Crying while riding

[bicycletricycle]

Once I had a real bad phone call while riding and found myself sobbing and furious while pedaling through some fields, it felt good, at least better than sitting around.

Anyone ever have something like this happen?

I now prefer working tough things out on a ride, might frighten some people sometimes but if you stay moving no one person will see too many frightful facial expressions.

[mbrtool]

yep; not always but it happens

[thwart]

Nice, constructive way of dealing with the random BS that happens during the workday.

HR up > anger, frustration and feelings of powerlessness down. Way down.

[MattTuck]

Yes, a few times I've had some tears or my eyes welled up on sad things. Not really full blown sobbing, but enough to know that I was crying.

This year I cried when I hit a big goal that I had been working toward for most of the summer. Tears of joy. that was nice. but weird. I'm not usually an emotional person like that.

[PeregrineA1]

Riding with a group of friends on our annual Thanksgiving MTB ride. We were ~11 miles and 2500' into the 26 mile 3000' ride. Taking a breather at a spot with a spectacular view. One guy's phone rings.

His nephew says "Dad died". His brother had passed while we riding.

We all cried. We all rode out. Long ride. Good ride.

[Dead Man]

Riding with a group of friends on our annual Thanksgiving MTB ride. We were ~11 miles and 2500' into the 26 mile 3000' ride. Taking a breather at a spot with a spectacular view. One guy's phone rings.

His nephew says "Dad died". His brother had passed while we riding.

We all cried. We all rode out. Long ride. Good ride.

Makes me kinda hiccup a little thinking about it.

---

Yes... my bike has been splashed with my blood, sweat, and even tears.

I was talking to a friend a little about this earlier today, in fact (in the context of bike theft, and why it's different than any other material theft, for some of us). The range of human emotion I've experienced, on my bike... I have probably experienced pretty much every emotion I'm capable of. The blinding explosion of ecstasy that is victory; the devastation of defeat. I've had rage fights with my wife on the bike, chased down hecklers on the bike, watched friends and even my own children crash in scary ways, have myself crashed in spectacular ways. Have felt moments of perfect bliss, riding in the evening twilight under violet skies in the countryside so beautiful it almost hurts. I've prayed to God on the bike... even desperately. Some of those tears were shed and caught in those moments, leaning over the handlebars, barely able to pedal, wracked with soulache.

The bike. Ever in the midst of my life. It's the only material possession I own that is not just a material possession.

:beer:

[bigbill]

I never had better mental health than when I was a daily cycle commuter. I was in Hawaii at the time and my ride to work was very peaceful on the Pearl Harbor bike path. I could organize my thoughts, think through solutions, and sometimes have epiphanies. My bike stayed in my office against a white board where I'd write down my thoughts.

No matter how bad the day, I could ride it out on the way home. If it was bad enough, I had a loop I could add to get my head straight before arriving home.

Now I have a 7 minute commute in my truck. There's not a good or safe cycle route.

[d_douglas]

When I was in architecture school, I spent many (too many) 3 or 4am nights at school getting stuff done. I would ride home in the pitch black, leaving University of British Columbia's campus, through Pacific Spirit Park (small, densely wooded park) and eventually end up in the sprawl of west side Vancouver.

A few times in the darkness as I hauled home on the road, I had a few teary moments, plus great stress relief: I would scream at the top of my lungs, just to let out my junk :). It was cathartic. I felt bad for the animals and homeless people sleeping in the forest, as it was literally as loud as was humanly possible.

[beeatnik]

I did a memorial ride for a friend who died in a crit. On the ride, about a mile from our destination, a good friend of the deceased began to sob inconsolably. We rode side by side for the next ten or fifteen minutes. It's something I think about often....

[Bradford]

In 1997, I was heading out the door for a mountain bike ride when my Dad called to tell me he had cancer and there was nothing the doctors could do about it. When he hung up, I headed out to trail 100 and got halfway into the desert before it hit me.

