OT: Breaking Up & Moving Out & Cycling away, for now.

[itsflantastic]

well, 7 months later, I had to break up with my girlfriend (remember the pink serotta from the image gallery? Yes, her) :crap:

If I had stayed with her through the end of our lease it would have been unfair to her because I knew that it wasn't going to last. Things between us were not bad, but I knew they'd get there because she was not right for me, and I guess I was not right for her. This would hold no matter how much harder either of us tried.

I broke the news to her yesterday. I've never personally hurt someone that badly before. So I'm going to make myself scarce for a little while.

I'm hopping on my Gitane Tuesday and riding the Atlantic Coast route with not much more than a tent and whatever else I can fit on my seatpost mounted rack. I'll probably stop when I get to Boston, but we'll see.

Anyhow. I think it was the right thing to do. She wanted to be Mrs. Itsflantastic one day, and I knew that was not the case. We moved in too early in our relationship.
sigh.

Thanks for listening to me vent dear forum. I've just had probably the worst 2 months of my life so far. Though, I did get into graduate school for the fall. Of course, so did she. We have the same adviser! :crap:

Best,
Dan

[itsflantastic]

i should probably change my gearing first. It's hilly out here and I'm running 42/52 up front, and I have a really tight 11-21 8 speed cassette in the back....

:rolleyes: trying to stay a little more bike related...

[cs124]

Chin up bro.

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

[Bruce K]

Dan;

I would bet that you won't have to tent it the whole way. There are some good folks here who would be more than happy to offer a chance to shower, do laundry, and have a hot meal.

Sorry to hear about your relationship issues. Time will hopefully heal some of them.

Have a safe ride.

Chez K is open for a night if you need it.

BK

[Larry]

Your trip will be one of the most wonderful and therapeutic experiences that you will ever have....... FOREVER will you remember.

Make sure your wheels are really "bombproof." No fun repairing a weak set of wheels.
Also carefully check cables carefully for wear and fraying.

This is your moment in time.... so go for it! "Seize the day."
And.... may you heal your loss of a relationship.
And.... may your guardian angel guide you and watch over you for a safe journey.

[Larry]

If you need a small set of rear panniers, I will send them to you. You will certainly need the rack to mount them on.
Room for extra clothes (warm clothes if needed), and a few other necessities.

LL in Richardson, Texas.

[CarbonCycles]

Sorry to hear of the somber news, but at least you're following your heart and that voice in the back of your head that many tend to mute out and regret later. As the others have said, chin-up and be safe...be sure to drop in and say howdy every so often!

[neverraced]

Your trip will be one of the most wonderful and therapeutic experiences that you will ever have....... FOREVER will you remember.

Make sure your wheels are really "bombproof." No fun repairing a weak set of wheels.
Also carefully check cables carefully for wear and fraying.

This is your moment in time.... so go for it! "Seize the day."
And.... may you heal your loss of a relationship.
And.... may your guardian angel guide you and watch over you for a safe journey.


Oh man...

He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...

She loses boyfriend, lover, and probably home, but he's going on "the most wonderful" experience he'll ever have...

My tears are flowing for him, too.

[Karl Lee]

Good luck Dan, the pain will pass, the bike trip will be the best thing for ya. I had a very similar experience many years ago, did wonders for me. Anyway, do get sturdy wheels, we live on the transcontinental bike route in Va and a solo rider broke a spoke a couple of weeks ago from a crap bontrager wheel and I took him to get it replaced with a 32 OP. He had way too much weight on that wheel! If you want to, you are welcome to stop by our house and get showered, fed and a bike check-over and cleaning. Just PM me. Take care and enjoy your trip,

KD

[Louis]

The first time I read this I thought it was about selling a bike that did not fit...

[chuckred]

Oh man...

He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...

She loses boyfriend, lover, and probably home, but he's going on "the most wonderful" experience he'll ever have...

My tears are flowing for him, too.

Certainly less pain, and tears for both than if they got married thinking that would solve things and finding out, perhaps after kids were involved, that it was the wrong thing to do...

Just 'cause he did the dumping doesn't mean it's not painful for him as well, but sometimes doing what's right hurts. And, many people would not do the right thing because of fearing they would hurt the other, but the hurt of a girl getting dumped is much less than the hurt of a wife with a kid getting dumped! If there was doubt now, he did the right thing!

(Spoken from someone with 21 and 24 year old daughters who have been through their ups and downs!).

[csm]

he posts here, she doesn't. he is the "family" we should side with!

[Fixed]

bro if i were you i would try to keep her as your friend a cat can never have too many imho be safe out there
cheers

[Smiley]

bro if i were you i would try to keep her as your friend a cat can never have too many imho be safe out there
cheers
SPOKEN as a true WISE man

[Bill Bove]

A pink Serotta :banana: What's her phone number? Bangor, Maine? Forget it. Man that is a geographicly undesirable chic if there ever was one.

I'm sorry it had to be so hard on her but it would have only gotten worse if you didn't act when you had. Someday she'll get over you. Or track you down...

[DukeHorn]

Same advisor in the fall (and for the rest of grad school)?

Ai, caramba!!!

[girlie]

The first time I read this I thought it was about selling a bike that did not fit...

That's funny!

[Larry]

Oh man...

He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...

She loses boyfriend, lover, and probably home, but he's going on "the most wonderful" experience he'll ever have...

My tears are flowing for him, too.

You clearly demonstrate a severe lack of compassion for both young people.
Sounds like you have had a destroyed relationship or two in your past.
I hope no children were involved. (for the sake of the children.)

By the way...... he did not dump her. He had the insight to know that ending the relationship was the right thing to do. Take a close look at 55 per cent of the marriages in this country.... Failed!! This guy made an intelligent decision . And, he has made a great decision to get away from it all,
clear his mind, and experience nature from the seat of a bike, instead of a gas-guzzling RV creeping up Trail Ridge Road.

[beungood]

Hey ,It would be more cruel to keep it going when you know it is going nowhere. I went through the same thing and I didn't get my "long ride"! I liked Fixed's idea, keep them as friends something i have managed to do with most of my ex girlfreinds..

[M.Sommers]

Bro, take your bike, head west, get to CA, go to Santa Monica, ride along the path there, get distracted by a hot blonde, fall over, have her and her fairly hot brunette girlfriend give you First Aid, offer them a beer at the Regal Beagle, move in with them, hook up with the brunette while she takes ballerina classes, play cards with e-RICHIE, swoop and Larry Davis who lives upstairs and avoid the cougar who lives two floors up, Lana.

Or move to Ventura, grow some lamb chops and become a private detective atmo

Fixed and Girlie know exactly what I'm referring to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em7mK2N22bo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETuSt8uH0SQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MewdjbV8mGU&feature=related

[SoCalSteve]

Bro, take your bike, head west, get to CA, go to Santa Monica, ride along the path there, get distracted by a hot blonde, fall over, have her and her fairly hot brunette girlfriend give you First Aid, offer them a beer at the Regal Beagle, move in with them, hook up with the brunette while she takes ballerina classes, play cards with e-RICHIE, swoop and Larry Davis who lives upstairs and avoid the cougar who lives two floors up, Lana.

Or move to Ventura, grow some lamb chops and become a private detective atmo

Fixed and Girlie know exactly what I'm referring to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em7mK2N22bo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETuSt8uH0SQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MewdjbV8mGU&feature=related

That happened to me yesterday (and no, I didnt even have to pretend to be gay for Roper).

Just sayin'

Steve

[mosca]

Sorry to hear that, Brother. Lots of turnover in your life recently it seems. If it makes you feel any better, your CSI is very happy in its new digs here in So Cal, and it wants to remain friends, so come on out and take it for a spin anytime. Just promise not to fall over gawking at beach bettys! :D

[itsflantastic]

yes, lots of turn over in my life lately. 2008 has just been a disaster to start, but you know... still got my health :)

On a slightly brighter note about the relationship, we had a really good talk tonight and she agrees with me that it's the best thing for both of us. I went from being hated to being liked again. Nice! She's a great person and I have no intention of ever treating her with anything but the utmost respect.

Anyhow- I'm psyched about my ride to boston. It's funny...my good friend from high school turns 25 sunday, and in honor of that everyone is meeting in Boston to run a 1/2 marathon. Because of my ITBS, I decided to ride there and dedicate the other super long endurance event to him, and just run in the 5k this coming sunday.

I really look forward to having a few days on my bike. this is my first summer without my trusty bruce gordon touring bike, and I'm feelin' it. I think that when I get the $, it will be high priority to get a do-all kind of ride made---maybe a kirk :D ?- you know, wide tire clearance, fenders, a good geo, and sexy lugs...Probably brown, with baby blue panels....mmmmmm

Anyway....those are my thoughts for the evening. I'll be homeless until further notice, but hey---that's OK. I've got a tent, and a whisper lite, and I live in vacation land. I'm really thinking I'll just sleep in the woods until grad school starts.

Thanks again guys, It's weird to have strong feelings for people who only exist to me on a message board, but I do. With all the turmoil the board has seen lately, I gotta say, it's one heck of a special place, and it should survive. It's provided me with a lot of knowledge, resources, advice, insight...etc. etc. . .

aww, shucks.


-dan

[goonster]

Oh man...

He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...


You have a daughter, yes?

[M.Sommers]

Oh man...

He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...

She loses boyfriend, lover, and probably home, but he's going on "the most wonderful" experience he'll ever have...

My tears are flowing for him, too.

Bro, if she joins this Forum, posts about it, we can throw the OP under the bus. In the meantime, he's driving the bus, err bike.

:beer:

[39cross]

Flan Man -

We need dual Youtube postings...Rashomon style. Bangor can do that to you...I lived there once myself.

Have a great trip - it's the nice time of year!

Best,
39X

[William]

You did what you thought was best for you and the relationship. The fact that you’ve both talked it out and agree proves you made the right choice. Get away and clear your head. Drop me a line if you’ll be cruising through Rhode Island. Seriously.



William

[neverraced]

You clearly demonstrate a severe lack of compassion for both young people.
Sounds like you have had a destroyed relationship or two in your past.
I hope no children were involved. (for the sake of the children.)




Thanks for your valuable insights into my life. I didn't say he didn't do the necessary thing, just that he didn't deserve the hero worship.

[M.Sommers]

Thanks for your valuable insights into my life.

I didn't say he didn't do the necessary thing, just that he didn't deserve the hero worship.

How do you know?

How do you know anything about 'him' or 'her'? Mebbe she's a drug addict and he split, mebbe a million things. He left her. That's all we know. Yet you have some cylon-hybrid insight? A dude on our board posted that he's leaving a relationship, he didn't sound brash or bold about it, just gave us the fyi, then he tied-in that he's going for a bike ride.

No judgements coming from me or 99.9% of society. He's going for a bike ride, I wish the cat a safe, happy trip. The OP posted a sincere, cathartic post about how it just won't work out with his girlfriend and you protest, offer sarcasm and salt, "Oh man...He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...She loses boyfriend, lover, and probably home, but he's going on "the most wonderful" experience he'll ever have...My tears are flowing for him, too."

Are you his ex-girlfriend? I mean, really.

How you lept from letter 'A' to 'Z' when the OP offered, "If I had stayed with her through the end of our lease it would have been unfair to her because I knew that it wasn't going to last. Things between us were not bad, but I knew they'd get there because she was not right for me, and I guess I was not right for her. This would hold no matter how much harder either of us tried. I broke the news to her yesterday. I've never personally hurt someone that badly before. So I'm going to make myself scarce for a little while"...your leap is strange, if not bizarre.

You're being highly critical, cynical and judgemental here, atmo x infinity.

[neverraced]

How do you know?

How do you know anything about 'him' or 'her'? Mebbe she's a drug addict and he split, mebbe a million things. He left her. That's all we know. Yet you have some cylon-hybrid insight? A dude on our board posted that he's leaving a relationship, he didn't sound brash or bold about it, just gave us the fyi, then he tied-in that he's going for a bike ride.

No judgements coming from me or 99.9% of society. He's going for a bike ride, I wish the cat a safe, happy trip. The OP posted a sincere, cathartic post about how it just won't work out with his girlfriend and you protest, offer sarcasm and salt, "Oh man...He dumped her and you're worried about his "healing"...She loses boyfriend, lover, and probably home, but he's going on "the most wonderful" experience he'll ever have...My tears are flowing for him, too."

Are you his ex-girlfriend? I mean, really.

How you lept from letter 'A' to 'Z' when the OP offered, "If I had stayed with her through the end of our lease it would have been unfair to her because I knew that it wasn't going to last. Things between us were not bad, but I knew they'd get there because she was not right for me, and I guess I was not right for her. This would hold no matter how much harder either of us tried. I broke the news to her yesterday. I've never personally hurt someone that badly before. So I'm going to make myself scarce for a little while"...your leap is strange, if not bizarre.

You're being highly critical, cynical and judgemental here, atmo x infinity.



My response was to the dewy-eyed poster who spoke of healing and a wonderful journey, and I feel that the hero-worship was a bit unnecessary. I haven't said anything critical, cynical, or judgemental [sic] about the guy who wrote the original message.

[Fixed]

bro it is okay it is part of life
people we touch and touch us make us who we are and become
they are still friends that is the main thing imho
cheers

[M.Sommers]

My response was to the dewy-eyed poster who spoke of healing and a wonderful journey, and I feel that the hero-worship was a bit unnecessary. I haven't said anything critical, cynical, or judgemental [sic] about the guy who wrote the original message.

"My tears are flowing for him (OP) too" isn't sarcastic? Referring to him as, "Dewy-eyed" isn't as well?

Your analysis of the OP and his content, your critical analysis has been highly illogical; you seem to know so much, by what methodology are you making your comments?

[gt6267a]

A forum member talks of a painful time and is receiving supportive comments. I don't see a pedestal or hero worship. Not certain why you are taking a stand here, but I say to both Neverraced and M.Sommers, guys why don’t you let it go. The thread is not about you.

To the OP, About two years ago now, I broke up with a girl with whom I was very close. It was rough on both of us. After taking a break from communicating, we are friends with a great deal of insight into each other. A few times we have wondered how we get along so well as friends but not as lovers. Those have been interesting conversations. Anyway, we are both now dating other people and the advice we give each other is fantastic and insightful. A little exercise sounds like a great way to clear the head and hopefully in time you will be able to enjoy a nice friendship with her.

[neverraced]

"My tears are flowing for him (OP) too" isn't sarcastic? Referring to him as, "Dewy-eyed" isn't as well?

Your analysis of the OP and his content, your critical analysis has been highly illogical; you seem to know so much, by what methodology are you making your comments?


Now you bring up sarcastic. Okay, always a little guilty, and I'm doing my best not to use any on you. But this isn't about the original poster. Can you understand that? "dewy-eyed" refers to a person responding to the original post. I think that distinction eludes you. And I didn't make any "critical analysis" of anything.

[Bruce K]

Guys, please, gt is right, this thread is about itsflantastic and I think most of us were supporting a freind from this community as we would a freind in our daily lives.

We don't know all the details so let's not get off on tangents.

Flan shared and we are just being pals and hopefully not judges.

Itsflantastic, it would be cool if you had a camera with you and occassionally dropped into an internet cafe or such to post pictures and blog entries of your trip.

I, for one, envy the trip (though not necessarily the reason behind it). It's something I would love to do some day.

Again, ride safe.

BK

[M.Sommers]

Guys

Guys = Nice cOdE for 'neverraced'.

:beer:

[shinomaster]

Better to end it now than in two years. I decided not to move in with my last X-GF because I knew I didn't want to get married. It takes courage to break up. Have a beer. :beer:

[taylorj]

Some of my most lovely journeys began as "relationship-recovery" rides! It's a great time to "sleep with mosquitos and bond with trees". Everyone heals, and you will for sure be a different person. Honesty always is best---even when it is hard! May your journey both inside and out be wonderful!