Viper
12-19-2008, 06:31 PM
I just shoveled for two hours, big driveway. I needed the exercise. I live on the mid-spine of a long hill so as I finished, I looked down the hill and noticed pandemonium; cars turned every which way, horns blaring and people screaming. The main victim was a nice nurse, she was stuck, put her hazards on, turned her car off and it killed her battery. Everyone was trying to turn around and she was blocking them. The VA Hospital down the road had employees getting off at five or heading into work.
Okay, we get her car jumped, a nice stranger loaned me some jumper cables. Dig out this nurse's car, battery is jumped, get her turned around and everyone realizes no way, you can't get up the hill...so get all the cars behind her to turn around. I called 911 as did umpteen other drivers. I was hoping a plow or policeman would arrive. Nothing.
After an hour of this, road cleared, I felt like it was time to pack it in when an older woman yelled for help. She and her husband were heading to the hospital to see their brand new granddaughter. She had a Lincoln of some sort, rear wheel drive, posi rear...but the car was in limp mode. Apparently cars, like cyclists, can bonk.
We turned her car off, reset the traction switch, I dug her out and turned her around, giving her new directions to get to the hospital. They offered me twenty bucks and I refused. All I want is my chili that's sitting in the fridge, a can of Pepsi (nectar of the Gods) and to watch my new dvd which arrived today...1996 Liege-Bastogne-Liege and Fleche Wallonne.
As I finish the new grandparents' car, about 50 more cars are sitting in a line, waiting to be turned around. One by one, mebbe fourty-nine cars do it. The fiftieth car was a small Honda suv, the man puts down the window. Okay. Everyone else was saying thanks, Merry Christmas or asking for directions to get around the hill. Lots of nice people, mainly Doctors and nurses, many with stickers on the backs of their cars displaying they served in Iraq or their son/daughter is currently. This cat says to me, "Hey ***hole, you made me wait an hour."
I said, "What? The cars can't move forward one inch, they're doing one-eighties and-."
"You heard me" he says, "You're an ***hole."
My instant reply was two words, "**** you."
He then tells me I can't tell him blank-you rah, rah. So I told him, "Dude, I don't work here, I live here, doing a favor-." He cut me off with more static and was about to get out of his car. I was wiped from shoveling for three hours now, I just had the flu for about seven days, ending with another five of a sinus infection, Sandy could beat me up right now. :) He unclicked his seatbelt, went to open his door and I knew I needed to end it before he stepped out of the car. So I closed his door the one inch he opened it and said, "Dude, look at these teeth. Look (I smiled). I bite. I'm not in the mood for a fight, I'm beat, so I'll have to bite you like a shark. Don't get out of the car. Keep driving."
Cold to the bone, sopping wet and tired, I decided this first snow storm marks the beginning of Bacon Season. Folks, may bacon be to you backs, may bacon shine upon your face and may your fields and hearts be blessed with bacon. I may even shave with some Phil Wood Tenacious Oil and cook the bacon in some Bio Lube. It's Bacon Season. Game on.
Okay, we get her car jumped, a nice stranger loaned me some jumper cables. Dig out this nurse's car, battery is jumped, get her turned around and everyone realizes no way, you can't get up the hill...so get all the cars behind her to turn around. I called 911 as did umpteen other drivers. I was hoping a plow or policeman would arrive. Nothing.
After an hour of this, road cleared, I felt like it was time to pack it in when an older woman yelled for help. She and her husband were heading to the hospital to see their brand new granddaughter. She had a Lincoln of some sort, rear wheel drive, posi rear...but the car was in limp mode. Apparently cars, like cyclists, can bonk.
We turned her car off, reset the traction switch, I dug her out and turned her around, giving her new directions to get to the hospital. They offered me twenty bucks and I refused. All I want is my chili that's sitting in the fridge, a can of Pepsi (nectar of the Gods) and to watch my new dvd which arrived today...1996 Liege-Bastogne-Liege and Fleche Wallonne.
As I finish the new grandparents' car, about 50 more cars are sitting in a line, waiting to be turned around. One by one, mebbe fourty-nine cars do it. The fiftieth car was a small Honda suv, the man puts down the window. Okay. Everyone else was saying thanks, Merry Christmas or asking for directions to get around the hill. Lots of nice people, mainly Doctors and nurses, many with stickers on the backs of their cars displaying they served in Iraq or their son/daughter is currently. This cat says to me, "Hey ***hole, you made me wait an hour."
I said, "What? The cars can't move forward one inch, they're doing one-eighties and-."
"You heard me" he says, "You're an ***hole."
My instant reply was two words, "**** you."
He then tells me I can't tell him blank-you rah, rah. So I told him, "Dude, I don't work here, I live here, doing a favor-." He cut me off with more static and was about to get out of his car. I was wiped from shoveling for three hours now, I just had the flu for about seven days, ending with another five of a sinus infection, Sandy could beat me up right now. :) He unclicked his seatbelt, went to open his door and I knew I needed to end it before he stepped out of the car. So I closed his door the one inch he opened it and said, "Dude, look at these teeth. Look (I smiled). I bite. I'm not in the mood for a fight, I'm beat, so I'll have to bite you like a shark. Don't get out of the car. Keep driving."
Cold to the bone, sopping wet and tired, I decided this first snow storm marks the beginning of Bacon Season. Folks, may bacon be to you backs, may bacon shine upon your face and may your fields and hearts be blessed with bacon. I may even shave with some Phil Wood Tenacious Oil and cook the bacon in some Bio Lube. It's Bacon Season. Game on.