Semi OT: Advice for a new DAD??

[AngryScientist]

i used to spend my weekends playing poker, hanging out at the local taverns and cruising around NYC in addition to riding my bike as often as i could...

my last three weekends have consisted of:

-putting a crib together
-hanging monkeys, giraffes and elephant wall art in the kiddie room
-cruising around babys-r-us

my wife is due at the very beginning of May (our first!), and I'm starting to feel the crunch, i'm a little nervous to say the least. i have a great dad, and i want to be a great dad too. I also want to still have time for the stuff i love, fitness, bicycles, good scotch, etc.

i've read plenty of stories about you Serotta Forums members, you're a top notch bunch of people, and there are some great parents in here, any advice for a very soon dad-to-be??

[Charles M]

You have everything you need already.

Just wait and see...





The things you think you"ll "have to sacrifice" wont even make the slightest of sounds when you ignore them for your child...


Scotch tastes even better when you drink it, cars are faster, rides are more mind clearing.

I'm one of the most selfish people I know, and not only do I not miss what ever it was that I thought was important, I cant even remember what the other things are.


Especially after the baby is talking, you'll look back and laugh at the thought that you were worried about the other things you might not have time for.

The fact that you're asking at all is a give away. You'll be fine.



The second child should make you ***** yourself though.

[rugbysecondrow]

Be flexible and don't take things too seriously.

Put your wife's needs first. It will pay dividends, believe dat.

Be who are you. You can be a better you, but you are who you are, so embrace it and be that kind of Father. You won't be your Dad, you wifes Dad or even the Dad your neighbor is, just be you and that will be enough.

You will F-up and make mistakes. Move on and move on quickly...there are plenty more to follow so don't get bogged down in them.

Take photos, take videos.

Learn to ride at the butt-crack of dawn or the evening with a light.

Don't procrastinate with things. If you think you can put off a workout or a ride until later...FALSE. Take your shot when you have the chance as it will likely not come around again that day.

Enjoy it. I have skipped many a bike ride because I was cuddled on the couch watching Toy Story 3 for the 34th time, but it was worth it.

Good Times for sure.


i used to spend my weekends playing poker, hanging out at the local taverns and cruising around NYC in addition to riding my bike as often as i could...

my last three weekends have consisted of:

-putting a crib together
-hanging monkeys, giraffes and elephant wall art in the kiddie room
-cruising around babys-r-us

my wife is due at the very beginning of May (our first!), and I'm starting to feel the crunch, i'm a little nervous to say the least. i have a great dad, and i want to be a great dad too. I also want to still have time for the stuff i love, fitness, bicycles, good scotch, etc.

i've read plenty of stories about you Serotta Forums members, you're a top notch bunch of people, and there are some great parents in here, any advice for a very soon dad-to-be??

[ahumblecycler]

Congratulations on your decision to become a father. It is not an easy one to choose, and with it comes great responsibility ... and even a little time to wear spandex :D

[oldpotatoe]

i used to spend my weekends playing poker, hanging out at the local taverns and cruising around NYC in addition to riding my bike as often as i could...

my last three weekends have consisted of:

-putting a crib together
-hanging monkeys, giraffes and elephant wall art in the kiddie room
-cruising around babys-r-us

my wife is due at the very beginning of May (our first!), and I'm starting to feel the crunch, i'm a little nervous to say the least. i have a great dad, and i want to be a great dad too. I also want to still have time for the stuff i love, fitness, bicycles, good scotch, etc.

i've read plenty of stories about you Serotta Forums members, you're a top notch bunch of people, and there are some great parents in here, any advice for a very soon dad-to-be??

It is very rewarding along with being the toughest job in the world(being a parent). You will laugh and you will cry.

[ultraman6970]

Do not compare with your dad, just be YOU and try to use him as example thats all you can do.

Second, support your wife or she might go all over you, women turned to moms have a very special temper. All depends of the mom too.

3 - you might have no time for even take a dump the 1st 6 months, non sleep and all that stuff. So just suck it up, it sucks but u have to be there for the baby and mom.

4 - everything people is saying too :D

5- good luck :D

[Dave B]

Hey congrats and get ready for a wonderful journey.

Number one thing to remember is that everyone who has a kid or thinks they have the answer will give you advice. The key is to take it with a grain of salt.

Here are things I have learned or were told that really made a difference.

1. This is your child, not your parent's child or your in-law's child. As is such you are responsible for their up bringing. You do not have to do what they did to you...just use the good stuff.

2. A baby can sense your stress when you hold it. To be a good dad/mom relax when you are holding the baby, it will cause them to calm down. I learned that the hard way.

3. Most folks say as soon as you have a baby that nothing else matters. Ok maybe, but it might take some time for that to click...if it doesn't right away there is nothing wrong, you just haven't had your moment. It will happen.

4. The first 6 months can be difficult, so be honest and open with your wife and beg for her to be as well. There will be times when you two will want to take out frustration on each other that stems from the baby. Recognize that and be honest with your feelings. It can make a difference in parenting as well as your relationship.