I can't say I rode for a while, but I pulled off the trail, sat down, and had myself a good cry. Then I thought about what my Dad would say if he could see me and I got back up and finished the ride.

[carpediemracing]

Interesting.

In my teen angst years, I spent a lot of time on the bike mainly to be able to assimilate things. It meant being angry, sad, happy, the whole range of emotions (and as a teen all emotional levels just got dialed to 11).

I had a number of moments after my mom died. Shortly before she died I promised her I'd win two things on the bike. It took a while but I did it, and, trust me, even now it's hard to keep the emotions in check when I watch the first clip; that was a huge day, my dad was there, my brother was there (with video camera) with his wife and son (son was born 9 days after my mom died), etc. One (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkgmQWyipQo) and two (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiMfxE14yaQ) (both are non-HD, not a lot of text in the second one so not much info).

My son was born the day before the second Bethel in 2012. I had to go because I was the promoter, so I went. I was totally inspired but I hadn't been training so not much came of the race itself, but it was glorious. I remember a few laps on the backstretch just so excited that I was a dad. My eyes weren't tearing up because of the wind.

The next week a rider crashed badly there, dying early the next morning (http://velonews.competitor.com/2012/12/analysis/from-the-pages-of-velo-a-death-in-the-family_268919). I totally broke down; somehow I knew. The following week we had a moment of silence for him, a lap of honor, etc. We built a memorial and, in the fall, did a ride in his memory. Lots of tears.

Thanks for the topic.

[kevinvc]

I've had all kinds of extremely strong emotions or long-forgotten memories suddenly bubble up while riding. I've felt absolute bliss and real sorrow for no reasons attached to anything.

Last summer I had several experiences where I remembered really embarrassing moments from my younger days. Most of them were the result of me treating people poorly, usually people that I supposedly cared about. After a couple of months of these kinds of thoughts I realized that I was working through some deeply entrenched behavior patterns. I actually think I'm a better person and more aware of my actions with loved ones after going through this.

Biking can provide catharsis like nothing else I've found in my life.

[Mzilliox]

yesterday was duck harvest day. One thing ill never get used to as a farmer, meat harvest.

so yeah, I took a teary eyes ride after i was done to clear the head...and tomorrow i get to eat duck!

[adrien]

Several ways, in fact.

The one that hasn't come up is a sort of joy. I was incredibly sick as a child, to the point I couldn't exercise until I was well into my 30s. I remember dreaming about being an adult, and realizing that there was a chance I'd never live it. In the early 70s there was very little that could be done for severe asthma and inflammation.

Fast forward, and now I ride 3,500 miles a year or more. Last year, I made it up Ventoux, from Bedoin, after training most of the spring for it. Did it again this summer. Both times, as I approached the top, I was quite overcome with the emotion of it. Wasn't upset, or happy per se, just more overwhelmed. Sort of like all that angst over decades finally escaping. Just because I rode a machine up a big hill. Catharsis, I suppose.

I think a lot of this is hormonal. There are many studies of "runner's high" and the release of endorphins with exercise. That, plus the reflective nature of a long ride and the chance to be outside, I think, contributes to this. Cycling is not only good for the body, it's good for the soul.

[Saint Vitus]

Several ways, in fact.

The one that hasn't come up is a sort of joy. I was incredibly sick as a child, to the point I couldn't exercise until I was well into my 30s. I remember dreaming about being an adult, and realizing that there was a chance I'd never live it. In the early 70s there was very little that could be done for severe asthma and inflammation.

Fast forward, and now I ride 3,500 miles a year or more. Last year, I made it up Ventoux, from Bedoin, after training most of the spring for it. Both times, as I approached the top, I was quite overcome with the emotion of it. Wasn't upset, or happy per se, just more overwhelmed. Sort of like all that angst over decades finally escaping. Just because I rode a machine up a big hill. Catharsis, I suppose.



Chapeau.

