Man, being a dad is hard

[dirtdigger88]

Not that I am complaining, I feel very blessed to be a father of a healthy, happy baby boy- but man it is hard. I was looking over some milage logs from the last few years- I have less than one third my normal milage in YTD. Even if the baby goes to bed early (or a reasonable time) I still have all of my "normal" responisibilites to take care of. When the alarm goes off at 5:30 am so many morning I just do not have the energy to get up and get on the bike. Other mornings my son is awake at 5:30 and I just don't think it is fair to wake my wife up to take care of him while I go for a ride. My wife and I talked about my lack of riding time last night, she was/is VERY understanding about it. She said that she was willing to do what it took to get me my riding time. The problem is that between my job (55-60 hrs a week) and my family, my bike time has gone down to toilet. I am not really sure why I am posting this, maybe just to give props to fathers and mothers who do find the time to ride- maybe I just need to vent to fellow cyclist- I just don't know. Being a father has been the single biggest blessing of my life- just why does it have to come at the expense of saddle time.

Jason

[bostondrunk]

Buy a computrainer, set the crib up next to your bike, and get used to indoor training! At least you have an understanding wife!

[Bruce H.]

"THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The work is hard, the responsibilities are incredible, But the rewards are "AWESOME"
exhausted dad of 21 y/o Elizabeth

P.S. "You are a dad from the day your child is born until the day you die"
Jason Robards from "Parenthood"

[ace007]

You are so right about fatherhood. It's interesting how so many of us - especially men - want to continue doing things we did before we had kids but it is almost impossible. We like to do things that are physical and staying in the house just doesn't match up with what we need. I am a stay at home dad who does most of his riding on a turbo trainer since I can't just dump my daughter off on someone else while I go ride. I figured I either rode my trainer or I wasn't going to be riding much at all. However, I wouldn't give up my job as a dad so I could ride my bike more outside. Granted there is nothing like riding outside but sometimes there things that are more important. Good luck in getting adjusted to new priorities. Trust me, you won't regret it. Keep your fitness up with your trainer if you can and the times you do get out and ride will be that much sweeter.

[va rider]

Jason - I feel your pain. I have a 5yr old boy, 3 yr old boy and 1 month old girl. So, like many other fathers, I have to squeeze my riding in. Frankly, if it wasn't for commuting a couple a days a week, I would barely ride at all.

I used have a bunch of buddies who put lights on their bikes and rode at 9 pm. I joined them once, it was fun, but kind of dangerous.

Life is no longer about you, but instead your child. Years from now when you look back, I doubt anything will matter more to you than the time you had with your child. I doubt you will regret the lack of riding time.

Welcome to the fatherhood club! The early years are incredible, soak 'em up!

[bostondrunk]

thats it, I'm never having kids!! Maybe a basset hound...

[Climb01742]

it's a day by day balancing act. weekdays, work and family tend to get the extra time. weekends i try to get in my rides. lunch at work is an option. riding is tough, schedule wise, but i try to go to the gym at lunch. i also find my rides tend to be shorter, more 60-90 minutes vs. 2-3 hours. but that's ok. like last night, instead of riding, i went to a show at my daughter's summer camp. her face made missing a summer evening ride worth it.

[PhilG]

Just remember-- life is long, childhood is short. My daughter is 20 and away at college and I can ride pretty much when I want. Of course I appreciate the freedom, but believe me I miss my little girl. Now you get to buy those really cool books with the funny stories and gorgeous pictures. Now you get to just hang out with somebody who truly thinks you're neat. You can't know now, but take the word of an old guy, when your boy grows up you will miss those things alot more than you miss riding now.

[davids]

My experience is that it gets easier as they get older, at least in terms of the time obligation - Nothing is harder or more consuming than newborns! Their needs are simple but nearly constant. My 11-year-old daughter can be left on her own for an hour or more (especially if she's still asleep!) while I'm out riding in the morning and my wife runs. Couldn't do that with a 6-year-old, let alone a 6-week-old.

Not only does your child's depedency decrease over time, they become more capable. I love riding with my daughter; It's not great exercise, but that's hardly the point, is it? :)

Of course, parenthood gets more complex as your child gets older, so the time committments may lessen, but necessary parental skills need to increase...

[dave thompson]

Not that I am complaining, I feel very blessed to be a father of a healthy, happy baby boy- but man it is hard......
Jason
Yep, being a Dad is very hard. Enjoy it while you can for they grow up very fast! Before you know it you will be reflecting and asking yourself "Where did that time go?" when your son is grown and gone.

