Lonely She-Squirrel Seeks Male With Nuts To Spare

[Ms. squirrel]

Let's make a nest and put our nuts in it!

Me: Single red female squirrel
You: Single gray male squirrel with lots of nuts
For: Companionship and romance

Likes: Frolicking in the park, running back and forth on bike paths, disc wheels, nuts
Dislikes: BB Guns, cars and other motor vehicles, bladed spokes, squirrel-proof bird feeders, rap music, and rainy days walking hand in hand at the beach at sunset

Ms. Squirrel

[Dave B]

reminds me of cowgirl.

yeah fun! :crap:

[ignaz]

So cute, but so dangerous. They live in the same warrens as euro rats sharing the same fleas:

From CDC's website:

Epidemics of bubonic plague in humans usually involve house rats and their fleas. Rat-borne epidemics continue to occur in some developing countries, particularly in rural areas. The last rat-borne epidemic in the United States occurred in Los Angeles in 1924-25. Since then, all human plague cases in the U.S. have been sporadic cases acquired from wild rodents or their fleas or from direct contact with plague-infected animals.

Rock squirrels and their fleas are the most frequent sources of human infection in the southwestern states. For the Pacific states, the California ground squirrel and its fleas are the most common source. :argue: Many other rodent species, for instance, prairie dogs, wood rats, chipmunks, and other ground squirrels and their fleas, suffer plague outbreaks and some of these occasionally serve as sources of human infection.

[firerescuefin]

Let's make a nest and put our nuts in it!

Me: Single red female squirrel
You: Single gray male squirrel with lots of nuts
For: Companionship and romance

Likes: Frolicking in the park, running back and forth on bike paths, disc wheels, nuts
Dislikes: BB Guns, cars and other motor vehicles, bladed spokes, squirrel-proof bird feeders, rap music, and rainy days walking hand in hand at the beach at sunset

Ms. Squirrel


I know a guy...I mean a squirrel, but the word on the street is that Bumble Bee Dave has a high dollar bounty on him. When things settle down (Dave has taken off the neck brace and is back on the bike). You should find him in a tree, or bike path near you.

[TMB]

reminds me of cowgirl.

yeah fun! :crap:

woooh,

Flashback.

I had completely forgotten her. Blast from the past time.

[Mr. Squirrel]

Let's make a nest and put our nuts in it!

Me: Single red female squirrel
You: Single gray male squirrel with lots of nuts
For: Companionship and romance

Likes: Frolicking in the park, running back and forth on bike paths, disc wheels, nuts
Dislikes: BB Guns, cars and other motor vehicles, bladed spokes, squirrel-proof bird feeders, rap music, and rainy days walking hand in hand at the beach at sunset

Ms. Squirrel


dear ms squirrel,
i have ample nuts, and all the wheels you could desire. if you rub me the right way i’ll jump on oprah’s couch for you! <nuk nuk!!>

mr. squirrel

[Ms. squirrel]

I know it's strange for a squirrel to post a personal ad on a cycling forum, but I just want you to know that, in spite of a certain minority that gets all the attention, not all squirrels hate cyclists. Most of us have a live-and-let-live attitude towards bicycles. It's just a small number of adrenaline junkie, kamikaze nut-jobs making the rest of us look bad. I know you know what I mean.

I do want to take a stand against bladed spokes, though. Those are brutal for us, and let's be truthful, what good do they do you? I mean honestly, are you playing at being Fabian Cancellara with those things or something? You might as well get a jersey that reads "DIE SQUIRRELS DIE." It makes me nuts when I see a big guy with grey hair and a muffin top under his World Champion jersey on a set of 1500 gram Mavic Decapitators.

I just want to settle down with a male who knows how to handle his nuts, and not worry about whether my kids are going to wind up as pate'.

I appreciate your time, and I hope you boycott those awful bladed spokes.