[Matthew]

I have, thinking about my late Mother. Usually completely out of the blue. Happens in lots of places, not just riding. Miss her terribly to this day. I did the Michigan Mountain Mayhem last year and at about mile 95 or so there is a hill that is 20% gradient. Many folks walk it because it is so late in the ride. I was overcome with emotion when I cleared it as thoughts of my mom popped in my head just as I crested the top.

[redir]

I think I was better racing bikes when I was younger because I was angry and would actually enjoy making people suffer with me by going through a lot of self torture during a bike race. I'm not like that any more and have not won a bike race in many years I think, because of it.

IDK if that 'counts' but in some way I can relate.

[OperaLover]

I tend to process my life when I ride so it is not unusual for me. It's not always the bad that brings me to tears, and it is, as someone mentioned, very cathartic.

On long rides, centuries, fondos, etc. the sight of someone, like a Wounded Warrion, on hand crank bike, giving it their all will move me to tears. One year on the Grand Fondo Whistler, on a paticular long climb there was a rider who had lost his leg at the hip and he was cranking one legged up the slope. Man, the strength and determination he exhibited brought me to tears. Who the heck am I to be complaining about anything. He showed true grit and finished ahead of a lot of other riders in the field with two legs. Shoot, the memory got me all misty eyed.

Beats crying and drinking alone.

[Drmojo]

You guys (I assume most posts are from XY tribe?)
Thrilled to see dudes discussing emotions and bikes in the same thread.
Where else on earth can one get this?
Double chapeau to you all!!:p

[Drmojo]

I should have written "chapeaux"

[DRietz]

I'm currently in the process of letting a girl that I really love walk away because I know that she needs to do that for herself.

I've never climbed so fast in my life, even with the tears blocking my vision. I have a feeling this will probably be my best race season yet... it's just hard to focus on anything except for why that really is.

[velomonkey]

Look closely at the left leg of the guy pushing the other guy.

That was Ride to Recovery - there was hardly a moment where I wasn't crying. Had to keep my whits about me as a blink stoker was feeling my colnago and complimenting the tubes - said he remember how pretty Colnagos were before he was blinded by an IED. Total Niagara Falls.

That ride, when I think about it, makes me chop onions - not a sad feeling but a beautiful feeling.

[Uncle Jam's Army]

I am sorry for the long-winded post, but here goes:

I first noticed this thread this morning. It made me mad and upset and I wanted to make some smart-ass remark about some of the things I read. But I didn't.

Late last night my brother in law Carlos passed away. Carlos was the nicest, most sincere person I've ever met. He could walk into a room of strangers and be best friends with everyone inside of one hour.

His wife Lupe was our child care provider ever since our boys were born and, even to this day, babysits them (they are 12 and 15). She (and Carlos) spent so much time with our boys that they called her "Ma" before calling my wife "Ma" or "Mom." I owe this man a debt I could never repay.

But Carlos was always a heavy drinker. Luckily, he held down a steady job that limited his drinking to weekend binges. Ever since he was laid off about five years ago from his manufacturing job he held for over 20 years, he went on nonstop binges that lasted up to a month at a time, with only the few rare days of lucidity. Many of us predicted that he would drink himself to death and he finally succeeded last night.

I never said anything to Carlos about his drinking; nobody ever said anything to him, even as we all watched him physically deteriorate before our eyes. He could barely walk these last few days and had uncontrollable shakes. I figured if his wife, kids (all grown adults in their late 20's and early 30's) and siblings didn't want to intervene, it was not my place to do so. It was a difficult scene at the hospital last night. But I am not the kind of guy to cry at weddings or funerals and last night was no exception.

So today's training ride was supposed to be XXX watts for XXX minutes. Even before I got on the bike I said to myself "fcuk it, just ride." All I could think about during those 160 minutes was Carlos, how unnecessary his death was, and how, through my silence and inaction, I was complicit in his death.

