OT-Dementia-really

[Ken Robb]

Some of our pals are dealing with the onset of dementia in family members. I have been through this with both parents and my maiden aunt. They all lasted into their 80s and 90s. Dad was the oldest and the first to develop the symptoms. Mom insisted on keeping Dad home because she loved him and "what would people think if I put him in a home?"

We put off the inevitable too long. The strain on Mom was huge and Dad was found "walking home to Scotland" with his suitcase at 3am on I-805 twice.

We found a good home for Dad where he couldn't hurt himself or others. We were welcome to visit at any hour. Several times we dropped in late night on our way home from parties and found him playing Nerf basketball with an attendent. That sure beat the heck out of keeping Mom awake all night.

After our experience with Dad we were able to find appropriate homes for my mother and aunt easier because we knew what to look for. We didn't let them get as bad as Dad before moving them either. It's hard to close the family home and move your loved ones to an institution but it really is the best thing in most situations.

BTW, if some of your old friends and relatives seem to be turning into jerks just remember that a loss of social skills and judgement are early signs of dementia.

[Louis]

Seems like the forum is really getting the blues these days.

Spring can't be that far away. :banana:

Louis

[avalonracing]

Ken,

I understand what you are talking about. Sounds like that you found a good home for dad. Some care facilities can be terrible if they are not staffed enough of the right caregivers. I am also very big on stopping in for visits at odd hours unannounced as it gives you an idea of what is really going on there.

Good luck.

[nowheels2]

Dealing with the same thing with my aunt.... but she is only 69. It started hitting her at age 65 and has only gotten worse. We have not had to put her in a home yet, but we ar coming to that point shortly.

[Dekonick]

A fantastic resource (might be a bit deep...) for anyone interested in the workings of the mind:

Principles of Neural Science by Eric Kandel

[konstantkarma]

We had a similar issue with my father when he hit 76 years. When we found a great facility for him, everyone was happy. He made a few friends, and my mom could relax, and visit him any time.

BTW, in an effort to include cycling content in my post, I should reveal that I use Kandel and Schwartz to prop up the front wheel of my bike on the trainer. It is a beast of a book, and not for the casual reader. It does however, get my top tube just slightly above level :) .

[Ray]

We went through it with both parents. My mom was affected first, loss of short term memory as a side effect of surgery to remove a benign brain tumor. She had a slow descent into total frustration. She never got to the point that she didn't know who we were, but trying to function without being able to remember ***** just wore her down. She lived about 8 years after the surgery and each year was more difficult on both of them than the one before. They didn't want to be apart and my Dad had less than zero housekeeping/cooking skills, so we moved them into a decent assisted living place a couple of years into my Mom's deterioration. It was a few years early for my Dad, but critical for Mom. Fortunately, they saw the wisdom in it, even then. My Dad lived for six years after my Mom died and he kept his faculties pretty well until the last six months or so. And then he just got confused easily, but was still pretty much all there.

Growing old is not for the faint of heart - its not easy or pretty. Even my Dad, who had pretty good quality of life for almost all of his 88 years, pretty much hated the last few. Enjoy what you got while you can.

-Ray

[Gothard]

Add some life to the years, not necessarily years to the life.

[Dekonick]

We had a similar issue with my father when he hit 76 years. When we found a great facility for him, everyone was happy. He made a few friends, and my mom could relax, and visit him any time.

BTW, in an effort to include cycling content in my post, I should reveal that I use Kandel and Schwartz to prop up the front wheel of my bike on the trainer. It is a beast of a book, and not for the casual reader. It does however, get my top tube just slightly above level :) .

You don't like Kandel? I find it is a fantastic resource and really explains the inner workings of the human brain (even if leeches are used for a lot of the expirements)

I agree it is a little heavy, but to get a true understanding there is no better source that I know of.

Side note - if anyone is looking for a facility for their parents a couple of things to remember:

1) check the place out at different times of day (and night)
2) ask other residents, and their families
3) go to the local EMS agency (fire department, EMS...) and ask the guys who go there for emergencies what they think of the facility. You MIGHT be suprised...

:)

[Ken Robb]

Side note - if anyone is looking for a facility for their parents a couple of things to remember:

1) check the place out at different times of day (and night)
2) ask other residents, and their families
3) go to the local EMS agency (fire department, EMS...) and ask the guys who go there for emergencies what they think of the facility. You MIGHT be suprised...

:)[/QUOTE]

excellent advice! Another note: when I was checking out a place for my aunt I noticed that several mothers of local physicians were residents at the home we ultimately chose. I knew that had to be a good sign.

[Ray]

We had it REALLY easy. My brother was in the nursing home / elder care business in the same region that my folks lived. So he KNEW who ran good operations and who didn't. Saved my sister and I, who didn't live in the are OR have that expertise, a lot of stress.

-Ray