fear

[Fixed]

after many years riding I have lost my nerve
i think about all the times i risked my life to get a delivery done
i am not a messenger any more i got a promotion at work but i am scared to ride now
i swim and lift weights now but i have been missing riding lately .maybe i will break out the rollers
cheers

[johnnymossville]

I was going to add to what you typed, but you frightened me into not doing it. Good Luck getting back in the saddle.

[Blue Jays]

Seek a sports psychologist to help this condition.
I learned such a therapist exists while watching Olympic skiing on television one year.
Apparently a world-class racer lost his nerve following an epic "Agony of Defeat" type of crash. They apparently got him refocused to race again.
Best wishes on your triumphant return to the bicycle.

[BumbleBeeDave]

. . . was a great sprinter until that big crash. Then he just switched to climbing. Maybe try cyclocross for a change of pace?

In any event, I will be sending lots of positive mental cycling energy your way, Fixed!

BBD

[Ti Designs]

Fixed,

I've never worked with messengers, but I know about fear in bike racers. A number of times one of my racers would crash, and after that every time they saw danger they would replay the crash in their heads. The thing to understand is the nobody is really fearless, there's just another motivation which outweighs the fear. This season one of my riders crashed while doing speedwork. When she got back on the bike her fitness wasn't the biggest issue, it was getting her head back in the game. When things started to pick up in the group rides she would lose the wheel she was on and drop back, she was letting the fear get the best of her. The one thing we had going was trust - she knows that she can trust my wheel, I'm not taking her into danger. So, when I saw the change I put her in a break of three and her competitive nature took over. Two weeks later she won the Jamestown race.

My point is that there are some things you know you can trust. Perhaps the traffic around you isn't one of those things. The thing you need to have trust in most is yourself. As we get older we know that we're not the athletes we once were (I'm coaching kids half my age, I know that all too well), but it's not that hard to accept that you can get back to the place you were just last year of the year before that.

[keevon]

My brother's ex-girlfriend's dad (follow that?) used to be an avid rider until he got in a low-speed crash with a car leaving a church 20 some years ago. While he made a full physical recovery, he didn't get over it mentally: he never rode outside again after that. While he still 'rides' occasionally on a trainer, I can't get over how tragic that is.

Life is for living, bikes are for riding. Try to focus on what you love about riding, not what frightens you about it.

[Keith A]

Fixed,

I can relate to your fear of riding. Several years ago, I was hit from behind while riding in quite neighborhood. The driver was doing around 35mph and I was going 20mph, so the speed of impact wasn't too bad. I survived pretty good with only a tweaked back for a while (my bike didn't fair a well and was totaled).

However, what was unexpected was a fear inside that I didn't even realize that was there...that is until the next time I was on the road and I heard a car approaching behind me. All of a sudden, the sound of the car coming up from behind instantly flashed me back to when I was hit and it freaked me out...so much so that I pulled off the road before the car got to me. I was in a state of panic...and I really couldn't control it. It wasn't like I was nervous or worried about getting back on the bike. I've been seriously riding and commuting for 20+ years and have been hit by a car twice previous to this incident. But obviously, this one got to me...and I didn't even realize it.

It took me quite a while before I could ride on the road again and not get rattled every time I heard a car approaching from behind. All I could think about was if this one was going to hit me. I thought about getting a mirror, but figured that would make it even worse because I probably didn't need to see how close the cars actually were. So I just took it easy at first, riding on safer roads that had some shoulder that I could ride on. I'm not sure how long it took, but my fear finally subsided to the point that I don't think about it anymore.

I know your situation is different than mine, but it might indeed be a good idea to seek some professional help. You might also try riding safe area so that you can start to get used to what if feels like to be riding again.

I do realize that you are dealing with some serious health issues and I hope that you will be able to find peace and joy in whatever you choose to do.

[chuckred]

I can't tell you how many times I decided to ride the trails instead of the road because those thoughts entered my mind.

You have to ride like every car is out to kill you, but sometimes you wonder if you can be defensive enough.

I guess trails isn't a big option for you where you live -

[rwsaunders]

Fixed...i was hurt (burned) in an industrial accident when I was 19. I was off work for 8 weeks until the burns were healed enough to go back to work. Note that I said "healed enough"....enough for the mill's safety department. It took about 12 more weeks for the open wounds to close.

When I had to go back to work in the same area of the mill where the accident occurred, I froze like an icicle. Then I applied the "lighting doesn't strike twice" advice given to me by an old mill hunky. I had worn my safety gear the first time, taken all of the proper precautions, but I was injured because of a co-worker who didn't carry his load regarding a safety watch. There was nothing that I could do to control that situation.