I also thought of Carlos' last few minutes. He had walked to his local liquor store yesterday morning to begin his daylong ritual of drinking. Late at night, he began having uncontrollable shakes and his drinking buddies asked him if they could walk him home. He declined, reassuring everyone he was fine. He was not fine and he must have known it, but wanted to somehow make it home. He didn't make it, falling dead in his driveway, 70 feet from his front door. I have no idea what was going through Carlos' mind those last few minutes, but I know that he died alone. In his driveway. And I cried.

There was no catharsis. All that I feel is a profound sense of sadness and disappointment. But what I can say is that, today, my bike was a good friend.

[bikemoore]

I work out a great many things in my head while riding, especially since nearly all of my riding is solo. From hatching plans to deal with work projects, home projects, my kids' latest issues, relationships, and inevitable deaths. That last one is the only one that has brought me to tears on rides. Two friends struck and killed by cars in separate incidents on bikes (which brings a mixture sadness and fear for my own safety), father-in-law passing, and the latest just last month: friends who lost their 6-year-old daughter in an ATV accident. My kids sometimes play with their kids while her older brother is a classmate of my youngest son. That one really hurt. I find it generally necessary to have a good cry over these things and doing it behind my glasses while in the solitude of a bike ride is my preferred venue for getting the crying done.

[herb5998]

Lots of great stuff in this thread. Recently lost my wife to cancer at 39 years old after a 5 year battle. Riding helped clear my head throughout that time, and kept me sane. Since she passed, I still find it helps for my stress more than anything else, leaving it out on the road (tears, stress, etc) makes a world of difference.


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[Vientomas]

Yes. Cycling helped me to process the grief from the deaths of my parents. Intermittent crying on quite a few solitary rides. The first time it happened I was quite unprepared for it and was a little taken aback from the cathartic effect. After that, I just let it flow.

[soulspinner]

I started riding because of my little brother Scott(aka Waddy).Somewhere years ago on this board I poured my soul out telling everyone how this kid ripped everybodys legs off on a bike, and his passing. Well he got married, got a high powered job, and became depressed and in 1989 he took his life. Depression kills. I made attempts to ride but couldn't, the kid and I were close and well, I finally got back on the bike 35 pounds heavier years later. That first year back on the bike was cryin hell. Bike gave me my health back and helps my soul connection with the kid...............

[JAllen]

I've had a few moments of teary eyes, but the most I've cried on a bike was when I got the news about my wife's cousin, Alistair.

I had gotten to the office early Monday morning. The crash happened the day before, but I'm not on any sort of social media and my wife was trying to avoid it as it was mother's day and she has a turbulent relationship with her "mother". I received a call informing me as to what happened. I was lightly crying, but thought I was going to be OK. My boss let me take off to see to things.

It didn't truly hit me until I started riding. The fact that cycling was a major part of his life, the nature of the incident, reignition of the reality of people's frailty, my safety, my wife's safety, the bicycle and what it meant. I wept with ferocity.

My wife called me with more information. I was reduced to a child-like emotional state of utter vulnerability and pain. There have only been a few times in my life when my soul has been totally opened like that. The bike was part of that key.

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[giverdada]

this is the greatest thread i've ever seen on the forum.

much of the time we get sidetracked onto all kinds of other-important things, and then this brings us back.

i wouldn't have made it through the turmoil of childish high school growing up crap without 'long' rides on the bike, often next to my dad. my dad is still around, though not riding as much as he could back then. my uncle is still around, made it back from all of his special missions overseas and has a beautiful family that adores him. there's nothing to cry about. but i know exactly what happens on the bike, overwhelmed, overcome, and it's exactly the right place and thing to do.

ride on, brothers. you make me proud.

n.

[overmyhead]

Man sometimes these threads come along at just the right time.
A few years ago My friend Tom and I were set up to do a Century in NH. My mom became gravely ill that week. My three sisters convinced me to go to the ride with the reasoning that my Mom would be terribly upset if she knew I didn't go because of her. An hour after we arrived in NH my sister called and told me that she passed. I wanted to immediately go home but they all told me to stay and do the ride with the same reasoning. I still count that 100 miles as one of the most difficult rides I've ever done. I was riding through tears nearly half the time.

