View Full Version : Mr. Visible Buns
toaster
12-02-2004, 09:09 AM
Yeah, every group ride has one. The guy wearing a pair of shorts/bibs way past the point of service life for lycra and when he's ahead of you on the paceline you kind of pretend you don't see it.
Anybody got a funny line to use in this situation that gets the point across?
coylifut
12-02-2004, 09:12 AM
I had a guy with like shorts stand up in front of me at the bottom of a climb and it was clear he was wearing a thong. Involuntairily I said "good God man, sit down."
Kevan
12-02-2004, 09:18 AM
Some brands too are a little skimpy on the thickness of the fabric. When the sun hangs low in the sky, and especially for blue shorts of some reason, there's nothing left to the imagination. :butt:
I've dropped to the back of a paceline because of this...
dirtdigger88
12-02-2004, 09:25 AM
Unless it is a person of the opposite sex- then it is ok. I had to tell my riding partner that he had to retire a couple pair of his shorts. He thought is was great and had me tell his wife so he had permission. :banana:
Jason
Rich_W
12-02-2004, 11:12 AM
yikes... I know what you mean... every group ride has one.
also reminds me of when Lance battled it out with Pantani when he was in that pink Mercantoni Uno kit on wet roads...
Bruce K
12-02-2004, 11:17 AM
Then there are the kits from the LBS/Serotta dealer. Jerseys are silver-gray, white, and royal. The shorts are gray. When you get sweaty it's not very pretty. But it IS a great looking kit.
BK
Bill Bove
12-02-2004, 12:20 PM
There is this chick who rides with us, well she really isn't a chick anymore, she's married with two kids now, well anyway she's still hot and one morning on a blistering fast ride that would have even the jerks tongue hanging out everybody is fighting to be on her wheel. Now normally hers is a good wheel to be on but this morning nobody wanted to be off it, seems her shorts were a bit worn. We were throwing elbows and calling each other names and refusing to go to the front. eventually her husband came around to the back and just smiled. After the ride she laughed at us.
Then there was this girl who rode without one but should have worn a bra. this was around the Bandy Chastain time, we would always let her win the sprints hoping one day she would take her shirt off and wave it over head.
Time to read something other than drunkcyclist.com.
My LIVEWRONG bands are on the way.
BumbleBeeDave
12-02-2004, 12:32 PM
. . . you guys are so sensitive. Can't you just turn the other cheek? . . .
BBDave
Bruce K
12-02-2004, 12:32 PM
Hey Bill;
Jesse and I are coming down to visit Dad over the MLK weekend.
Please save me 2 of those black bands (if you have enough) and some Bikes and Bargains sox (if you got them) and I'll pay you when we get down there.
Lunch for sure if you're free, I think riding won't work. Things are just getting a little worse with stability and mobility as he gets a little older and my brother and I are now making "tag-team" visits (alternating every couple of weeks).
BK
M_A_Martin
12-02-2004, 12:33 PM
No Jason...it is NOT ok if it's the opposite sex!
I remember riding in a little paceline early in the morning with some buddies and everything was fine as we went North on flat roads, then we turned west and headed uphill. The guy ahead of me had some short so worn you could count hairs. We had another 50 miles to go and I couldn't decide who would be more embarrassed if I said anything. I just kept my mouth shut and didn't draft him unless the sun was at a different angle. In normal light the shorts were fine. I don't care how "in shape" anyone is...my imagination is fine if I want to use it, I don't need to see EVERYTHING from the rear!
I immediatly went home, reviewed my shorts collection, and tossed some favorites that were getting a little on the thin side.
Of course, there are those thin shorts that people buy for riding in hot weather...some of those companies should be fined for causing indecent exposure on bike tours!
I always thought light blue shorts were cool until I saw a couple pair of lightly-sweated-in baby blue shorts on a grrl on a tour this summer. Ick. Not a look I'd care to replicate.
So. Does anyone have anything tactful to say to someone on a ride who is wearing "thinner than recommended" shorts? It isn't like they can do anything while "on" the ride...(like the girls who wear the sweatshirt around their waste while jogging....I never figured that one out...why not just wear a skirt when you run?)
PaulE
12-02-2004, 01:32 PM
Friends don't let friends go out in worn-out, see-through lycra!
I got my Livewrong bracelets last week. They go in the kids' Christmas stockings, but they don't get told where they came from!
