for as long as it will take you. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do.

Some of us men are not as well in tune with our own emotions, for the lack of practice or simply because of our upbringing and personality.

Again, find a private space for yourself and give yourself the permission to express your emotions.

There's no right or wrong.

It's ok to be angry or sad or whatever you feel.

Let it out.

Give it time.

Life will never be the same again.

Acceptance.

Again, at your own timing.

[Dead Man]

im a mod over at r/griefsupport... grief is a sort of deep emotion were generally very unaccustomed to dealing with, coming from a place infrequently accessed in our psyches... its scary, really, and confusing, to feel those kinda of feels, and sharing with people who know first-hand what youre going through is safe and very therapeutic. as is offering sympathy to others, having an idea what they are going they are going through.

seems youre getting a bit of good commiseration here, and pl ought to be a safe place, but if you find yourself needing to go deeper and with perhaps more anonymity, i encourage and welcome you over yonder. "throwaway" accounts are normal and accepted.

i suffered a series of losses a few years ago that really put me under for quite a while. the sub was helpful to me, and mostly in reading other's stories and offering my thoughts, encouragement, and sympathies, having an idea what they were going through. just little spoonfuls of something akin to "purpose" during those dark lulls in the day or night. something to think about, anyway.

im very sorry for your loss.

[jimcav]

When I lost someone close, a friend told me not to hold anything in, because it was/would well up and come out randomly. Instead, twice a day I embraced something (a song or photo usually) that really reminded me of the person and loss--and i'd just weep or be angry and weep etc. It helped tremendously along with mindful gratitude for the time I did have. Good luck and I am sorry you have had this loss.