Friendships

[Sandy]

I know that I am too sensitive and that often I simply care too much. I am open, direct, honest, and totally sincere in whatever I say or do. Perhaps too open, too direct, too honest, too sincere, but that is my nature. Sometimes I simply react too quickly. I may get angry if I feel that I or a friend or a family member has not been treated in a manner congruent with my value system- my perspective of what is right and what is wrong, what I believe is kind, sensitive, caring, and what is not, and what I believe is reasonable and what is not. I am remarkably critical of myself and often look at my actions as not being acceptable or wise as opposed to looking at the actions of another in the same manner. I tend to focus too much on a quick remedy to an interpersonal problem, and communicate too much about such, which only worsens the situation. I say what I feel and I do it directly without too much hesitation. That is sometimes not received well by others. If I think that I have been mistreated, I will tell someone that in an open and direct manner.

So what does the above mean? I lost a friendship that was important to me. Obviously more important to me than the other person. I have learned a great deal from it- to be more tolerant and sensitive to the needs, stresses, agendas, focus, time constraints, perspectives, and personal issues of others. To try not to be so sensitive. To realize that we are all different and have different value systems. To be more understanding. To give a person more space. To not try so hard to remedy an existing friendship/relationship problem.

I am genuinely saddened and discouraged by the demise of a friendship that I had. I doubt that it will ever change, as that must be a joint change and not a unilateral one.

Take great care of your friendships dudes and dudettes. They are most important.


Sandy

[Kevan]

hand off the butt, thank you.

Be well my friend. I'm sorry for your loss. Friendships are what make people's lives rich and fulfilled. Losing one can leave a scar. It is one of life's tragedies, everyone experiences. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I guess my point is, it's okay to grieve the death of a friendship. I see you have already started.

[Sandy]

hand off the butt, thank you.

Be well my friend. I'm sorry for your lose. Friendships are what make people's lives rich and fulfilled. Losing one can leave a scar. It is one of life's tragedies, everyone experiences. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I guess my point is, it's okay to grieve the death of a friendship. I see you have already started.

Thanks for the post. I do appreciate it. It saddens me to realize how a genuine friendship/relationship can change so much, and how powerless I am to do anything about it.

Thanks buddy!


Sandy

[e-RICHIE]

atmo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOx5647VRs4)?

[Fixed]

bro I'm sorry for your lose too

[mcteague]

Sandy,

As you already know this just points out the beauty of dogs. Their devotion and companionship lasts as long as they do. Unless Ellen Degeneres gives them away!

Tim McTeague

[Climb01742]

clearly, i don't know the details. but my handful of deep, genuine friendships are amazingly resilient and forgiving. perhaps over time, your friend will return, sandy. if not, maybe that is telling.

[Ginger]

Sandy,
Sometimes we all screw up.

Sometimes we don't treat our dear friends with the same respect and consideration that we pay perfect strangers.

Sometimes it's irreparable

Sometimes it's for the best

Sometimes, that break is needed so a friendship can move forward on a more mature and honest level. This could be such a wakeup call.

Take care Sandy,
Ginger

[gt6267a]

In the line of thinking already presented … I don’t think it’s possible to make a mistake in a relationship. Taking extreme behavior such as violence, verbal abuse, etc, etc, out of the equation, I think its almost impossible for one single action, even a pretty big one, to screw-up a good relationship. I tend to be a bit of a klutz so I know.

The rare times in my life where a relationship has died, though there may have been a proverbial **last straw**, it was coming anyway. I.e. if what was the last straw did not happen, another straw would have found its way to the surface.

I just went through this with a close friend. There was a last-ish straw but there was so much behind it that to say the final disagreement had anything to do with the actual topic would be a lie. No, there were problems unresolved for a long time that had compounded like interest.

My advice to myself, and to you, if the opportunity presents itself for reconciliation and the past is discussed, remember that whatever it is that pushed things over the edge is probably only relevant symbolically.

[Sandy]

Sandy,
Sometimes we all screw up.

Sometimes we don't treat our dear friends with the same respect and consideration that we pay perfect strangers.

Sometimes it's irreparable

Sometimes it's for the best

Sometimes, that break is needed so a friendship can move forward on a more mature and honest level. This could be such a wakeup call.