5. Always have diapers...so many more then you think you will need. Especially when you leave the house. Get a membership to Sams or Cost-co...I am not kidding!

6. Companies make very awesome girly bags for moms to carry all of the baby crap. Get a cool back pack for yourself. I have given a North Face back pack to each of my friends who had kids. It is the Dad's diaper bag and to this day every one of my pals has thanked me for it. best gift they got. Trust me!

7. do not foget to love your wife. Babies are great, but they suck time out of you like nothing else I have ever experienced. Remember you chose to spend the rest of your life with your wife. Don't ever let her forget that...by your words and actions.

8. This is the first child...you being the dad, will drop to the bottom of the priorities list. Everything is about the mom and baby, the dog might even be more important then you. Deal with it. It can suck, but you also don't want to be the dad who is complaining for attention. Find something to do when you feel lonely.

9. If you are already on a tight budget, plan now how things need to change. See number 5!

10. You have entered a new fraternity of dads. You are now special in a way you can not immagine. Your daughter or son will learn what a man is like by your actions. Your daughter will marry a man like you and your son will try to be one like you whether or not he admits it. You are not your child's friend, you are their parent. They need you to be strong, confident, have high expectations, and forgiving. This is a job you have for life. There will be times when you disapoint them as they will you. Be compassionate, but remind them of your expectations. They might hate you at that moment, but they will get over it. Remember, you are "Dad" and with that comes a wonderful opportunity to pass on the best parts of you and your wife. Enjoy the journey and just take the best parts of advice. The other stuff is just nonsense we dads like to think we know all about! :)

Best of luck and never forget to ask for help. Wisdom comes from learning, not knowing.

Oh yeah buy tools. You will have to put together more crap then you could possibly imagine. Kids break stuff all of the time. And yes you wil lhave to be the one who fixes everyting! Learn to use hot glue really well!

[buck-50]

Best advice I ever got was this- it gets better.

At first, you can't ride much, you can't sleep, everything feels upside down.

But then your little one smiles at you and it gets better.

Little one gets older, goes through phases of being more needy and more independent, and then they learn to talk and walk and run and you get a trailer and it gets better.

By the time they're 3, you can get 10-15 uninterrupted minutes to read while they play. You start thinking, I can start riding more again and, you do. it gets better.

Figure your bike is just a tool and it will never get old. It can stand some neglect. Your kid, not so much.

I miss the years when I was able to put 4,000 miles on in a summer. but I wouldn't trade watching my kid grow up for 10,000 miles in the french alps.

[michael white]

You have everything you need already.

Just wait and see...





The things you think you"ll "have to sacrifice" wont even make the slightest of sounds when you ignore them for your child...


Scotch tastes even better when you drink it, cars are faster, rides are more mind clearing.

I'm one of the most selfish people I know, and not only do I not miss what ever it was that I thought was important, I cant even remember what the other things are.


Especially after the baby is talking, you'll look back and laugh at the thought that you were worried about the other things you might not have time for.

The fact that you're asking at all is a give away. You'll be fine.



The second child should make you ***** yourself though.


a sleepy baby in your lap: best moments you will ever live through.

[Climb01742]

you won't be perfect. no one is. no father (or mother needs to be.) just do your best.

for the first 6 months, a father is basically useless except for grunt work. it's all about mom+baby. but by 18 months, baby+dad really start relating and it gets much more fun.

and biggest cliche of all is, also, the truest of all: it goes by fast. enjoy.

oh yeah. get the baby on a routine. it's a lifesaver.

[Spinner]

... and your child has an ear ache or other problem that causes them to cry, have cash on hand to buy drinks for those nearby.

Cheers.

[tuxbailey]

Congrats!

No much to add except the time since others already provided a lot of good info.

Don't worry about ride time, it will be easier to go once the baby goes in a steady schedule.

[bumknees]

Find a good babysitter for later down the road

Start thinking about a will, life insurance, etc

Get a membership at Costco's or BJ's or any other warehouse -- worth it for the diapers, wipes, etc (unless you're using cloth diapers).

Enjoy every moment -- they grow fast!

[SEABREEZE]

Angry, your life is about to change, from just asking the questions you have tells me you are going to be a carring and supportive Father. :hello:

You will learn what tough love is... Enjoy every moment, take lots of pictures, video etc. Before you know it there off to college.

There will be a lot of this from mom and dad... :no: not to worry it will pay off and you will see it as they mature, however during adolescence you may not be there biggest fan.

Congradulations and dont forget to pass out the cigars :beer:

[thwart]

and biggest cliche of all is, also, the truest of all: it goes by fast. enjoy. So true. High school graduation will come much sooner than you think, and you'll say where did all the time go. And... you can't get it back. Not a moment. Time spent with your kid is precious and that window of opportunity closes much faster than you think it will.

So enjoy the ride (no, not the bike one).

[Frankwurst]

I hope you like roller coasters because your in for one heck of a ride!
But it'll be the best ride of your life. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Your life as you know it doesn't end with children, it just begins. Enjoy it. With a little luck they become your best friends. Ours have. You'll be fine. :beer:

[avalonracing]

No kids here as my wife had a talk before we got married and said, "Kids... Screw that!"

