OT: strange quotes - add your favorites

[Serpico]

.
here's some Marion Barry quotes, imo this guy is a riot

these are real quotes :beer:


“There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made up truths. [On his arrest for drug use]” -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"B*tch set me up." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?" -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?" -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!" -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

“I have to admit I didn't do as much as I should have back when I was mayor, but now we're getting it done, ... It's not where you've been but where you're going.” -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC


sources:
http://www.skeptictank.org/barry.htm
http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/marion_barry/
.

[gasman]

http://www.thetruthaboutgeorge.com/bushisms/index.html

[BillyBear]

...those two guys are really going to be tought to top....

[Grant McLean]

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
-Yogi Berra

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
-Yogi Berra

Bill D!ckey is learning me his experience.
-Yogi Berra

Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.
-Yogi Berra

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
-Yogi Berra

He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.
-Yogi Berra


and my all-time favorite...


It's like deja-vu, all over again.
-Yogi Berra

[BillyBear]

...you made a liar out of me...Yogi rocks!

[Elefantino]

"All of his saves have come in relief appearances"

"All of the Mets road wins against the Dodgers this year occurred at Dodger Stadium."

"If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave."

"Kevin McReynolds stops at third and he scores."

"On Fathers Day, we again wish you all happy birthday."

"Solo homers usually come with no one on base."

"Sutton lost thirteen games in a row without winning a ballgame."

"The hall of fame ceremonies are on the thirty-first and thirty-second of July."

"There's a lot of heredity in that family."

"Half of Jeff King's extra base hits last year went for extra bases."

"Hello everybody, welcome to Kiner's Korner, This is, uh, I'm, uh."

All by ... Ralph Kiner.

[Serpico]

.
James Traficant quotes (http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A20607-2002Jul17)
.
.

[BumpyintheBurgh]

"Any of you guys call me Francis.....and I'll kill ya."

"I don't like anyone touching my stuff, so just keep your meathooks off. If I see any one of you in my stuff....I'll kill ya."

"And, I don't want anyone touching me! Any of you homos touch me....
I'll kill ya."

'Psycho'

[fiamme red]

Great quotes, Serpico.

Here are some more good ones:

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Samuel_Goldwyn

Also:

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Boyle_Roche

[...they] would cut us to mincemeat, and throw our bleeding heads on that table to stare us in the face.

It would surely be better ... to give up not only a part, but, if necessary, even the whole, of our constitution, to preserve the remainder.

[atmo]

from Sunset Boulevard -

JOE GILLES- "You're Norma Desmond, you used to be in pictures.
You used to be big."

NORMA- "I am big, it's the pictures that got small."

[William]

Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.



Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...


Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.


Carl: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.

Carl: IT'S IN THE HOLE.

[sc53]

Who is or was Carl Spackler?

[William]

Who is or was Carl Spackler?



http://www.carlspackler.com/images/cs_carl.jpg

http://www.crk.umn.edu/campusinfo/wkbulletin/04-05/CarlSpackler.jpg

http://www.carlspackler.com/images/cs_bm.jpg

[gasman]

Who is or was Carl Spackler?


You must be under 40 you lucky guy.


William-I love the scene where they emptied the pool and Carl discovered the "doodie",wasn't.

[William]

You must be under 40 you lucky guy.


William-I love the scene where they emptied the pool and Carl discovered the "doodie",wasn't.


http://www.drafthouse.shoppingcartsplus.com/t/IRON%20ONS/carlspackler.jpg

:D


William

[Serpico]

bill murray is a genius imo

props to directors like wes anderson and sofia coppola for giving a, much-deserved, "second wind" to his career

:beer:

[Chad Engle]

From bathroom wall in a bar in Westport, KC-

If that chicken can pull a freight train, hook his a$$ up!

Author unknown

[Lincoln]

"Any of you guys call me Francis.....and I'll kill ya."

"I don't like anyone touching my stuff, so just keep your meathooks off. If I see any one of you in my stuff....I'll kill ya."

"And, I don't want anyone touching me! Any of you homos touch me....
I'll kill ya."

'Psycho'
Lighten up francis.

[67-59]

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.

-Al McGuire

[William]

You must be under 40 you lucky guy.


William-I love the scene where they emptied the pool and Carl discovered the "doodie",wasn't.

http://www.carlspackler.com/archive/cs_188.jpg

http://www.carlspackler.com/archive/cs_193.jpg



:D
www.carlspackler.com

[BumpyintheBurgh]

from Sunset Boulevard -

JOE GILLES- "You're Norma Desmond, you used to be in pictures.
You used to be big."