I went through that last year when my 18-year old son became a Marine and I'm going through it again now that he will be going to Iraq in three weeks.

Children are a blessing, often in disguise. They make you pay attention to someone other than yourself, and give far more than you get. The rewards however are unending; the look of love you get from them, when you notice they do things as you do and the phone calls when they're away announcing "Hi Dad, I just wanted to shoot the breeze".

[Elefantino]

Yes, they do grow up fast. But my baby is now a beautiful 12-year-old, 5-foot-7, all legs. She is a swimmer but has discovered cycling through me. She is a huge fan of the Tour — we watch it every night, and I brought her back a bunch of Tour stuff from my trip last year, which she wears along with her Yellowcard and Simple Plan t-shirts — and she has decided that she wants to start road riding as cross-training for swimming. So I bought her first road bike last night, and as soon as it arrives I'll have a new domestique!

Congratulations, keep things in perspective, and all things will work out right!

[geezohwiz]

Congratulations and all the best! :banana:

Echoing the sentiments that have been posted by other Dads, it is one of the greatest, scariest, most challenging, rewarding, exasperating, expensive, exhilirating experiences you will have. It does get easier as they get older in some respects, but it also gets harder in others. When they're 5 and 6 you can't leave them alone to ride, but when they're 13 and 14 you're shuttling them back and forth to this activity and that. No amount of advice on this board or anywhere else will prepare you enough for what lies ahead, but "clip in and enjoy the ride."

One thing that I noticed...a 55 to 60 hour work week is a lot of time. Include commuting time and you're way up there. I was once young and energetic about my career, but now that I'm 45, it's not as important to me as it once was. I have three kids (Boys 16 and 11, Girl 14). I understand the pressure to support the kids and family (college, retirement, nice home, nice car, nice bike), but you may look back on those long hours as hollow accomplishments, time you might have spent on yourself (riding) or your family. Unfortunately in corporate America it's a lot about the appearance of hard work and less about the results. Maybe you'll come to a realization earlier than I did, maybe not, and maybe you love your job so you spend a lot of time on it. Any way you look at it, you'll figure out what works for you. Good luck.

[Frank]

I am a divorced dad who is fortunate enough to have the most wonderful nine year old daughter in the world (bias admitted!) living with me. She and I have lived together for two years now, and my riding time has indeed decreased dramatically. In fact, when she was gone to my former in-laws (great people) for two weeks recently I rode every day but the 3 where I mowed the grass. In fact, I rode more in that two weeks than I rode the entire last 6 months of 2003!

That said, I am the luckiest man in the world! How many dads (especially divorced ones) get to spend so much time together and have such a close relationship with their daughter? While I would never have wanted my daughter to be without both parents at home, I am truly blessed to have her.

Where I have not done a good job with regard to riding is that I have not made efforts to schedule it into my time and have not kept a good balance as far as riding. It has been feast or famine...mainly famine...but riding is great for me both physically and mentally, and I am better off when I do it. I realized when I was riding the two weeks she was gone how much I love riding and how much I had missed it!

Getting the bike shined up and tuned up and ready for the ride...rolling down the driveway and heading out of the neighborhood toward lightly traveled roads where the only sounds are nature and the singing of your tires on the road...noticing how you and the bike blend together and how shifting and pedaling begins to happen with no thought to it...how the miles click by and there is no sense of time spent riding...rolling back into the driveway with that tired but satisfied feeling of having exercised and knowing you can still get out and push hard when you want to...I love it!!!!!!

I have committed to scheduling more riding time and I think we will both be the better for it. That will have to wait a few days, however, as my daughter and I head off for a short vacation together. Wonder if I could find a road bike somewhere while she is riding the "Killer Coaster"...?

[William]

It’s a wonderful, crazy, sleep deprived time of your life. When my son was born in 98, my career racing went right down the tubes. Saddle time was nil. Then our daughter was born in 2000 and that kept riding to a minimum. We didn’t have family close and we didn’t want to put the kids in daycare, we were lucky enough to have flexible work schedules that we could work with. Can you say, “tag team”. That also meant minimal free time. But the time we gained to be able to be with our kids I wouldn’t trade for anything.
I found other ways to work out and rode on the rare occasions that I could. Now my kids are 6 and 3 years old and I’m finally able to get more time out riding. I’m actually seriously thinking of getting back into the racing scene. My son is hooked on cycling and can name all of the big guns on sight. It’s something we can enjoy together. On the weekends I usually get up very early and go ride. By the time I get back to the house my son has his gear on and is watching out the window for me to pull up. He’s out in a flash on his bike (with training wheels) and we “race” around the neighborhood.
Kids are sooooo much fun, and they are only young once. The time you spend with them now is gold. The rest is just details. You’ll have time to take care of the details later.

