Way OT: My girl has gone to college

[Bud_E]

My wife and I just got back from NY where we moved our youngest daughter into her freshman dorm. We got her settled there successfully -- her dorm room is terrific ( it has a stunning view of the city looking north from the East Village ) and the school ( Cooper Union ) seems terrific as well. We are back in L.A. and I'm already missing my daughter terribly.

I was wondering if there were others on this discussion board who have sent their children off to distant colleges and how do you cope ?

[thwart]

Yep, just today. Easier for us as she's going to an institution that's quite close-by, UW-Madison. Tears were shed, nonetheless.

One phase of parenting ends and another begins.

Although---remember---she'll likely be home next summer... :p

[gasman]

Yep- my daughter just left for college about 2 weeks ago to start the freshman orientation-just an hour south of UW Madison-at a small college called Beloit.
We miss her a lot but speak on the phone frequently and e-mail often. She is loving it which makes it all easier. We'll see how she likes it all at finals time.

[SayHey]

I can empathize for sure. My oldest daughter is a junior now, and started in a school 6 time zones to the east of me (read 'far away'). She's now 6 time zones to the west of me studying abroad in Australia for a semester.

You asked, 'How do you cope?'. I think first for me it was continue to talk it through with my wife. Fortunately, today there are many ways to stay in touch -- email, IM, letters, as well as cell phone. So second, we had to learn what was the best way to stay in touch (it was a combination of methods for us) as well as the appropriate frequency.

That first year is really challenging for the students as well as the parents. It continues to get better after the first few months. It's gratifying to see your kids spread their wings, take on new challenges, and thrive. Your daughter will do the same, especially at such a great school.

Our second daughter is a senior in HS now and is looking at going to school far away too. It will be easier for her because of her personality and her general makeup (and probably for us because we've been through it once). It's a learning experience for us as parents as well as our young adult children heading off to college ... a good experience too! Give yourself a few months and you'll likely continue to grow closer to your daughter as she begins this new, exciting chapter in her life (and you in yours).

Regards ... Ray

[Dekonick]

Buy a new Serotta :)

[stevep]

make her room the bike room...
tell yr wife you have the forum seal of approval.

my kids both went 7 hrs away to cornell... long freakin drive...
it makes vacation/ summer better than ever... cause they come back more appreciative of what a family is.

good growing up experience for both of you.

[Bruce K]

We dropped our son off for his freshman year at Daniel Webster College last Friday.

2 days of Parent Orientation and hugs were shared late Saturday afternoon.

His classes started Tuesday and his first flight was yesterday (He is a Flight Operations major, ie he wants to be a commercial pilot).

Other than a couple of phone calls ("Can I buy a refrigerator?"), and an e-mail or two ("STOP CLEANING MY ROOM!" and "Yes, you can throw out the broken printer.") it has become VERY quiet here.

We are trying very hard to not become "Helicopter Parents" (they hover).

Not planning any major purchases to compensate.

BK

[stevep]

We dropped our son off for his freshman year at Daniel Webster College last Friday.

2 days of Parent Orientation and hugs were shared late Saturday afternoon.

His classes started Tuesday and his first flight was yesterday (He is a Flight Operations major, ie he wants to be a commercial pilot).

Other than a couple of phone calls ("Can I buy a refrigerator?"), and an e-mail or two ("STOP CLEANING MY ROOM!" and "Yes, you can throw out the broken printer.") it has become VERY quiet here.

We are trying very hard to not become "Helicopter Parents" (they hover).

Not planning any major purchases to compensate.

BK

hey bruce,
can i store bike stuff in his room?
if so i'll need to put a lock on the door to keep you away from it.
hey, hes only an hour away man. you can still drive him nuts.

[Bruce K]

I don't know Steve, the storage fees might get pricey.

You'd have to negotiate with him and I hear he wants a new campus bike.

It seems someone was dissing his Cannondale cross bike on the Serotta Forum.

BK

[myette10]

I put my first child on the bus to kindergarten yesterday and cried like a baby, so I can relate, although he was home by 3:00 pm and none worse for the wear. Man I love my kids.

[Fixed]

our kids ...a mix of emotions ... highs and lows... I can't imagine what it would be without them ..a lot of cats think kids should thank us ..I think we should thank them ....for giving us life ..
cheers

[JohnS]

I put my first child on the bus to kindergarten yesterday and cried like a baby, so I can relate, although he was home by 3:00 pm and none worse for the wear. Man I love my kids.
What the heck does a kindergartner put in a backpack that big? It can't be his lunch... :confused:

[dirtdigger88]

my little one started pre school this week :eek:

here is how a got a few miles in this summer- like my high tech riding shoes


Jason

[Fixed]

bro you are a shape dresser that's the stuff i wear well except for the shoes
cheers that looks like fun for both

[Jeffie]

A few of my friends sent their kids off to college over the past few weeks. I can't imagine what that must feel like.

I also sent my little girl off to pre-school this past week. The ice cream man was in the neighborhood after she got home from her first day. I'm glad I had a camera with me.

As we all know, life is short, enjoy each moment.

[Ray]

Our older daughter left for college last year in Olympia, WA - we're in the Philly area. So, yeah, pretty far away. It was a lot less hard than we thought it would be. We missed her, but she was really happy there and it made it pretty easy knowing she was in a good place. We still have a lot of friends from when we lived in Seattle who she could call if she needed to, so that helped some. She even spent Thanksgiving with one of them. But we still had one at home, so life was only a little different for us.

In another two weeks, she's flying back out to Washington and I'm delivering our youngest to the music conservatory at Cincinnati (she's a damn fine pianist, which nobody can understand - no OTHER talent in our family?). Not AS far away, but still far enough that she won't be coming home to do her laundry. We're a bit more nervous about her, because she's the baby and doesn't improvise or handle the unexpected nearly as well as her older sister. But she's really ready to go and, frankly, we're ready for her to. We couldn't love her any more than we do, but little babies evolved into being cute so people would take care of them and they'd get to grow up. And I think teenagers are a pain in the butt so that we'll push them out of the house and they can really start to grow up. Our younger daughter needs to bump into the world and learn some lessons that we're too damn nice to teach her. She won't have as easy an adjustment as her big sister, but it'll be good for her and I'm sure she'll ultimately do fine.

Maybe I'm wrong and we'll freak out once they're both gone, but my wife and I are really kind of looking forward to it. We'll see them at Christmas and next summer, but it feels like time for all of us to move into the next phase. We'll cry a little when we say goodbye and drive away, but I expect we'll all do fine.

-Ray

[Ray]

Yep- my daughter just left for college about 2 weeks ago to start the freshman orientation-just an hour south of UW Madison-at a small college called Beloit.

You know what sound a nickel makes when you drop it in the toilet?

"BELOIT".

I'm not being disrespectful - my best friend from high school went there and that was the local joke. Neat school, or at least it was 30 years ago. Jeeeeez, I can't believe that was 30 years ago.

-Ray

[thwart]

our kids ...a mix of emotions ... highs and lows... I can't imagine what it would be without them ..a lot of cats think kids should thank us ..I think we should thank them ....for giving us life .. Thanks for that thought, Fixed. Words of wisdom.

[Kevan]

son is a senior still in high school. We love having them both home together for the summer, but we're liking it a bit more when they are busy with school. I move my daughter into her apartment tomorrow. Good thing too, the mud room is currently packed with 6 bikes. She'll be taking two with her. Good thing too, the place was turning into a fire hazard in terms of escape.

[spiderman]

we take our eldest of three daughters to st olaf
this saturday. she has all of her earthly possessions
packed into the suburban and is ready to go...
we were standing in her pristine room last night
and i asked her what we should do with it.
...a guest room just for her...
is what she wants right now.
knowing she has 'her place'
will help her stretch out more confidently on her own.

[TiGuy]

Two stories from my daughter’s freshman year:

I moved my daughter into her dorm (delivering a “do great things and make us proud” talk I had actually rehearsed, that elicited the hoped-for tears and hug). Two weeks later, 9-11 happened. Coincidentally, I had a meeting scheduled for that day in the college town. I was asked if I wanted to cancel. No, I responded. I held the meeting, then found my daughter and we had dinner together, sorted through the events of the day, and I safely re-deposited her into her dorm. We still talk about how important that dinner was – to both of us.

Near the end of her freshman year, she called to say she was coming home for the weekend because she wanted to talk to her Mom and me about something important. (Uh-oh!) So, we’re off on a long walk with the dog, when she says she thinks she’s made an important decision. (Long pause. Dad braces for the bad news.) “I think I want to transfer into engineering.” (Dad resumes normal respiration.) “Great. You’ll be teriffic.”

Now, she’s got a great job as an engineer, bought a condo a mile from our home and invites herself over three days a week for dinner and long walks. Life is good…

[Ti Designs]

When my oldest brother went away to school it was a big deal. We packed up the station wagon and drove 8 hours there and 8 hours back. The next oldest went to the same school, so my parents gave him the station wagon and he was on his way. My sister moving out was another big deal, and it was only 4 hours away, so we all made the trip. When I went to school my parents gave me bus fare...

[Ken Robb]

You know what sound a nickel makes when you drop it in the toilet?

"BELOIT".

I'm not being disrespectful - my best friend from high school went there and that was the local joke. Neat school, or at least it was 30 years ago. Jeeeeez, I can't believe that was 30 years ago.

-Ray
when I dated a girl there in the 60's they called it the "Dump on the Hump". I was commuting from Northwestern to see her and I thought it was a pretty campus.

[Ken Robb]

I'm surprised nobody mentioned how much fun it is having an excuse to visit a kid at school and let her show off her campus and town. For a student in NYC the possibilities are endless and she will really get a kick out of showing the parents what a sophisticated urbanite she has become.

Possibilites in Beloit should be good for a couple of visits anyway. :)

[Bart001]

When my oldest brother went away to school it was a big deal. We packed up the station wagon and drove 8 hours there and 8 hours back. The next oldest went to the same school, so my parents gave him the station wagon and he was on his way. My sister moving out was another big deal, and it was only 4 hours away, so we all made the trip. When I went to school my parents gave me bus fare...

I have 4 kids too, and they sympathize with you. However, the youngest is the only daughter, so she seems to earn special dispensation and is not truly lowest on the totem pole.

My oldest has been 3000 miles away (Los Angeles) at school for just shy of 3 years now. It did take a lot of getting used to but, like everything else, you get used to it. It's been great for his maturation. I happen to like So. Cal., so I fly out there every so often to visit, take him out to dinner, and catch some music or something.

What's especially interesting is to watch how their relationships with the family and their high school friends change the first few times they come home. This actually troubled my son quite a bit, as he didn't quite know why he was feeling that way; it caught him off guard.

[Kevan]

I'm surprised nobody mentioned how much fun it is having an excuse to visit a kid at school and let her show off her campus and town. For a student in NYC the possibilities are endless and she will really get a kick out of showing the parents what a sophisticated urbanite she has become.

Possibilites in Beloit should be good for a couple of visits anyway. :)

after I set up my daughter's computer and stereo I look forward to sitting back hangin' with roommates, listen to tunes, and talk about food, movies, and how we're gonna change the world. Instead, my wife grabs my hand and drags me from my past. Damn!

[PBWrench]

I dropped my daughter off at Indiana University last week. Surprisingly few tears -- she is very ready. Still she's my little girl (I have another one who is only 10 though). It was actually harder for me when I dropped my son off at Madison 2 years ago (he is a Junior now). He is my buddy, and now everytime I want to watch sports on TV it costs me points with my wife, as opposed to my winning points for spending quality time with my son. All in all it's toughest for my 10 year old who now has to endure our all of our attention for the next 8 years. Nowhere to hide. That's a scary thought! We've got lots of room to store your bikes at our house as long as they are 58-60 cm and Campy-equipped.

[davids]

Another milestone for us this year, neither kindergarten nor college:

After nine years at the same school, my daughter starts high school at a new school next week. Nine years of us chauffeuring her to & from school, to & from playdates, etc. came to an end. Now she's getting on the subway, by herself, and venturing out into the big, bad city.

School actually starts on Tuesday, but she started practicing with the soccer team last week (Red line to Central Square, and then a mile down Magazine Street to the field...), traveled on her own to & from school in the Back Bay yesterday, and is heading off to meet new friends in Newton right now. She'll be home in time for dinner, she promises.

This is a whole new level of independence and for me, it's simultaneously great and horrible. And I know (intellectually, at least) that this is just a taste of what lies ahead.

[Bobbo]

our kids ...a mix of emotions ... highs and lows... I can't imagine what it would be without them ..a lot of cats think kids should thank us ..I think we should thank them ....for giving us life ..
cheers


And how....Kids are God's angels. Sending them to be with us is proof of His love.

[myette10]

What the heck does a kindergartner put in a backpack that big? It can't be his lunch... :confused:
I told him he could pick whatever back pack he wanted and he picked the one that came with the free hot wheels car. There is lots of extra space in there, it only needs to hold lunch and a towel for rest time.

[tch]

I have a son at Willamette U. in Oregon (we live in NW Ct) and just dropped our daughter in Boston at Tufts. Life alone is definitely a different phase (we have some experience b/c our daughter boarded at a private school about an hour away for the last three years), but it's all part of the larger adventure of life.
Two things I've always tried to keep in mind as a parent:
1) it's not about me.
2) the ideal end as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.

When they get to college, you're getting closer to #2.

[djg]

I don't know that I can even cope with the notion of coping. My eldest daughter is 10, and about to start her last year of elementary school, and her twin sibs are 5, and just about to start kindergarten. My wife is getting misty about the coop pre-school/kindergarten transition. Me, not so much, but the idea of them taking off for good is still mind boggling.

[Bud_E]

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. It's amazing how we share so many common emotions. Fixed - you're right on.

make her room the bike room...
tell yr wife you have the forum seal of approval.

my kids both went 7 hrs away to cornell... long freakin drive...
it makes vacation/ summer better than ever... cause they come back more appreciative of what a family is.

good growing up experience for both of you.

I was joking that we would find a better replacement kid to move into her room.

We already have plans to see her in about 7 weeks on the way back from our vacation. My wife talked to her this morning and suggested maybe going there in 3 weeks for a short visit. My daughter said "It's okay -- just come in 7 weeks" . I guess she's handling the separation anxiety much better than we are.

[Bruce K]

Hopefully that will be the case for us all (that they handle it better than us).

tch - you are right on target.

I will have to keep remembering those 2 simple rules.

BK