RIP Kelly Catlin

[fiamme red]

Originally Posted by echappist

while i wouldn't call it self inflicted either, one has to wonder how wise it is to be simultaneously enrolled in a difficult degree program at one of the most prestigious institutions while competing professionally as a cyclist. Each of the two is a full-time profession in its own rights.

Kelly Catlin journal: Trying to balance grad school and pro racing (VeloNews)

Being a graduate student in Computational Mathematics is easy. Being a graduate student while simultaneously competing for the National Team on the track is often more difficult. It’s most difficult when you have to retake a three-hour final exam the moment you step out of the final round of a team pursuit. Being a graduate student, track cyclist, and professional road cyclist can instead feel like I need to time-travel to get everything done. And things still slip through the cracks.

I don't know if she was going to school full time.

[josephr]

Originally Posted by FlashUNC

Calling into question the Life choices of someone who just killed themselves, with just the right amount of implied victim blaming.

Man, Paceline sometimes.

Hey Flash -- you're one of my favorite folks on here, but gotta say we're trying to open the conversation to ideas about what leads people to complete their self-initiated life ending events. Young adults put a lot of stress on themselves towards success --- to be the bicycle riding champ, to excel in STEM academics, to being the leader in their social organizations, etc. We cheer them on from the sidelines and 'support them in their push for self-improvement' etc...but unfortunately mental fatigue seems to beget a stress-induced hidden depression. Its hard in life to say "I'm done with this chapter." The whole fear of throwing it all away when you've come so far? Don't know what to do next? Is stopping something an admission of failure? Or just maybe the chemicals in their brain just don't know how to balance themselves? Psychiatry/psychology isn't an exact science, ya know. We're all just trying to feel our way around just like everyone else.

[notsew]

The washington post article painted a pretty sad picture of her life when it came to cycling - between the lines anyways... A woman who was blessed to be good at everything, her brother harangued her into cycling, which she didn't love but excelled at, but created mounting stress and gave her a brain injury that her family implies led to this outcome. Just sad, sad for everybody. I can't imagine how triplets losing one of their own must feel. She probably would have been much better off in life if she'd not crossed passed with cycling.

[FlashUNC]

Originally Posted by josephr

Hey Flash -- you're one of my favorite folks on here, but gotta say we're trying to open the conversation to ideas about what leads people to complete their self-initiated life ending events. Young adults put a lot of stress on themselves towards success --- to be the bicycle riding champ, to excel in STEM academics, to being the leader in their social organizations, etc. We cheer them on from the sidelines and 'support them in their push for self-improvement' etc...but unfortunately mental fatigue seems to beget a stress-induced hidden depression. Its hard in life to say "I'm done with this chapter." The whole fear of throwing it all away when you've come so far? Don't know what to do next? Is stopping something an admission of failure? Or just maybe the chemicals in their brain just don't know how to balance themselves? Psychiatry/psychology isn't an exact science, ya know. We're all just trying to feel our way around just like everyone else.

I couldn't agree more. But there's also a way to bring up this issue that doesn't call into question whether someone who just committed suicide was "making a wise choice" when they decided what grad program to pursue, or what world-class track discipline they'd specialize in.

Academia as a meat grinder for mental health? Absolutely. High level sports pursuits? Need look no further than DeMar DeRozan and Kevin Love in the NBA to talk about what that means these days.

Maybe I am being pedantic, but I find it sloppily reductive to even inadvertently victim blame with some tired version of "Well, if only she didn't do X or Y, she wouldn't have killed herself."

Talking about the larger issue is absolutely worth having the discussion, but throwing it all in her lap is what grinds my gears. Mental health is absolutely worth a vigorous discussion about why stigma and policy in this country are terrible about it. But the discussion should be why the system fails Kelly and so many like her, not some implication that she screwed up because she was really into getting a grad degree.

[Joxster]

But the discussion should be why the system fails Kelly

Because as an Athlete you don't show failure ever, weakness is frowned upon and you're off the program. I was having a similar discussion with an ex-team mate, now coach on why most top riders are mentally in the bucket by the time they retire. Suicide rates are high, he was saying that training was akin to self harm and the endorphins created is the drug you crave. When you push yourself to strive to win, you are always hurting yourself and you put yoursel in a dark, dark place. But you get up the next day and do it again the next day, your high is standing on the top step of the podium, the second step is for the first loser. I've been there, I've struggled and at times I still do. The system will always fail the riders because the riders will never admit to there being a problem and will always mask the telltale signs.

[572cv]

A poignant take on this tragedy on RKP:

http://redkiteprayer.com/2019/03/for-kelly-catlin/

Other stories report two head injuries this past Fall, with concussions. A concussion is bad (experience, there) but the subsequent one, in short order, is very, very bad. Recovery from even one concussion can be difficult and lengthy. I don’t know what one can do to convince someone in that condition that things can improve if they are sufficiently patient. It’s your mind. For a while, it doesn’t feel as though it will ever be the same. Sincere condolences to her family and friends.

