Completely OT: What's it take to make it work...?

[1happygirl]

Very Much congratulations and I am impressed with all the people on this forum who have made it work so long. Your spouses are lucky people. Thanks Nooch for sharing your experiences and excitement with us.

A caveat: I'm not married, but my grandparents were a long time (& I stayed at a holiday inn once). Asked Grandpa why and how. He said that the reason for not moving on to someone new is because you would receive the same level of discontent after a while with somebody new. You take yourself with you wherever you go. That's it's about contentment not happiness. Happiness is when you get a new item, bike, car, etc but content is being satisfied every day. The new person would make you happy for a while but sometimes the same issues would come up. Stay and make it work. Burn the boats (when someone I knew got married they said they pretended they went to a new land and burned their boats where they couldn't escape-so they stayed and made it work. No way out)

[bking]

I'm 31 years married, six kids, four grandkids. A lot of good advice here, some not so good...in a marriage thinking anything should be "seperate" can be dangerous.
While I come from divorced parents, my paternal father had more wives then i probably know about, my wife and i agreed right away that the "D" word would never be spoken, in anger or otherwise. I went into this thinking my only way out was in a box. This IS my one shot. She was the same.
There are a lot of good points in this thread, I have broken most every good rule mentioned by others. What works for some just wasn't enough for others. I do believe in some of the litte things mentioned above, little to us--Martians, big to them--Venutians (sp). Holding my wifes hand when we walk anywhere is HUGE to her. I hated it at first, felt like I was dragging something behind me everywhere. I got over it. "I love you" is said often. I never leave the house w/o a kiss. We date, every Friday night. We've done this from the beginning, and through six kids. By Friday afternoon if I haven't called or said something earlier she'll call, "you going to date me?!" Silly things, took me a few years to learn, but they cost me nothing, and they add up big to her.
Kids today are looking for "the one". There's more than one, lots in fact. Then, when you find one, this above all, it takes work. Movies and TV portray couples going from one exciting thing to another, always having fun...it's not about fun. It's a whole lot deeper than that, and it has taken me decades and a good rear view mirror to see this.
There was an old quote in a New York paper that went something like this: marriage is like a ride on an old fashion coal fired train, mostly bumps and jerks and smoke with soot in your eye, interspersed occasionally with brief moments of exhilerating speed.
Get on board, punch your ticket. It's worth everything you can put into it.

[old_fat_and_slow]

Originally Posted by 1centaur

Don't bother even noticing other attractive women in the real world. They don't matter. This is learned behavior. Anybody can do it.

Are you kidding me? Is this physically possible? Even in my old and decrepit state, even with the reduced levels of testosterone I am producing at this stage of my life, I am not able to resist staring at hotties. If you're out with a woman, learn to wear dark sunglasses. It'll keep you out of a lottah hot water.

[1happygirl]

Originally Posted by bking

I'm 31 years married, six kids, four grandkids. A lot of good advice here, some not so good...in a marriage thinking anything should be "seperate" can be dangerous.

Get on board, punch your ticket. It's worth everything you can put into it.

I once was handed some money as a young child from my grandpa. I said who do I thank, (him or grandma) he said its all the same, in the same pot. Great advice (only 69 yrs on and they got married late-so it must be good advice)

[jmeloy]

Hey E-man, I got much the same advice from my brother in law, "smile and nod" he told me. Over the years its become a running joke between us when I fail to do something she asked me to do.

We'll book 30 in September so you've got us by a month. I tel others that marriage is not a 50-50 deal. It's a 100-100 deal and if you are not both committed to giving 100% it is gonna be tough!

Originally Posted by Elefantino

My folks were married 60 years before my dad died.

His advice to me when I got married: "Always say yes."

I've pretty much held to that advice for the last four-months-shy-of-30 years. It's served me well. For example, yesterday I pulled her for the better part of 40 miles. It got me a viewing companion for P-R last night.

<bliss>