OT: Reasons to get married?

[R3awak3n]

Originally Posted by echappist

purely practical issues i can think of

not to be morbid, but intestacy if either of you should pass without a will

hospital visitation rights are also not automatically granted to partners, but are to legally wedded spouses

along those lines, who gets to dictate medical directives, when there isn't one established

married spouses cannot be compelled to testify against each other

I bet some of these are bypassed if you are domestic partners. Same with health insurance (if you or your wife get it through an emplopyer, if you are married or domestic partners the other can get in on it).

I think taxes may be the biggest reason to get married... but to be fair, does not seem like we have been saving much

[XXtwindad]

One other factor: semantics and society. Some people are very queasy using the word "partner." I really prefer it. I do have a close friend who has been together with her (male) partner for ten years. When she goes back home (to the Midwest) she always says "husband" and "wife."

I guess it depends on the social milieu you deal with ...

[SpokeValley]

I'd like to echo the concerns if you or your SO were to become incapacitated, God forbid. I'll assume you ride a bike.

Spouses are first in line in case of an emergency. Seal that with a proper medical power of attorney/advance directive and they are in the position of making critical decisions.

For this alone (plus, your SO's insurance is a bargain compared to individual policies) I'd make the trip to City Hall.

[Ozz]

A little thing, but.....what is the kid(s) last name going to be?

Turns out, this can be a minor problem in school if it does not match yours...you be come identified to other parents as "Tommy's dad" or "Tommy's mom", but then people get confused when your name does not match theirs.....also, filling out forms for schools, doctors, dentists, orthodontists....they get confused as well.

Things are just slightly more complicated, and you end up having to explain the situation over and over again....

Might be a big deal....maybe not. But it eventually gets old.

My wife and I have different last names...we have to explain that we are married!

Also, being married checks all boxes for acceptance (whatever that means) by most in society....there will always be a segment that view it as weird or selfish (as you have already experienced). This is less of an issue as it used to be, and probably varies by where you live.

Congrats on the pregnancy....your life will never be the same.

[eak12]

Originally Posted by echappist

purely practical issues i can think of

not to be morbid, but intestacy if either of you should pass without a will

hospital visitation rights are also not automatically granted to partners, but are to legally wedded spouses

along those lines, who gets to dictate medical directives, when there isn't one established

married spouses cannot be compelled to testify against each other

I have two friends who are a couple. They very quietly got married before taking a year long loaded touring sabbatical in the Middle East and Asia. They simply went to city hall and didn't really mention it to anyone. Then one night at dinner wedding bands were noticed. They said in planning their trip, they applied for various visas and some countries wouldn't grant them to singles of the opposite sex traveling together. They got married. Problem solved

(But take that with a grain of salt, they're Quebecois and the standard practice of marriage and co-habitation largely are not the norm in North America. They're also both math teachers for whatever that's worth. )

[Ken Robb]

There have already been lots of valid comments and you have said you don't feel any religious reason to get married so I won't get into them. Consider that there MIGHT come a time when your kids might be embarrassed if their parents are not married. Sticks and stones, etc.

Some longtime partners get married and things get worse because one or both think "it's official now so I don't have to try so hard." Others get married and find it leads to an even deeper commitment and the relationship gets better than they ever dreamed possible.

[ultraman6970]

This resumes everything pretty well. Besides even if you guys get appart you guys have to go to court and blah blah like anybody else anyways.

I was you I would ask her... why? women in general always want to get married, they might say no but well deep it is a women stuff to get married. If she says yes then one day go to court, get the papers and get the civil ceremony running with your best friends and good to go.

I dont know how religiuous you guys are but IMO the white dress stuff is just something for the family that involves a lot of money and which if you think it seriously... is not that it counts that much compared with the civil marriage, which is the one that counts for everything. Sure somebody will get mad but you have to look at it in a cold way and the court ceremony is the one that gets you into troubles civically.

The only other thing i will tell you is this OP... I dont miss the non sleeping nights at all hehehe

You guys look like well thought people, just be happy man with her, dont do something to make happy other people that isnt you two (and your baby and pet if you have) you know. Your parents at the time they see the baby they will melt, I would not be worry about them too much because is your time, your family and your/s decisions, not theirs you know... so if your mom and dad get mad... bad luck man... is not their problem, and if they stop talking to you... bad luck again... your family is getting bigger, thats what you have to be worry about... not them.

Good luck and hope I could help...

Originally Posted by Tickdoc

Maybe you'll save on taxes? Other than that, it sounds like you guys are fine.

[OtayBW]

Congratulations! That's pretty much all I've got. As to the rest, sounds like you're doing fine, however you go! It's all about what you guys want and how you choose to raise your kid. You can work out the logistics as needed. Banana for you!

[EDS]

Just make sure the kid is taken care of, which means getting wills done and all that fund stuff.

[ntb1001]

It’s really up to you.
My “wife”and I have been together 30 years and have 4 kids...never married. Common law relationships have the same legal standing as formal married couples.(at least in Canada )




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[cnighbor1]

In CA State laws for living together very good
some states your in legal mess
so if in CA stay has you are
Other states check laws

[Villgaxx]

Originally Posted by ultraman6970

This resumes everything pretty well. Besides even if you guys get appart you guys have to go to court and blah blah like anybody else anyways.

this is wildly, dangerously incorrect. custody battles for never-married couples without a valid custody agreement are nothing like custody battles for married couples.

most of the advice given in this thread is worth less than what you paid for it, but platitudes and naivete could be disastrous. consult an experienced family law attorney. there are so many things to consider, too many to enumerate, but start with what if neither you nor partner are able to be a part of a custody battle for whatever reason. what happens to your kids?

lawyers are the worst, but exploit them to your benefit when children are involved.

[andeww]

I live a very similar life, minus the kid on the way.

I am 30
In relationship of 11 years
Living together 6 years

Regardless of how good my partner and i know our relationship is, i would get married as soon as i knew a kid was on the way. It would put my surrounding family ( mostly kiddos soon to be in-law grandparents ) at ease and just smooth things out for the new addition to the family. It could be as simple as a visit to the courthouse ( i think that is how it works). Regardless, i absolutely do not see either option as a huge deal and i wish you the best!

[Ozz]

Originally Posted by Ken Robb

...Consider that there MIGHT come a time when your kids might be embarrassed if their parents are not married. Sticks and stones, etc. ....

good point....kids are unpredictable and seldom do what you expect or want them to...Life is less complicated if you stick to the center of the bell-curve.....

[parco]

Never saw the word Love in your post. There is something about the commitment of marriage. For some people it feels constricting and for some it adds another level to the relationship.