With regard to the car bit...
I like big cities and always have. There is good that comes with the bad in most of them. Admittedly I have a touch of wanderlust, but I can not imagine living in the northwest and not regularly traveling to to the amazing surrounding areas. This is a cycling forum, so I imagine all of us like to ride in amazing places and see amazing things. If I had to live anywhere other than where I am now, I would likely choose the Bay area, partly because I like it there, but importantly because it is a great home base to branch out and have access to the spectacular diversity of the American west.
I understand the OP needs to live in the city for his wife's work, but a reminder that in the SF (or seattle, or portland) area, there are many opportunities to leave the city lights behind and recharge the batteries.