Wear your safety gear, maintain your bike and perhaps ride with a friend. If your number is up, then so be it. If you do everything within your power to have a safe ride, most likely you will.

[Ray]

I'm not claiming this is what you're experiencing, but for me, fear has often just been a cover for burnout. When I don't much feel like riding, fear creeps into my consciousness and becomes one of the things I use to rationalize not riding. When I feel like riding, I ride and never think about it. I've almost never felt fear once I'm out riding (except immediately after a couple of close calls). But when I'm sitting around and just can't motivate, fear sometimes sneaks in. You've ridden zillions of miles. You may just be sick of it. There's more to life than riding. But riding's pretty cool. I suspect that if you really want to get back into it, you will. If not, don't sweat it.

-Ray

[ti_boi]

Fixed.....hey man....slow it down a bit...and enjoy the ride.
I took a fall the other day.....went down really hard....and my thumb got bruised. It still hurts today and lacks 'power' to do things like crank a can opener. Sucks because I use my hands for everything....that being said the benefits certainly outweigh the risks....but fear....sucks.

For the record. I hate to fly. Luck to you in getting over it.

[A.L.Breguet]

.

[jvp]

ride where there is no traffic? or mtn. bike?
more effort but you are riding.
I rotate my rides (fixed, geared, mtn.) based on the seasons, it keeps me riding and motivated. Good luck!

[Brian Smith]

What makes you able to do things daily that others would do only at their peril, is habit. When it's no longer a habit, it becomes perilous. You don't make it through 5 or more years on the streets being stupid, fearless, and lucky; you make it through by wising up and with the help of your knowlege and skill, both gained through habit.

I'm not in your shoes, bro, but what you're calling fear may actually be the remaining wisdom after the habit dies.

Bikes are fun, and you might find new habits with them that don't require ignoring that wisdom.

[rounder]

I can't say what it likes for you, but know what it's like for me. I go to work early and get home late every day, which means i ride mainly on weekends. Where i live is pretty hilly and mainly rural roads. When i ride with the club, i find that i ride slower down hills than a lot of them (who are mostly younger than me). i know i can ride faster downhill, and that the bike can handle it, but don't because i don't want to crash on loose gravel. etc. and miss a month's work (lots of times i can make it back up going up the next hill). it is not so much from fear of getting hurt, it is more like i want to continue going to work everyday so that i can pay the monthly mortgage and other payments, plus so my wife and i can eat every day.

Anyway, where i ride there is not much traffic. The other day, though, i was behind two cars at an intersection where nearly everyone turns to the right. the lady in front did not turn right when there was no oncoming traffic. she was probably heading straight across into the shopping center. The kid in the car behind her went beserk. first he started honking at her and then pulled out to her left and drove around her through the red light.

As a mess, my guess is that you saw stuff like this all the time and worse. when you were riding at work, you probably dealt with what ever incidents that came up no matter how risky because that is what you had to do (i know that feeling), regardless how dangerous. now that you were promoted, you may not feel that taking those same kinds of chances is being responsible.

Anyway, am pretty sure that you can outride most people here and believe your fears will pass and that you will be on your bike soon. good luck.

[WadePatton]

Everybody is different. I went down kinda hard the other day. I feel the big fear here on the couch, but it goes back to the normal level when I swing the leg over.

Get over it on your own terms, we love ya bro.

cheers.

[Lifelover]

I'm a big believer in listening to your inner self. If you feel that you have dodged more than you fair share of bullets, take a break for a while.

Your in FL, find a freaking body or water and start kayaking, go for a jog or just take a hike.

There really is something special about exercise that involves travel, but biking is not the holy grail.

[sg8357]

Fixed, you really want to talk to some one and try riding a little in
as a controlled a situation as you can manage.

For me just telling some friends I had the fear was a help, saying things
out loud can help. It took me about 3 months of riding to get to about
80% of my old descent comfort. I still feather the brakes more than
I used to. Every little bit you ride will help you get some comfort back
with riding, take it slow just push your self a little bit.

Scott G.

[keno]

I feel for you. Fear is no fun which is something I know from living through a very long period of sustained 24/7 fear of everything, long before my biking began. The good news is that I got through it and living a normal life for me and doing things with a bike that no 66 year old man on Coumadin should be doing, according to some.

Something you did not mention is how this fear came to you. Was there a precipitating event, either physical or mental? Or did you simply wake up one day and look at the bike and react with fear? Or something else?

keno

[gemship]

get yourself a nice slow comfy bike like a Raliegh, Rudge 3 speed. Great way to get into two for the road. Classic, real, steel and not the least bit intimidating.