[nooneline]

My teammate left flowers at the NSC velodrome for Kelly.

[redir]

Professional cyclists don't make much of a living and even when they do it's a short one at that. Engineers however are easily employed with excellent salaries. I think she had made some fine choices.

You never know what people are going through. That's why this is so tricky. The outward appearance of jsut about anyone, all of us included, is often masked for whatever reasons. Some people live their entire lives this way.

But concussion can break loose a lot of problems. From personal experience a young women I used to ride with got one and her personality changed quite considerable. She has since recovered but still it was dark period in her life.

There are lots of things we don't understand even the ones who study this stuff.

[Lewis Moon]

RIP Kelly. So young, so full of promise, taken away too soon.

We're just exploring the tip of the iceberg on concussions. For too long it was a hidden injury. Symptoms can be all over the map. You often can't just "walk it off".
It's good that more riders have been coming forward with stories of their struggles. I wish we had a safety net that could have caught Kelly.

[OperaLover]

Kelly, I hope you found the peace you needed. To your family and friends, I hope you are able to find peace with this someday. Depression and suicide are epidemic.

If you find yourself in this dark place, reach out. You're not weak - you're strong. It takes strength to recognize and understand you need help and there is no shame or weakness in reaching out to others for that help. In your vulnerability there is power to accept and heal.

Been there did not do it.

[Red Tornado]

Very tragic indeed. Not on the same level, but seeing the stress my daughter has just with a double major and being VP of the transfer council at college makes me cringe at how she would have dealt with the added things Kelly was involved in. My daughter agreed last year to seeing a counselor for anxiety attacks and it helped quite a bit.
I personally know of several other college aged and young adult people who are just plain over committed. They have all experienced difficulty managing and required help to cope. Looks like Kelly had a ton and then some on her plate.
Maybe seeing the whole picture can be a benefit to others who are currently suffering the same thing, or who are maybe setting themselves up for that down the road. Also could be good for parents/friends to see and be able to recognize.
We finally had to tell our daughter she couldn't be all things to all people, and all things to herself, as well. A person can only do what they can do. The pressure to succeed at all levels and be very driven is intense on a lot of young people today. Could be self-imposed, pressure from parents or a combination. I hope this is a good wake-up call to a lot of people out there; and too bad it had to end like this.
Condolences to her family and close friends.

[oldpotatoe]

Originally Posted by nooneline

goddamn.
that's some other information for sure.
i've known other people, too, for whom a TBI has led to suicidal depression.
really difficult.

And often effective medication makes one 'feel good enough' to follow through with suicide. 'Effective medication', often gets the person out of bed but often does nothing to curtail thoughts of suicide. People who commit suicide are probably all "depressed" but not all depressed people have suicidal thoughts..
2 different, but related, issues.

Very sad tho...

-(BiPolar son)...

[-dustin]

Originally Posted by 572cv

A poignant take on this tragedy on RKP:

http://redkiteprayer.com/2019/03/for-kelly-catlin/

that was a fantastic article.

[Jaybee]

Originally Posted by -dustin

that was a fantastic article.

You get Padraig in the zone (which, sadly this is for him), and he is a fantastic writer.

[dddd]

I've often wondered about the pro athletes who suffer concussions, and who then have to get back to top-level performance a week or two later.
I figure that, at least, they have the all-around support of a pro team and the financial and other resources like really good doctors doing everything they can to make the athlete well again in the shortest possible time.

But, for the athlete who has two career lives going on, perhaps racing and schooling, both at a high level, where does the responsibility fall for the athlete's overall health when they already show the autonomy to split their efforts between the two careers?

Also, with a head injury likely requiring the injured to make adjustments to their "progress schedule", it can be a huge step down in terms of career just to make that small step down sufficient to allow a bit of extra recovery rest. One has to maintain a pro level of fitness training to be a pro racer after all, so it surely can be a really tough decision to have to make (to step down to the next level for a while).
And if the tbi is affecting one's judgement about such decisions (as it probably does in most such cases), there would seem to be a need for a support network in place to help guide the injured through the recovery period (and with such support system having good understanding of both of the athlete's careers).

This all should help people appreciate (rules) progress toward limiting the athlete's ability to resume competition following head injury. Having more time go by before resuming competition not only spares the brain from increased vulnerability before healing is complete, but might also keep an injured athlete from having another accident due to their temporarily-reduced physical coordination or soundness of judgement.

Editing here:
I've known a couple of road racers who "suddenly" started having concussive crashes on their bikes during events over a period of perhaps a few or several months. Both of them left cycling entirely for at least a few years after what I remember as being their third such accident.