William

[jeffg]

I am also new to fatherhood (my son is now 8 months!) and balancing a demanding new job (often 60-80+ hours). I can't really decide whether my addiction to my trainer (Cardgirus) stems from the riding around NYC, which can be nice but certainly not NorCal quality, or whether it's just that I can't see heading out for that long every weekend (assuming I have it off) to ride. I generally get in one 3-4 hour ride outdoors if all falls into place ...

On the up side, I have traveled over two weekends to do rides back in CA, and am faster (3 hours faster than last year in 2 DCs :banana:)! I would rather be riding more and more slowly in the Santa Cruz Mountains, but the fatherhood part is just amazing! Three bananas so far! :banana: :banana: :banana:

[Ken Lehner]

Work. Family. Training.

Pick two.

(46 year old father of two daughters, ages 6 and 1)

[Kevan]

My son Tucker is now 13 and regardless of what he believes, he needs me more now than ever before. My “weekend warrior” excursions for 3-4 hours every Saturday morning are becoming a thing of the past. If I’m out of the house when he wakes up, he’s often out the door himself and skateboarding with a buddy for the rest of the day. I’m coming to the realization that any “edge” I might hold on riding talent is going to have to slip by the wayside for the benefit of my son. That’s how it should be, I believe. I try to get out 2 times early in the morning during the week, but the best I get from those romps is maybe 15 miles each time. I do try to get a 50+ miler and a 25-30 “quicky”, but I have to keep in mind what’s best for him, not me. Usually the shorter weekend ride blows away.

So how do you do it? Find a common interest for one. I don’t skateboard; the damn things terrify me. So we search for the common ground. I’m still hoping to get him on a bike, dangle the carrot, but don’t get a whole lot of interest as yet.

And I have a 17 year old daughter too, Brennan. Gotta give her time too, but in many ways we find our time together that works for us.

[dirtdigger88]

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far. I have enjoyed all the posts. It is good to know that I am not the only one in this boat. I for one can not wait for the day that Ryan wants to go for a ride with his dad. For those out there without kids, don't let my comments scare you away. Fatherhood has been the best experience of my life, I would not trade it for anything. No matter how crappy or long my day was, comming home and holding my baby makes it all seem so insignificant. How can something so small have such an overwhelming hold on your heart and mind? Thanks again

Jason

[vaxn8r]

I've got 4 kids. With the addition of each one my mileage dropped to about 1,500 miles a year. Not that it get's easier but the first year is by far the hardest so you have some hope there. I've always bounced back.

[Kahuna]

It's all about careful planning and tag-teaming with your spouse. That is, if you're fortunate enough to have a spouse who understands the importance of excersize. This can work quite well on the weekends if you take turns watching the little one while the other goes out and does their favorite excersize. My wife and I generally divide the day into thirds where we each get our excersize in. The rest of the day we spend together doing activities as a family with our 18-month old toddler. It works out quite well.

The tough part is during the work week and that's where I've been fortunate to have a job that allows me to ride during the middle of the day. I can usually take a long lunch 2 or 3 days a week and make up the time on the back end. Maybe you can arrange something like this with your employer.

One of my teammates has 2 children and is still a very competitive Cat II racer and has been an inspirational influence to me. His advice when I first became a dad was "early mornings are your friend". Again, it all depends on having a spouse who's willing to help but at the same time you have to be willing to reciprocate. I make it a priority to see that my wife has enough time for her favorite activities and then when it comes to my turn, she's been very accomodating.

I wouldn't trade being a dad for the world. Raising my little girl has been the best experience of my life and it keeps getting better and better.

-K

[Len J]

and being a good parent is just as much as choice as not being one.

It sounds like you've got it right and are making good choices.

There are other choices between riding or not riding, for instance, is there other time in your week where you are not being a parent, or working, that you may be able to give up to ride? (Commute, after the kids are asleep trainer time, etc.) When my kids were young (before my wife left) I would get up on a Saturday and be on the road by 6:15 am, get a 3 + hour ride in and be home and showered by 10:00am....still plenty of time to spend the day with the kids.