Take care Sandy,
Ginger

Thanks for your insight and wise advice. I now know that I must do one and only one thing- Leave the individual alone and no longer try to remedy anything. Persistence is unfair to the other party and obviously not desired. The friendship is over and I must simply accept that. That has been made acutely clear to me.


I really appreciate all of the kind advice and sensitivity that you have provided me, here, and in the past. You are a good woman!!


Sandy

[Sandy]

Sandy,

As you already know this just points out the beauty of dogs. Their devotion and companionship lasts as long as they do. Unless Ellen Degeneres gives them away!

Tim McTeague

That is a really beautiful dog. Is he or she a Siberian Husky or an Alaskan Malamute? A little difficult to tell. Please don't say that it is a Chihuahua as I am too smart to be fooled by that!! :) :)


Sandy

[e-RICHIE]

you need some confederate money (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbnj_NSTLE8) atmo.

[Sandy]

You are one weird dude....in a nice sort of a way. :)


Sandy

[mcteague]

That is a really beautiful dog. Is he or she a Siberian Husky or an Alaskan Malamute? A little difficult to tell. Please don't say that it is a Chihuahua as I am too smart to be fooled by that!! :) :)


Sandy
Thanks. She is a 4 year old Siberian Husky.

When I got her I also was convinced by the breeder to take along her brother and I figured they would be good company for each other. She has always been an angel and Loki, her brother, was such a stinker it got me to thinking about the whole girl/boy business.

About age 6 mos he started having seizures so we put him on meds. They worked great for a year but the seizures came back. We were able to keep things in check with only about one seizure a month but slowly things got worse. Soon every week, medication adjustments followed. While the vet and I were working on moving him to a new medication he had massive cluster seizures, which went on for hours, causing brain damage so we had to let him go. This was one year ago.

He was a full of mischief, as his name implies, and though life is easier without him (no more late nights holding him in my lap during and after his attacks) I still miss him terribly. Sorry for bringing all this up but posting that photo started me down this road.

Tim McTeague

[Sandy]

Loki was one gorgeous dog. I love seeing photos of dogs,especially ones which look as well as yours appear in the photos. There was a boxer at the sheter who had a seizure when I was there once. I was surprised by how little those at the shelter knew about what to do- not that I did. I went into his cage and made sure that he did not injure himself and was there for him to reassure him as he came out of the seizure. He had a seizure history. Nice dog....I wonderwhat happened to him.


Sandy

[Sandy]

Thanks for the post. I do appreciate it. It saddens me to realize how a genuine friendship/relationship can change so much, and how powerless I am to do anything about it.

Thanks buddy!


Sandy

Thanks all here who responded and those who sent me personal PMs, one who has never posted on the forum. The above says most of it at this point. I believe I now understand the individual and that person's perspectives, agendas, stresses, focus, .....But to see a relationship/friendship, which you genuinely care about, deteriorate so and understand better how I should interact with the person and not be able to try is frustrating, sad, and discouraging. But that is the reality and that reality will undoubtedly not change as it is not in my control.

I realize that one has only one trip in this life. We both made mistakes. I genuinely am sorry for causing the individual any discomfort or stress. Forgivenness is a beautiful word. I only wish the other party would too!!

Last post on the matter. Thanks!!


Sandy

[e-RICHIE]

Last post on the matter. Thanks!!


Sandy
atmo -


http://www.mixtapetorrent.com/files/fade2black.jpg

[DarrenCT]

rs,

when r u in the greenwich area next? let me know. i'll have the pastries ready.

-d

[maunahaole]

Last post on the matter. Thanks!!



More dog pictures then.

[mcteague]

More dog pictures then.
OK then. More of my huskies "playing" together from 2 years ago. I suppose these photos don't fit the title of this thread though. Despite the appearance they really did not hurt one another. Siberians tend to have a more physical form of play compared with most dogs.

Tim McTeague

[Sandy]

I have never seen two huskies together. Great photos!

I do remember a particular Siberian Husky at the shelter. He was in the end cage by the door. He would give a constant howl which sounded as if he was being beat by a big stick ot something. It was really a crying sound that I will alwys remember. I think I knew what he was screaming about- He wanted to be with his pack.... some pack....he just wanted to be with some other dogs or people....pretty clear to me.....

I have found that huskies can be very vocal dogs. There was one at the shelter that I was warned about....was told that he would growl at you and I better be very careful....Turns out I don't think he was really growling at all in an aggressive manner....in fact all he was doing was vocalizing...his way of communication....neat dog.....i better go to the shelter a lot more....i need it...the dogs need it.....


Siberian Sandy

[Sandy]

More bow wow or more meow meow ( equal opportunity employer) photos please.


Sandy

[e-RICHIE]

More bow wow or more meow meow ( equal opportunity employer) photos please.


Sandy
relentless pooch atmo -


http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1393/749034015_70f4713789_o.jpg

[Sandy]

relentless pooch atmo -


http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1393/749034015_70f4713789_o.jpg

Important question- Does the red jacket hold the little critter together in one piece? Why not just use lugs? :rolleyes:


Simple Sandy

[William]

Loki was one gorgeous dog. I love seeing photos of dogs,especially ones which look as well as yours appear in the photos. There was a boxer at the sheter who had a seizure when I was there once. I was surprised by how little those at the shelter knew about what to do- not that I did. I went into his cage and made sure that he did not injure himself and was there for him to reassure him as he came out of the seizure. He had a seizure history. Nice dog....I wonderwhat happened to him.


Sandy


Not that any dog does very well at a shelter (wanting a family/pack to be with), but Boxers seem to do particularly poor in shelter situations. They are very people oriented. Judging by the way Bruno Boxer follows me around and wants to be with me all the time, I can see why.

Good on ya Sandy. :)



William

[Kevan]

has gone to the dogs.

Sandy, play nice and no sniffing!

[Sandy]

has gone to the dogs.

Sandy, play nice and no sniffing!

I find dogs so much easier to interact with than people. Dogs are great with body communication. They read dogs and humans very quickly. I read dogs pretty well, and up to this point have never had any trouble with the several thosuand dogs that I have handled. Unfortunately I have been going to the shelter very infrequently recently and your post hopefully will start me back on a more frequent basis.

I have told people before- put me in a room with 20 people that I don't know and I will be uncomfortable. Put me in a room with 20 dogs I don't know and I wil be in heaven!

Put me in a room with you......and I will be looking for the exit.....and quickly....


Afraid of the big bad Kevanshire Terrier,


Scared Sandy

[e-RICHIE]

Put me in a room with 20 dogs I don't know and I wil be in heaven!



i saw that on jerry springer atmo.
hey - just kidding.

[csm]

no, I think it was on jerry springer. and it was a trailer.

[Sandy]

no, I think it was on jerry springer. and it was a trailer.

For me it was a phone booth. Everthing went well unil dogs 18,19, and 20- A St.Bernard, a Mastiff, and a very unhappy Pit Bull...... :rolleyes: :)



Sandy

[e-RICHIE]

Everthing went well unil dogs 18,19, and 20- A St.Bernard, a Mastiff, and a very unhappy Pit Bull...... :rolleyes: :)



Sandy
you finished 17th?
very shino of you sandy atmo.

[shinomaster]

you finished 17th?
very shino of you sandy atmo.


Net week I'm in it to win it ATMO... Sandy you will always have a friend in Oregon....not sure about Pennsylvania though.

[Sandy]

Net week I'm in it to win it ATMO... Sandy you will always have a friend in Oregon....not sure about Pennsylvania though.

I know about the friend in Oregon. You know you have a forever friend in MD. All you have to do is ask and I will help you however I am capable...but you know that...

Pennsylvania is a big state. Must be able to find one there......do think think that the lug man would treat me as a friend if I showed up on his doorsteps...and was not eaten alive by his squirrel....sorry....I mean his adorable little dog... :) :) :) :)


Squirrel Sandy

[csm]

sandy I am in PA. you can consider me your friend in pennsylvania.

[Sandy]

sandy I am in PA. you can consider me your friend in pennsylvania.

Thanks friend!!

Your friend in Maryland,


Sandy

[jeffg]

Thanks friend!!

Your friend in Maryland,


Sandy

Hey, what about those friends in California?

You are always welcome in our humble home and to one of my not so humble bikes,

Jeff

[Your_Friend!]

Sandy!

I Will Be Your_Friend

If You Wish!



Love,
Y_F!

[Sandy]

Hey, what about those friends in California?

You are always welcome in our humble home and to one of my not so humble bikes,

Jeff

Well thank you jeffg. Humble homes often have humble people. I like humble people. Humble people don't have to ride humble bikes-They still can be humble.

Humbled every time that I ride,


Sandy

[William]

Sandy,

Not for nuthin, but you have a friend in Rhode Island. Big people, little state. Rhea Basset and Bruno Boxer welcome you with open paws as well. Come on up and we'll treat you to some grindah's, saugies, Awful Awful's, crab cakes and chowdah. Then we'll wash it down with some gansett & Dels.


Your wicked good friends,

William
Rhea (BaaWoo!) Basset
& Bruno Boxer.

[Sandy]

Sandy,

Not for nuthin, but you have a friend in Rhode Island. Big people, little state. Rhea Basset and Bruno Boxer welcome you with open paws as well. Come on up and we'll treat you to some grindah's, saugies, Awful Awful's, crab cakes and chowdah. Then we'll wash it down with some gansett & Dels.


Your wicked good friends,

William
Rhea (BaaWoo!) Basset
& Bruno Boxer.

Thanks!! I would love to see you again and have those paws all over me. The dogs not yours.... :) :)


Sandy

[Sandy]

Sandy!

I Will Be Your_Friend

If You Wish!



Love,
Y_F!


I wish! Thanks!


:) Your_Friend's Friend :)

[Dave B]

Not that anyone would ever want to visit Indiana, but if you happen to get lost and stuck here, i will be more then happy to have you stay with us.

We already are your friends!


http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k240/dnjbradley/random/100_0836.jpg

[Viper]

I know that I am too sensitive and that often I simply care too much. I am open, direct, honest, and totally sincere in whatever I say or do. Perhaps too open, too direct, too honest, too sincere, but that is my nature. Sometimes I simply react too quickly. I may get angry if I feel that I or a friend or a family member has not been treated in a manner congruent with my value system- my perspective of what is right and what is wrong, what I believe is kind, sensitive, caring, and what is not, and what I believe is reasonable and what is not. I am remarkably critical of myself and often look at my actions as not being acceptable or wise as opposed to looking at the actions of another in the same manner. I tend to focus too much on a quick remedy to an interpersonal problem, and communicate too much about such, which only worsens the situation. I say what I feel and I do it directly without too much hesitation. That is sometimes not received well by others. If I think that I have been mistreated, I will tell someone that in an open and direct manner.

So what does the above mean? I lost a friendship that was important to me. Obviously more important to me than the other person. I have learned a great deal from it- to be more tolerant and sensitive to the needs, stresses, agendas, focus, time constraints, perspectives, and personal issues of others. To try not to be so sensitive. To realize that we are all different and have different value systems. To be more understanding. To give a person more space. To not try so hard to remedy an existing friendship/relationship problem.

I am genuinely saddened and discouraged by the demise of a friendship that I had. I doubt that it will ever change, as that must be a joint change and not a unilateral one.

Take great care of your friendships dudes and dudettes. They are most important.


Sandy


Sometimes


Sometimes it's hard
To keep love in your heart
When things don't work out
And you're falling apart

Sometimes it's hard
To take things day by day
When you know how you feel
But you can't quite say

Sometimes it's hard
To lose a friend
When the love is still there
But the relationship ends

Sometimes it's hard
When three little words mean so much
When you held my hand
It was the heart that you touched


(wrote that in 1987 to my High School sweetheart when she dumped me. Man, 20 years time and the poem is memorized for life).

"Comminucate. Communication. It's not a dirty word."
~Bono

PS. Look up the lyrics and the meaning to U2's song 'Kite'. It's cool stuff.

[Sandy]

Not that anyone would ever want to visit Indiana, but if you happen to get lost and stuck here, i will be more then happy to have you stay with us.

We already are your friends!


http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k240/dnjbradley/random/100_0836.jpg

You and I are already friends as you have said. I want to make friends with your dog- seems to be quite comfortable- Beautiful dog.

