Sandy Tour Conspiracy Theory

[Dr. Doofus]

Samuel Dumolin had to pull out with a broken elbow. The cause? A DOG ran pell-mell into the peloton a few days ago, causing a pileup.

Has our own Hundmeister Sandy, sick of the drug scandals and AL bikes, trained a multilingual pooch hit squad to take the young, skinny guys out one by one?

The truth is out there....

[Sandy]

You are quite perceptive. The truth is out there and I am going to let you, and only you, know about Sophisticated Serotta's Sandy's evil intent. The little dog that took down one of those horrible skinny little guys was only a test to help me reach my ultimate goal- Eliminate the ENTIRE peleton, with one dog, ALL at the same time.

I admit that I have a dislike for those horrible skinny little guys. I am 6 feet and this year my weight has been 215-225. How do you think I feel when I see a 155 pound 6' Tour rider?? It makes me angry, really angry, hostile, really hostile, insane, really insane,.....

So here is what Sophisticated Serotta Sandy has done: I have developed Peleton Pulverizer Petey. I started with a border collie for easy training. Then I added a greyhound for speed. Next was a Borzoi for its ability to jump. Then a pit bull for its tenacity, jaw strength, ahtleticism, and ability to take pain. Next came the Rottweiler for body strength. Then I added different mastiffs for size. I added the secret KFC formula and Sophisticated Serotta Sandy had developed a very large, fast, bright, and tenacious dog, that was ready, willing and able.

But, by that time, my hatred for those little runts, had reached a real passion and my 280 pound monster killer dog was not enough. So I went down to a cattle ranch in Texas and added in the largest, fiercest bull that I could find. Now I had all that I wanted- Peleton Pulverizer Petey- 2.5 tons of 4 legged nastiness and fury.

So when the time comes, in the next few stages of the Tour, Petey will do his job- One massive attack on the whole damn peleton and they all will be gone, with the exception of the one good guy in the group- The 212 rider, who I can identify with. Peleton Pulverizer Petey will be careful not to take him out in all the carnage. They will leave together, Petey and my 212 pound friend, on Petey's back- on the way to the podium in Paris. Petey on top, my friend on one side, and a picture of Sophisticated Serotta Sandy on the other side.

The world is a beautiful place. :D



:) Petey and Sandy :)

[Kevin]

Sandy,

When are you going to introduce Petey to Kevan?

Kevin

[Sandy]

As soon as I can convince Kevan to wear the jersey with the "I am the Peleton" on the front and back.

Petey and Sandy

[Kevan]

walking Petey the other day, in fact. I just assumed that Petey was Sandy's twin brother, but I did think it rather odd that he had his brother on a leash.

...I would have thought it should be the other way around. :D

[bostondrunk]

I can recommend (or at least tear out a bunch of yellow pages listings of) a good psychologist for you Sandy, help is out there, you don't have to live your life as an insane Serotta junkie, riding your french fit bike like a madman...

[Sandy]

When I was picking dogs to produce Petey, I thought seriously about a Scottish Terrier. It is feisty, tough, and doesn't back down to anything. But then I thought about you, and decided no. I was afraid that he might start drinking and not be able to focus on his assigned job.


Scotch Scottie Sandy

[Dekonick]

you could add some Akita for discipline. - just keep the sake locked up.

[Sandy]

Actually, I have called many psychologists and psychiatrists for appointments, but for some reason I just don't get the job done. I call and ask to speak to the doctor or psychologist and after briefly telling him or her about my problems, I ask for an appointment. A date is given, I get so excited that I start barking with joy, and boom- a loud bang, and no one on the phone. Why?? Help me Bostondrunk please, during one of your sober moments.

Bow Wow Bow Wow Bow Wow Bow Wow Sandy

[Kevan]

We simply haven't, and maybe can't, cured all man's ailments. :rolleyes:

[Sandy]

Buddy,

Please do me a favor. If they finally cure all of man's ailments, please call my vet so that perhaps he can use the same meds on me. Thanks!


Saluki Sandy

[Dekonick]

I hear that if you eat enough Krispy Kreme's that all ailments will heal themselves. :rolleyes:

[Sandy]

:) :)

[Sandy]

I could have added the Akita for remarkable loyalty also. Would have been an excellent choice. The only really poor choice would have been the Kevanhound. My attack animal would have cowered and fled from almost anything if I mixed that mutant puny dog into the mix.


Bow Wow Sandy

[Kevan]

the Kevanhound has this annoying habit of trying to piss on Sandy's shoe.

Keep'm comin' bud! :D