OT. I am the target of the dark web hitmen

[Black Dog]

This one made me laugh. The best part is if they follow through I may end up looking better!

Hi

I run a site in the darkweb, I produce all sorts of services - in general it is demolition to bussiness and injury. Basically, all but the homicide. Often this happens because of rejected love or competition at work. This month he contacted me and set me the task of pour out acid in your visage. Standard order - quickly, hurts, forever. Without too much fuss. I get receive only after doing the work. Therefore, now I propose you send money to me to be inactive, I suggest this to nearly all the victims. If I do not see money from you, then my man will fulfill the mission. If you transfer me money, besides to my inaction, I will give you the information that I have about the client. After completing the task, I often spend the performer, so I have an option, to get $1350 from you for information about the customer and my inaction, or to receive $ 4000 from the customer, but with a high probability of losing the performer.

I’m getting transfers in BTC, here’s my BTC address - 1AzWBFssb4crxj42W5VMTCPTv7LFd8SXgR
The amount I told above.
36 hours to decide and pay.

[Veloo]

Just pay it. Much safer for your visage.

[HenryA]

You should write him back offering to translate his message into intelligible standard English. For a fee, of course.

[AngryScientist]

at least he has some scruples - he won't resort to the homicide.

[AngryScientist]

by the way, have you rejected anyone's love lately?

[Black Dog]

Originally Posted by AngryScientist

by the way, have you rejected anyone's love lately?

Hmmmm....I am super desirable, it would be possible that my gentle and polite rebukes of the daily propositions that I recieve may have left someone scorned. What I am supposed to do? My visage is my maker of the moneys.

[dumbod]

It was nice knowing you.

Um, is it too soon to ask for your bikes?

[Birddog]

All your base are belong to us!

[Ken Robb]

Many years ago I met a hit man. He was very pleasant in social situations. I asked him what he did for a living and he said "I'm a handler." I asked what he handled. He said "If you have a problem with someone I handle it for you." Out of curiosity (glad I'm not a cat) I asked what his services cost. I forget the exact prices but I was surprised that it cost more to have someone beat up than killed. He said murder was safer for him because there would be no witness to worry about. I'm not making this up. He supplemented his income by having motorcycle wrecks. He rode a chopper with very long extended forks and he said he could wait for some motorist to turn in front of him and hit them broadside with little chance of serious injury because the long forks absorbed most of the impact. With his "staff" of medical people and lawyers he had won quite a bit of $$. Then with a grin he said he probably had only one more good wreck in him because no matter how skilled he was the little injuries were adding up and he didn't want to be permanently disabled. :-)

[daker13]

It never ceases to amaze me how much fear is associated with the words "dark web." Like, just by adding the words "dark web" to his message, it's supposed to make it more believable.

[old_fat_and_slow]

...I get receive only after doing the work. Therefore, now I propose you send money to me to be inactive, ...

Make up yer mind dawg, you want money now or after the the hit job???

[Dirtdiggler]

I would reply back with the quote from the movie Taken..

[kevinvc]

Considering how much the value of bitcoin is dropping right now, you better pay quickly or it will cost you even more.

[cfox]

I hate the homicide.

[Spaghetti Legs]

Read that with a Russian accent and it totally makes sense.

I would reply asking him to explain what BTC is - or -

Reply saying you will pay him double to take out the other guy's visage.