Hey, it's Friday - first laugh's on me

[tv_vt]

My wife went to a beauty shop. She was there two hours, and that was just for the estimate.

She ended up getting a mud facial. And she looked great for two days.

But then the mud fell off.


I got a part in a movie. It's a documentary about a famous elderly couple. When I told my dad I was playing the part of the husband in the movie, he said, 'Too bad you didn't get a speaking part.'

[Dead Man]

I went to the doctor about a problem I've been having... uh.. you know... down there. So I go in, sit down.. She tells me to drop my pants.. I do.. almost immediately, she looks at me and says "you need to stop masturbating."

I'm a bit taken aback... I finally manage a dumb "why??"

She says, "because I'm trying to examine you."

[tv_vt]

Last time I went to the doc, he left me standing by the examining table while pouring over his laptop. Finally I said to him, "Doc, why exactly am I standing up here?"
And he said, "Well, after looking you over, that's what I'm wondering, too."

[alexstar]

Q: What's brown and sticky?


A: A stick.

[Cicli]

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting into your wifes clothes. :p

[Tickdoc]

There was a hard-of-hearing elderly man who wasn't feeling well, so his wife accompanied him to the dr..

The dr came in to examine him and said "I'm not quite sure what is wrong with your husband yet, m'am".

" I'm going to need to do some further tests, and I'll need a urine and a stool sample."

"What did he say?" Said the elderly patient.

The wife yells as loud as she can; " he needs your underwear"

[weisan]

I got this on another thread (http://forums.thepaceline.net/showthread.php?t=176067&highlight=gas) but bear repeating...

"I used to use gasoline to clean bicycle parts until I had a really horrible experience.

One day while cleaning my bike, my dog came along and started drinking the gas out of the dish. All of a sudden, my dog started freaking out. Poor thing started running around the house, around the garage and just went psycho. Eventually, he ran up to me and just dropped dead.

We ended up taking him to the Vet to see why he died. The Vet told us, "He just ran out of GAS!!" Hahahahaahah.

Try the veal and tip your waitress."

[Elefantino]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

[dave thompson]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Have you heard of the new organization DAM; Mothers Against Dyslexia....

[velomonkey]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

[dancinkozmo]

how is my ex like an okay movie ?

...i liked it at the time but i dont want to see it again


....also that movie is kind of a bitch.

[tv_vt]

Why are elections held in November?

It's the best time of year to pick out a turkey.


How bad is the economy? It's so bad Exxon Mobil just laid off 25 Congressmen.



(courtesy of "Maxine"...)

[OtayBW]

Q: When should a lady slap a midget in the face?




A: When he tells her her hair smells good.

[Anarchist]

Doesn't seem like a very funny day somehow ....

[tv_vt]

Doesn't seem like a very funny day somehow ....

Yeah, know what you're saying. Ignorance/news blackout was bliss for a while yesterday.

[dnades]

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE, man, BREATHE!