Caregiver Leave of Absence

[fmradio516]

Does anyone have any input on taking a "Caregiver Leave ofAbsence"? My wife was just diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer. This is the second time she's had cancer; first time was in high school when she had Hodgkins. It looks like its going to be 6-7 months of chemo/radiation, then a surgery. In addition to whatever else comes up, which it seems like its going to be a lot. This week, we were supposed to start chemo and then we learned that the radiation is pretty much going to annihilate her reproductive organs, so we postponed chemo to meet with a reproductive specialist, and after testing was done, we learned that her first cancer treatment over 10 years ago killed any chances of us having a family. Its been really really tough, and ive never been so mentally stressed in my entire life.

At the moment, im still technically working, but there are days that I need to just disconnect and I mentally cant work. Its only been a couple weeks, but it seems like i take at least a couple days off during each week.

My company offers up to 12 weeks paid leave "to care for an immediate family
member with a serious health condition." Im not sure what qualifies someone to get the full 12 weeks, but im not even sure how much id actually need of that.

They also say it can be taken as a continuous period or on an intermittent basis (if medically
necessary). I think this is something id do since theres going to be some rough times and then even rougher times.

My only question/concern is how it looks to management. We are currently being acquired by a private equity firm, so things arent really calm "in the office" and there will be layoffs, im assuming. Would the future owners of the company look at this as a red flag and potentially earn me a spot on the chopping block? I know things arent great after a firm like this acquires a company, but i cant afford to look for a different job at the moment.

[dave thompson]

Do what you need to do for your wife and for you, personally. Anything/everything else is secondary.

My wife and I send you our wishes for the best for you guys.

[parris]

I'm very sorry for whats happening to you and your wife. I don't know how or if it applies but you may want to look at FMLA. I just learned that it covers a number of health issues. I've got several coworkers that have had to use it. Hope this helps.

[gasman]

I have no idea what your company would do if you take the time but it seems that is kind of secondary. I'm sure her diagnosis would qualify you for family leave and if they let you go you might have legal recourse.
But I'm just shooting spit wads. I wish you and your wife the best and bummed to hear this is happening.

[Dino Suegiù]

With all due respect, and with the most sincere wishes for your wife's recovery, aren't these questions ("how" long?"; "how will it look to management?"; etc.) best asked discreetly in and around your specific work environment?

Isn't the company policy clearly stated somewhere? It certainly should be.

I am really not being rude; I simply do not understand how such personal and precise questions can be actually "answered" to your satisfaction on a general cycling (or any other subject) forum, where nobody can possibly address the specificity of someone else's situation.

In any case, again best of luck to you and your wife.

[gibbo]

First I want to say I am really sorry to hear you and your wife are going through such a tough thing, cancer sucks!!!! Add a pandemic and economic disaster to the mix and you truely have a trifecta of $hit. :-(
Obviously I have no idea what your financial position is so I won’t make any assumptions regarding that, but I will say this; any company that would look at you in a negative light for participating in this 12 week program that is specifically for situations like this is not a company I would want to work for. I would encourage you to have an open and honest discussion with your supervisor, get some feedback and then make your decision as to what you want to do.
Good luck, I will be keeping you in my thoughts.


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[rnhood]

Sterilization is normal for many people undergoing cancer treatments, male and female, in the undercarriage region. Stage 3 is where your concern should be. That will be an unfavorable risk but, it can be treated, and even cured. I would go with the oncologist recommendation, whatever it is, and get started on it.

And there is nothing wrong with adoption.

Life is full of challenges, and indeed you do have some, just don't run from them. It's tough, but manageable. Your wife should come first.

[tuxbailey]

I am really sorry to hear the situation your family is facing. I don't have a lot of input to the caregiver question but I wish the best for you and I hope that she will recover fully.

