a thread for my Dad

[Seramount]

my Dad passed away on Tues and I wanted to share some thoughts about him to help distract me from the powerful sense of loss.

Dad was known as Bud to his friends, was a WWII USN veteran and served as a Pharm Mate 1c on an LST in the Pacific. No heroic stories, he just did his service, got discharged, and was proud to have helped the war effort.

he was a good father and husband, and dutifully provided for his family. he went to work, attended church, wasn't very 'handy,' disdained most sports, didn't drink often, and had few hobbies other than square dancing and a stint at bee-keeping. but most notably, he was generally quite happy and rarely displayed anything but a calm demeanor.

unfortunately for me, I spent a great part of my adult life maintaining a certain amount of distance between us. I felt that we had little in common and did not actively seek his company other than during annual holiday visits. when together, we were pleasant to each other, but not overly emotionally attached.

things changed three years ago, my mom passed away and I had to relocate him to be near me as he had no support system without her. I placed him in a nursing home about a mile away from me and after decades of only brief interactions, I found myself visiting him every day. we discovered over time that we actually liked each other as people, a fact I found to be totally surprising.

Dad was 93 and died peacefully sitting in his wheelchair while waiting to be taken to the dining room for breakfast. I had seen him the evening before and asked him how he felt...he said 'real good,' winked at me, and added 'I'm almost 100, ya know.'

my last comment to him was 'love ya, I'll see you tomorrow.'

sadly, that didn't happen.

thanks for letting me spend a few minutes talking about a nice old man who meant the world to me.

[54ny77]

sincere condolences.

[binxnyrwarrsoul]

Condolences.

[giverdada]

beautiful post.

i'm glad you were on good terms, and daily terms, at the end.

sincere condolences, though they'll never cut it.

n.

[weisan]

Gregg-pal, I am sad for your great loss. SO THANKFUL that you and your dad had the opportunity to connect with each other at a human level over the last few years.

[bking]

sorry for your loss. Happy for you though that you were able to reestablish a relationship with your father. I believe we miss a great deal personally and as a people in general when we let those ties that should bind us together unravel.

i'm sure the past few years spent with him make his passing a bit easier.

kindest regards,

[SlackMan]

Condolences. I can tell you're sad and grieving. You might also take a moment to be so very thankful that you didn't wind up losing your father without the times you spent together over last few years. Lots of people are effectively estranged from their parents and only regret it when it's too late.

[drewellison]

I offer my condolences too. Perhaps all those times you spent visiting your father were holy moments which you will look upon fondly and never regret.

Blessing of peace to you in this time.

Drew

[thunderworks]

Condolences on your lost. I know it's hard.

I lost my dad nearly 3 years ago. I have found myself talking to my Dad a lot while I ride. The conversations can bring me to tears, but I love the quiet time on the bike that in some way allows me to connect to him - and to my mother who passed 9 months ago. They both had great, long lives. Biking gives me time to talk to them both. Clearly a one sided conversation.

[Louis]

All my condolences. However, it's great that you were able to grow closer together at the end, for both his and your sake.

[fogrider]

sorry for your loss. glad to hear that you were able to spend some time with him. peace.

[Raffy]

Condolences.

[makoti]

Very sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to re-connect with him over the last few years.

[thwart]

A touching post.

I'm sure some of us hope to make the same connection you did.

[cmbicycles]

Condolences. A nice tribute to your Dad as well.

Sent from my LGL41C using Tapatalk

[Ken Robb]

My dad died 25 years ago at 81 years old. He had really bad dementia his last few years. The older I get the more I appreciate him.
I feel safe generalizing that men of his generation were not as likely to show love/emotion as men do today so I'd say your relationship with your dad was probably typical. It's great that you were so close when HE NEEDED YOU. :beer:

[Saint Vitus]

Condolences to you sir. Excellent that you were able to bond later in life, some never get that chance or worse, take it.

[gasman]

Thank you for sharing a wonderful story. It's great you were able to connect with him in his last few years.

We can only hope our kids feel as strongly and have as many good things to say about us when we pass.

[jimcav]

I lost my dad last summer, and it still hurts. I hope you treasure what you had--and I hope it encourages others to connect with loved ones. The military has taken me away from my parents my entire adult life, and it will always be one of the things I regret--not spending more time with him.

jim

[Len J]

Nice tribute... many would feel blessed to connect with their father that way.

thoughts and prayers to you.

Len

[soulspinner]

So great the way things wound up. May you wind up together.

[Cicli]

Sorry for your loss.

[vqdriver]

wow, this is very well expressed and i'm sure many of us can relate to the sentiments put forth.
i'm really very sorry to hear of your father's passing.

[93legendti]

I am sorry for your loss. My Dad passed about 20 years ago, before I met my wife, before I had kids. I knew just about everything about him, except for his WWII service - he only told me 4 things about him being a soldier and I wished I knew more...

At least you had the last 3 years and you were there when it counted.

[Tickdoc]

Very sorry for your loss. I'm two years out on losing mine and it is a tough road. Cherish the good times. Nothing replaces a guy like that, but good memories will keep him alive for you.

Best wishes to you and your family, and feel free to pm if you ever want to just chat about it.

[David Kirk]

That was beautiful - thank you for sharing.

Be well,

dave

[flydhest]

Thanks for sharing. My relationship with my father is somewhat strained. I keep trying because I know there is a lot there. He loves being with my kids, so we use that as a connection. Your story highlights for me what can go right and why not to take it for granted. Thanks.

[guido]

Sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts.

[572cv]

Thank you for a beautifully simple remembrance. i have a Dad in, as he puts it, his 89th year. He is a tough old bird, he doesn't ask for help, and complains when he gets it. But he is deeply generous, and often enough thoughtful, and I know the remaining time is precious. Thanks for reminding me of that.

My condolences on your loss.

[Tandem Rider]

Wonderful tribute.

You will get better at managing the hurt, remember the good stuff, take lots of rides.

[Elefantino]

Agree with all. A wonderful tribute.

Our best to you and yours.

[Cat3roadracer]

Your last comment is all that matters. You are fortunate to have had the time you did.

[ctcyclistbob]

Sincere condolences. Very nice words, and I imagine that your Dad would have been proud that you posted this.

[dustyrider]

Three months and four days ago I lost the greatest friend/teacher/mentor/father I could have ever hoped for. He was 65.

What I've been able to piece together since then has all been said before:

It's always darkest before the dawn. However, the reality of loss seems to be greatest when the full light of day settles in.
You're on the right path, and you're sharing it with some pretty solid folks here. Stay in touch with what makes you feel the best but don't forget to stay in touch with the ones that are nearest.
Focus on the moment while honoring the past. Don't worry too much about the future cause it's now that matters.
You can't just put it out of your mind, but you can fill your mind with more positives than doubts.

Feel free to drop me a line if you'd like. Doesn't look like you're going to try to do it all on your own now; make an effort to keep it that way.

Oh, and...
Keep riding on!

Cheers to you and your dad.

[texbike]

Greg,

That was very beautifully written. Any father would be proud that their son had such feelings and voiced them the way that you have. I know that these are tough times right now, but you were there and his friend when he needed you most.

Texbike

[Wolfman]

I would be proud to have my sons do tribute to me the way you just did for your dad.

Chapeau.

[juanj]

Greg, thanks for your wonderful tribute. You have me thinking about my dad, who I love and admire so much because he has done so much for his family, literally starting from scratch and giving us a good life. You also have me thinking about my boys, who are still young, but who some day I will look to for love and support. I hope I have as a good a relationship with them as you had with your dad the last few years.

[Fivethumbs]

That was very nice. We all come into this world and at some point we all have to leave it. But I believe it's only a matter of time before we see each other again.

[BlueFly]

Nice touch.

May you and your family be comforted with prayers and blessings during this time of loss.

Godspeed, Father of Seramount!

[tumbler]

Thanks for sharing this. Your dad sounds like he was alright :).

[Seramount]

just wanted to offer my sincerest thanks to everyone that posted in this thread.

you are a kind group of people, your support is greatly appreciated.

altho my dad didn't participate in sports or find them all that interesting to watch, he always had a complimentary comment when I showed up to visit him on the bike wearing full kit.

'you look pretty snazzy' was the most common remark...I like that.

anyways, thanks again for helping me thru this difficult period.