Ms. Squirrel

[BumbleBeeDave]

You might as well get a jersey that reads "DIE SQUIRRELS DIE." l

. . . SOMEWHERE! . . . A-HAH! :banana:

BBD

[Mr. Squirrel]

. . . SOMEWHERE! . . . A-HAH! :banana:

BBD


if you think i am dangerous, you better think twice about squirrels that claim to like cyclists. she may be cute, but watch out. A few years ago, i met the sweetest, most honest, innocent, angelic squirrel named Alicia. i could not get over how nice she was. I actually thought she was too good to be true.

i did not hesitate for a moment and asked her out on a date, and much to my surprise, she agreed without hesitation and even proceeded to make the plans.

the first date was wonderful. believe it or not, she even ordered for me. it was as if she read my mind and ordered nuts. we discussed every aspect of wheel design and agreed on every little detail. i could swear that if there was one perfect match for me in this world, it was alicia -- my little squirrely poo.

however, things changed very quickly within a few days. she began to talk about marriage and kits and before i knew it, she was already making plans to move in with me and liquidate my wheel collection. for god's sake, i just met her a week prior.

things were definitely moving too quickly for me and started getting freaky when she talked about how much she liked cyclists.

so before things got any crazier, I decided to tell alicia we should stop seeing each other. i mean, "like cyclists"? that is not natural. at that point, she started crying and before i could console her, she exploded and started screaming in a heavy satanic voice, "cyclists are our friends" Of course, that's where my nightmare began.

from that day on, my life has been a crazy criterium ride. little annoying things started to develop from alicia's action, which slowly developed into more serious offenses.

in a period of two weeks, i had my tree covered in hundreds of yellow livestrong bands, yellow stickies stuck to the trunk in middle of the night with threatening messages on them, and a redesign of all my mavic carbones -- I never thought a rim could look like a piece of Swiss cheese.

i maybe nuts, but it will be a while before i find love again.

mr. squirrel

by the way mr. bee, i know where that guy lives.

[rounder]

I was working on a job in southern California last week. One of the stories in the newspaper was that they were trying to add one of the California flying squirrel types to the endangered species list. The story didn't mention anything about bikes. I dunno, but maybe the squirrels would not be endangered if they just did not try to dive through wheels when bikes rode by.

[soulspinner]

So cute, but so dangerous. They live in the same warrens as euro rats sharing the same fleas:

From CDC's website:

Epidemics of bubonic plague in humans usually involve house rats and their fleas. Rat-borne epidemics continue to occur in some developing countries, particularly in rural areas. The last rat-borne epidemic in the United States occurred in Los Angeles in 1924-25. Since then, all human plague cases in the U.S. have been sporadic cases acquired from wild rodents or their fleas or from direct contact with plague-infected animals.

Rock squirrels and their fleas are the most frequent sources of human infection in the southwestern states. For the Pacific states, the California ground squirrel and its fleas are the most common source. :argue: Many other rodent species, for instance, prairie dogs, wood rats, chipmunks, and other ground squirrels and their fleas, suffer plague outbreaks and some of these occasionally serve as sources of human infection.

soooo, is she disease free? :rolleyes:

[rugbysecondrow]

Now that we have two squirrels here, I have a question for you:

I have your kind running amock all over my yard, roof, trees fence...everywhere, but I have never seen a squirrel crap nor have I ever seen actually squirrel poop anywhere in my yard, driveway or street...what gives?

[Mr. Squirrel]

Now that we have two squirrels here, I have a question for you:

I have your kind running amock all over my yard, roof, trees fence...everywhere, but I have never seen a squirrel crap nor have I ever seen actually squirrel poop anywhere in my yard, driveway or street...what gives?


dear mr. rudystormcrow,

we are not like those nasty guinea pigs or hamster cousins, we take our nature breaks in one out of the way spot. you just have not hit the jackpot yet. keep looking.

mr. squirrel

[FlashUNC]

Now that we have two squirrels here, I have a question for you:

I have your kind running amock all over my yard, roof, trees fence...everywhere, but I have never seen a squirrel crap nor have I ever seen actually squirrel poop anywhere in my yard, driveway or street...what gives?

Squirrels actually fart and poop hopes and wishes. That's been proven by science.

[Mr. Squirrel]

Squirrels actually fart and poop hopes and wishes. That's been proven by science.

shhhh! that is all we need, nutty lugged steel huggers chasing us with nets.

mr. squirrel

[SEABREEZE]

I can see it now, we are about to have an explosion of young n

Old cranky squirrel is going to come home one night, with one to many in him, from socializing with other fellow squirrels, and run into Alice, and well you you know the rest...

[tuxbailey]

Question since we have resident experts here:

Squirrels keep uprooting the plants in my yard. What to do?

And the old lady across the street keep feeding them nuts so there is huge population of them....

