OT: off to college

[username]

We spend years and years raising them, their wellbeing our primary goal. The process is exhausting and terrifying and often wonderful. It restructures our lives and reshapes our identifies. If we're lucky, they become amazing people: caring, kind, interesting, independent. And then, if everything goes exactly to plan, they leave. To feel simultaneously so happy and so sad is disorienting. Success has never felt so much like failure. I'm going for a ride.

[Spaghetti Legs]

UC system? That time of year for those kids.

The simultaneous happy/sad/proud/worried/relieved is jarring and you maybe only get a kind of used to it; at least that’s the case for me. I still wonder when it will stop being a struggle to hold myself together saying goodbye on the infrequent and brief visits home.

Anyway congrats and good job. It’s hard but they can’t live at home forever.

[username]

Originally Posted by Spaghetti Legs

It’s hard but they can’t live at home forever.

Absolutely right. We wouldn't want them to stay in the nest. They need to forge lives of their own, independent of us. But as you say, it's bittersweet.

[professerr]

Don't worry, doesn't matter whether you did a good job or not, they'll be back - though for different reasons. :-)

[VTCaraco]

I was shocked at how much it crushed me to leave our son.
He was a 1-and-only, but I still didn't expect it.
Breaks weren't as hard, but still hard....and I'd never really say I got "used to it".
On the other hand, the development of relationship, including sharing how much they mean to you, is pretty terrific.

Our son wrapped up his undergrad this past May and immediately transitioned into a full-time position with the company that he interned with for the last few years. He's living with us for the time-being and we're all enjoying it. He's socking money away like a boss and my wife and I are both getting the quality interactions that feel terrific (and impactful in the long-term).

I guess my point is to acknowledge that, for some of us, it doesn't necessarily get that much easier, but we DO develop new routines. And, for many, I think that the relationship gets better as you see them do things that are reflective of who they become.

Good luck and be proud.
And make the endorphins of exercise a therapeutic piority

[verbs4us]

When my sister and I finally moved out, my dad wanted to adopt or have a foster child. Mom wanted none of it; she was done. So, instead, dad started a vegetable garden. Then mom had to figure what to do with 50 pounds of zucchini every August.

[Spaghetti Legs]

Originally Posted by verbs4us

When my sister and I finally moved out, my dad wanted to adopt or have a foster child. Mom wanted none of it; she was done. So, instead, dad started a vegetable garden. Then mom had to figure what to do with 50 pounds of zucchini every August.

There’s a novel in there somewhere. “Zucchini in August”

[cribbit]

I was about to say that if you're off to college, that makes you by far one of the youngest people here.

But of course, Paceline never disappoints.

[Louis]

Originally Posted by VTCaraco

He's socking money away like a boss

Tell him that the Paceline says that he better be maxing out everything he can legally put in a Roth IRA, and that the Vanguard Index 500 fund is a great place to start.

Edit: And contributing to his 401k at least up to the max that his company will match.

[oldpotatoe]

Originally Posted by username

We spend years and years raising them, their wellbeing our primary goal. The process is exhausting and terrifying and often wonderful. It restructures our lives and reshapes our identifies. If we're lucky, they become amazing people: caring, kind, interesting, independent. And then, if everything goes exactly to plan, they leave. To feel simultaneously so happy and so sad is disorienting. Success has never felt so much like failure. I'm going for a ride.

Being a parent, the best and worse job there is at the same time....

[clyde the point]

Crushed me too. 1st semester 3/5 fails. Says I Air Force Navy Coast Guard. Sez wife and rest of family oh give him a chance. Next semester only fails Algebra. $20k down the drain. Now we're in AF and things are much better. Still no inkling for skool after a couple years, however deploys to Al Darfa in Nov so maybe that will be motivating. I will never forget how gutted I felt when leaving him off that day.

[Bob Ross]

Originally Posted by Spaghetti Legs

they can’t live at home forever.

LOL! Ain't that the truth: I moved out of my parents' home when I was 17 years old to go off to my freshman year of college. That was in 1978, and I never spent more than ~2 weeks with Mom & Dad ever since

...until this past winter, when due to COVID shenanigans the missus and I moved in to my parents' house for four straight months.

Holy good-god-y'all is that weird!



So yeah, for the newly empty nested it must feel bittersweet, but congratulations on getting them to this place...and careful what you wish for.

[C40_guy]

Originally Posted by Bob Ross

LOL! Ain't that the truth: I moved out of my parents' home when I was 17 years old to go off to my freshman year of college. That was in 1978, and I never spent more than ~2 weeks with Mom & Dad ever since

...until this past winter, when due to COVID shenanigans the missus and I moved in to my parents' house for four straight months.

So yeah, for the newly empty nested it must feel bittersweet, but congratulations on getting them to this place...and careful what you wish for.

Agreed Bob, our 30 YO son camped with us for four months last summer. It went so well, ahem, that he moved to Boulder in March and is buying a house there in a couple of weeks...

...actually, it did go really well...it's just that Boulder is a wonderful place for him to live...

[AngryScientist]

One of my friends from grammar school lived with his parents until he turned 40, when he accidentally knocked up his on-again, off-again booty call girlfriend. they moved into an apartment together for 2-months; realized the real world is hard, and yep - back into his childhood home with mommy and daddy, now with a wife and screaming infant in tow.


yeppers, it may sting a little - but when the kids learn to stand on their own two feet and move out - it's a good, natural thing!

[ariw]

My daughter is a high school sophomore on a semester in Israel program, and it’s killing me some days. She’s safe and having an amazing time, but I miss the living daylights out of her. Between the time difference and her busy schedule, we don’t get to talk nearly often enough, at least for me. Don’t know how I will handle college…

Ari