[Ronsonic]

My father who I had been caring for died from cancer late on a Wednesday night. I lined up for a cross race that Sunday. Podium. That was way over my skill or fitness level. I had no business even being on the lead lap.

Just dumped everything, the grief, frustration, anger and pain into that ride.

[soulspinner]

My father who I had been caring for died from cancer late on a Wednesday night. I lined up for a cross race that Sunday. Podium. That was way over my skill or fitness level. I had no business even being on the lead lap.

Just dumped everything, the grief, frustration, anger and pain into that ride.

God bless man, it gets better.

[bicycletricycle]

Thanks for sharing everybody. For those of us going through a rough patch, I hope the bike helps.

[apeescape]

Was on the beginning of a solo ride (40mi) and got a call that my grandfather had just passed away. I don't know where I could have dealt with it better and really pounded out how I felt about it for the rest of the ride. Riding also helped me deal with my dad passing away a few years earlier. Hopped on the bike and rode away my depression along with like 85lbs. I believe riding has saved my life.

[Seramount]

I would often ride my bike to visit my dad at the nursing home...as I'd walk to his room in my cleated shoes, the noise they made on the tile floor would alert him to the fact that I was in the building.

he'd roll his wheelchair to the doorway of his room, pop his head out, and his face would light up...he always got a kick out of seeing me duck-walking the bike down his hallway.

he'd ask me how far I had ridden and regardless if it was 5 miles or 50, he'd act so impressed that I could go that far.

since he passed in August, every time I saddle up, I get a mental image of him smiling at me and telling me how 'snazzy' I looked in my kit.

lot of rides have started with teary eyes these last few months.

[Ronsonic]

since he passed in August, every time I saddle up, I get a mental image of him smiling at me and telling me how 'snazzy' I looked in my kit.

Tears and smiles can happen at the same time. So does awful and beautiful.

Ride on.

[katkeeper36]

Bicycletricycle - I ride alot (road miles) in the Douglas/Uxbridge, MA areas. Great rolling backroads up near Purgatory Chasm, not alot of traffic (you can hear a car long before you see it). Great roads for thinking thru your problems

I don't know about crying on a bike, but definitely as good as therapy!

[livingminimal]

My father who I had been caring for died from cancer late on a Wednesday night. I lined up for a cross race that Sunday. Podium. That was way over my skill or fitness level. I had no business even being on the lead lap.

Just dumped everything, the grief, frustration, anger and pain into that ride.

Best to you.

[livingminimal]

When my mother was dying of cancer, in late 2013 rather unexpectedly at the age of 57, I spent a lot of time crying on the bike. The bike or in the shower, either way I was hoping sweat or water masked the tears.

Over the summer I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Did some more crying on the bike. I deal with a lot of my own stuff, mainly around depression (hereditary, from my Mother) and at the age of 39, I realized my life was hurdling in a certain direction. A place most people would be overjoyed to be in with my own family that loves me, a great home in a great neighborhood, bikes, a great career that is in a field rife with altruism....but depression is a cruel, cold, calculating bitch, and sometimes it smacks you when you least expect it.

Last week I was really upset about my Mom, cried once more. I was doing a Podcast about her and had to pick the songs. Maggie May kills me.

It happens, but the bike is maybe the best place for it.

[livingminimal]

I have, thinking about my late Mother. Usually completely out of the blue. Happens in lots of places, not just riding. Miss her terribly to this day. I did the Michigan Mountain Mayhem last year and at about mile 95 or so there is a hill that is 20% gradient. Many folks walk it because it is so late in the ride. I was overcome with emotion when I cleared it as thoughts of my mom popped in my head just as I crested the top.

right there with you. I reckon we could start a support group on this forum. Best to you man.