Is my Doctor a quack, or a genius???

[William]

I dunno,

Is my Doctor a quack, or a genius???

Our most recent conversation:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that 's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.


Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.


Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!


.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A:


Are you crazy?


HELLO


Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!



Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, William I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:


'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'



AND.....Don't forget,


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION


Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.





William :rolleyes: ;)

[fiamme red]

Dr. Melik: [puzzling over list of items sold at Miles' old health-food store] Wheat germ, organic honey and… tiger’s milk.
Dr. Aragon: Oh, yes. Those are the charmed substances that some years ago were thought to contain life-preserving properties.
Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies or… hot fudge?
Dr. Aragon: [chuckling] Those were thought to be unhealthy… precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Dr. Melik: Incredible!

[Viper]

When you mention the Japanese, Chinese, Mexicans, Italians and Germans I thought, "Probably, cause they're skinnier."

Be skinny. I think so many good things take place being skinny. Nothing good comes from obesity, it's like rust to a car or Neil Young's guitar strings. I like a lot of what your Dr. said, not that I agree with all of it, but it's good to think a bit like that. Ya'll know me, know how I earn a livin'. :beer:

[RABikes2]

You are a certified nut case, Cuz ;) and the family still loves ya!

Cuz RA

[rickygarni]

For your pleasure ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXkFE55nuvQ

[sloji]

I think it was Alan Watts who talked about the law of reversed effort and how it applied to nearly every aspect of life; trying to keep your blood pressure low creates stress and raises it. Trying not to sin increases sin as in "the tighter the nozzle the harder the jet." America's mythical moral system of free market capitalism and America's next top model go hand in hand like a tight roper walker hanging between the twin towers. I suggest beer, bike riding and making your own chocolate...and like the prophet said "love and do as thou will."

[WadePatton]

When you mention the Japanese, Chinese, Mexicans, Italians and Germans I thought, "Probably, cause they're skinnier."

Be skinny. I think so many good things take place being skinny. Nothing good comes from obesity, it's like rust to a car or Neil Young's guitar strings. I like a lot of what your Dr. said, not that I agree with all of it, but it's good to think a bit like that. Ya'll know me, know how I earn a livin'. :beer:

absobloodylutely! my american ancestors ate everything with whole milk, butter, and lard. they lived long. they were not fat. fat is the problem. excess protein is implicated as well. KEY BEING EXCESS!!! skinny tends to be healthy. one way to do it. eat appropriate calories for output. quite simple.

[jimp1234]

Under the original posters tongue planted firmly in cheek review of his Doc's opinion is a question I'm been mulling over myself for the last few years, namely is cycling (or for that matter any endurance sport) "healthy". Does this activity/sport "net-net" result in my living longer, having more energy, stronger musculature, being more resistant to disease, etc. My current thinking is that I'm not entirely sure but I doubt it. I've found a number of the so-called "new-paleo" fitness writers as well as the crossfit folks to be making an interesting case for shorter more intense, and more "natural" exercises with less emphasis on cardio as a better promoter of health. (one link I thought interesting I've posted below). For me, this translates into some kind of resistance workout at least 2x a week, and rides in 2-3 hr range being more the norm. Now I'm not saying I have any plans to stop riding, but in effect I accept my "addiction" as being similar to a smoker who knows those cigs probably aren't good for him but enjoys the rush too much to quit.



http://www.marksdailyapple.com/case-against-cardio/

[WadePatton]

I'd rather enjoy life riding as much or even a bit more than I care to than miss a few miles or trails on the guesstimation that I might pick up year or two in general longevity.

There are so many other possible ends...

We're all a bit different and mom told me I was special! :banana:

[deechee]

When you mention the Japanese, Chinese, Mexicans, Italians and Germans I thought, "Probably, cause they're skinnier."
:

uh. yeah. They "look" healthy, that's about it. Most of my asian friends are skinny but they do not participate in physical activity. I can't even go on a hike without someone slouching over like an old man and asking to wait. (We're in our 30's.) Too many asians these days are obsessed with financial success and looks that they don't bother to take care of themselves. And those still in asia are worked like such dogs that they don't have time for "play" (as my cousins say about me.)

[DarkStar]

Does your doctor bear any resemblance to this guy? :)

[RPS]

CONCLUSION


Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.Hablare español. ;)

[shinomaster]

William you clown what kind of Doctor was this?

[dekindy]

The heart is a muscle and exercise makes it stronger. A well conditioned heart means a lower resting heart rate which means the finite number of beats will last longer resulting in a longer life. If what the doctor says is true you would feel better if you were sedentary.

Since most animals are fed grain, the grass arguement is not correct. That is supposed to be true for milk cows fed on grass and if you consume the milk raw, which is highly regulated. In Indiana, you actually have to own part of the cow or find a producer that has went to the trouble of getting certified to sell raw milk as pet food. Grass fed beef cows are hard to find also.

[Frankwurst]

I sure like what your Dr. is telling you better than what mine is telling me. :beer: :D

[Marcusaurelius]

I found it quite amusing but it's all a bunch of horse manure. As someone indicated, the doctor is just pulling someone's leg--if there even is a doctor to the joke.

[Chief]

Consider the following hypothetical case. The theory: a person has only some many heart beats during his lifetime and should not waste them on exercise. Therefore, Joe decides to sit on his butt 24/7 and as a result has a resting heart rate of 72 bpm of an inactive person (probably a bit on the low side, but reasonable). After a month of this he becomes bored :crap: and decides to ride his bike once a day for two hours. His average heart rate during this period is 140 bpm (a pretty good workout by my standard). As a result of this two-hour regime of excercise his resting heart rate while spending the other 22 hours on his butt reduces to a reasonable 60 bpm so that his average heart rate for a day is 67 bpm :banana: . Based upon this analysis, will he live longer sitting on his butt 24/7 or spending two hours each day exercising? You tell me. You can play around by using different reasonable numbers, but I personally choose to exercise regardless what some quack may say and even IF exercise may reduce my life which I will never be able to determine anyway.

[rounder]

I like the idea of skidding in sideways at the end...don't want to live to be 100 at a shuffleboard home if it means being on life support.

[gasman]

Guys- He's kidding ! it's a joke and a darn funny one at that.

Thanks William, I got a good laugh.

[RABikes2]

Guys- He's kidding ! it's a joke and a darn funny one at that.

Thanks William, I got a good laugh.
gasman "gets it", Cuz! :p