dcowboys31
01-25-2019, 02:38 PM
I still frequent this site but do not have much to offer, however I posted here last year after my wife passed and the replies I received were extremely helpful at the time. Bikes were a part of my life since I was a kid (BMX) to Mt Bikes in the mid 90’s, to road riding and racing until 2004 then replaced with golf. Met my wife and not much exercise after that except going to the gym a few times a week. That changed in the summer of 2017 when I bought a Cannondale Mt bike at REI and started some short weekly bike rides and after a few months started getting back that great feeling I remembered after a long ride. In fact at Thanksgiving that year I mentioned I was thankful most for that bike as it got me going back in a better direction. This was followed up by some easy running and eventually entering two 5K races late that year. My wife also was getting in better shape that fall and after a gradual 30 lb weight loss she mentioned how great it was we were both getting healthier at the same time.
On February 3rd 2018 went out that morning on my first 5-mile run and my wife left to get our taxes done. Shocked I made it that far, could not wait to share this with Beth but never got that chance, she had passed suddenly that afternoon from cardiac arrest. She died without me being able to see her, to say good bye, to tell her that I loved her more than anything in the world, just taken from us without notice. Decided I was done with running, with everything, the thought of going to races without her support was unbearable. However over time I would go out for a mile or 1.5 mile runs and just felt terrible. Later in February ran the same 5 mile loop and after that day, for the first time felt some level of comfort afterwards, something I had not felt up until that time. Long, unbearably slow runs followed for months, the miles added up and the consistent thing was when I was done I felt O.K., relieved, some sort of comfort.
The house would end up being sold and I was forced to find an affordable apartment in the MetroWest/Boston area that would allow a 100lb Old English Sheepdog which proved to be very difficult. Went from having a beautiful home, family, yard and all of chaos that comes with it, to living alone in a studio apartment, starting at ground zero. Attended bereavement groups and therapy once a week but there is no “healing” for this sort of thing. Time certainly takes the edge off the pain but I will never be the same person I was, that life is now behind me. Go to her grave site often sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for over an hour. I can talk to her there, sort of feel her presence if that makes any sense. Bring flowers every time so that she will always be remembered.
Ended up doing over fifteen 5K races this year, one in July, one in August and the rest in the fall and holiday season. The ONLY time I ever feel OK is after a race or hard run. The idea that I could live, function or do anything at all (seriously) after losing Beth, was not something I could have imagined. But to continue on with some purpose has been what has kept me going. This all started because I did not want to take my bike out in the rain and get it all messed up. Never would have imagined that on that one random Sunday, trying to sprint a mile, would eventually set me up with a hobby, an outlet that has been the only thing that has gotten me through this awful year. Ended up selling that bike last Thursday and am not ashamed to admit I cried on the drive home.
Jay
On February 3rd 2018 went out that morning on my first 5-mile run and my wife left to get our taxes done. Shocked I made it that far, could not wait to share this with Beth but never got that chance, she had passed suddenly that afternoon from cardiac arrest. She died without me being able to see her, to say good bye, to tell her that I loved her more than anything in the world, just taken from us without notice. Decided I was done with running, with everything, the thought of going to races without her support was unbearable. However over time I would go out for a mile or 1.5 mile runs and just felt terrible. Later in February ran the same 5 mile loop and after that day, for the first time felt some level of comfort afterwards, something I had not felt up until that time. Long, unbearably slow runs followed for months, the miles added up and the consistent thing was when I was done I felt O.K., relieved, some sort of comfort.
The house would end up being sold and I was forced to find an affordable apartment in the MetroWest/Boston area that would allow a 100lb Old English Sheepdog which proved to be very difficult. Went from having a beautiful home, family, yard and all of chaos that comes with it, to living alone in a studio apartment, starting at ground zero. Attended bereavement groups and therapy once a week but there is no “healing” for this sort of thing. Time certainly takes the edge off the pain but I will never be the same person I was, that life is now behind me. Go to her grave site often sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for over an hour. I can talk to her there, sort of feel her presence if that makes any sense. Bring flowers every time so that she will always be remembered.
Ended up doing over fifteen 5K races this year, one in July, one in August and the rest in the fall and holiday season. The ONLY time I ever feel OK is after a race or hard run. The idea that I could live, function or do anything at all (seriously) after losing Beth, was not something I could have imagined. But to continue on with some purpose has been what has kept me going. This all started because I did not want to take my bike out in the rain and get it all messed up. Never would have imagined that on that one random Sunday, trying to sprint a mile, would eventually set me up with a hobby, an outlet that has been the only thing that has gotten me through this awful year. Ended up selling that bike last Thursday and am not ashamed to admit I cried on the drive home.
Jay