top ten things a cyclist says

[scooter01]

1. Once you buy the bike, the big expense is out of the way and the sport doesn't really cost that much.

2. The 'A' guys are just going 20 miles really easy, you'll be fine.

3. My wife is totally cool with my upcoming $5,000 bike purchase.


4. Pro-cyclists don't dope.

5. Light wheels won't make that much difference up hills.

6 I like riding my trainer.

7 The bike weighs 16 lbs w/ pedals and bag.

8 I can dial it up to 400 watts and drop you

OK I ran short of ten, how about some help?

[Ken Robb]

9- I've been sick and not training so I hope I can keep up.

[JohnS]

10-Steel is real. :p

[COI]

1. I have digestive problems and can't race.

2. The whole team is sick due to digestive problems and can't race.

3. I am preparing 110% to win.

4. I was sent home due to digestive problems.

5. I was up in the middle of the night doing pushups because I had digestive probelms.

6. I wear a HR Monitor to bed because I have digestive problems.

7. It is normal for me to only ride really fast for two weeks out of the season. Or to ride really fast the entire year.

8. Baldness runs in my familly.

9. I don't know why my chin is so big but I think I look very handsome.

10. I am not a doctor!

[obtuse]

1. this gut? oh; its early season. it's june? wow. too much bread and water i guess.

2. my face looks puffy? oh, yeah i always get puffy in the cold.

3. why do i set my alarm clock for two hour intervels? my coach told me it'd cure my digestive problems.

4. it's for my dog.

5. those ain't blood spinners; they're rock tumblers. i make jewelry in the off season.

6. no speaky english.

7. big feet run in my family.

8. small testicles run in my family.

9. heart attacks in my early thirties run in my family.

10. out of nowhere? i came in 32nd at the sint niklaas kermesse as a junior! of course i'd get a top ten my first time in the ronde!

obtuse

[vaxn8r]

1. I rode really hard yesterday, my legs are trashed.

2. I've had a sinus infection for, like, 3 weeks.

3. I haven't ridden for the last 3 weeks.

4. We're going easy today.

5. I'm riding the training wheels today.

6. Why don't you just eat a bran muffin?

7. It's not the bike, it's the engine.

8. It's not the engine, it's the bike.

9.

10.

[TimD]

1. I rode really hard yesterday, my legs are trashed.

2. I've had a sinus infection for, like, 3 weeks.

3. I haven't ridden for the last 3 weeks.

4. We're going easy today.

10.

Unbelievable, I'm thinking about the same guy! LOL

[SponsorsWanted]

(From the guy who always whips your *** on rides)- I don't feel great today, lets go slow.

[saab2000]

I only ride a couple times a week. Max.

How do you like that Trek (Giant/Specialized/Felt)?

Are those carbon wheels?

Race? no. haven't raced since '96. you? Oh, you're a "2". Cool.

This? Oh, yeah, it's steel. But nice anyway. Kinda ol' fashioned, huh?

Do you always wheeze like that?

No, I wear tights when it's this cool. For me shorts start at about 60-65 degrees. I don't like being cold.

Do those white lycra shoe (or socks with a hole in the bottom for the cleats) covers really keep your feet warm?

Wisconsin, yeah, I guess we talk funny there. Like in "Fargo", huh?

No, it's not that cold there. Summers are shorter, but you can ride about 10 months per year.

Oh, I just work over there at the airport, across the river there.

That beer and pizza diet sure don't help, does it?

Have fun! See ya!

[sellsworth]

1. Imagine what I would look like if I didn’t ride.

2. I’m not really good at climbing or on the flats. I’m more of an all-arounder.

3. Think of all the money that I’m saving by not having to buy blood pressure medication.

4. I could lose that extra 20 pounds but I just can’t give up the beer and margaritas.

5. I’m sorry that I’m slow today. I forgot to eat and my sodium and potassium must be low.

6. I could have jumped on with that fast group but it didn’t look very well organized and I’m doing some base training right now.

7. I’m sorry that keeping you all waiting today. I got a few cell phone calls a ways back and I had to stop at 7-11 to take care of a saddle sore problem.

8. I’m going to ride that new bike for the rest of my life. Really.

9. I have to get the new bike because it corners better and hence it is much safer.

10. I have to buy those pedals because the cheaper ones have a weight limit.

[Larry]

1. Honey, you sure are cute. Do you have a younger sister?!

2. (While looking at cassette) Baby, may I check out your gears?

