Telling the wife...

[platbr]

So is there an unspoken understanding that we simply don't tell our wives the full extent of our cycling purchases? I just bought a set of Zipp 404s today, and another set of EA70x tubies (it's cross season ... everybody needs good wheels, right?). Not telling. Couple weeks ago, it was a Lynskey Helix OS. Again, didn't exactly spill. When I ask sellers on the forum to ship to my office address ... not home ... they all seem to understand. This is normal, right?

[SoCalSteve]

At some point my wife just lost interest in the packages coming and going out of the house...

I keep telling her: The mortgage is paid, yes? The electricity is on, yes? Then don't worry if I buy another Dura Ace group...

At some point, she stopped worrying.

[AngryScientist]

At some point my wife just lost interest in the packages coming and going out of the house...

I keep telling her: The mortgage is paid, yes? The electricity is on, yes? Then don't worry if I buy another Dura Ace group...

At some point, she stopped worrying.

i'm pretty much in the same boat. at first she feigned interest, now when i get home, its: "more bike junk came, its on the kitchen table"

[rugbysecondrow]

At some point my wife just lost interest in the packages coming and going out of the house...

I keep telling her: The mortgage is paid, yes? The electricity is on, yes? Then don't worry if I buy another Dura Ace group...

At some point, she stopped worrying.

Agree with Steve. I don't sneak around, but I also don't fully elaborate unless asked and she doesn't ask. I think she is like steve's wife.

[Steve in SLO]

I ship to home, and pay a little then rather than a lot later. I don't prewarn in most cases, but I don't tend to hide anything, either.
Thankfully I have an understanding wife who only glares occasionally. Her best quote was to our UPS driver: "Oh thank God, another bike. We can all smile again!"

[Ray]

So is there an unspoken understanding that we simply don't tell our wives the full extent of our cycling purchases?
Understandings, both spoken and unspoken, are like marriages and people. Every frickin' one is different. I rarely volunteered information - she rarely asked. Although the only thing I ever had shipped to my office were her birthday presents - bike stuff came to the house. When she did ask, I told her the truth. After a while she lost count of the various frames and parts laying around in all states of repair and disrepair. And quickly lost interest - these are probably related facts.

If I'd caused us any financial hardship, it would have been an issue. Just like her spending would be. But neither of us ever came close to doing so, so there were no issues.

-Ray

[OtayBW]

As the saying goes, 'what SWMBO doesn't know won't hurt her'.

[tuxbailey]

If my wife notices the difference in my bike and ask then I would tell her; otherwise, let it be.

My wife hasn't noticed that my wheels had changed from Proton->Silver Ksyrium Elite->Black Ksyrium ES. Similarly, the saddle has gone from black Arione to black/red Arione CX.

That being said, packages do get shipped to the office :)

[moran]

At some point my wife just lost interest in the packages coming and going out of the house...

I keep telling her: The mortgage is paid, yes? The electricity is on, yes? Then don't worry if I buy another Dura Ace group...

At some point, she stopped worrying.

This is exactly where we are at as well. Although at first she was excited about my new hobby/habit, then she was worried, now she really doesn't pay any attention.

[norcalbiker]

It is always easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. :D

[norcalbiker]

At some point my wife just lost interest in the packages coming and going out of the house...

I keep telling her: The mortgage is paid, yes? The electricity is on, yes? Then don't worry if I buy another Dura Ace group...

At some point, she stopped worrying.

But to be completely honest, I am on the same boat. My wife not only doesn't really care what comes in and comes out, she has no idea on what I buy anyway. As long as the mortgage, electricity, water bills are paid and we always have food in the table, she's cool. Not to mention a family vacation twice a year. :(

By the way, I don't remember she ever ask me permission to go shopping.

[johnnymossville]

My wife has her moments. On occasion she'll complain about the purchases, (I never hide any from her) but then other times, like the other day, she told me I should buy myself a Cross bike and race it. She noted that my riding style and background are very well suited to it.

Nearly all the money I spend on bike stuff comes from freelance work above and beyond my normal day job so that helps as well.

[crownjewelwl]

except it's handbags and shoes...

[false_Aest]

All ya'll should go home and kiss your wives extra nice tonight.

Just cause you should.