Spend a half hour in a parking lot on Sun. morning

[redir]

Hope you get it back together fixed.

I was hit by a car about 2 months ago, the broken ribs still hurt but I am commuting by bike again. It hasn't hit me too hard but I could definitely see that if I want to the fear will sure get the best of me. I believe however that statistically I am safe out there. And now of course I believe that even a car can't kill me :D

I also have been doing more mountain biking only problem out there are the deer and the bunny rabbits along the trail.

[Fixed]

thanks you all for your nice words of wisdom and insight when i was a messenger i took pride in the dangerous riding i did . risk taking adrenaline
filled lifestyle funky clothes sweating messenger bag ..adding to the fear is a serious health problem ..i need to stay fit to fight for my health and my mental well being ,,, so i will try to add some light riding into the mix but my days of bombing through red lights and one way streets the wrong way ,viewing traffic as the enemy are over i think for me .. I think a nice ride in the afternoon will be a beautiful thing one where i don't feel like i have to prove anything .. low stress riding .. thanks for your encouragement
your bro butch

[jpw]

We fear the things that have already happened to us.
Either that, or we fear fear itself.
Never look back.

[Ken Robb]

We fear the things that have already happened to us.
Either that, or we fear fear itself.
Never look back.

If we didn't learn from our experiences we'd all still be trying to figure out what to do with our opposable thumbs. :)

[tab123]

Fixed, I had a similar period.

Early last year I was bitten by a dog while riding. Then I fell at a four-way stop because a driver blew threw the stop sign, and I stopped so quickly I neglected to unclip. Although I was not seriously hurt in either incident, they really threw me off my riding for several months. It took months of making myself ride to overcome the lingering unease I felt on the bike (especially when I heard a dog bark). What worked for me was remembering on every ride how much joy riding brings me (even though I am not a great rider).

[flickwet]

thanks you all for your nice words of wisdom and insight when i was a messenger i took pride in the dangerous riding i did . risk taking adrenaline
filled lifestyle funky clothes sweating messenger bag ..adding to the fear is a serious health problem ..i need to stay fit to fight for my health and my mental well being ,,, so i will try to add some light riding into the mix but my days of bombing through red lights and one way streets the wrong way ,viewing traffic as the enemy are over i think for me .. I think a nice ride in the afternoon will be a beautiful thing one where i don't feel like i have to prove anything .. low stress riding .. thanks for your encouragement
your bro butch
Fixed, you need to chill dude, just take a bike ride somewhere, ride harder as you go If that is your want or not. There may be one thing that's got you, the focus you applied to messenger riding became habit to you so the enjoyment of the ride centered on your aggro,and an associated loss of imagination during the activity; with reduced activity imagination flourishes resulting in reduced focus and increasing fear. "to busy to worry about it syndrome". maybe go hard in an empty industrial park or mtb trail, by yourself. You can fix fixed.

[Oirad]

The nice thing about riding, especially fixed, is that it isn't about speed or the "coolness" factor, but completely about the ride. So slow, fast, hard, soft, on road or trail, around the neighborhood or the crit course. It doesn't matter. Like Ray says, don't sweat it. If you want to do it, you can and will.

Be well.

Oirad

[ti_boi]

Wanna hear something weird....once you take a nasty fall....and can get up and walk away -- the fear is almost gone....at least for me....but about three days later I feel the pain.....old bones.

[bironi]

The only time I really became paranoid riding was after a run in with a slightly crazed driver. It was a beautiful summer morning in Seattle. I was riding between Gregg's Cycles (which sucks), and REI, lookin for some cycling bits. I was heading down Stoneway in the right lane (of 2 going my direction). I could hear some impatience behind me in the left lane. Then suddenly this pickup truck bumped my left shoulder and hip as it swerved into my space to get ahead of some vehicle that was obviously going to slow for this guy. I was able to keep the bike upright, but boy was I Pssed! I began yelling obscenities to this large shaved-headed guy, and he could hear clearly thru his open rear window. He slammed on his brakes with intent to do bodily harm. I slammed into his bumper. I was ejected from my bike onto his rear bumper, my bike was left in the lane behind. I climbed into the pickup bed and continued to question this guy's sanity. He would not yield to my requests to stop. He was brought to a stop at a backed up stoplight intersection about a quarter mile down the road. I jumped out, took note of his license number, as he sped off thru a crosswalk endangering a couple pedestrians.

I eventually had my day in court with this guy, and was reimbursed for my bent fork, and a few other repairs, but I was very uneasy for several weeks after whenever I saw a similar make of pickup truck, or someone with a shaved head.

Stuff gets in your head sometimes, and is hard to get it out.

Good luck Butch.

Byron