How to deal with the loss of a friend/ride buddy

[kramnnim]

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement, y’all.

I went out for a short ride this morning before the funeral. Stayed on roads we didn’t ride together on so it was okay.

Spinner’s comment really touched me. Yep, Earl is still riding with us.

[rwsaunders]

I lost my long time riding bud going on 11 years now. I rode with him early on an early September morning, he drove to the Outer Banks for vacation with his wife that afternoon and he drowned the next morning. The sad part is that it took over three weeks to find him. It was heart wrenching see what his family went through.

He survived two tours in Vietnam, put himself through engineering school, was happily married, had two great kids and a couple of grandkids. Just 2 years shy of retirement, he helped get me back into riding and we often joked about what he would do with his spare time. I still keep his last email telling me that he’d see me in a couple of weeks.

He’s buried at a military cemetery nearby and I stop and see him from time to time. I often talk to him while I’m riding solo on a cold morning as he’s the only one who would venture out with me for a Winter ride...he would bitch the whole time too.

Pay your respects and be thankful for the good times...think of your friend as being in a better place.

[Cornfed]

My deepest sympathies. There are no words of comfort at a time like this, just words of support and understanding. God bless.

[velomateo]

Condolences.
When my brother in-law passed a few years ago, he left me all his riding gear. When I wear one of his old jerseys I always feel like I’m taking Jerry for a ride.

It takes time, but it gets better.

[Kyle h]

Reviving this thread. Riding buddy as at my house today getting some bike parts, we BSed about bikes, and travel and his upcoming retirement and move down South. We went our ways and I retreated to the house to do some work. Took a break at lunch to find that a car had taken a turn wide and they hit head-on. Our local cycling area has been doing KOM challenges in lieu of any bike racing and I had probably 10-20 friends on that same road within the same time frame and it could have easily been any one of them. It just seems so surreal.

[kramnnim]

Just read about this on Facebook... I’m sorry. Sigh.

[M_D_S]

I found this thread after reading the "Hitting a Tony" post today.

Just one month after Mark lost his friend Earl, my best friend and riding buddy, Robin Ames, was struck and killed by a driver who was using her cell phone while driving. I was supposed to be with him that day, but by chance I did not end up joining him. He was on a straight stretch of road, it was sunny out, and he had a Garmin Varia.

Outside magazine featured him first in their selected obituaries for their 2020 cycling deaths project that they have been working on: https://www.outsideonline.com/241983...ath-obituaries

I was so gutted by the loss that I never wanted to ride on the road again. I had a custom road bike on order, and told the builder just to sell it. I have ridden the stretch of roadway where he was killed with him before, and even driving there now is very difficult for me.

The driver who killed him was charged with four misdemeanors - negligent homicide, reckless driving, improper passing of a bicycle and violation of our hands-free electronic device law. She was convicted of all four, and - horrifyingly - was sentenced to a suspended one year jail sentence, with 30 days of home confinement, and some community service. Wholly, and completely inadequate. Robin was not at fault in any way.

I am now working on changing the hands-free driving law in West Virginia, increasing the penalties for using a cell phone while driving, and also making it a felony if you kill or seriously injure someone when you are distracted by a cell phone. (I see no real difference between that and seriously injuring or killing someone while you are impaired by alcohol or drugs. These offenses are felonies, with serious prison time if you are convicted.)

I had been wanting to post separately about losing Robin, but I think this thread is a good a place as any. Please, please put down your phones while driving. And tell all of your family and friends to do so as well. And finally, please consider choosing to ride on roads that have less traffic, and have lower speed limits. Think about what day you are choosing to ride, and what time of day. Try riding on gravel more often, and consider stopping and looking directly at the car or cars that are getting ready to pass you from behind, if you can do it safely. I know that there are arguments to be made about critical mass, our right to be on the road, etc. They are not wrong, but the reality is that way too many people are on their phones when they are driving, and that we cyclists lose every single time we are hit. We have to protect ourselves the best that we can, and we have to push for stronger laws, and appropriate sentences when drivers kill due to their reckless disregard for human life.

