View Full Version : Heartwarming Holiday Story....

12-20-2006, 06:58 AM
The thread about "fingers lost" got me thinking about my misspent youth..This being the holiday season, I thought I would relate this heartwarming holiday story from my childhood. When my friend John (name changed to protect the innocent) was about 8 years old, he received a "Wild West Dart Gun Set" for Christmas. I am sure that you are familiar with the type....It consisted of a rifle and a pistol each with a spring mechanism that would launch a plastic dart with a rubber suction cup on the end. Of course, the targets that came with the set were immediately abandoned...the alternative being greatly preferred....that was for he and his father to chase one another around the house in mock warfare. His mother seemed powerless to end the foolishness due to his father's participation....His father favored the rifle, as it seemed to have the more powerful spring. In any event, these battles became a ritual...every evening after dinner, the battle would be renewed...after which, John was expected to immediately calm down and go to bed....So, one evening after the battle, John was told to get ready for bed. Instead, he armed himself with the rifle...and crept to the top of the stairs with great stealth...It was there that the sniper saw his target....His father had sat down in the easy chair in his bathrobe to read the evening paper....In deadly silence, John took aim on his prey...his plan was to shoot the newspaper and cause a disturbance-the sort that delights an 8 year old boy....As he aimed on the newspaper, a small patch of flesh-tone caught his eye...It was his father's testicles exposed by the parting bathrobe! John took careful aim on his new target...as he began to squeeze the trigger, he stopped....he carefully removed the dart from the gun...With the end of the dart, he hooked the end of the spring and STRETCHED IT OUT for more power!!!...He reloaded the dart and took aim on the unwitting target.....and then, he paused again.....This time, he reached up and peeled off the rubber tip from the dart, leaving just a plastic spike....He re-aimed and squeezed the trigger. The sound of the dart was never heard...All that was heard was the sound of "UGH!" from his father as he fell out of the cahir and crumbled to the floor as the deadly dart found its testicular target with deadly accuracy!!!
(continued in next post)

12-20-2006, 07:22 AM
"UGH!"......His father called out from the floor in the fetal position, "Gladys!...come here!"...His wife came in the room and said "Oh Fred what in the world is the matter with you?"...He answered-still in the fetal position, "I don't know....I was just reading the paper and something snapped in my n%ts!".....Gladys got an annoyed look on her face, and in a surprising lack of sympathy said, "Fred, stop acting silly and get up off the floor!"...His father said, "I can't!....It could happen again!"...."Oh Fred, Honestly!"....Being a take-charge sort of guy, he then said "Get the car and pull up out fron...You have to take me to the emergency room".....His wif said, "Oh Fred, you are making a big deal over nothing"....He replied "Nothing #$#%^&...*&&^%% *&*&^%$##!!!" So, His mother went upstairs to fetch John. John, of course, had immediately gotten into bed in order to escape the scene of the crime....His mother came in and said, "John, get up...your father is acting silly, and we have to take him to the hospital"....So he got up and got into the front seat.....the car was pulled to the front of the house, and with much fanfare his father was helped to the car by his mother.....he wallked down the sidewalk in tiny steps with his knees pressed together...and loaded himself into the back seat where he layed down.....and the family drove the four (!) blocks to the emergency room....An amusing conversation took place with the receptionist, ad his father was eventually seen by a physician.....upon the examination, the doctor reported that his examination was negative...save for a small red mark....John maintained his silence in the face of all of the drama, fearing death....His father protested, "You HAVE to find out what's wrong.....It could just SNAP( his term) like that again!...I could be driving down the highway and WHAM!...." He was susequently released from the hospital, and gingerly made his way home....all the time fearing a repeat of the devastating occurence....Luckily, the surprising pain did not return...and the fear eventually began to subside as one day became a week...and the weeks became months...and eventually years....16 to be exact....It was during an extended family Christmas celebration, when old stories were being recounted that John related the entire, humorous story to the hysterical extended family.....Hysterical save for his father who was greatly irritated that he had spent 16 YEARS! in mortal fear of suffuring a recurrence of that deadly "snap"!!!!

12-20-2006, 08:13 AM

Chad Engle
12-20-2006, 08:45 AM
Thank you so much, that made my morning.