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I'm only a 15-year veteran whose wife was a friend for 15 years before we started dating. In our 15 years, I can count on one hand the number of arguments (more like disagreements). Here's what I think makes it work for us:
1- Respect: despite a disparity in providing income to the house and education levels, we respect each other's opinions and feelings. I can't tell how many folks that I see where it is a one-way kind of relationship that generally fails in the long run (right after the kids are gone).
2- Values: most folks date on common interests (eg biking) but the key is sharing common values because that's ultimately what you are working towards and want to instill in your kids.
3- Communication: we all know it but sometimes you need to step back before you open your mouth, especially when angry or irritated. Think about whether what bothers you is trivial in the scheme of things; if it is, talk about it when you're calm and can talk politely. Never use personal insults - talk about the issue and don't be accusatory. My big recommendation - never go to bed angry. Settle it then and there because festering makes the issue worse.
4 - Compromise: unless it is extremely high priority, compromise on minor issues (there's always a middle ground).
5- Division of labor: there is none! Laundry, dishwashing, gardening etc is a team effort. Always ask how can you help.
6- Laugh whenever you can.
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