The sorry saga of Helmet stogie

[Doc Austin]

OK, this is way off topic, but what the heck.............


Ok, ok, HERE's the real story. In the early heydays of slotcar racing I knew a guy who owned a raceway. It was the late 60's/early 70's and we were all hippies. Get the picture?

Anyway, we would stay late after closing, light up a big stogie (which could be interperted as a cigar, guys. Just the disclaimer), put our feet up and race until we were stupid. Well, we were stupid from the stogies, but you get the point. Eventually he would hand me a big stogie and say "Put this in your helmet for later."

It was the running joke until I started entering the races as "Helmet stogie." I painted up a driver and put his name on the car. I even painted a little, errrrrrr, stogie on the guy's helmet (yeah, I used to be able to see that well). Of course, the car was sponsored by zig zag.

And I went through several cars but I always found a way to jam "Helmet" into the next cockpit. The top of his helmet was all scarred up from the times he had slid on his lid, but that just gave him character. He won tons and tons of races for me. The track owner would announce the races on the PA system and it was always, "There goes Helmut Stoooooooooooooooogie!"


So, we were having our once a month track cleaning race. The buildup of tire traction "glue" would get pretty heavy after a month, so we would just throw a bucket of mineral spirts down on the track and have a race. The sponge tires would soak it all up and by the time it dried, the track was spotless. No glue was allowed during the race, so with the wet track and no glue, it was almost like racing in the rain. The cars would slide around like mad and throw up big rooster tails and there would be a mist over the track. It was just beyond cool. It stunk, but no one cared.

So I am out front, but not I'm not pulling away. I'm driving harder and harder but it seems like I'm going slower and slower. The track is drying and the faster cars were finally getting traction and closing in. That's when the engine grenaded.

The smoke started to pour out and it slowed noticably.

Now remember that we had been out there the better part of an hour and the cars were soaked with mineral spirits inside the body and all over the chassis. Something in the motor shorted, and, well.... mineral spirits is flammable.

So my car bursts into flames. I am so shocked that I just keep driving it around and watching it burn, while it also set the track on fire behind it. My buddy screams at me to stop as he is chasing the thing around with a fire extinguisher, powder flying about while people thrashed about in a panic, climbing on top of each other in the blind panic to find the door. We're all gonna die!

Helmet Stogie raced while Rome burned.

It was the dry powder type of extinguisher, so most of the shop (and the rest of the guys) got hosed down as well as us. We are standing there all covered in powder as the rest of it settles around us, with a crowd gathering around my burned out racer. A couple of other guys got their cars singed too, so I was not the most popular guy around. It would have been a good time to make a run for it.

I finally get a look at my car, suitably melted and the driver is completely toasted. His suit was all black and his helmet is melted completely flat.

My buddy screams "OH MY GOD!!!! HELMET STOGIE IS DEAD!!! OH MY GOD!!!"

And after that, my driver was Michael Shannon, but he was never as good as Helmet. We won a few races here and there, but the magic died the day Helmet melted.

Long live Helmet Stogie!

Helmet buckes up for that fateful, final drive.

[gasman]

Oh man great story. Thanks for the laugh.
Long live helmet stoogie !!

[BumbleBeeDave]

. . . I’m SO sorry for you. Losing your FRIEND like that! And having to watch him die! Oh, that must have been HORRIBLE!

Did you have a funeral?

BBDave

[Doc Austin]

Originally Posted by BumbleBeeDave

Did you have a funeral?

Helmet's ashes were burried at sea. Stirred in a half-full jar of Peter Pan penut butter. We took him down to 45 feet and opened the lid. The fish feasted and Helmet was no more. For all her fury, the sea wastes nothing, but his spirit lives on every time a slotcar bursts into flames.

[sc53]

Doc, your story reminds me of one of those MTV "Jackass" epidsodes. Ever see one? You and Helmet would have been a big hit.
RIP Helmet

posts I've ever read on any internet forum.
Nice job Doc. You did his memory justice.
We need more heroes like him....

[Doc Austin]

Originally Posted by zeus

We need more heroes like him....

Well, there is the pathetic parable of Pierre LaPoone'.

Perhaps that will be Doc's next friday fireside fairytale.

[The Spider]

Doc,

I'm not afraid to admit it, I cried! (you nearly blew up my Powerbook!)

Tell us about Pierre!

[BumbleBeeDave]

. . . IS there still such a thing as slot car racing? I’ve been into some hobby shops where RC Baja type cars seem to dominate the shelves. But can’t recall seeing any ofthese tings around for many years.

Oops. I take that back. Take a look at this. . . .

http://www.flatoutfun.com/

and here’s some pic of a real nice looking track!

http://www.flatoutfun.com/elmsfordraceway.htm

I wonder if they have slot-BICYCLE racing?

BBDave

Doc,

probably one of the best off topic posts i have read. The forum is a wonderful place for all of us to tell our stories.

Other forums I have participated in would have flamed you off the site.

zyler

[Doc Austin]

It looks like those stories about "Helmet seen in Argentina" just won't go away. If he doesn't stay dead, I will probably just have to kill him again.

[Doc Austin]

I didn't have anywhere good to put this, but I figured it would be harmless to place it here. Before anyone tell me this is stupid, remember, it's supposed to be stupid.



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