[Ms. squirrel]

Alicia is my cousin. She is kind of a fruitcake, but she got me to appreciate cycling. But then again, she also thinks Pam Anderson is the second coming of Je-Squs and PETA are the aposquirrels. I'm like, "HELLO, nut-head, do you know where we are on the food chain?" Personally I am all in favor of fox stoles and bear skin rugs and hunting wolves to keep the population under control and protect livestock. Have you ever tried a wolf-burger? You should, seriously.

I dated a rabbit for a while...I know, it's the new millenium, get over it, specists. He was all paws, but he had some interesting ideas about slaughtering cows and making it look like a predator did it. Hey, survival of the fittest, you know? Last I heard he was in Des Moines running a porn site for rabbits right on YouTube. You people need to wise up, seriously.

And let me just say this about the poop thing: Seriously? Are we six hours old here or what?

And as for the squirrels eating your plants, here's what you do: Let them.

[William]

Someone please....

http://i850.photobucket.com/albums/ab68/spiritofthebruce/Bruce-slap.gif






William :crap:

[William]

For the furry couple...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpaPBCBjSVc





William :p

[SEABREEZE]

Question since we have resident experts here:

Squirrels keep uprooting the plants in my yard. What to do?

And the old lady across the street keep feeding them nuts so there is huge population of them....

Shoot the old lady. Only the squirrels will miss her.. :crap: :crap: :crap:

[OtayBW]

Question since we have resident experts here:

Squirrels keep uprooting the plants in my yard. What to do?

And the old lady across the street keep feeding them nuts so there is huge population of them....
I can teach you how to trap them if you're interested.
Seriously. Let me know.





(ha ha ha.... :D )

[tuxbailey]

Shoot the old lady. Only the squirrels will miss her.. :crap: :crap: :crap:


Well she is on our HOA board, wait, did I just added more reason to fuel the fire :D

j/k she is a nice lady and if I trap the squirrels I might have the humane society knocking on my door.

[yakstone]

Actually trapping Squirrels is the preferred way to get them gone. You just have to check with the Department of Wildlife on where you can release them.
Squirrels have an uncanny navigation ability and have been known to travel up to 10 miles back to where they were originally trapped.
Mr. Squirrel can verify this.

[Mr. Squirrel]

Actually trapping Squirrels is the preferred way to get them gone. You just have to check with the Department of Wildlife on where you can release them.
Squirrels have an uncanny navigation ability and have been known to travel up to 10 miles back to where they were originally trapped.
Mr. Squirrel can verify this.


quite true. we have a highly developed instinct in coastal navigation, celestial navigation, and starpath navigation as well as weather patterns and wheel echolocation radar. we can find you and evade you. and if per chance you trap one of us and let us go, we will return eventually <nuk nuk>.

mr. squirrel

[Dave B]

buy some of the kids in your neighborhood bb guns. Show them how to shoot away from your house. Then you are only guilty of encouraging kids to try out for the winter olympics.

[SEABREEZE]

Well she is on our HOA board, wait, did I just added more reason to fuel the fire :D

j/k she is a nice lady and if I trap the squirrels I might have the humane society knocking on my door.


Fire to the fuel, by all means, you can burn her house down, just think of the view you will have from your house looking out to the ocean. Waterfront propery. Your selling price just doubled. LOL


Mr Squirrel, not even a thank you for suggesting after hour activities.. :argue:

[Mr. Squirrel]

Fire to the fuel, by all means, you can burn her house down, just think of the view you will have from your house looking out to the ocean. Waterfront propery. Your selling price just doubled. LOL


Mr Squirrel, not even a thank you for suggesting after hour activities.. :argue:


oh, i heard you! <nuk nuk> :D

mr. squirrel

[207 cm]

Dinner date? (http://www.huntchat.com/showthread.php?t=44013)

[tuxbailey]

Today I had my first encounter with a squirrel while riding. It was on a regular neighborhood road, I was going about 20 mph and suddenly this creature sprint out of someone's yard and try to cross the street, heading directly to my bike. I did not have enough time to brake and I couldn't avoid it so I braced for impact.

Miraculously, it hopped and hit my left pedaling foot/lower leg and bounced back the direction that it came from. It is very fortunate for the squirrel and I also avoided a messy affair had it run into my wheels, as I have bladed spokes ... :D

[HenryA]

Squirrel tails work really, really well for cleaning between chain rings and cogs.

[William]

After a tough weekend of training I am now fully qualified to take on Mr. Squirrel and his hordes. Call me, I'm in the book. ;)



William