[beeatnik]

1. Has always been messenger cool while actually not being acquainted with any working bike messengers.

2. Loves $5 cups of coffee.

3. Loves beers you'll hear about in 5 years.

4. His first piece of technical cycling apparel was a vintage wool cycling jersey.

5. Wears Rapha on at least 75% of his rides, yet is worried that it's jumped the shark. It troubles him greatly.

6. Thinks steel is real, rocks a Columbus cycling cap, rides a Tarmac.

7. Lusts for a Vanilla, Baum, Firefly, Sachs, Peg, Speedvagen, but would still secretly love his Tarmac more, even if he were given one of those porn-worthy alloy bikes.

8. Doesn't race. Is disdainful of bike racers and their self-serious training. This attitude leads him to spend 90% of his riding climbing.

9. Only likes to go fast if gravity does 90% of the work for him.

10. Takes many, many photos on his rides.

11. Races CX because, you know, it's fun and you get to act goofy.

12. Is a member of a CX team with a funny name.

13. Loves Campy, rides Red.

Has this creature migrated to your region?