[XXtwindad]

Originally Posted by M_D_S

I found this thread after reading the "Hitting a Tony" post today.

Just one month after Mark lost his friend Earl, my best friend and riding buddy, Robin Ames, was struck and killed by a driver who was using her cell phone while driving. I was supposed to be with him that day, but by chance I did not end up joining him. He was on a straight stretch of road, it was sunny out, and he had a Garmin Varia.

Outside magazine featured him first in their selected obituaries for their 2020 cycling deaths project that they have been working on: https://www.outsideonline.com/241983...ath-obituaries

I was so gutted by the loss that I never wanted to ride on the road again. I had a custom road bike on order, and told the builder just to sell it. I have ridden the stretch of roadway where he was killed with him before, and even driving there now is very difficult for me.

The driver who killed him was charged with four misdemeanors - negligent homicide, reckless driving, improper passing of a bicycle and violation of our hands-free electronic device law. She was convicted of all four, and - horrifyingly - was sentenced to a suspended one year jail sentence, with 30 days of home confinement, and some community service. Wholly, and completely inadequate. Robin was not at fault in any way.

I am now working on changing the hands-free driving law in West Virginia, increasing the penalties for using a cell phone while driving, and also making it a felony if you kill or seriously injure someone when you are distracted by a cell phone. (I see no real difference between that and seriously injuring or killing someone while you are impaired by alcohol or drugs. These offenses are felonies, with serious prison time if you are convicted.)

I had been wanting to post separately about losing Robin, but I think this thread is a good a place as any. Please, please put down your phones while driving. And tell all of your family and friends to do so as well. And finally, please consider choosing to ride on roads that have less traffic, and have lower speed limits. Think about what day you are choosing to ride, and what time of day. Try riding on gravel more often, and consider stopping and looking directly at the car or cars that are getting ready to pass you from behind, if you can do it safely. I know that there are arguments to be made about critical mass, our right to be on the road, etc. They are not wrong, but the reality is that way too many people are on their phones when they are driving, and that we cyclists lose every single time we are hit. We have to protect ourselves the best that we can, and we have to push for stronger laws, and appropriate sentences when drivers kill due to their reckless disregard for human life.

So sorry for your loss. Kudos for finding some meaning in the tragedy and trying to make your part of the world safer for cyclists.

Driving while texting is ubiquitous. It's dangerous. And it should be criminal, with severe consequences.

[madsciencenow]

Originally Posted by XXtwindad

So sorry for your loss. Kudos for finding some meaning in the tragedy and trying to make your part of the world safer for cyclists.

Driving while texting is ubiquitous. It's dangerous. And it should be criminal, with severe consequences.

Very sorry to hear about your loss and completely agree that the penalty for driving while texting should be increased significantly!


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[Hellgate]

I'm sorry to learn of the loss of your friend. I offer my deepest condolences.

[cnighbor1]

How to deal with the loss of a friend/ride buddy
It would honor him to keep your memory of him forever.
And do a yearly ride on his memory
invite others to join

[M_D_S]

Thank you, all. The pain doesn't go away - it just changes. And I know for sure he would not have wanted me to stop riding. Life is brutal sometimes, but bikes always help.

[tuxbailey]

I am sorry about OP's friend's passing as well as MDS' friend. These events are totally senseless.

I hope time will heal your wounds.

[Blue Jays]

@M_D_S, so sorry to learn of this tragic and sad update.

[verbs4us]

May his memory be a blessing. You never forget and you never recover, the pain just gets softer as the miles go by. He touched your heart so he's still there and always will be.

My dad took me riding in a rumble seat on his Rudge when I was three years old and I never got over the thrill. Over the years, we took a bunch of bike tours together, of slightly less ambition as he got older. When he passed, I taped his driver's license to my handled bars--but I didn't really have to. He was always right with me, like in this shot from 1972, lost somewhere in the hills of Pennsylvania.