M_A_Martin
02-19-2005, 02:50 PM
I am not the author...I found this on a mountain biking bb:
Roadie Translations:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your shorts. My bodyfat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter,
babbling and whimpering as if you've been watching Celebrity Poker. I will
win the town-line sprint if I have to hook you into an oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seatpost, spray energy drink in your eyes and ask you how to program
my DVD player.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.
Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You
have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard-o, I'd like to get home before midnight. This
is what you get for spending the winter watching football and gobbling
Sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Yes, it is.
Roadie Translations:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your shorts. My bodyfat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter,
babbling and whimpering as if you've been watching Celebrity Poker. I will
win the town-line sprint if I have to hook you into an oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seatpost, spray energy drink in your eyes and ask you how to program
my DVD player.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.
Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You
have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard-o, I'd like to get home before midnight. This
is what you get for spending the winter watching football and gobbling
Sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Yes, it is.