Where do I start: Asperger syndrome

[weisan]

We suspect our son has Asperger syndrome. He's 11, super bright, but socially awkward and can't pick up other people's body language or cues. Interested in learning from other pals' experience on how to approach it. Thank you.

[zzy]

FWIW, before you label him that, take him to a professional. Your doctor can point you in the right direction. Autism is understood today as a spectrum disorder and while he may show certain signs, it doesn't necessarily mean he meets all the criteria. A professional can help with his development and even assist with finding appropriate special education if need be. It's not uncommon to have certain developmental delays at his age, but being labeled early on can negatively affect his growth. My ex used to work with autistic children and in severe cases it is a massive challenge. Be strong for your son and leave the diagnosis to a professional.

[weisan]

Agree completely.

That's why I used the word "suspect". And I hate...I mean, I HATE labeling people...especially children.

Super dumb and unproductive.

[Britishbane]

I'd suggest a developmental pediatrician.

[tourmalet]

As an engineer, I have worked with many people on the autistic spectrum who live rich, productive lives regardless of their not being "neurotypical." A supportive environment that caters to your son's interests and a community that recognizes his special needs will let him thrive. I encourage you to seek other parents and professionals who can help you and your son.

[Tickdoc]

Weisan pal I am sorry to see you wrestling with this. Others have said it but diagnosis is key towards making a proper environment for him the thrive. Good friends have a son who is in his second year of college now on a full ride band scholarship who was severely antisocial ausperger at 11. He has worked hard and found a joy that will lead him to a career and I would've never thought that possible when he was younger. With a truly gifted individual like that, finding what motivates and cultivating it is so important.

Best of luck and bless him for having such a god role model to follow.

[Hilltopperny]

Worked with a lot of spectrum and developmentally delayed children a while back. It's possible to be brilliant and still have some quirks without necessarily being in the spectrum. I believe we all have out tics so to say. Bring him to someone competent for some testing if it does become a big concern.

If he has a aspergers it will be fine. Gives him a different perspective on life. Consistency and structure will help him along the way if it turns out to be the case. Best of luck.

[weisan]

Thank you so much for the outpouring of support and encouragement, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Y'all the best pals I can ever ask for!

[bigbill]

As an engineer, I have worked with many people on the autistic spectrum who live rich, productive lives regardless of their not being "neurotypical." A supportive environment that caters to your son's interests and a community that recognizes his special needs will let him thrive. I encourage you to seek other parents and professionals who can help you and your son.

I work with a 53 year old EE like that. He's had a successful career and knows his quirks better than anyone. At this point in his life he realizes how his actions affect others and stops to think before speaking. I thoroughly enjoy working with him.

[buddybikes]

We have a daughter, age 26 with Aspergers. Highly intelligent, Calculus at age 13, degree (with difficulty) in math and computer science. We thought is was shyness/anxiety and took a GOOD psychotherapist that does assessments to clamp it down. (I know the best here in MA...) Her biggest challenges are hypersensititivity (all senses) that triggers serious migraines. She now is a student coach for math/cs at a community college and seems to be working out well. She is considered permanently disabled which makes insurance easier. Her boyfriend also is on the spectrum, but higher functioning, in fact interviewing with Google.

probably best to take offline, could write for hours.

Most important don't ask "how do you feel" they can't comprehend it. Ask specific question.

[BobO]

We suspect our son has Asperger syndrome. He's 11, super bright, but socially awkward and can't pick up other people's body language or cues. Interested in learning from other pals' experience on how to approach it. Thank you.

I will echo what some others have said, that term "Asperger's" carries with it a severe negative connotation in the general public. (My brother has had to deal with that aspect all of his life) It's probably best to avoid it's use altogether especially since that's not really a diagnosis anymore. If that's the area he's in, that is considered a high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder. There will be challenges, but, there is every chance he will be able to live a happy healthy life.

[DfCas]

We have a 20 year old daughter who was diagnosed at age 3 or 4. She stayed in public school until her freshman year of high school when the teasing got so bad she could no longer function. We withdrew her and she attends a private online high school. She is in her last year of high school now and is much better without the social stresses of public school.

We hope she starts college in the spring of 2018 but to be honest I hope shes able to find a vocation and provide for herself. We plan to give her the house but I hope she will be able to earn enough to pay for the upkeep.

It may be better to take this offline as others have suggested. It has been very difficult but is somewhat better now as she matures.