As an observer though, I have lost a bunch of my cycling friends and former teammates to fatherhood. For some, once the kids come the bikes are hung on the wall.

What I have noticed is that my friends who have continued to ride despite the kids are happier, healthier, professionally more successful, and better parents.

It's all about balance. A healthy, happy dad is a better dad.

[cdn_bacon]

1)Help your wife. She'll need a break.
2)Enjoy fatherhood. So far, it's not as life-changing as some people have made it seem. Just takes longer to get ready.
3)Get used to the bike being on a trainer for awhile.
4)Scotch after 9pm
5)Buy the book "the happiest baby on the block" I'm not a big parenting book pusher ( but being able to sleep in my own bed once my baby was 4 months old was great) and her sleeping through the night from 10-6 was even better.
It's cheap and worth it. (http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Crying-Newborn/dp/0553381466/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299080359&sr=1-1)

I'm not selfish. I'll gladly spend time with my daughter over riding my bike. One day we'll ride together and all the time I spend with her now will make it that much more enjoyable.

AND NEVER FORGET YOUR DIAPERBAG.....EVER!

[AngryScientist]

thank you all for the great advice, i'm really looking forward to some excitement in the house, i'm sure it will be a rewarding, and challenging transition, but we're up for it.

i will try and keep a lot of what's been mentioned here in mind, some of your advice and thoughts i would have never thought of (diaper bag??).

i really do appreciate it.

p.s. - we're going for the "surprise" method, so we dont know boy/girl until the last moment.

[cdn_bacon]

p.s. - we're going for the "surprise" method, so we dont know boy/girl until the last moment.


Good for you. Very few surprises you can control in your life. It was fun to get the girl I always wanted.

[christian]

The Aden and Anais blankets, while outrageously expensive, are really unparalleled for good swaddling. So get one of those.

And I would say for the first 2 years, reduce to one hobby. My motorcycle-riding, rally co-driving, 4000-mile-per-year-cycling, are all taking a backseat to parenting, but I still find time to run. Now that they're 2.5 and .5, perhaps I can add scotch back in! :)

Enjoy!

[Dekonick]

1)Help your wife. She'll need a break.
2)Enjoy fatherhood. So far, it's not as life-changing as some people have made it seem. Just takes longer to get ready.
3)Get used to the bike being on a trainer for awhile.
4)Scotch after 9pm
5)Buy the book "the happiest baby on the block" I'm not a big parenting book pusher ( but being able to sleep in my own bed once my baby was 4 months old was great) and her sleeping through the night from 10-6 was even better.
It's cheap and worth it. (http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Crying-Newborn/dp/0553381466/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299080359&sr=1-1)

I'm not selfish. I'll gladly spend time with my daughter over riding my bike. One day we'll ride together and all the time I spend with her now will make it that much more enjoyable.

AND NEVER FORGET YOUR DIAPERBAG.....EVER!

+1 on happiest baby on the block.

For you: skin to skin contact. Mom gets it because she breast feeds (I assume... better for kid - lots of research...) so you need to remember to do it. I still miss the times with my boys when they were tiny and I would hold them and let them sleep on my chest. Skin to skin has been shown to help bonding.

Enjoy it - time flies...

[Fixed]

it may seem hard and you might be scared of leaving your former life behind , this is what we are for really to be a parent . my son is almost grown and doesn't need me much anymore . i have a lot of free time now .
but if i could i would go back to when he was a baby again. that was the best time in my life , everything is new . you and your wife can share a new world through your babies eyes it is better than anything ..
cheers

[AngryScientist]

+1 on happiest baby on the block.



we've got the book, wife's reading it now. (i think i bought it for her based on a recommendation of someone here from a different post too. i love this place)

[old fat man]

my first will be 1 in april. the first 3-4 months were hard on me because i did not have that strong bond that my wife had right away. friends warned me about this and i think it is ok because honestly, you are there more to support your wife at that time than to bond with the child. since that point, my bond has grown much stronger and my desire to be with my son has only grown as well.

along the way, make sure you communicate with your wife. give her as many opportunities to free herself from parenting duties as you are asking for. encourage her to go out with friends, to get exercise (once she is ready) and to just have alone time while you take care of the baby. in return, tell her in advance when important social or bike related events are upcoming that you want to be apart of. it no longer works to mention the night before or the morning of that you want to play poker or go for a 3 hour ride. if you share the responsibilities, you'll share the rewards.

also, if you are going back to work quickly, i recommend that your wife find some local new mom groups or even better, some classes. that's been a great way for my wife to meet new people who are going through the same things that she is and to ask questions or share experiences. it's also a good way to get the new mom out of the house and keep them distracted during the week.