Do you know why dogs make lousy dancers? Becuase thy have two left feet. :banana: :banana:


Tango Sandy

[mikki]

Viper,


What a beautiful poem. And what a generous heart to share it with us.

[Sandy]

[QUOTE=Viper]Sometimes


Sometimes it's hard
To keep love in your heart
When things don't work out
And you're falling apart

Sometimes it's hard
To take things day by day
When you know how you feel
But you can't quite say

Sometimes it's hard
To lose a friend
When the love is still there
But the relationship ends

Sometimes it's hard
When three little words mean so much
When you held my hand
It was the heart that you touched


(wrote that in 1987 to my High School sweetheart when she dumped me. Man, 20 years time and the poem is memorized for life).

[QUOTE=Viper]


What a beautiful poem. And what a generous heart to share it.

I agree. It really is beautiful and quite meaningful. His high school sweetheart reminds me of the line or lines that Julia Roberts said to the lady in the dress shop in a store who refused to wait on her because of her appearance- something like- "Mistake. Big mistake."

Making my share of mistakes,

Sandy

[Sandy]

I previously said that I was finished with posts about friendship on the thread, but Viper mentioned in a sentence the word that is the most important in any friendship- COMMUNICATION

Whether it be a husband and wife, a boyfriend and girlfriend, a boss and employer, two cyclists who share rides, two business associates,...., it doesn't matter. COMMUNICATION is paramount to a successful relationship. Each must genuinely, sincerely, and actively listen to what the other is saying and feeling. It does not work with one. Communication between two parties, with only one participant, is one participant short and must fail.

In my instance, I made mistakes, clearly. The other individual made mistakes, clearly. I want to communicate with the other individual, but that will probably not happen. That is why I am disappointed and discouraged. I do really feel as if I understand the needs, perceptions, stresses, thinking, focus, and agendas of the other person as I have given it a great deal of time and energy. But it is all meaningless, as I will probably never be able to apply that knowledge- at least with that individual.


Sandy

[Viper]

Bono and his dad never got along. It's an Irish curse of sorts, not to get along with the old man. Bono's mom died when he was young, the dad became a bit bitter of course.

Back in 1999-2000, Bono's dad became very ill, cancer. Not even a rock star can feign his dad's death and it really hit Bono square between the eyes and in the heart.

So on the coast of Ireland, back in 1999, Bono decided to get some fresh air with his children, at the beach. He took his daughters to go kite flying, but the wind was so strong, it pulled the kite from his daughter's hand. Bono went home and wrote this song, a story really, about learning how to let go...just like that kite; about the failure to communicate and knowing that there is no such thing as "good bye" in life.

The opening here says a lot. At this point his Dad was still alive, but terminal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwMdO3HK_ws


And the ending here, from 5:10 into it he says it well. Bono's Dad passed away that day of this concert, back in 2002:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFJsQ5a0g4M

[e-RICHIE]

Bono and his dad never got along.
he wasn't much of a skier either i guess atmo.

[Viper]

he wasn't much of a skier either i guess atmo.

There's not much snow in Ireland. But they can make potato(e)s, beer and the likes of Stephen Roche and Sean Kelly FTW!

[e-RICHIE]

There's not much snow in Ireland. But they can make potato(e)s, beer and the likes of Stephen Roche and Sean Kelly FTW!
atmo - (http://www.obits.com/bono,s.html)

[Viper]

atmo - (http://www.obits.com/bono,s.html)

LOL, anytime I can get in words on the internet about Sean Kelly/Stephen Roche I do so. :)

/Sonny Bono...

How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart?
At the very end, he was still stumping.

What is it about American politics that requires some Republican to prove he's just as much of a tree-hugger as some Democrat?

Despite what environmentalists want to believe, between Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono, I think we're proved trees are non-partisan.

[Louis]

How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart?
At the very end, he was still stumping.

What is it about American politics that requires some Republican to prove he's just as much of a tree-hugger as some Democrat?

Despite what environmentalists want to believe, between Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono, I think we're proved trees are non-partisan.

Ouch - those hurt....

[Samster]

atmo - (http://www.obits.com/bono,s.html)where do you find this shet atmo?