OT: I feel your pain...

[Kevan]

To any of you who have experienced losing your mother, I now understand just how painful the experience can be. I'm down here in Palm Coast Fl right now dealing with the recent death of my own mom. I hope no one takes exception with my isolating a mother's death as more devastating than any other family member's, but I'm new to this and I'm not doing as well as I had hoped I could manage it. I never imagined the pain could be this bad. At the saddest moments, usually before and just after bedtime, when I stare up at the ceiling, I imagine all the other human beings who have had to face the death of a parent, sibling or child. The pain has forever transformed me.

I'm working out this situation with my sister and father and we have been terrific support for one another. The rest of the family at large is about to descend upon us in the next couple of days. In the meantime, I keep up with my stupid jokes, annoy my sister in a brotherly way, and give my dad the shoulder he has always given me.

Sorry for the downer thread, but you folk are part of that family of mine.

[Ray]

Very very very sorry, Kevan. As hard as it is, it MIGHT help to know that lots and lots of people have been through it and it always hurts a lot, no matter how 'prepared' you think you are for it. Time helps - not much else does. Just be there for your family and let them be there for you and you'll get through it. In time, you'll mostly stop thinking about the difficult end of her life and get back to spending time remembering the good times and that helps too. But it takes a while.

In the meantime, hang in there and know your forum pals are with you in spirit.

-Ray

[soulspinner]

Happened to me. Hang in man. Lots of memories will come over you in time. God bless....so sorry for your loss.

[Fixed]

bro i'm sorry for you ..i'll never get over the loss of my grandmon who was like my mom . my real mother was a singer she left my dad for a drummer when i was born we never heard from her again .. my dad passed away 10 years ago he could fix anything and almost fixed me i miss him a lot my best friend. but grandmom was the rock i'll always have a hole in my heart where she use to live .i feel your pain bro
butch

[djg]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a struggle that's at once common to nearly everyone and different for nearly everyone. It's hard to know what will come when. Our thoughts are with you.

Dan

[Ginger]

Kevan,
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
It takes a long time to deal with. I lost my mom in '96 and I still think of her every day. But it gets a bit better. You'll spend a lot of time in the next few days with the extended family remembering the good times. Laugh loud.

Mary Ann

[thwart]

My condolences, Kevan. Thanks for reminding us that we should spend time with those we love today, as none of us know what tomorrow brings.

[darylb]

I have lost both of my parents now. My mom 11 years ago and my dad just a couple of months ago. Although everyone and every situation is different but I have an idea of what you are feeling.

Without goint into great detail, all I can say is that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I will also say that it is very important to make sure you dont run from the pain. Get help if you need it. I didnt the first time around and paid dearly. I stayed angry for a very long time. Group therapy is typically offered by some fantastic organizations.

Hang in there.

[Bill Bove]

Honor your mom by picking up her good habits and traits. Was she a generous women? everytime you make a donation she will be right there with you. did she enjoy a good joke? Laugh and she's beside you. Be her son and you'll be a great parent to your kids..

[Len J]

Honor your mom by picking up her good habits and traits. Was she a generous women? everytime you make a donation she will be right there with you. did she enjoy a good joke? Laugh and she's beside you. Be her son and you'll be a great parent to your kids..

that you had her as long as you did. Mine died when I was 17.

As the grief receeds the good memories will remain.

Thoughts and prayers with you & your family.

Len

[Karin Kirk]

Hang in there Kevan. We'll all pulling for you and thinking about you.
Hope you get to spend some good times with the family in these couple days.

-Karin

[BumbleBeeDave]

I know what you are going through. I lost both my parents this past spring within 8 weeks of each other. Keep your chin up and just try to do what you know would have made HER proud of you and you can't lose.

I had to arrange two funerals this past spring and handle all the other details. It's daunting but I learned a lot. Check your PM's and give me a call if you need any help!

We're all thinking about you and pulling for you!

BBD

[Fixed]

bro imho we are all bros when comes to loss and pain
cheers

[rwsaunders]

Our thoughts are with you and your family and thanks for sharing your feelings.

[Sandy]

Spend time with your sister, dad, the rest of the family who are coming to Florida, and friends of your mom who will be visiting the family. As you have already said, they can all be most supportive to you and vice versa. Remember the many qualities that she undoubtedly possessed....the experiences that you and the family shared...her goodness...her uniqueness...that which made her special to both you and others. Think of her often..the love that she posessed for you, your sister, dad,...

I am available for whatever you might need during these weeks. Just let me know...Anything.

We joke a lot but you know how much I respect and care about you- Your genuine qualities and abilities...Thank mom for some of that...


Sandy

[chakatrain]

...so my heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a mom is a singular event. May your good memories overflow and your family become closer for the experience.

[fierte_poser]

Kevan,

I can't imagine your pain. Hang in there... go for a ride or for a walk.

Kent

[Skrawny]

My mother died on July 29th.
We were very close and had been through a whole lot together. My father is out of the picture (and country).
If it were not for my good friends and my girl friend, I don't know how I would have gotten through these last few weeks.

I know what you mean: at night when you have stopped doing things and have nothing to do but think about everything it gets very sad.

I went back to work last week. It was bad. I had to suffer through everyone offering condolences (I know they ment well) and they all look at you like they are expecting you to cry or something.

Now that I have worked through most of the raw feelings of mourning, mostly I just miss her. It still hits me hard sometimes, though, at random times.

Hang in there, my friend, sometimes it just sucks . . . but it gets better.
-s

[Tom Byrnes]

Kevan,

I am very sorry to hear about your tremendous loss. My family's and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this very sad and difficult time.

Tom

[gasman]

Kevan-

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. Get support from all your friends and family-you deserve it. Over time the pain will ease but know that many love you.

[Spinner]

As time passes, your pain will be replaced with fond memories. You will hear her words in your voice and you will see her moves in your actions. You can actually grow closer to her with each passing thought. To remember and to be remembered, that is what life is all about.

Godspeed in your healing.

[Kevan]

Thank you for letting me cry on your monitor (I hope nothing short-circuited.)

One of the hardest aspects has been taking over control of the family at large, pushing dad into the back seat at least for a while. I look forward to waking up on my last day here at my folk's home and face my father and tell him he's back in control, here the keys. He has a new phase of life to face and I don't plan on coddling him. He needs my love and support, and he has that, but he has also got to make his own way too. My dad is a feisty ol' codger, scrawny and determined, and I'll be damned if I'll let him lose any of his SOB attitude. He's bruised and beaten, but he will heal. Some.

I'm forever changed and I think for the better. Everyone knows this is the course of life, it was just my turn. With this thread I just wanted to acknowledge the pain a survivor has to endure; I feel for you.

My bike riding will have to wait until I get home. You should see the mess in my dad's office and this pc...either it gets fixed or it's taking a bullet. The geek has been called.

[Ray]

Now that I have worked through most of the raw feelings of mourning, mostly I just miss her. It still hits me hard sometimes, though, at random times.
I don't think that part ever changes. I lost my mom over seven years ago and my dad nearly two years back. The raw feelings are well over, there's no real pain anymore - they lived well and died when they were old and ready to go - can't really look at it as a tragedy or anything like it - just the course of life.

But I still miss them pretty nearly every day. We're going through a fairly major transition, with the kids both gone in another month and having sold the house we raised them in for a much smaller place that fits us better now. Almost every day I think I should call the folks to tell them about the condo or how the girls are doing at school or WHATEVER. It's not like I forget that I can't - I KNOW I can't. But I still want to. I don't think that's ever gonna stop.

Hang in there, again.

-Ray