Completely OT: What's it take to make it work...?

[firerescuefin]

Originally Posted by chuckred

"Yes, dear."

We're only 28 years in so far, so what do I know?

Made me laugh.....Been married 10 years, and I remember asking my wife within the first month of marriage (after a disagreement) what she wanted me to say. Her reply.

"Your right, I'm wrong, I'll try harder next time" I still say it on occasion.

Good luck brother. Don't let other peoples past drag you guys down.

[Nooch]

lots of great advice here, guys.. thank you, and keep it coming, I'm reading each and every one carefully.

I cannot express how much I'm looking forward to this new part of our life.. and not to kill it all with bicycling analogies, but the last 5 years was the prologue -- went by so quickly, and at the end of the day it doesn't matter who's wearing the jersey. We've built the foundation together, we've set up the team. Next up are the big stages, where the only way we'll get thru to the end of the day is to work together, to understand what it takes -- if it's not working out then we lock ourselves in the pain closet until it's resolved.

We wrote our own vow's, so no "to have and to hold, etc..."

Here are mine:

Our story started with "Once Upon a Time," and since then we've had our share of ups and downs. I promise to always do right by you, to be faithful and abundant with understanding, understanding too that sometimes we will have our differences, but doing my best not to dwell and move forward. I promise to be there when you hurt, and to stop at nothing to make you smile again. I promise to be your best friend, to always be by your side, to never go to sleep angry, and to always kiss you goodnight. But mostly I promise to make "once upon a time" become "happily ever after."

(yeah, we're corny like that....)

[firerescuefin]

Be careful what comes out your mouth, because once it is out, you can never take it back.

When there is an issue, address it and move on. Even if it is like pulling teeth. Not doing so will haunt you when it comes back up again....bigger and better (well not really better) than ever.

One other thing. For better or worse is for real. You will experience tragedy and hard times together, count on it....but who else would your rather have on your side...hopefully, no one.

[Aaron O]

You know...I think the common thread running through every post is humility. Recognizing that you aren't "right" and that you need to really consider your spouse and what she's thinking. It's not about you, it's about US.

[Elefantino]

My folks were married 60 years before my dad died.

His advice to me when I got married: "Always say yes."

I've pretty much held to that advice for the last four-months-shy-of-30 years. It's served me well. For example, yesterday I pulled her for the better part of 40 miles. It got me a viewing companion for P-R last night.

<bliss>

[RPS]

Originally Posted by Nooch

So I ask you, since for the most part you all of the benefit of age and wisdom on me, for your advice as I start this next ride. I've got one shoe clipped in on the starting line, getting ready to sit in and enjoy the ride..

Congratulations Nooch.

I’d gladly share if I knew the secret, but even though I’ve been married longer than I’d want to admit, I honestly can’t say why it’s worked out other than it was meant to be. Just enjoy the ride as long and as far as it takes the two of you and don’t over think it.


For what it’s worth, the happiest marriage I’ve ever seen was my godparents. Their secret seemed to be that both of them cared more about what the other wanted than what they themselves wanted. They always put the other person first; and it wasn’t just talk either – their every public action and decision always made it crystal clear.

[woolly]

Common goals & separate checking accounts.

[William]

Originally Posted by dave thompson

Lots of thought, perseverance, understanding, listening and of course love.

You take a vow; to cherish, to hold, to love, for better or worse, 'til death do you part. Listen to the words and understand them. It will help you in your journey.

Your wife should also be a best friend. Your wife being a riding partner would help too!

The very best to you both.

Very well said. We have been married for twenty years and we both come from a somewhat similar situation as yours. One way we look at is that we learned a lot of what "not" to do from our parents original marriages.

Wishing you both the very best together.


William

[SamIAm]

Treat marriage as though it's permanent, because it is designed to be.

[dave thompson]

Originally Posted by SamIAm

Treat marriage as though it's permanent, because it is designed to be.

Sorta seems like the minority view nowadays. Unfortunately.

[rugbysecondrow]

Originally Posted by SamIAm

Treat marriage as though it's permanent, because it is designed to be.

100% agree.

[Nooch]

Originally Posted by rugbysecondrow

100% agree.

Oh, we do as well. We're not going into it as an "as long as our love endures" type thing, we agree with the 'til death' part of it all. Having dealt with it as kids, it's the last thing we'd ever want to put our [future] children through. And if it wasn't there, we wouldn't be doing this, so.

[buck-50]

Originally Posted by Nooch

Oh, we do as well. We're not going into it as an "as long as our love endures" type thing, we agree with the 'til death' part of it all. Having dealt with it as kids, it's the last thing we'd ever want to put our [future] children through. And if it wasn't there, we wouldn't be doing this, so.

An important one to remember is that you can still love someone even though you don't particularly like them at the moment.

[biker72]

I've been married 50+ years.....to the same woman.

You're going to have arguments over kids, money, something. Both of you need to learn to compromise. No winners no losers.

[Len J]

I've been married 27.5 years....unfortunatly, it took 2 wives.

Seriously, my current marriage is 20 years young, and I'd like to think I've learned a few things from both my first failed marriage and my second marriage......in addition to all the advice here I would add:

- know yourself. Your actions and reactions come from inside you...if you don't understand them, you will never be able to understand your wife's response to them. Make your actions with her conscious.

- Love and marriage is about choice. Every interaction, involves a choice of how you behave. Are your actions coming from a loving place or not? Only you can make the choice.

- She and you will change. See the first item above.

- Capture the things about your wife that are unique and that underpin your love for her..........remind yourself every day what they are.........add to them as you discover more about her.........there will be some days they are harder to see than others/

- Activly Recommit periodicially....especially when there is a hugh change in your relationshipo.....move, job change, illness, kids, more kids, etc. Show her you are making the choice again.

- Be human....and allow heer to be human. Human = less than perfect.

- Listen...even when it's hard to hear.

- Recognize your own defensivness....see the first point above.

Good luck and many blessings to the 2 of you.

Len