2020...$#*+…enough already.

[paredown]

Originally Posted by tuxbailey

I am speechless after reading this. I admire OP's ability to see beyond the material loss and the emotional scars left by this event.

<snip>

My thoughts exactly. Best of luck going forward Dave--and yes, family first (warts and all).

[72gmc]

Good luck to you, and to your family.

I'm glad you are safe, and I hope your empathy is rewarded, at least with a good outcome for the person who is now getting treatment.

[Latestart]

I am so sorry for your situation.

I grew up in a fairly troubled neighborhood and my father had a few sayings that more sense as I get older:

1) Never fight with someone who has nothing to lose.

2) You can't punish someone whose life is already worse than yours.

I'm guessing the person has limited resources and is deeply troubled. You have your family, career, and other resources.

Bad things happen, it doesn't always make them better to pursue retribution. I agree that you want to make your family safe, but anger can be like holding a hot coal in your hand to throw at an enemy - it burns you too.

And also F#$k 2020!

[tmf]

This is breathtaking to just read what you've been through, but so difficult to imagine everything involved for you. The thoughts, feelings and choices that you've shared show you have your feet on solid ground even in the middle of an intense situation and a crazy year.

I can see both sides of the comments and advice being shared, but you are the only one that knows the full extent of everything surrounding this. When faced with difficult challenges like this, I also consider how my decisions will stand looking back on them in the future, and it's important to think of others that could also be affected or harmed by similar actions in the future.

I'm local in Indy, so if you find yourself needing anything as you put the pieces back together please reach out.

[cmbicycles]

Wow. That is hard to fathom what goes into a situation like this with your "family" member. I am also a public school teacher (music), and have been at my wits end many days trying to teach virtually. We have been 100% virtual since last March, and cant even use our classrooms at school where the tech infrastructure would be a huge benefit. I'm working from a weak hotspot connection in my uninsulated, unheated garage so I dont interrupt the rest of my family in our small house. I bundle up and have a space heater at my feet, I'd run a second heater but it trips the 20a circuit feeding the garage when I do. I have been trying to put aside money to add heat/insulation/internet to the garage... harder as my wife has had her income slashed amidst everything going on. Some days I am just about ready to quit and go do something else, but I know all of this will come to an end sometime, so I am working thru it and keeping my eyes open for the return to "normal."

I applaud your stability in the midst of a very trying time in the world at large, and now especially with this family member inflicting their problems on you and your family. I would also be predisposed to get LE involved for insurance purposes, even if you want to help by not pressing charges.

I know bike money doesnt come easy on a teachers salary especially those that you listed as losses. Perhaps you can have them retrofitted with couplers and turn them into travel bikes. Sorry, bad humor is my coping mechanism. Most things bike are repairable, but of course may not be financially worthwhile. I am glad to hear that your IF's were unscathed as I know those are to you, as far as bikes/stuff can be, irreplaceable. Luckily, the people that are truly irreplaceable werent home when all of this took place. I wish you and your family the best, and hope healing comes quickly for your family.

[OtayBW]

Originally Posted by joevers

Dave said he doesn't want to make this person's situation worse or punish them. What do you think involving police would possibly do? Certainly not get them the help they need.

It doesn't have to be punitive, and in fact, I think having some legal consequences could be used to force this person's hand to seeking help elsewhere.

[weisan]

This is a super complex situation with more than one possible response.

I hope for the best for all parties involved.

I would just say one thing.

Don't just focus everything on that one family member. Try and look at it from multiple angles and perspectives, and realize that there might be more than one area or person of dysfunction in the big picture.

[ridethecliche]

Wishing the best to you and yours. I hope you see some good luck soon.

Originally Posted by Black Dog

Maybe the recognition here is that the person is suffering from a mental health crisis and some empathy may be better in the long run than trying to have them punished. Maybe what is owed is a chance for them to get healthy and not have more obstacles put in the way of a recovery. That is the sentiment that I am reading into the OP. All of us are harbouring the potential to become "unhinged" given the right set of circumstances.

Often times, depending on intent on the person pressing charges and someone's history, treatment can be in lieu of jail time or continued charges.

Originally Posted by benb

You're very deep into bike collector territory seemingly for your financial status and if you can't just go buy all those bikes back in cash tomorrow you should think about how to protect yourself more in the future.

Whether that is an upgraded insurance policy, bikes stored in a secured storage unit, whatever.

Is the police situation because this person had a key to your house and was not technically breaking and entering?
(Blah blah blah)

There are many things to say to you, however I will refrain out of the decency afforded on this forum. Put simply... this is a bad take and you should feel bad.

Originally Posted by fiamme red

Since the OP gave no indication of what the person's motivations could have been, I won't speculate any further about whether this person just has a mental illness or is a criminal who might well do something similar, or even worse, in the future. In any case, the incident should be certainly reported to police, in my opinion.

The phrase 'break from reality' has a very specific meaning in my line of work. It's most often used to describe a psychotic episode.

Originally Posted by joevers

Dave said he doesn't want to make this person's situation worse or punish them. What do you think involving police would possibly do? Certainly not get them the help they need.

Police are often the point of first contact with getting someone to mental healthcare for evaluation and treatment. Their refusal is sometimes muddied as they lack the capacity to give consent or refuse depending on the nature of the mental illness. Whether most police are adequately trained to do that is a separate matter.

[mjb266]

I feel for you man...as an educator I'm in the same boat. I also have a brother who struggles with mental health (and addiction as a coping strategy).

Let us know if you need any support on the parts/bikes front. We can send ballast your direction.

I will add that you should probably get LE involved. They can be super supportive, and it might be worth asking for an officer particularly skilled in mental health situations. They might be able to navigate a strategy that helps you with the insurance folks, and also establishes mental health issues for the courts. If something like this were to happen in a retail setting, this history might be useful to create "understanding" in the courts.

[fiamme red]

Originally Posted by ridethecliche

The phrase 'break from reality' has a very specific meaning in my line of work. It's most often used to describe a psychotic episode.

I wasn't aware of that meaning. I thought it had to do with drug abuse. Whatever it means, allowing this "family member" to go scot-free, without any treatment or consequences, isn't doing him or society any favors.

[gemship]

Originally Posted by ridethecliche

Wishing the best to you and yours. I hope you see some good luck soon.



Often times, depending on intent on the person pressing charges and someone's history, treatment can be in lieu of jail time or continued charges.



There are many things to say to you, however I will refrain out of the decency afforded on this forum. Put simply... this is a bad take and you should feel bad.



The phrase 'break from reality' has a very specific meaning in my line of work. It's most often used to describe a psychotic episode.



Police are often the point of first contact with getting someone to mental healthcare for evaluation and treatment. Their refusal is sometimes muddied as they lack the capacity to give consent or refuse depending on the nature of the mental illness. Whether most police are adequately trained to do that is a separate matter.

Regarding your reply to Benb I would simply say this, there's a whole side of the story we are not getting and we will never get. Not saying it's right what happened to the OP but what exactly did happen? To that effect it's really none of our business and all we can do which you did great is presume things.

Honestly I don't care I just read this for entertainment. It's all just stuff and a reminder than it can be gone in the blink of an eye. I can kinda relate to the OP because I did piss off a genuine nut case and had to deal with him. Being the thoughtful paranoid individual that I can be I wondered if I had to worry about my personal property namely my car and boat trailer being vandalized. Things that are out of my control but insurance isn't a bad thing so there.

[parris]

OP I'm sorry that you're going through this. The person that did this may be blood but it doesn't really sound like they're "family". At least not anymore.

There's something you may want to keep in mind which is if this person did this to you are they likely to be destructive and/or dangerous to people they interact with going forward? New job, friends, etc. When I read your post that's what I was struck with.

You would be well served to at the very least to change out and strengthen ALL the locks and hardware at your house. Change any and all security codes and passwords. Make you, your family, and home a harder target in the event that this person for whatever reason makes a decision to return for an additional pound of flesh.

Again sorry for the situation that you find yourself in.

[robertbb]

Originally Posted by weisan

This is a super complex situation with more than one possible response.

I hope for the best for all parties involved.

I would just say one thing.

Don't just focus everything on that one family member. Try and look at it from multiple angles and perspectives, and realize that there might be more than one area or person of dysfunction in the big picture.

^This is sage advice. Absolutely sage. Worth re-reading.

[ridethecliche]

Originally Posted by gemship

Regarding your reply to Benb I would simply say this, there's a whole side of the story we are not getting and we will never get. Not saying it's right what happened to the OP but what exactly did happen? To that effect it's really none of our business and all we can do which you did great is presume things.

Honestly I don't care I just read this for entertainment. It's all just stuff and a reminder than it can be gone in the blink of an eye. I can kinda relate to the OP because I did piss off a genuine nut case and had to deal with him. Being the thoughtful paranoid individual that I can be I wondered if I had to worry about my personal property namely my car and boat trailer being vandalized. Things that are out of my control but insurance isn't a bad thing so there.

Big difference between the bolded and insinuating that someone that owns a few bikes but couldn't afford to replace them outright is living far outside their means. That entire post was a victim blaming gaslight fest and should be called out as such.

[jimcav]

I once had a home we HAD lived in, then rented after moving, that was trashed. My youngest came home from the hospital to that house, so even though it wasn't our current home, it hurt to see it trashed. I can only imagine that happening in my personal, FAMILY space. It being a family member just makes it worse.

Your post to me shows an admirable amount of restraint and resilience. I am sorry to hear of the destruction of the bikes, which appears to me as specifically targeted/hurtful to your known passion.

I have a bunch of bike stuff and think frame repair is possible, but others here know more on that. If it will help, let me know what you might need part-wise etc. as I think having a project to rebuild or replace some things might be a nice distraction.

Keep on going with all your doing with e-learning, staying well, staying safe, being supportive to your family.