It is about balance, and making sure you know which prioities are more important.......to this day (And my 4 kids are now 19 to 24), my kids know that, even if I'm out on a ride, all they have to do is call, let the cell ring twice, and then immediatly call back, and I'll answer, wherever I am. It's our "I need you" signal & I've never ignored it and never will.

Remember, having children was a choice, so is good parenting. It will go by faster than you can imagine. Enjoy it while it's here. As a non-custody parent, I would have killed to have been part of all those little moments that most take for granted. You can always ride later, you can't parent later.

Len

[DWF]

Being a father has been the single biggest blessing of my life- just why does it have to come at the expense of saddle time.
Jason
Just drag the little anklebiter along with you! I never saw either of my kids as a handicap, we always did the same stuff we ever did. I think the biggest obstacle you have to overcome is your own fears. Kids are tough as hell and don't need to be babied near as much as our culture would have you believe.

It was happy days for me when my son made the transition from Barney-cart to tag-along bike. He was doing parts of the Colorado Trail with me on his tag-along when he was 3. He loved it! A little terrifying when he fell off, but he was never hurt, always had a helmet on and appropriate clothing. I taught him basic mountaineering skills and rapelling when he was 5, and that year he made it up & down his first 14'er (14,000-foot mountain), Mount Democrat, under his own power. He did his first MTB race at 7. Completed the full distance of the Monarch Crest MTB ride (32-miles of mountain singletrack at high altitude) at 10, and completed his first "fairly hard" (Elephant Rock) road century this year at 13 in much better shape than me. Looking back, I think he could have done all of that at an earlier age if I hadn't been the one to hold him back.

He's now 5'7" @ 135 and can now drop me like 3rd period French on the steep climbs. His technical riding ability has surpassed mine on the MTB with his trials skills and fearless approach to technical challenges and big drops. The only place I can still punish him is on the flats and long gradual climbs. Now when we ride MTB's, I always make sure we ride to the trailhead and I wear his butt out on the flats so we can actually ride together on the trail. On the road, I don't let him draft me, I make him work for every mile. Old age & treachery!

Here's a pic of him when he was 8 and we were coming back from a ride on the Colorado Trail: http://tinyurl.com/4e257. Here's one of him on the bike now: http://tinyurl.com/5p9h8, and here's one of him after he won a bet by carrying a 25-pound rock to trailhead to treeline on Mt. Elbert this past weekend: http://tinyurl.com/4j5fl. I only hope he doesn't see me as a handicap as I get older. :)

[Johny]

I only hope he doesn't see me as a handicap as I get older. :)

We may ask ourselves how we treat our parents... :)

[Johny]

I am also new to fatherhood (my son is now 8 months!)

My son was born last Nov. 17th. He is getting bigger and also interacts with us more now. It is really fun.
:beer:

[Kevin]

Kids are great. Enjoy them while you can. Set up the trainer and learn that cycling can be done at 5 in the morning while you watch the news and read the paper. The kids may even wander down and eat their cerial while you change the news channel to PBS. A few years later you can ride with the kids outside. It is customary for the kids to beat the old man to every town sign. It makes them laugh at how slow dad has become.

Kevin

[William]

It is customary for the kids to beat the old man to every town sign. It makes them laugh at how slow dad has become.

So true. :)
My son already has the Cippo salute down pat. :D

I need to work with him on riding etticate like:

A.) Don't run daddy into the gutter.:D
B.) Don't jam on the brakes at the front of a two man pace line. :D :crap: :D

I love it!! :D

William

[J.M. White]

You've a lot to look forward to. My 9 y/o son and 8 y/o daughter already love biking. They have their own jerseys and gloves, and my son has a poster of Lance in his room. Our short (for now) rides are great fun and provide great shared experiences. I love it when my kids ask if I will ride with them--I can hardly wait until we begin those 20-30 mile rides together. I wish you the same joy. Good luck.

[wwtsui]

Take heart -- imho, fatherhood becomes a lot more rewarding after the infant stage. I'd agree with the posts that suggest trying to find ways to include the kids in this activity -- though in our case, that has really only worked with one of the two. I strongly recommend a trailer bike when the time comes -- it greatly extends the range that kids can ride, plus it has the added benefit of increasing your exercise load when the kid doesn't feel like contributing ;-) ! (fwiw, I think the Burley and Yakima mounting systems for trailer bikes are far superior to the ones that just mount to the seatpost.)

Anyway, get some sleep, and hang in there! The journey is definitely worth it!