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take your bicycle into the living room. lay down on the couch with the tv in sight. place one hand on your bike and the other on a remote. fall asleep watching a cycling dvd, maybe lemond's TT to win the tour. in the end, you do the most human thing possible with a sporting event, you fall asleep.
in your dreams, you will ride up ventoux with lance and pantani. towards the top you start to put the hammer down, those sissies weren't really racing at your kind of speed. you just hung out for a while to humor them.
you give them the look ala lance on the alpe and see the face of your arch-rivals. your boss, your mom, whoever has been annoying you lately. you see pain on their faces as you drop the hammer and crush them. at the top, you are celebrating on the podium while reporters interview them. finally, they realize their arseholishness and come clean on every way they have tried or successfully wronged you.
a sense of relief washes over you. you had a great ride, you've beaten and come to terms with your enemies, and you are well rested. why torture yourself outside when the action in your mind is so much fun!
uh, did i mention that i am procrastinating writing this morning?
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