[Dekonick]

my first will be 1 in april. the first 3-4 months were hard on me because i did not have that strong bond that my wife had right away. friends warned me about this and i think it is ok because honestly, you are there more to support your wife at that time than to bond with the child. since that point, my bond has grown much stronger and my desire to be with my son has only grown as well.

along the way, make sure you communicate with your wife. give her as many opportunities to free herself from parenting duties as you are asking for. encourage her to go out with friends, to get exercise (once she is ready) and to just have alone time while you take care of the baby. in return, tell her in advance when important social or bike related events are upcoming that you want to be apart of. it no longer works to mention the night before or the morning of that you want to play poker or go for a 3 hour ride. if you share the responsibilities, you'll share the rewards.

also, if you are going back to work quickly, i recommend that your wife find some local new mom groups or even better, some classes. that's been a great way for my wife to meet new people who are going through the same things that she is and to ask questions or share experiences. it's also a good way to get the new mom out of the house and keep them distracted during the week.

Skin to skin time - It helps form the bond. Lots of chemistry at work... smells, taste, etc... As a scientinst you will appreciate it...

[DRZRM]

My second boy came in February.

Do everything you can to make your wife's job easier, especially if she is nursing, her life is exponentially harder than yours, and yours is about to get much harder. Change diapers, bring her water, tea, fruit, scotch, whatever she likes, before she has to ask for it. Make it possible for her to get away from the baby (this can be harder if she is nursing), but even for a hour at the time, send her out for coffee, or to a yoga class, or whatever.

As for riding, get rollers/trainer and a Bob/Burley trailer. Much of my outside riding is now done in 45-90 minute stretches with my 2.5 y/o trailing behind my 16 year old rigid MTB, and inside either after everyone is asleep or before they wake up. I'm not a racer, and I'm pretty sure I never will be now, but if you work at it you can still squeeze in respectable base miles, they just may look a bit different. For example, I worked out a very repetitive and criss-crossed mixed paved/trail 16-20 mile ride that I can do on my CX bike in about 90 minutes in the park across the street from my house during my older son's naps. If son wakes up, wife calls and I can be home in 10 minutes from almost anywhere on the ride. It's not as fun as the 40 mile out and backs I used to do, but it's easier on the the missus.

Finally, the above paragraphs are related. I go out of my way to insure that my wife can do what she likes to do, in return she tries to accommodate my riding. We are both happier people.

Congrats on the new arrival.

[djg]

What I have noticed is that my friends who have continued to ride despite the kids are happier, healthier, professionally more successful, and better parents.

It's all about balance. A healthy, happy dad is a better dad.

And more handsome too. You left that out.

For the OP, it's all gonna be ok and some of it will be awesome. Make sure you take care of yourself now (which doesn't necessarily mean training so as to peak in May, or even any time this summer). Your life does not go out the window when the baby arrives. But things will change, and the demands on your own time may be somewhat unpredictable in advance. They all need attention and feeding and changing, but it may be that there are 3 days or 3 weeks or 3 months of round-the-clock DEALING with things and hanging on. Hard to know in advance.

If you keep an open mind, and are flexible, you'll very likely manage just fine, because most of us do. Keep an open mind and an open dialog about how and when and how long you ride or train, and it's likely you'll be able to keep at it. We have a couple on our team with a newborn -- I think they're planning to show up at our 4 day training camp this month with the baby, taking turns, etc. For some couples that's not remotely practical. I would not set any specific training or racing goals for the first summer/season, unless your livelihood depends on it. But I wouldn't pitch the idea of riding this year either. You'll find a way.

It's quite a ride, btw. Hang on to your chapeau and enjoy.

[Bud_E]

Congratulations. My kids are grown and now I'm a grandpa. What I remember about having a baby was being amazed at how little sleep I could get away with.

+1 on the advice to pay extra attention to your wife.

[JMerring]

I can highly recommend these folks - http://www.momsoncall.com/. They had both my kids sleeping through the night before they were 3 months old. That was huge.

[Dave B]

thank you all for the great advice, i'm really looking forward to some excitement in the house, i'm sure it will be a rewarding, and challenging transition, but we're up for it.

i will try and keep a lot of what's been mentioned here in mind, some of your advice and thoughts i would have never thought of (diaper bag??).

i really do appreciate it.

p.s. - we're going for the "surprise" method, so we dont know boy/girl until the last moment.


You will thank me later. Here this is what I used and will use again when the time comes.

http://www.thenorthface.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?productId=162916&storeId=207&catalogId=10201&langId=-1&from=subCat&parent_category_rn=24451&variationId=001

When you see other couples out, look at the dad holding his wife's diaper bag. It is worse then holding a purse as theycan be uber girly. Plus withthe back pack on you have both hands. I gave one to my brother-in-law and he loved it so much his wife stopped using her fancy schmancy designer one.

I had other dads stop me in public and say they wished they would have thought of that.

Get one! :)

[Idris Icabod]

I have not read through the entire thread but I have a 2 year old and an 8 week old and honestly, get used to riding a LOT less. I used to ride approx 10K miles per year before the birth of my first, now I commute to work on the bike and that is it. We don't have family close by so we don't get much off time by ourselves and I would feel crap leaving my wife for hours on a weekend to go ride. Frankly, my girls love me (the 2 year old anyway the 8 week old is pretty indifferent but is starting to smile which is amazing) and I'll happily skip the bike until the days when they don't want to hang around with me anymore. I would much rather go to the park and push my little girl on the swing than go ride Mt. Lemmon.

