I didnt read this whole thread but understand you're feelings very well, OP. I moved from Portland about a year ago to Richmond. Had plenty of problems over the years there with aggressive drivers on my daily 30-60 mile training rides.
Things have been better here, generally most people are very accomodating, but.. there's the occasional assh*ole that purposly comes really close, or is obviously tring to force me into the ditch. The roads where I ride are really narrow, and people drive fast, so I also worry about an unskilled driver simply hitting me by accident. I've had some close calls, and get regular use of my middle finger, as well.
I'm planning on eventually giving up road riding, it's just too dangerous, imo. I dont tell my wife most of the incidences, she like yours, isnt too crazy about my riding the roads with cars either. Also she rides with me sometimes, so we'll probably switch to trails eventually.
And now I'm off to my 40 mile 6am ride..