[NHAero]

So sorry to hear of this. Are you still in MA? It wasn't long ago that the state expanded family leave legislation and I believe it is called Paid Family and Medical Leave. The new taxes funding it started to be withheld from my paychecks within the past year. IIRC this insurance is for up to 26 weeks of coverage. May be of help to you. All the best wishes to you and your wife, we will be sending healing vibes your way.

[mktng]

Can't imagine the stress you're under right now.

I know a fellow PL's thoughts might not go too far. As we've never met.
But if work is volatile, and even so after the acquisition. What would the chances be that they restructure putting your job on the line anyways.

Every ounce of energy and time spent away from your wife during this tough time is something you can't make up again.

I hope the best for you and your wife.

[gbcoupe]

That sucks all the way around. Help comfort your wife. Worry about the rest later.

FMLA should cover you. Sick time, vacation, PTO, then long term disability. Talk with your HR dept if you haven't already. It'll be a bunch of paper work and you'll need her doctors cooperation. Follow all company and FMLA orders to a T. You'll be covered.

Best wishes.

[Peter P.]

Definitely talk to your current management to see how much they will accommodate you.

Your employee handbook should have the policy spelled out. If not, by law it's got to be posted somewhere in the building, usually in the lunchroom for us. Get a copy and hold on to it.

Consult with a lawyer specializing in your state's labor laws. An initial consultation is often times free. Find out what your rights are.

Start keeping a diary. You'll want to document all your time off, as well as who said what and when to you within the company. Should you be canned, you may have legal recourse.

And as has been said already, any company that would not be willing to cooperate with you during this time of need is not a company you want to work for.

Focus on the wife with no regard to the job.

[Idris Icabod]

I've got no good advice but I also wanted to tell you that I wish your wife and you all the best. No timing is good to have to go through cancer, but 2020 really is a **** show to have this top it off. I'm sending positive vibes to you both.

[harlond]

FM, completely unrelated to the topic of your post, I sent you a PM addressing some other issues about rectal cancer.

Turning to your topic, I had chemo/radiation for Stage III rectal cancer, and for me that meant six weeks of alternating daily between uncomfortable constipation that had me wishing I had diarrhea instead and terrible diarrhea that had me fearful I'd die of dehydration. I think I had a more severe reaction than many people do. Apparently how one reacts to chemo/radiation is idiosyncratic. As they say, YMMV.

But while it was brutal, I didn't really need anyone to attend to my needs on a constant basis. Sure, I needed someone to keep me well fixed with TP, wet wipes, and A&D Ointment (TMI?) and supplied with the 4 saltines, 1 banana, and six ounces of yogurt I was able to eat each day. But otherwise I just lay around between trips to the bathroom and my daily hair-raising drive to the radiation center wondering whether the Imodium I'd taken an hour before would carry me through without an accident. I didn't really need any help with that part of it, and I sure didn't want anyone witnessing the inevitable accidents I did have. (Definitely TMI.) Maybe your wife will have a mild reaction or maybe if she has a severe reaction she still won't need your constant attendance. Only time will tell, so I wouldn't necessarily plan to take off during that period, though I would let management know it's a possibility.

Also, if she has an abdominal perineal resection, she will be in the hospital for 8-10 days and still recovering for 10-14 days after that. You might be able to work some days while she is in the hospital, but you will definitely want to be there for some days afterwards. It took me at least seven days to get where I felt up to being on my own. So save some up for that.

As I understand it, companies can't fire or lay off employees for taking FMLA leave and instead, IIRC, have to give you your job or an equivalent position back on your return, unless your position has been eliminated for reasons unrelated to your leave. But I'm not an employment lawyer, and it seems the questions you have should be directed to someone who is. While knowing your rights doesn't mean your employer won't ride roughshod over them, it's still important to know them, and as a practicing attorney, my experience is that internet message boards are not a reliable source for accurate legal information.

I wish you and your wife all the best.

[clyde the point]

So sorry about all of this for you and your wife. Sending prayers and positive vibes.