[EDS]

You will thank me later. Here this is what I used and will use again when the time comes.

http://www.thenorthface.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?productId=162916&storeId=207&catalogId=10201&langId=-1&from=subCat&parent_category_rn=24451&variationId=001

When you see other couples out, look at the dad holding his wife's diaper bag. It is worse then holding a purse as theycan be uber girly. Plus withthe back pack on you have both hands. I gave one to my brother-in-law and he loved it so much his wife stopped using her fancy schmancy designer one.

I had other dads stop me in public and say they wished they would have thought of that.

Get one! :)


They have men's diaper bags now. My wife got me a "diaper dude" one that looks like a messenger bag. It even has a list of everything you need to bring imprinted on the inside flap. They have a backpack version as well.

[DRZRM]

Or...you could just use a messenger bag. You could write what you need on the waterproof lining with a sharpie.

[Dave B]

my daughter is 5 going on 13 so it has been awhile. Messenger bag would work, I just had a back pack and liked that it did what I needed it to. PLus all the cool compartments and spillage wasn't a concern.

Anyway, dad diaper bags need to be cool. I think we can all agree on that! Hell some of us need all the help we can get.

[EDS]

Or...you could just use a messenger bag. You could write what you need on the waterproof lining with a sharpie.

No question. But when the wife buys you the bag how can you complain!

[Dave B]

No question. But when the wife buys you the bag how can you complain!


Do you have a dog? If so I can tell you how to ruin it easily and get one you like. :beer:

If you like it then ignore my previous statement.

[EDS]

Do you have a dog? If so I can tell you how to ruin it easily and get one you like. :beer:

If you like it then ignore my previous statement.

I believe this is the model my wife got me:

http://www.diaperdude.com/store/green-dude-eco-friendly-c-267-p-1-pr-16265.html

Works for me.

[firerescuefin]

Love the thread. It's a perfect example of why I keep coming back to this forum....

AngryS..first off Congrats brother :beer:

There's some great advice in here, and there's really not much for me to add to it. I have a 2.5 and 9 month old, which qualifies me as an expert on.....diapers, helping out, and sleepless nights (although those have been relatively few)

Your going into it with the right mindset. I had so many concerns about my shortcomings and my self perceived selfishness (love to work out/ride bike/do boy stuff) and then my first came, and you know what. It's the best thing I have ever been of and I don't miss my previous routine when compared against spending that time with my kids. Your son or daughter will touch a part of your soul that you did not know existed...and there's no hyperbole in that statment. Your time on the bike will be reduced, so you will have to pick your spots and be smarter about your training.....as well as accept that you are not single and 22 anymore. We are blessed to have a great trail system here, and I have both a 1 & 2 man Chariot that I take my boys out in (and have done so since they were about 6 months....and they love it. My 2.5 year old gives me a running commentary when we are out, and I have taken him on some long rides 50+ with some fun stops along the way. He has gotten to the point where he cries if I get in kit and go out by myself.


Attached is a picture of getting out about 2 weeks ago. That's both of my boys and about 10 pounds of blankets (taken from the dryer) going out on a 40 deg day. If you get a trailer, buy the Chariot. It's worth the expense.

[drewski]

we've got the book, wife's reading it now. (i think i bought it for her based on a recommendation of someone here from a different post too. i love this place)

The transition will be tough don't kid yourself.
However welcome to the rest of your life.

If you don't have a philsophy on life try to develop one.
For us as parents we gave up the material trappings of life, nice
car spanking new cars.

Learn how to make stuff and teach your kids.

For 12 years we have been driving 5+ year old cars, and hit the yard sales
for furniture. Instead we spent the $$$ on good medical care, nutrition,
and putting the kids in music, art classes, and really nice summer camps.
I have 2 girls and they are both very creative and make all kinds of things
for their friends on their birthdays.


Focus on important stuff , you health and emotional well being
and the health of your spousal unit. Our culture is full of children
who do not have the prescence of a nurturing dad. My advice don't be
one them. The repercussions are enormous.

[dekindy]

They don't stay little very long because they grow up so fast. It is amazing how fast quickly they change. I remember seeing pictures that were only a few weeks old and if I did not know for certain, would not have known it was my old child. Take pictures frequently and date them.

[chuckroast]

...and I can hardly believe the time went by so fast.

Enjoy the ride, every minute, even the bad stuff. Us Dad's seem to rise to the occasion somehow.

[AngryScientist]

http://forums.thepaceline.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=79187&stc=1

awesome, i really cant wait to buy one of these, i love it. :beer:

[rwsaunders]

Congrats for sure. Mrs. RW and I refer to our lives together as BC (before children) and AD (after debt). I wish that I could attribute this quote to me, as it is so appropriate for many new parents..."A baby fills a hole in your heart that you didn’t know was there."

As others have said...it goes too damn fast.