[Ralph]

My wife and I don't exactly operate like some of you guys. Being retired, and on the second wife (25 years though), we don't hide anything from each other. Even though retired, and not really on a too tight budget, we are still on a savings program for travel, home repairs, vehicles, and other non expected expenses. And my wife does the budget, I do the investing. About any investment you can name (other than gold) is at bargain prices these days, so I figure the cost of a new bike now is worth several bikes in a few years.

So when I want something, I have to work it into the spending part of our budget. Sometimes it takes a few months. Maintenance items like tires, cassettes, chains, regular riding clothes, etc, are OK to order as needed. We both operate under this plan. Sorry if I sound like a whimp. But we've been totally debt free and saving for more than 20 years. And I always eventually wind up with what I want.

My first wife (of 15 years) and I operated more like some of you guys.

[palincss]

It's one thing when it's small boxes, the sort of thing Nashbar and Performance use, or those plastic envelopes from the Royal Mail; it's a whole different thing when UPS delivers a frame.

[endosch2]

Great topic. I do the same. My wife notices the boxes enough to justify her own boxes, so three weeks ago I called it quits. I am trying a new idea of "nothing new for a year". We have so much stuff so we should make it. My wife is also taking the pledge, so right now it is a funny bet to see which of us caves in first.

[platbr]

but then other times, like the other day, she told me I should buy myself a Cross bike and race it.

KEEPER!!!

My wife generally is OK with my purchases as long as one incoming is offset by another outgoing. Sold my Ti Cycles cross bike, bought a Seven Mudhoney. Sold a Lynskey, bought a Lynskey. It's almost a don't ask, don't tell.

But she's never said "you should go buy yourself a ..." She's probably worried that I'd *really* get out of control, then.

[bobswire]

I'm no longer married (bike stuff had nothing to do with it, honest ;) ) but I do have a long time girlfriend (15 yrs) that I tell about all my purchases and I rationalize to her and my subconscious by re-selling frames, bikes and components that I no longer use, want or really need.
It's kinda like self perpetuating machine. :rolleyes:

[Idris Icabod]

I've got a friend whose wife isn't very happy about his purchases, even though he is a fairly frugal guy, but all his wife knows is that he has a blue coloured frame. I however know that the bicycle has changes several times without her knowledge, but he is stuck buying blue bicycles!

[54ny77]

Geez guys, grow some balls and get an offshore account, will ya? Problem solved. :p

[BumbleBeeDave]

Geez guys, grow some balls . . .

. . . and get 'em shipped to the office! :p

BBD

[54ny77]

"It's an investment in my health, honey. Do you want me grumpy, fat, lazy & stupid? Well then yes, I need this [insert yet another item here....]."

:D

. . . and get 'em shipped to the office! :p

BBD

[platbr]

"It's an investment in my health, honey. Do you want me grumpy, fat, lazy & stupid? Well then yes, I need this [insert yet another item here....]." :D

I have tried this. No dice. Truth is ... I got back into bike racing after having a miserable time skiing (again, after some time off). We still ski a lot (49 days last year), but I ride a whole lot more than that. And I'm a much better skier since I started riding again ... so she does benefit.

I did ask about coaching through a local pro shop last week. Wife thought (for some reason) that it was $2,500 per month and got a little upset. Thought I was -- literally -- thinking of quitting my day job as a patent attorney to go be a bike racer. Thank god, no. So we're still negotiating the coaching.

[Hai H. Ho]

A friend of mine told me a story about his cycling buddy that had the same problem with "new" bike parts. The parts were indeed shipped to his work but were kept in his car.

He would come home from a bike ride and would tell the Mrs. that he needed to "clean" his bike since it was dirty. He would run off to the shop and then install the new bike part. She never knew the difference since a clean bike was all that she saw.

One of our other friend's wife happens to ride as well. One day, she decided to help clean off the bikes. She wondered why her husband's bike had Dura Ace and while hers had Ultegra. After explaining the difference, my buddy had to buy a new group set. :banana:

[platbr]

After explaining the difference, my buddy had to buy a new group set.

I resemble this remark. After being hassled for "always buying yourself [i.e., me] the best quality, while my bicycle is 105," I bought my wife a Lynskey. Before I bought myself carbon wheels, I bought her a set of HED Jet 4s. Before a new Red group, she got the Ultegra 6700. It's all equitable, right?

Super strange picking up the Jet 4s. I'm dropping $800 on a new wheelset, my wife is with me, and she's not upset about it at all. It was almost surreal.

