OT: Suicide sucks

[Keith A]

I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment as I just found out that a teenage son of one of our friends just passed away. He's been in critical condition since Friday when it appears that he tried to take his own life.

This is on top of another friend who found his parents dead in their home just a couple of weeks ago. His father killed his mother and then took his own life. His brother committed suicide about a year ago, and now all of his immediate family members are gone.

Ugh...I just feel sick.

[dbnm]

I had a good friend commit suicide about 10 years ago. We were very close.

Losing him left a giant whole in my life and affected me for years.

Get someone to talk to. It helps a lot.

[weaponsgrade]

That is absolutely tragic. So sorry to hear.

[mhespenheide]

It absolutely does suck. In sixteen years of teaching, I've lost three students to suicide -- two after graduating and leaving school but that still kept in touch, and one in the middle of the school year, his sophomore year.

I'll never understand the motivation, but -- while any loss is deep and profound, suicide can be really hard on those left behind.

If you have the wherewithal to support others, it is important for them to know that it is not their fault. Keep talking to people. It's going to suck for a while, and that's normal, and that's okay. It won't suck forever.

[GregL]

Suicide is the great secret of modern society. No one has any idea how prevalent it is until it touches your life. The phone call, the shock, the drive to the ER in silence, greeting friends and family members under the worst circumstances imaginable, the funeral and the endless pain. If suicide never touches your life, you are incredibly blessed. If it does, you are in a much larger group than you thought possible.

My sincere sympathies are with you, Keith. May time lessen the pain and bring you peace.

Greg

[OtayBW]

Wow, Keith. Sorry to hear this. This is something that has touched many of us. Unfortunately, for too many, the question is not why to do it, but why not....

[Jeff N.]

Horrible.

[Louis]

Depression is a very serious issue, and too many folks out there don't the get treatment then need.

[AngryScientist]

Sorry to hear this Keith. Both of those incidents are very difficult to even think about. i hope you and the respective families/friends can find some peace.

[jimcav]

I hope you can be there for your friend(s) and that someone is there for you as well. My uncle killed himself, after a lifetime of various attempts/gestures. It is hard to imagine the emotional pain one must feel that makes the choice of suicide a reasonable option. For any grief, I find allowing the sadness, and even scheduling it (for example recently losing my mom, I would play certain songs that were favorites of hers at a set time each evening and morning when I was alone, and it triggered a very, very emotional response, which before I tried this technique, I would have random fits of tears at inopportune times and have to leave my family to collect myself. At first the "scheduled crying" was just incredible sadness and tears, but over time, became positive memories instead. I don't know if it will benefit you, but I wanted to offer that, rather than solely my sincerest wishes and sympathy, which of course I offer as well.

[Keith A]

Thanks so much for the thoughts, suggestions and sharing your experiences...it means a lot to me.

This is the third time suicide has touched my life. The first time was with a dear friend who I was trying to help him overcome his wife leaving. He was also seeing a professional counselor, but he just couldn't get over her. So he lit his house on fire and watched it burn from his back yard, and at some point turned a gun on himself.

I have thought often about what Jim said, "It is hard to imagine the emotional pain one must feel that makes the choice of suicide a reasonable option." What is really hard is to be close to this person, and know that you couldn't help them make a different choice.

[bking]

There are lots of victims in a suicide, and each path to some kind of healing will be different, but definitely long and arduous. I served in a leadership position in my church for some years a while back, and one member lost her husband, the father of four kids, to suicide. I read several books to try to understand how to help. One was written by a woman who lost her husband and I'll always remember her remarking how people would avoid discussing or bringing up the subject months or years later. We don't know what to say, we're afraid to bring up tender or difficult subjects; but, she said it was always the elephant in the room, and silence regarding her loss was even more difficult than talking about it.
Talk to them, talk about the child lost, good times, good memories. Sometimes they want to talk, sometimes they don't; but it's always present in their heart.
Death, by disease, accident or old age, is almost always tempered by the passage of a year or two. Loss by suicide plays by completely different rules.
My condolences to you and your friends.

[David Kirk]

Originally Posted by bking

There are lots of victims in a suicide, and each path to some kind of healing will be different, but definitely long and arduous. I served in a leadership position in my church for some years a while back, and one member lost her husband, the father of four kids, to suicide. I read several books to try to understand how to help. One was written by a woman who lost her husband and I'll always remember her remarking how people would avoid discussing or bringing up the subject months or years later. We don't know what to say, we're afraid to bring up tender or difficult subjects; but, she said it was always the elephant in the room, and silence regarding her loss was even more difficult than talking about it.
Talk to them, talk about the child lost, good times, good memories. Sometimes they want to talk, sometimes they don't; but it's always present in their heart.
Death, by disease, accident or old age, is almost always tempered by the passage of a year or two. Loss by suicide plays by completely different rules.
My condolences to you and your friends.

Wise words - thank you.


dave

[Keith A]

I wanted to apologize to anyone that I might have offended or caused them to recall any bad memories related to this subject. I know there are some out there that did not appreciate me posting on this issue.

I gave serious consideration to this before posting my message, but obviously decided to do so. I am grateful for the Paceline community and have learned many things here, both about cycling and other areas as well. I have appreciated the comments in this discussion and they have caused me to reflect upon my own feelings as well as how I might be able to help my friends.

Matter of fact, I spent several hours last night communicating with my friend who lost his parents. At the end, he expressed his heartfelt thanks for me reaching out to him. This might not have happened if I had not posted on this subject.

To anyone who is personally struggling with this issue or depression, please know that there are people who care about you and there are many resources available, and people to help. I would be happy to share some of the resources I found if anyone is interested.

Thank you all.

[Fishbike]

Condolences, Keith, and to all affected by suicide.

Depression and other mental health issues are rampant and pervasive in all walks of life. We as a society still, more often than not, ostracize people with mental illness and over-value things that compound feelings of isolation -- material wealth; looks; competition; power; individual success over community; and all the 'round the clock fakery, venom and immediacy that goes along with social medial.

There is an epidemic of suicide (as well as over-doses). Organic disorders have always existed and will always exist. We need earlier diagnosis and treatment. But we also we to be nicer to each other.