[Joachim]

Great advice from everyone! I would like to add something that a lot of people won't tell you (I have a 3 1/2 month old)... Somedays you are going to be frustrated and maybe even asking yourself, what the freak is going on, what did I get myself into??!! That's ok to feel like that, deal with it and move on. If you need 5 minutes to get it together, take 5 minutes, get it together and refocus. My boy started smiling a few weeks back (when he sees me) and just thinking about it during a bad day, puts a smile on my face :)

[jghall]

A lot of good advice.

It won't take long to realize being a dad(or mother) is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

With as much respect as I have for all the builders on this site, you just built something yourself, which is half you, and is completely amazing!

[jonnyBgood]

You have everything you need already.

Just wait and see...





The things you think you"ll "have to sacrifice" wont even make the slightest of sounds when you ignore them for your child...


Scotch tastes even better when you drink it, cars are faster, rides are more mind clearing.

I'm one of the most selfish people I know, and not only do I not miss what ever it was that I thought was important, I cant even remember what the other things are.


Especially after the baby is talking, you'll look back and laugh at the thought that you were worried about the other things you might not have time for.

The fact that you're asking at all is a give away. You'll be fine.



The second child should make you ***** yourself though.

WOW! you hit it right on the dot!

I have a three year old boy, Landen and a 13 week old boy, Holden and besides my wife they make me a better person everyday.

[JohnHemlock]

Put your needs and your personal happiness first. It's worked great for me for many years. My wife and son seem fine with it, as well!

[firerescuefin]

Put your needs and your personal happiness first.

You may have better luck drinking hemlock. ;)

[troymac]

Being a dad is one of the best things that can ever happen to you. You really can't believe how much you can love that little one.
Time goes by way to fast ... ? could you ride today or spend that time playing on the floor with your child or for that matter just holding them. I'll take the floors and hugs any day over the best ride anywhere.
Enjoy the ride. There will be ups and downs but the joys always seem to overpower the downs. I wouldn't change having my children for anything in the world.
Your gonna do just fine. :)

[dukeisno1]

Don't sweat the small stuff. When the baby comes, it will be the most wonderful feeling ever. Nothing will ever prepare you for that moment and the days surrounding it.

Mother nature has been taking care of moms and dads for thousands of years. Trust it. You will be prepared for most things, forget a few, and make several runs to the local Babies R Us. Soak it in b/c you will never have another first baby.

Take lots of pictures. They grow up fast (and we're only a few weeks into it).

Joe

[MadRocketSci]

not to scare you, but in case of colic:

1) buy happiest baby on block
2) swaddle - TIGHTLY...no, even TIGHTER THAN THAT :)
3) download white noise mp3's and put on repeat....the noise of vacuum cleaners and waterfalls are still easier for you to sleep to than infant screeching
4) put baby in carseat and drive
5) get exercise ball and bounce with baby, letting head jiggle a little bit
6) strap on the ergobaby (better than the baby bjorn imo) and go for a walk
7) gripe water...some people say this works, but didn't for us

[Pete Serotta]

But I have never regretted it!!!....

It is a 50 50 partnership for the husband and wife but it might be 90 - 10 at times so there is an outside exercise and/or fun for both. Give and take by both parties....

Life is all about sharing. :banana:


We have two wonderful daughters 28 and 31 years of age. One teacher in 1st grade which is spanish and english. (Durham NC) and the other a speech pathologist in St Louis (and a son who is 20 months and another child due july.

Life and family are wonderful. YOU will enjoy it! Best of luck. PETE

[johnnymossville]

A lot of great advice already, so I'm just gonna relay something I thought of while reading the posts.

You may find that some things that used to bother you no longer do, or at least bother you nearly as much, And you also find that some things that didn't bother you in the least in the past now matter much more to you... for some reason.

You'll find out soon enough what those are.

Having kids kinda put a lot of things in perspective for me.

[edmoses]

Lots of good advice here. As the father of two boys (13 & 8) they are hard work and good fun. I now find I get more time to disappear on my bike, so this does come back, when they were smaller much of my non- working time was spent making space for my wife to get a rest/break.

One thing I would say is that I was there at the birth of both my sons and was given the chance to 'cut the cord' and set them free into the world. That was a wonderful feeling for Jen and me. It also provides a bond that can never be broken. If you can I would say all dads should do this.

Best of luck and enjoy it as they grow up fast and so many things only happen once and you need to be there to see them.

Ed

[oldguy00]

It's important to make the ground rules with the wife right away....
Tell her you will still be biking 5 days a week, and that you need time off in the evenings to de-stress..


lol.....yeah, right.... :beer:

Some good reading here to prepare you for a few years down the road. Enjoy the trip!

http://forums.thepaceline.net/showthread.php?t=83762

[LesMiner]

This thread has a lot of input of many points of view for a new parent. I am on the second generation now. I have two grandchildren one 16 and the other 13. One of the subliminal changes is one's moral center. What you may have morally ignored or accepted will change. You will take on a new and different moral responsibility. You will always be aware of what environment you create or allow for your child. Priorities in your style of life will change from your wants and needs to that of your child. This is not a bad thing it is a natural event. It is as profound a change as first learning about love and sex. You will do what you can to make your child successful in life. You will also see some of your attributes in your child. There may be some of those attributes you find as shortcomings in yourself that your child now has. You will want to control or modify their behavior. Sometimes necessary sometimes not. Starting with a new baby getting a feeding schedule to work. To sleeping through the night. To toilet training. Talking, walking, play dates, day care, preschool, more play dates, more school, playmates, and so on. You will develop a sense of family. You will find family as an synergistic abstract thing. Something more than the sum of its parts. Your decisions, choices, and actions will all center around family. Hopefully as much as you experienced growing up being in a family. So good luck to you and enjoy the ride.