Andreu
12-02-2004, 01:35 PM
White shorts in the rain
White shorts are popular here thankfully it doesn't rain much.
A
gasman
12-02-2004, 02:16 PM
I had a guy with like shorts stand up in front of me at the bottom of a climb and it was clear he was wearing a thong. Involuntairily I said "good God man, sit down."
I think I would have said" MY EYES !! THEY'RE BURNING !! OH NO !! WATER WATER !! "
BigDaddySmooth
12-02-2004, 02:29 PM
Nothing wrong with a little arse viewing. But, the two things that I don't particuarly care for is the snot monster spewing mucous or the sweathound spraying you with his secretions when the airflow is just right.
As for the honeys...I much prefer the tight shorts/tube top ensemble. Color and condition is irrelevant as far as that goes. :D
Kevan
12-02-2004, 02:32 PM
"Hey Dude! Isn't there already too much ugliness in the world?!"
"Huh?!"
"Your shorts! Their time is up... save'm for straining pasta!"
toaster
12-02-2004, 03:45 PM
I'm thinking..."Dude, watch out there's a big ol' crack up ahead!"
He goes, "Really, where?"
I can say, "Under your worn out shorts, man. Pull off and get to the back!"
jeffg
12-02-2004, 04:33 PM
No Jason...it is NOT ok if it's the opposite sex!
This seems like a variation on the classic Seinfeld scenario where Jerry's girlfriend runs around naked in the appartment, so Jerry tries it and gets shot down. As Elaine, remarks, the female body is a thing of beauty whereas the male body, well, it's utilitarian.
I don't necessarily agree, but it seems to be the case that many men are happy to see women exposed in almost any context while women wish to see men exposed in the right context only ... I prefer no exposure on a bicycle unless the the bike is in the bedroom and is ancillary to the real aerobic activity afoot
RABikes2
12-02-2004, 07:14 PM
Short, sweet, and simple...just happened on Tuesday. My neighbor and I left for a 30 miler; the temp was in the 50's. I simply said, "Your a** is showing, time to retire the shorts." She said, "Oh, and these aren't a pair of my old ones." I pulled for 27 miles...! :p
M_A_Martin
12-02-2004, 08:24 PM
jeffg,
As a sometime photographer, I think both sexes have beautiful forms...some just have more interesting forms than others.
More to the point, without singling out any particular group, would be to say that I'm sure there are examples of the human form of either sex that you might prefer not to ride in a paceline with if they were naked. Even though there are admirerers of all forms of the human body, doesn't mean we all want to look up every form's anus when they're standing climbing a hill! Just because it's the opposite sex doesn't make it a good thing.
Nope, I don't agree with the Seinfeld episode. If a man I'm involved with wants to run around naked in the house, that's fine. Of course, no helping in the kitchen (Honey, there's a hair in my soup...EWWW...)!
Coyilfut,
Over the years I've seen quite a few guys wearing thongs under their cycling shorts. I've occaisionally considered why, but I've never asked. I just don't get it.
BumbleBeeDave
12-02-2004, 09:35 PM
HUH????? . . .
And Mary Ann . . . just ask him to fry some bacon while naked. THAT will cure him of the habit once and for all! ;) :rolleyes: :crap:
BBDave
M_A_Martin
12-02-2004, 11:39 PM
Dave...are you wearing a thong under your bike shorts? Why?
First there would have to be a naked guy running around my house...
and second...
I originally used the bacon example, but I removed it from the post because I considered that it would cause too many guys to cringe while reading it...
I try to be thoughtful that way.
BumbleBeeDave
12-03-2004, 06:39 AM
. . . I most definitely do NOT wear a thong under my bike shorts. I have learned through experience the bike books mean what they say--there should be nothing between yourself and the pad.
I see csb has removed his post . . . I wasn’t offended, buddy--I just couldn’t figure out what the heck you meant! :p
BBDave
Slightly OT here, but I swam competitively for about 10 years, and if you want to really experience some see-through lycra, this is the place to be.
I'll never forget I was at a meet once, and one of the teams had yellow suits for both the men and women. Once wet...well... let's just say they might just as well have been wearing plastic wrap.
flydhest
12-03-2004, 07:39 AM
Tim,
Reminds me of a joke. A guy walks into his psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts."
Ouch!
Thanks for the Friday morning chuckle.
Jollymon
12-03-2004, 08:38 AM
...save those for the trainer...
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