[OtayBW]

As they say, "Not all who wander are lost'.

Vive le quirks!

Good luck Weisan.

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[Keith A]

Weisan -- I have nothing to add for your request, but do wish you and your family the best as you seek for (and provide) the best care for your son.

[Black Dog]

Wei pal. PM me, I work with a few students with Aspbergers every year and wold be happy to chat.

[gomango]

Wei pal. PM me, I work with a few students with Aspbergers every year and wold be happy to chat.

There you go.

That's a good idea.

Feel free to pm me as well.

I've been in a middle school classroom for the last twenty-two years and have certification in ASD classroom integration.

At this point though, I see Aspbergers syndrome and autism as a separate and distinctly unique diagnosis. There are some distinct differences that your developmental pediatrician may help with.

Happy to chat off line if you think it would be worthwhile.

Good luck. Loads of help out there for sure.

[kevinvc]

This may sound odd, but this is actually good news in many ways. My daughter is neurologically atypical and we had a lot of challenges working with her, her school admin and instructors, soccer coach, other parents, etc. because of some of its manifestations.

Getting a diagnosis and understanding what it meant allowed us to help her. Occupational therapy was truly transformative for her. Having a 504 plan with the school made a huge difference. It was amazing how something as simple as allowing her to use a special seat cushion had a huge impact on her in class behavior and ability to learn.

No two people are the same and I certainly wouldn't want to suggest that I understand exactly what you all are dealing with or how to address it. But having a starting point in seeking the right assistance is a very positive thing.

Good luck to you and your family. She is lucky to have a parent as thoughtful and wise as you.

[Bentley]

First I applaud you for coming forward with a concern and agree leave it to professionals to diagnose.

I have a nephew who has a form of Autism, I felt something was not right very early on but my sister in law was not having it, she was in denial until about 11/12 years old. Unless this has been a nagging concern for a while my guess is that it is not what you fear, just the same your child may need some help.

Its difficult as a parent to acknowledge a "problem", but its the first step to gaining an understanding and potentially a treatment. My oldest had a speech impediment as a child, I knew something was not right but my wife thought she would grow out of it, she did'nt. Resulted in some extra help early in school, it worked out she made partner at her firm.

I wish you and your family the best, good luck on the journey, its gonna be OK, I know because you have a great, positive attitude, that in an of itself puts you on the road of finding a solution.

Best

Ray

[weisan]

Thank you all, again I really appreciate the inputs and offers to chat offline. This is family.

[Tandem Rider]

Wei Friend, :)

What your brief synopsis described sounds exactly like our son. However, in his case, it was Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. I'm not sure which, if any umbrella it falls under. However, it made Elementary and Middle School miserable for him, that's that's the bad news. The good news is he grew out of it and is now socially normal, well, except he like bikes. Don't take any diagnosis at face value, dig into it and question it.

I'm relating this because it is absolutely impossible to get a diagnosis over the internet, and you need a real one, so you can advocate for your son and help him prepare for life. If you have ANY doubts about the diagnosis, get another one. Most school districts will either facilitate or provide one. They are often also a good resource for competent practitioners who can help if needed. PM me if you need anything.

[moobikes]

Weisan, don't worry too much. There are a lot of resources and different therapies that will help. Your son will be fine. One thing you want to remember, if you decide to approach doctors or experts, is to get multiple opinions and to talk to other adults that are in your son's life to get an understanding of how he behaves in different situations. It will really help you decide if he needs help or treatment and exactly what kind.

[JasonF]

Hi Weisan,

Our son is autistic, labeled as "moderate to severe" along the spectrum. In addition to the terrific advice given above, realize that your son has rights under the law that are IMHO non-negotiable and so I would urge you to educate yourself on services and supports available to him and then nicely but firmly advocate for him. This of course assumes that it's determined that additional help is warranted.

You have always been a very positive presence here and your boy is lucky to have you as his dad. Please feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to chat offline - you are definitely not alone as you try and figure out what to do next.

Jason

[moobikes]

Weisan, one thing I forgot to add. Look at the hospitals in your area that specialize in pediatrics or have a good reputation for that, especially those connected to or run by universities. They most likely have a program for children like your son with relatively low cost entry/ consultations and subsequent treatment or therapy if necessary, that are part of their research or post graduate study programs.

There is no harm in getting your son assessed, and get him treatment early if he needs it and if he doesn't, great!

