OT: Today's puzzlement. Warning: Potential Potty Humor Content

[Tom]

Today I'm out for the morning ride and there next to the road waiting for the rubbish man is a cardboard box, about three feet square. From afar I can see "Jacuzzi", and I think "That's an odd size for a jet tub." As I come closer I see that it is not a jet tub but it is, in fact, labeled "High Performance Toilet."

First thought: what makes a toilet "high performance"?

Second thought: what's the sales job on one of those? "I see, Mr. Smith, that you are obviously someone that can reap the benefits of this new High Performance model." You think they check a sizing chart or something? Are there subtle inferences that his home life will be more, shall we say, satisfying? The object of his affection will find him more attractive because he has a superior High Performance toilet?

I think I need something else to fill the vast vacant spaces in my mind.

[thwart]

I think I need something else to fill the vast vacant spaces in my mind. 1+

Thanks for the humor , though. :D

[whitecda]

We re-did the master bath a few years back. I went browsing for a new, updated uhhhhm... porcelain utensil one evening at the Orange Depot, and ended up with a "comfort height" model. Wasn't really sure what the meant, but it sounded good to me. Fast forward to the biking issue.... after a long days ride, it very nice to be sitting a 2 inches higher on this item. The old knees don't creak as much going all the way down to a regular height model. The couple of inches does make a big difference.

Ok, I know. TOO much information. I can only guess what High Performance means!? :p

[Peter P.]

The toilet industry has taken cues from Serotta and designed a "Fit System" for toilets.

First come body measurements of critical anatomical parts which affect toilet fit. Then comes a flexibility test which includes bending over and squatting.

Next is an interview where the certified toilet fitter asks questions like:

How many times a week do you ride your toilet?
Will you use your toilet for competition or just casual use?
When you ride your toilet, how long do you ride it for?
Are you hard on toilets?

Last, you sit on an adjustable Size Toilet where the measurements taken above are translated into dimensions of a theoretical custom fit toilet. You ride the toilet and input and output is measured to see where you are most efficient.

Then you select color and decals and place your order.

Slightly on-topic: I saw a truck the other day; one of those used to pump out septic systems. A sign on the back said, " Satisfaction Guaranteed Or Your Merchandise Cheerfully Refunded!".

[jel]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
"Classic and versatile. The Maxima™ Elongated two-piece high-performance toilet features Jacuzzi Propulsion™ Advanced Flushing System with a 3" flush valve for greater flushing power."

[Karin Kirk]

snipped...The couple of inches does make a big difference.



Yes, I keep getting emails to that effect...

(sorry - I would only be so crude in a thread that is already dedicated to potty humor!)

[Retinadoc]

http://www.dynamiccomposites.com/products.html

[TimB]

My grandmother's lake home was equipped with the "Destroilet," a gas (in her case propane) powered incinerating toilet. It was effective, though stinky, and even in the MN winter at -20F, I usually preferred the outhouse.

A Google search, alas, leads me to believe the Destroilet is no longer on the market...another piece of my childhood gone by the wayside...

[Birddog]

I saw a truck the other day; one of those used to pump out septic systems. A sign on the back said, " Satisfaction Guaranteed Or Your Merchandise Cheerfully Refunded!".
There was one in the Taos NM area for years that had a sign on the back "Your $#!T is our bread and butter"

The problem with almost all the low flow toilets is that they lack in some critical area. I have one that will swallow 50 tennis balls are something like that, but I'll be damned if it will completely remove the normal residue on one flush.

Birddog

[sspielman]

Some government official sometime back decided that 2.5 teaspoons is enough water to flush a toilet and set up regulations to enforce it.....At that point, the mutual admiration society went about congratulating themselves on how much water they had "saved"...it never occurred to them that people would push the handle as many times as needed to get the job done. Had these people had just a bit more intelligence, they would have regulated the number of flushes as well....stupidity can sometimes work to our benefit. So the plumbing industry went about devising new toilets that would do a better job of making do with limited amounts of water. What most people discover is that there is still no replacement for displacement. We have a toilet in our house that was made in 1916....I believe that it could flush a concrete block and leave no evidence behind. Should the need ever arise to push the handle twice, I believe that a call to 911 would be more appropriate.

P.S....don't get me wrong, I am all about saving water...but this is clearly a case of government out of bounds

[whitecda]

.

[Ahneida Ride]

I have the low 2.5 gallon toilets, Had no choice ...

Now I flush 5 times.

5x 2.5 = 12.5 gallons

Perviously I flushed 2x

2 x 5 = 10

So I waste 2.5 gallons per episode...... Thanks Big Brother for protecting me. :crap: :no: :butt:

I'll say it first .... before BBD, Uncle William, Karin, or Smiley chime in here..

5 Times ???? You are really full of ^#it.

[William]

I have the low 2.5 gallon toilets, Had no choice ...

Now I flush 5 times.

5x 2.5 = 12.5 gallons

Perviously I flushed 2x

2 x 5 = 10

So I waste 2.5 gallons per episode...... Thanks Big Brother for protecting me. :crap: :no: :butt:

I'll say it first .... before BBD, Uncle William, Karin, or Smiley chime in here..

5 Times ???? You are really full of ^#it.


I'm still flushing the toilet from the last time you were here....



:p ;) :D


William

[Ahneida Ride]

I'm still flushing the toilet from the last time you were here....
:p ;) :D
William

The following is a true story ...

My friend Chris buys his first new house. A few days later I show up at
night. I use the facilities.

Next day he needs a new spectic system. :eek:

[sspielman]

The following is a true story ...

My friend Chris buys his first new house. A few days later I show up at
night. I use the facilities.

Next day he needs a new spectic system. :eek:



Time to cut back on the bran muffins.....

[72gmc]

Back when I was in radio, we ran an ad for herbal laxatives that declared, "If you don't have at least two movements a day, you could be TOXIC!"

I'm thinking there may be a market for "non-toxic" high-performance toilets, endorsed by Ahneida Ride.

[William]

I'm thinking there may be a market for "non-toxic" high-performance toilets, endorsed by Ahneida Ride.

"Our toilets? It may not be number one....that just means you have to push harder when you're number two."

http://www.hobotraveler.com/blogphotos/197-15-thailand-squat-toilet.jpg





:rolleyes: ;) :D