3. Those are really interesting ear rings!

4. Great legs!!

5. You wore that jersey yesterday, didn't you??

6. Young girl of about 20 years of age...."Why do you guys ride so hard?"
Answer......"We ride hard, because we train hard."

7. We are the Texas Racers!

(forgot the last three.)

[Fivethumbs]

1. Why are they called "clipless pedals" when you "clip" in?

2. You should buy the Nashbar carbon fork for $49.95 instead of paying $300 bucks for Reynolds because they're made in the same factory anyway.

3. Does everyone go numb down there?

4. I had the new '07 Group shipped to my work address so my wife wouldn't find out.

5. Carbon Fiber is the best frame material.

6. Aluminum is the best frame material.

7. Titanium is the best frame material.

8. Steel is the best frame material.

9. Material doesn't matter, it all boils down to design.

10. They must have mismarked this XXL jersey because it's like a 38!

[shinomaster]

10. I know... my bike doesn't fit
9. I know... I'm fat again
8. I know, I'm slower than I was last year
7. This sucks..
6. Eff you!
5. Cross racing is muddy..and MP.
4. Why don't I want to train more? I just want to drink.
3. A caad 4 is just as good as a caad 5,6,7,8,9 etc..
2. Those white shorts are gay and you need to shave your ***..
1. No I don't stuff my shorts, but thank's!

[rwsaunders]

10. What would Lance do?
9. What would Sheryl say?
8. Do you stand or sit when you climb?
7. Are your tires inflated properly or is it my imagination?
6. Are your brake pads rubbing?
5. Is your crank making a funny noise?
4. How many more miles until coffee?
3. What time did you tell your wife that we'd be back?
2. Does this route seem more hilly to you than last week?
1. What in the hell do normal people do at 7:00 am on Saturdays?

[toaster]

1. I got on the wrong wheel, otherwise I would have been in it for the sprint.

2. I'm going to get a super lightweight carbon frame and some really light weight wheels so my climbing improves.

3. My heart rate just won't get up and I've got an allergy.

4. Dude, you are really flying right now, what are you doing?

5. I haven't seen you in a while, have you been riding?

6. Watch your line!

7. What's your heart rate right now?

8. He attacked right after I did my pull.

9. My penis is numb.

10. I think I need a different saddle.

[Archibald]

1. I was up late banging Madonna.

2. I was up late banging Madonna.

3. I was up late banging Madonna.

4. I was up late banging Madonna.

5. I was up late banging Madonna.

6. I was up late banging Madonna.

7. I was up late banging Madonna.

8. I was up late banging Madonna.

9. I have rug burn.

10. Richard Sachs gave me a foot massage.

[shinomaster]

1. I was up late banging Madonna.

2. I was up late banging Madonna.

3. I was up late banging Madonna.

4. I was up late banging Madonna.

5. I was up late banging Madonna.

6. I was up late banging Madonna.

7. I was up late banging Madonna.

8. I was up late banging Madonna.

9. I was up late banging Madonna.

10. Richard Sachs gave me a foot massage.

Dude...I hope you wore a helmet...atmo
:banana:

[superunleaded]

1. Your stem is too short.
2. ShimaNo
3. cRampy
4. SRAM? What's a sram?
5. Have you tried the new Assos bib shorts? (works with those see thru cracks)
6. Lactic Acid
7. Weight Weenie
8.
9.
10.

[big shanty]

1. My next bike is gonna be a “budget bike”.
2. With all the money I’m saving on derailleurs and cables, a magnesium Phil bottom bracket makes total sense on this fixed gear! (refer to #1)
3. Look at that poseur on his "expensive" tri bike (haha!)
4. My LUNGS feel great….
5. My pedaling technique is off….

[Archibald]

Dude...I hope you wore a helmet...atmo
:banana:
Hel-mut? How did you know my name was Hel-mut?!

[shinomaster]

cause you is German?

[Elefantino]

Actual things heard on Sunday's ride:

10. Where's the damn Stop 'N' Go?
9. It's about a half mile ahead. (It was two miles ahead.)
8. I wanted to pee but it's so cold I couldn't find the damn thing.
7. Eww. You like Clif Bars? They look like turds.
6. Gatorade makes me puke
5. Are your snot rockets always that big?
4. I have dead legs.
3. That's OK; we'll wait for you.
2. My *ss feels like I need a new saddle.
1. What a great ride.