Keep your mind open and always look forward. Also key to any therapy if your son needs it, make sure your son is happy to be part of it.

[DreaminJohn]

Hi Weisan,

We also have a son who is on the spectrum (high-functioning autistic). A developmental pediatrician is a great suggestion. Another possibility is a pediatric neurologist who, if you're lucky, specializes in this stuff. A word to the wise: neither of these docs grow on trees as it were. I live in Central NJ and was willing to travel to NYC or Philly to find what we needed. Be prepared to wait months and hope that you desired doc is in-plan because it can get costly in a hurry.

I'd also recommend you take Jason's advice - don't wait for a diagnosis. Start with a school counselor or case worker. Also, Applied Behavioral Therapy centers are all the rage now. My insurance has has only been covering ABT for about a year. We have someone coming to our home 3 days weekly and it's been a godsend.

I'm sure with the proper treatment, patience, and lots o' love your son will thrive. My cousin's son has Asperger's and will graduate with a Doctorate of Music degree from Rutgers in May.

I wish you much success on your journey.

If I may, please indulge this proud papa:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E36dTuueY5U

[weisan]

If I may, please indulge this proud papa:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E36dTuueY5U

WOW!!!

What a great performance!

[lovebird]

+1. OT but what piece of music is that?

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[DreaminJohn]

+1. OT but what piece of music is that?

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Keyboard Sonata in E major, K.380 (Scarlatti, Domenico).

He plays by ear and watching others play it on Youtube.

Thanks.

[ultraman6970]

Many times stuff like that is not noticeable but the schools/teachers and kids get the diagnosis way older than they should, I imagine it is because the teachers dont want spend a bad moment with parent in denial, Im not a teacher so I really dont know.

All kids are different so well could be that the OP's child is just in that middle school stage where they can't see a plane going in front of them and is not what they suspect but IMO would not be bad to check the other good thing is that the OP and his wife are in the same page, as a family and couple that is super important.

[MaraudingWalrus]

As others have stated, it's a spectrum disorder, and maybe disorder isn't the right word. And it's not even something that gets officially labeled as such all the time, it seems to now just get rolled into autism, not a separate stand alone thing.

It's something with which I was diagnosed a few years ago, right around the time they stopped officially labeling it a stand alone thing. I'm in my mid twenties now.

I'm not sure that being labeled as such has made a difference, other than it gave me a few resources that were useful.

The book "The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome" by Atwood and the book "Mindblindness: An Essay on Autism and Theory of Mind" by Simon Baron-Cohen were both useful reads. There's a forum called aspies central that's of use, too. You might check it out.


I think the books and some reading have made it so I'm better able to- perhaps compensate isn't the right word - compensate for my difficulties in interacting with others.

Without having read a few of those things I'd surely never be able to recognize a few of the things that I do, or understand the way that others act.

It isn't really something that is a big deal in my day to day life, I just often don't "get" tone or subtleties, and finer points of some things with new people. But I begin to pickup on patterns and eventually do "get" it with people with whom I interact regularly.

A bit tricky with customers at the shop occasionally, people seem to not like when I ask if they tried pumping up their tires when the roll in with a flat....if you've never worked in a shop, you might be surprised how many people haven't tried pumping them up.

[kevinvc]

One last bit of advice that I would add, is that you should be prepared to be his advocate in making sure he gets the assistance and accommodations that he needs. There are a lot of people who are still in the dark ages regarding child behavior and it's possible you may encounter resistance along the way.

You haven't said what behavioral issues you may be noticing, but if there is anything that could potentially be helped through therapy, treatment or accommodations at school, you may have to battle for that access.

My wife became quite the neurological expert through her own research and it helped us get our primary care physician to recommend occupational therapy that really turned things around for my daughter. Her elementary school, and one of the teachers in particular, were also not very helpful. My wife spent a lot of time educating and fighting the powers that be, but in the end was successful in getting a 504 plan and simple accommodations that allowed her to succeed in class.

My daughter is now 14 and would probably be described as "quirky", but I don't think a stranger would meet her now and have any idea of the issues she had 7 years ago.

Hopefully you don't have to fight to get your son any help he needs, but prepared to do battle if necessary.

[soulspinner]

All the best Weisan to you and yours.

[shovelhd]

Ditto. I've been a part of raising two special needs children who are now happy, productive, engaging adults. Best thing ever.