[BlackTiBob]

I just upgraded my Ottrott from DA 9 speed to DA 7900.
My wife noticed I wasn't riding for a couple days and asked what's up.
I said my bike was in the shop getting some new parts installed and later told her the parts worked very well.
Nuff said.

[Sheldon4209]

My wife rides as much as I ride with 95% on a tandem. We make bike decisions together and expensive items are often a Christmas or birthday gift. Last Christmas we got a second rear tandem wheel which ended up being about $600.

[rePhil]

I have had my own separate bank account for years. Goes back to my expense account days. I get a small allowance for bike related stuff. I probably spend less than most here per mile ridden.

[wc1934]

I don't mention any of my purchases to my wife - I am pretty frugal so she does not usually say much when the ups guy arrives - I doubt that she could even tell me the color of my bike. I also squirrel away small amounts of cash which she does not know about (to procure items so as not to use the credit card).
BTW - my wife loves to shop - always comes home with a few bags and I never say a word - sort of evens out.

[54ny77]

This thread title should be changed to "How I think I'm Not Really Emasculated."

:banana:

[Jeff N.]

Hey, I've got my bike Jones, she has friggin' QVC and Christian Louboutin. All's good. But she really doesn't have much to complain about. She has friends whose husbands blow lotsa cash on Texas Hold'em tournaments, marriages on the rocks. My bike thing pales by comparison. Jeff N.

[giverdada]

it's amazing how much it feels like i've written the comments here or am married to the partners described here. literally, my wife just told me this year that i should buy a cross frame and build it up and race it because of my background and riding style. and i am not johnnymossville. i did grow up in virginia, not far from maryland...

in terms of the ordering and trading and all of that - ever since my wife started really riding and built up her own bike that cost well over twice as much as my build, everything's been pretty changed over and even on the purchasing fronts. we both buy stuff for the kids first, then the bikes. it comes in the mail to the house and we all get excited, wondering what will be shiny and new this time. the kids are into it too, and i can't wait till we order their first framesets. order of priorities, i guess. family first (food, shelter, bikes), then bikes...
:beer:

ps. this is our dining room..those are trikes at the bottom.

[1centaur]

50/50 non-essential spending money allocations post savings with carveouts like make-up, books, subscriptions. No hiding, no complaining, no persuasion, no games, no resentment.

[rugbysecondrow]

I forgot to add, I pay cash for everything, or it comes directly out of my PP account. Either way, no credit cards and no debt.

[nm87710]

i forgot to add, i pay cash for everything, or it comes directly out of my pp account. either way, no credit cards and no debt.

+1

[rustychain]

Don't forget to toss those receipts, worse then lipstick on the collar

[SEABREEZE]

Married 32 yrs, never a problem, wife understood I have a business mind, never questioned anything, or I should say never gave her a reason to do so.


On the other hand if your responsibilities are not met, can justly understand wifes concerns, if those things are not adressed first, and your bying goodies for a bike.. She should hit you over the head with a rolling pin that streches dough... with all the flour on it to boot.. :D :D :D


Dont forget,,, we have to let them do what they want, when there is xtra change laying around... Two way street..

[I Want Sachs?]

Geez guys, grow some balls and get an offshore account, will ya? Problem solved. :p
I just have to figure out how to do some offshore riding! :beer:

[dd74]

The funny thing about bikes is for me they're no less expensive than cars. A fully-built 3.0 liter flat six for a Porsche 911 costs the same as a fully-built Legend Ti. And wheels? Forget about it. A pair of carbon wheels can buy you two to three sets of Fuchs.

It was the track days that killed me. $300 for two hours of track time sans race fuel, which was another $150. All that vs. $30-40 for entry into a century, and Mrs. dd74 is happy.

Anyway, it seems she understands as long as the garage is clear of all that "bike ****."

BTW, the Porsche is for sale for about the same as a Legend Ti with Record and nice wheels. Now that's love, if you ask me. :beer:

[daylate$short]

We have a "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy for the small to medium purchases.

The discussion on the big items are much easier since I bought her a couple of nice bikes and she realized that it does make a difference.

[Stefan]

My wife is fine with bike purchases,,,,as long as there are things for her as well. She used to ride so I just got two of everything. Now she wants other stuff, most of which she/we don't need. Since she handles the finances, and quite well I might add, I had to do a cash deal with a buddy and ship my new carbon clinchers to his house. That should save the cash from the reciprocal purchase. lol

[djg]

Little o' this, little o' that. She finds out about most things eventually and some right away. Most of the money shows up in the family records, at some point, but not all. Once or twice maybe a frame was purchased, and mothballed, in preparation for the right introduction. Ok, twice.

