|
|
|
|
#16
09-10-2019, 09:19 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I'm 58 and my daughter is 9. My wife is 10 years younger than me, but infinitely more mature. To a greater or lesser degree, there is an element of my daughter growing up as if raised by grandparents....At school functions, etc. we are consistently referred to as the grandparents. Presumably everybody on this forum lives a healthy, active lifestyle. I think this is especially important for older parents...not just for the obvious benefits but to show by example to your kid(s) that her parents are healthy and strong.
|
|
#17
09-10-2019, 09:28 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
One daughter just graduated from college, one just entered second grade. The most important emotional questions are, I think, best answered by you, but here is one practical aspect. I'm self-employed now, working from home with a very flexible schedule. My wife works very hard at a demanding job. I did, too, when my first daughter was young (with my first wife.) Today, if both my second wife and I had brutal, time-sucking jobs, I don't know how well we'd parent. My work situation facilitates so much, and relives me of much stress. If I had my old job today, I think I'd be a puddle on the floor. So maybe think about your combined work situations and how a baby would fit into the picture. Good luck whichever way you go. It most definitely can work but I think it's harder later, often just from a time and energy bandwidth perspective.
|
|
#18
09-10-2019, 09:56 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
We had our son when I was 35, so same age as OPs had his oldest. My wife is 2 years younger.
I can't really imagine having another one at 50 unless there was something going on like Mom doesn't work and is shouldering most of the burden. We split a lot of the work because my wife and I both work and it's really close to 50/50 on the household income. All that sleep deprivation did not do good things for my health at 35... I was definitely wishing we'd met earlier and had him at 25. But I have another co-worker similar age, he pretty much never had to get up in the middle of the night and had a different experience. Is that wrong or right? No comment, I just know that sleep deprivation & hard work would be a lot harder at 50. Around here I don't think it'd be weird and I don't think you'd get called grandpa though. Where I live a lot of successful people have kids when they are older, it's so commonplace I highly doubt you'd get that reaction. I hate to say it but usually when you see someone a lot younger you immediately think they come from a really different background, didn't go to college, expect they might have had the kid in high school or before getting married, etc.. there are not that many people like that.
|
|
#19
09-10-2019, 10:43 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Your call of course and it has to be worked out with the wife to keep her happy...or both of you...but having a 15 and 11 year old already at 50 means you're right in the spot of dealing with lots of stuff anyhow...lots of growing to do for both of those and lots of costs and drama...maybe better to wait and just be a granddad at some point maybe in the next decade or so and enjoy that...depends on what you want your future to be I suppose and what you dig...take it with a grain of salt as I have no kids and enjoy it thoroughly at 55...
|
|
#20
09-10-2019, 10:54 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
There is emerging research about the risks of advanced paternal age and the age of the father being much more important than believed. I'm not a neurotic person but as I approach my thirties with the knowledge that I won't be in a position to start a family into my 40s, that along with climate change, gives me pause. Anecdotally, at least in my neighborhood, the children of men 50 plus seem to have more early life complications like low birth weight, NICU stays and spectrum disorders.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/w...r-fathers.html
|
|
#21
09-10-2019, 10:57 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
It's all fun and games until someone puts an eye out...
|
|
#22
09-10-2019, 10:58 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Yah the paternal aging thing has bothered me.
My son had hydro-nephrosis in one of his kidneys.. I always wondered if me being 35 increased the chances of that. That is the most common birth defect, and he is fine though, but it does impact what choices will be available to him in terms of sports & career. Sports doesn't matter a whole lot because it's mostly sports we wouldn't have encouraged anyway, but his birth defect will disqualify him from police/fire/military careers as well. It was kind of a moot point though, I didn't meet my wife till I was 29, there was no way we could have had a child earlier. And people used to have a lot more kids, so the later kids were conceived when both parents were older anyway. Also if age means needing help from the doctors you will get tested out the wazoo.. so they'd pick up on some stuff anyway. Last edited by benb; 09-10-2019 at 11:04 AM.
|
|
#23
09-10-2019, 11:06 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#24
09-10-2019, 11:07 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#25
09-10-2019, 11:11 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
I'll add this: I think there's a lot of (often subtle) societal prejudice directed toward people/couples that opt not to have kids.
|
|
#27
09-10-2019, 11:13 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I was 34 when my one and only child was born. He'll be 20 next month. I have a great friend who's 19 years younger but I'm hesitant to push the relationship further because I know she wants kids and the only high school graduation I want to attend in my 70's is that of a grandchild.
|
|
#28
09-10-2019, 11:14 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Well, I'm about to have my first child. I'm 46 and my wife is 35. When we got together 12 years ago, we were both convinced we didn't want kids. That changed gradually, and now here we are.
So I don't really have any answers, but I'll let you know in a few years...
|
|
#29
09-10-2019, 11:21 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Pretty much it should come down to not what you want...or even the wife...the main point should be what can you do for this potential new human and just what is the motivation? Is this just a deal to make yourselves as a couple feel more like a couple? She is much younger than you...that's a fact...lots of folks want to have kids for many different reasons...a lot of them are wrong, and many correct...just make sure they are about the new life and therein and things should be good...otherwise, give it a rest...beyond that, your 11 and 15 year old girls really don't have a say in this about how great it would be to have a sibling I would think...
Last edited by cash05458; 09-10-2019 at 11:26 AM.
|
|
#30
09-10-2019, 11:22 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
 |
|
|
Linear Mode