By the way it will not be long before I get to experience the third generation.

[benner]

My parenting advice (we have 4 kids):
1. Write stuff down (photos, videos, etc) because you'll forget.
2. It gets better. This is especially true for parents of newborn twins.
3. Don't listen to advice. Go with your gut. Most of the advice we were told was unrealistic and 100 years old. Although I have to agree with about 90% of what I've read in this thread.

CONGRATS!!! It makes me smile, and I don't even know you.

[oldguy00]

Forgot, buy your 'toys' (bike stuff...) now, before you have to start paying daycare!! ;)

[monkeywobble]

So I'm a second time dad as of last week. Here's a random collection of things I've figured out.

Something both the wife and I hit on for #2. It's really not such a big deal. For the first one we went crazy in the final month getting the kiddos room setup, putting the crib together, applying stickers to the walls, etc etc. Guess what? None of that is going to get any use right away. You've got time. Don't stress about it.

One important thing I learned from a stack of parenting books about as high as kiddo #2: There's no 1 right answer to most anything about kids. You read 6 books you get 6 different answers on what to do in different situations ( because you know, we as people are just really new to this whole birthing thing, it's only been going on what 5 or 6 years? ;) ).

Kids cry, try not to freak out. Babies have this binary state where either everything is ok or everything is not OK, hence crying. Around 6 months we started teaching the first kid baby sign and there was less crying within a month or two as she was able to express some basic things without crying.

Happiest baby on the block book is good, so is the DVD. I like the DVD since you can see some of the techniques in practice. We tried the Dunstan Baby Language DVD and honestly I didn't get anything out of it.

Around white noise we went for the Womb Bear ( like this: http://www.amazon.com/dexbaby-Sounds-Audio-Pacifier-Brown/dp/B00067AUNY ). It's awesome. We don't even use the bear anymore, just the box from inside. They should call it baby Ambien. For car trips I have used either the radio tuned to no station or the 'Naturespace' app on my iPod.

For long term sleeping happiness a routine worked perfect for us. Now our 2.5 year old starts it herself when she's tired.

Swaddling is good. Velcro swaddles are awesome. It seems like it's not necessary but when you've just changed a diaper at 3AM and you're trying to get everyone back to bed worrying about getting the swaddle just right isn't a concern you need.

Which leads to another generalization. If you can do something easily to improve/simplify your life ( see above about velcro swaddles ) do it!

It's hard but in the early days develop the discipline to sleep when the kiddo sleeps. You're going to want to clean up, do laundry, etc but you gotta sleep ir order to operate. Along those lines, make sure one of you is well rested. It's likely if someone is breastfeeding the kid then they aren't going to be well rested. One of you needs to be able to say drive to Dr's appointments unimpaired.

Prepared meals rock. If you've got a local food delivery service, try to get a couple meals a week delivered.

You can still ride. Ever since the first kid I average 2-3 rides/week. Most of my rides are commutes and range from 30-60 miles one way then I take public transit back.

When I first started down this whole parenting path I thought for a few years it was going to be a lot of work and not a lot of reward. Now that I've got 2.5 years down I can say that hasn't been the case at all. It's really been at least as much if not more fun than work.

Playground equipment is just as much fun as an adult as it was as a kid.

I currently have a Chariot Sidecar for cruising around with the first kiddo. I love that I can talk to my daughter as we cruise around. I can reach down and get high fives. She also tells me to 'go faster'. Now that I have the second I'm thinking I might need a whole new bike like this: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3155/2626258011_375404040e.jpg?v=0

this is a long post on a long thread. probably only helpful in its entirety if you're raising my kids but hopefully some new parents can find a couple pointers.

oh I almost forgot, congrats!

-s

[AngryScientist]

you all continue to amaze and impress me with well thought out, simple and never overbearing advice, i have read through this thread a few times, and as i mentioned before, i really appreciate the wise words from you veterans.

mom's baby shower is this morning, so i'm likely to end the day with all sorts of crazy baby gear in the house. fun fun.

[bking]

I didn't read the whole thread, probably should have, then i'd of realized most all the important stuff has been said, but i'll offer this.

I have six kids, three married, four grand kids. And i remember bounding down the stairs of my college apt to hop into my white chevy blazer to head to class and being stopped in my tracks trying fumble out a few silly words to cute, curley blonde coed...now a grandmother of four, like it was a few weeks, maybe a month or two ago.
About 18 or so years ago i read in a magazine a short aphorism that went like this: no man on his deathbed has ever wished that he'd spent just a few more hours at the office.
For a guy that worked six to six and half days on Saturdays, that began to alter my thinking...and priorities. It just stuck with me.
While my kids are now grown, they still love to come home, and my cute blond wife and i are so grateful for the time that we spent with them, and the time they now spend with us.
While i do have regrets, the time i spent with my family is not one of them.

so maybe this is it, to new dads: try and minimize the regrets, time spent with your wife and your children as they grow will NEVER add to that list.

[AngryScientist]

UPDATE :

Baby boy was born late Tuesday night, happy and healthy.

Being a dad has been great so far :hello: :D

[bumknees]

Don't forget Mother's Day this year!!!!!!!

Take lots of pics/videos b/c he'll be a teenager before you know it. Also if you're feeling tired and cranky, just remember that you're wife probably feels much worse.

I have a kids balance bike and some other kids stuff that you're welcome to have when your son gets a bit bigger.

[Fixed]

life just took a leap forward enjoy
cheers

[rugbysecondrow]

UPDATE :

Baby boy was born late Tuesday night, happy and healthy.

Being a dad has been great so far :hello: :D


Congrats. Hope all are doing well.
:beer:

[parris]

I just saw this thread and didn't read all the responses. If this has already been covered I apologize. One of the things you will really want to do is to have a camera close at hand and shoot a TON of photos. The speed that they change is just staggering and a blink of an eye. The great thing about digital is that storage is easy and painless. Don't delete anything in haste and make back up copies. This is a fairly minor thing but I've found myself looking back and not regretting the number of photos I've taken. Good luck and I hope everyone is well.

[Joachim]

Congrats! Don't forget to take the camcorder everywhere..

[cdn_bacon]

Congratulations on a safe delivery and a happy boy...

and for those interested in a bit of potty humour

Only download if you have a sense of humour..please.. I know it's childish, but if you've ever been that exhausted parent, you'll be able to relate.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51UHdP8qDZL._SS500_.jpg

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IQJ85BOS

it's a PDF of the entire book. Feel free to pass this along.

[kohlboto]

Congratulations to you and your wife. Hope all is, and continues to be, amazing.
cheers
Jay

[Nooch]

congrats buddy! guess that puts our ride a little further out!

drew

[oldguy00]

Congratulations on a safe delivery and a happy boy...

and for those interested in a bit of potty humour

Only download if you have a sense of humour..please.. I know it's childish, but if you've ever been that exhausted parent, you'll be able to relate.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51UHdP8qDZL._SS500_.jpg

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IQJ85BOS

it's a PDF of the entire book. Feel free to pass this along.


Lol, saw that. Likely to be followed up by volume 2 for the teen years, 'Wake The F*ck Up!!'. haha

[djg]

UPDATE :

Baby boy was born late Tuesday night, happy and healthy.

Being a dad has been great so far :hello: :D

Congrats man, mazel tov. And best wishes to all.

[DRZRM]

Hey, great news. Congrats!!

[yodelinpol]

Let the grandparents spoil them.

It is their job.

Not yours.

[93legendti]

Congrats!

Wait till your child tells you for the first time: "Daddy, your the best daddy in the whole wide world!".

[tuxbailey]

Congratulations.

Now get some sleep :)

[Bud_E]

Congratulations to you, Mom, and Angry Scientist Jr.

[firerescuefin]

Congrats Brother! Glad to hear everything is going well.

Your at the base of an epic climb. Settle in, find your tempo, and enjoy the ride. :beer:

[akelman]

Mazel tov to you and yours. And thanks for sharing the wonderful news.

[bigreen505]

1. Sleep when the baby sleeps
2. Buy a Chariot trailer and accessories so baby can take a nap in the trailer. If you buy any other trailer, you will wish you bought a Chariot. The suspension matters.

[oldguy00]

Just a quick follow up....
When they are 3 - 4 years old, you get to start doing fun sports stuff with them. This past weekend, my little guy (will be 4 in August) did his second 'Kids of Steel' triathlon, cool stuff!!

[AngryScientist]

Just a quick follow up....
When they are 3 - 4 years old, you get to start doing fun sports stuff with them. This past weekend, my little guy (will be 4 in August) did his second 'Kids of Steel' triathlon, cool stuff!!

awesome!

he looks like a "kid of steel"!!

[William]

Sorry I missed this thread earlier.....Belated Congratulations!!! :beer:



William

[Keith A]

Ditto what William said. Congrats to you and your wife...make sure you enjoy every minute of the time you have with your child. Because one day they won't be there anymore :( and you'll wonder if you taught them everything they needed to know.

[Dekonick]

Give them hugs and kisses - OFTEN. You can never hug and kiss your kids enough...

[Skrawny]

It is perfect that this thread got bumped today.

Although I missed this thread the first time around, I am now in the same place the OP was in May. My wife and I are expecting our first (we don't know if boy or girl) in August. I am awash in baby things.
(I did scoop up a Chariot at REI on a sale).

Like the OP I am anxious, excited, stressed, and curious.
This thread was helpful.

-s