This has never been the source of a fight for us. I'm more likely to produce visible aggravation by cluttering the garage or coming home late from a race than by purchasing something. New gear might get a raised eyebrow, but, frankly, breathing might get a raised eyebrow.

It's a sort of limited don't ask don't tell policy. She knows that I'm not going to blow the mortgage or the kids' college funds on bike toys. She really doesn't want to know that I paid 100 bucks plus per for FMB cross tires.

[d_douglas]

Hey, I do the same as alla ya, but it is a bit creepy to see a bunch of grown men saying that 'their wives don't need to know'!

Are there any 'wives' out there on the forum who are laughing at what they don't tell their hsubands? Gulp.

Anyhoo, when I had the chance to buy a Speedvagen, I deffo cleared it with her, but we are possibly in a different financial situation than some people on this forum. We both have good jobs, but we started late with our careers (as in mid-30s) and are just building up steam, so we are saving for a house, retirement funds, costs of our new baby, etc, etc, etc.

Spending $3500 on a frame (OOops, oh, and the extra $2500 in parts!) needed approval on my end. I did tell her that I cheaped out on the parts - where most SV owners buy SuperRecord, SRAM Red or Dura Ace - I bought lowly Chorus.

Trust me, I don't disclose everything (like the new $30 front derailleur I bought two weeks ago) but for major purchases, my lady 'needs' to know.

No, I am not p*ssy-whipped gents, just in a marriage of full disclosure and equality. Non-disclosure just wouldn't work with us.

[EricEstlund]

I'm constantly grateful for how fantastic my marriage is...

[dave thompson]

Fortunately my wife is and has been my riding partner since we both started on bikes 10 years ago. She's the one that 'plans' our major ride schedules for the year. She's the one that books the cycling events we want to attend. She's the one that does the airline scheduling/ticket purchasing for our European cycling trips. She's the one that hollers "There's a big box from FedEx on the front porch for you!" Gotta love the woman.
http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/8959/dscn0190.jpg (http://img811.imageshack.us/i/dscn0190.jpg/)

[dogdriver]

I've taken the position that a bike habit is a better problem than a meth, cocaine, golf, or speedboat habit. I also have the advantage of being a former airplane and glider owner (with my bride in bemused attendance), so the bike costs are pretty low in comparison.

That said, I'm not above failing to mention a new acquisition if I manage to sneak it in the door and get it on a hook or in the parts drawer...

She is, however, a good sport and herself has two fine bikes. She just doesn't understand why I have six...

[whforrest]

my wife and I have traveled a long road regarding finances.

we actually live on a budget.

I drive a paid off car with 100,000 miles, don't need a new bmw, but I have my serotta with super record 11.

now i commute 2 days a week to work.........no gym membership.............etc.....

however most cycling items i don't reallly tell her about..............ship some items to work, we both have our own monies in the budget. babysitting each other on every expense would be annoying for both of us.

most other items i am frugal

great thread!

:no:

[Jeff N.]

I'm constantly grateful for how fantastic my marriage is...
Gotta ask how long?

[Jeff N.]

Fortunately my wife is and has been my riding partner since we both started on bikes 10 years ago. She's the one that 'plans' our major ride schedules for the year. She's the one that books the cycling events we want to attend. She's the one that does the airline scheduling/ticket purchasing for our European cycling trips. She's the one that hollers "There's a big box from FedEx on the front porch for you!" Gotta love the woman.
http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/8959/dscn0190.jpg (http://img811.imageshack.us/i/dscn0190.jpg/)
Right on! Jeff N.

[beungood]

it's amazing how much it feels like i've written the comments here or am married to the partners described here. literally, my wife just told me this year that i should buy a cross frame and build it up and race it because of my background and riding style. and i am not johnnymossville. i did grow up in virginia, not far from maryland...

in terms of the ordering and trading and all of that - ever since my wife started really riding and built up her own bike that cost well over twice as much as my build, everything's been pretty changed over and even on the purchasing fronts. we both buy stuff for the kids first, then the bikes. it comes in the mail to the house and we all get excited, wondering what will be shiny and new this time. the kids are into it too, and i can't wait till we order their first framesets. order of priorities, i guess. family first (food, shelter, bikes), then bikes...
:beer:

ps. this is our dining room..those are trikes at the bottom.

I dig it!

[beungood]

No, I am not p*ssy-whipped gents, just in a marriage of full disclosure and equality. Non-disclosure just wouldn't work with us.

Denial. :p

[binxnyrwarrsoul]

My wife asks when I'm going to stop talking about, looking for, buying, building and setting up new bikes, and actually ride one of them. Good question.

[etu]

I keep telling her: The mortgage is paid, yes? The electricity is on, yes? Then don't worry if I buy another Dura Ace group...

At some point, she stopped worrying.

What if she says, "I pay for HALF the mortgage. I pay for HALF the electric bill. And I don't go on shopping sprees!"? :bike:

[Ti Designs]

This is one of the ways I know I don't belong here...

I'm divorced, had a few girlfriends since, bike expenses were never an issue. I simply don't buy bike stuff. Those of you who were at the Giro Del 'Toga, remember what I was riding? It's a La Corsa with 9-speed Dura-Ace, older Ksyriums and Cinelli bars. Other than the parts that wear out, nothing has changed. Barbara even offered to upgrade it...

[TC Johnson]

By treating my marriage as a partnership, with full disclosure, I can have all deliveries made at home. Right now I am waiting for the UPS guy to deliver a set of Nimble Spiders for my Cyfac build. When my wife "retired" from her well paid corporate job to help our kids with a new baby three years ago, she has a bit of a different perspective on the money I make for our household.

In the intervening three years, we have managed to focus on managing our money together and succeeded in paying off our mortgage, staying out of debt, and allowing her to help our family and others.

Oh yeah, and I managed to pick up and equip a Meivici, my TT Blade for tri, the Cyfac, and the Mondonico Ultrafoco waiting for components for the next build. Since I usually buy second hand, or at deep discount, I have some nice stuff that didn't cost as much as full retail. She appreciates that I can negotiate a good buy, or put a purchase off until the right price comes along.

It sounds funny, but we each take a small allowance weekly for any extra personal stuff we want outside the household budget; less than $100 each. If she spots something she wants, and is a little short from her stash, we work it out together. Same for me. She is the super-saver and can have quite a sum in her stash. I can't stay off eBay or out of the classifieds, so I am constantly begging for a little extra.

I have a great wife who understands that this feeds my soul, and helps keep me fit. She has nice bike stuff too, like the Litespeed she now rides on the road. Every couple has to find the arrangement that works best. For me, it is honesty that makes the marriage work.

TC

[veloduffer]

My wife has been really good, although she did ask about my latest purchase last week(Fierte all carbon). I really got back into cycling this past year and got 5 bikes this year (Seven Axiom, Kish custom, and 3 Serottas - yup, three. :beer: ). All were used, however, except the Kish (I have my own Sachs too).

I also got my wife a new Lynskey Cooper CX bike, to go with her old standby Rivendell Road. And some new clothes. All a surprise to her. So while not an even score, she was quite happy and satisfied.

I had pared down to three bikes when I was out of the cycling loop for the last 12 years. I never hid anything. But in the past when I did all my own wrenching, I was building a new (to me) bike piece by piece through the mail at times. :p

[54ny77]

Bravo! :beer:

Fortunately my wife is and has been my riding partner since we both started on bikes 10 years ago. She's the one that 'plans' our major ride schedules for the year. She's the one that books the cycling events we want to attend. She's the one that does the airline scheduling/ticket purchasing for our European cycling trips. She's the one that hollers "There's a big box from FedEx on the front porch for you!" Gotta love the woman.

[93legendti]

If I can't tell my wife that I bought it, I don't need it.

[Fishbike]

Well I am a wife here and I have to confess I am the compulsive cyclist in the family. And we all know it is not cheap building them, riding them, maintaining them and then starting all over again. I confess to eight ponies and am planning the ninth (you have to admit that an eBay cheap carbon frame as a flat bar would be fun).

My husband is very supportive and seems proud that I can plan and build a bike. I am open about my purchases and the boxes of goodies from the UK.
And believe me, I am far more interested in Sidis that Jimmy Choos!

You guys should be up front. It's healthy, it's harmless, it's creative and boatloads of fun. Just make sure the bills are paid first.

Happy riding.

[Onno]

If I can't tell my wife that I bought it, I don't need it.


Brilliant. That's how I've come to operate too, without fully realizing it. She's my own personal Thoreau, reminding me of the great skill of wanting but little (other than a new frame here and there).