NORMA- "I am big, it's the pictures that got small."


"So, what's the story, Richie?"

Can't remember anything about the movie, 'Lovers and Other Strangers'
except this quote, which was repeated by Richard Castellano throughout the film. He also played Clemenza in the Godfather.

[Steve Hampsten]

"It's the bizarre idiots that act smart." - Rev. Capt. H. M. Smith

“I don’t practice what I preach because I’m not the sort of person I’m preaching TO.” - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

“Act like a dumb**** and they’ll treat you like an equal.” - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast." - Charles Fort ("Bob's" third cousin)

"Real sex is Fats Domino. Bad sex is... Pat Boone." - Rev. Bleepo Abernathy

"The difference between Heaven and Hell is which end of the pitchfork you're on." - Rev. Sheldon DeWehr

"I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"I am a man who pisses largely and frequently. This, they say, is a sign of great mental activity." - Henry Miller

"He's an ******* - but even *******s have dreams." - Sam Lowry in BRAZIL

"Learn to be a Connoisseur of the Obvious." - Clevecclesians 6:14

"What do you throw a Pink who's drowning in quicksand?"
"His wife and child." - Boxholder

"I can handle it - I know when to quit. - FASTER, NHEE GHEE, MORE REEFERS!!!" - Billy Samuels

"There'll be no smoking in the gas chamber." - Jimi Hendrix

"I never leave until I bleed 'em out of house and Launch Pad." - Anonymous note (could be Cleve)

PEE WEE HERMAN FOR PRESIDENT "Give us back our Willies!" - RAW

[pale scotsman]

"Can I draw you a beer, Norm ?"
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

"How's a beer sound, Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

"What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
"Going Down?"

"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."

"What'll it be, Normie?"
"Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."

"What would you say to a beer, Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."

"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"What'd you say, Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."

"What would you say to a beer, Norm?"
"Hiya, sailor. New in town?"

(Coming in from the rain)
"Evening everybody."
Everybody: "Norm!"
"Still pouring, Norm?"
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"Would you like a beer Mr.. Peterson?"
"No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."

"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can."

"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
"Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"Another layer for the winter, Wood."

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em ... pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"How's about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is, `what's going 'in' Mr. Peterson?" A beer, please, Woody."

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?" "No, for stupid questions."

[big shanty]

"I'm like the Pythagorean Theorem; There is no solution." -Shaquille O'Neal

[petitelilpettit]

Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.



Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...


Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.


Carl: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.

Carl: IT'S IN THE HOLE.

So true, William. I still think that his best monologue is the first time he goes after the gopher:

Carl: Great, big, gobs of ...greasy grimy gopher guts. How 'bout a nice cool drink? Varmit. Scum. Slime. Menace to the golfing industry (include the shaking fist). You're a disgrace, and you're a varmit. You're the lowest member of the food chain and possibly be replaced by the rat. And I have been pushed. I think it's about time that some taught this varmit a lesson about morality, and what it means to be an upstanding member of a society! (dives toward the gopher)

Carl: Hello, Mr. Gopher. Don't mind me. I'm just a harmless little squirrel. I'm not a plastic explosive...

But you can't forget about Al Czervik:

Al: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Al:[breaks wind at a dinner] Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

Al: Hey, you scratched my anchor!

Good times!

Pettit

[William]

So true, William. I still think that his best monologue is the first time he goes after the gopher:

Carl: Great, big, gobs of ...greasy grimy gopher guts. How 'bout a nice cool drink? Varmit. Scum. Slime. Menace to the golfing industry (include the shaking fist). You're a disgrace, and you're a varmit. You're the lowest member of the food chain and possibly be replaced by the rat. And I have been pushed. I think it's about time that some taught this varmit a lesson about morality, and what it means to be an upstanding member of a society! (dives toward the gopher)

Carl: Hello, Mr. Gopher. Don't mind me. I'm just a harmless little squirrel. I'm not a plastic explosive...

But you can't forget about Al Czervik:

Al: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Al:[breaks wind at a dinner] Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

Al: Hey, you scratched my anchor!

Good times!

Pettit


:D :D :D

William

[gasman]

http://www.carlspackler.com/archive/cs_188.jpg

http://www.carlspackler.com/archive/cs_193.jpg



:D
www.carlspackler.com




YOU'RE THE MAN WILLIAM !!!!!!!!

[Frankwurst]

"I'm glad it was marijuana, if it was spinach I'd be dead by now"
Willie Nelson after getting busted with a bag of pot. :beer:
Not all that strange.........I just liked it. :beer: