Hug Your Children - Birth & Death in the Space of a Week

[ORMojo]

I was all set Sunday evening to make this post the announcement of the birth of my son, and it still is.

Since I have alluded to the pending event in several other posts over the past 9 months, last Sunday - February 16 - my son Luca was born, and he has amazed us every moment since. It is our fourth child . . . and the first boy born into either extended family in over 26 years. We could not be happier or more pleased with this addition.

However . . . this Sunday - February 23 - I received a phone call that no parent should ever have to endure. Our second child, Carolyn, was killed in a senseless, avoidable car wreck in Montana. At age 22, she was just months from graduating from college and had so much ahead of her. At 6 feet tall, her smile (famous smile, according to her friends), literally shone above those around her.

http://registerguard.com/rg/news/local/31207042-75/montana-crash-police-thompson-university.html.csp

Please - as if I need to remind you - hug your children a few extra times for me.

[HenryA]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

[mgm777]

ORMojo - My condolences to you and your family. Reading this breaks my heart.

[dave thompson]

My prayers, to your son and for your daughter.

[chuckred]

I can't imagine the pain of such a call - with two daughters not far past that age.

Congratulations on the new son though! (same birthday as my granddaughter). I really have no idea what the right thing to say about the mix of joy and sadness you are going through.

[Peter B]

ORMojo,

You are one of the bright lights of this forum. I cannot fathom the emotions you must be experiencing. My heart goes out to you and your loved ones.

[mjb266]

As I sit here and read a story to my three year old daughter, I can't imagine getting that phone call. My prayers are with you and yours.

[roguedog]

......

Don't even know what to say. As others have said.. thoughts and prayers.

[GuyGadois]

So sorry for your loss. It is so heartbreaking when a loved one dies. It is especially hard to grasp when they are taken away so quickly and early. You're right, hug your loved ones and always remember to appreciate every day we are here.

GG

[wooly]

Oh Lord, I cannot imagine that joy and pain you're feeling. Many prayers to you and your family.

[Louis]

All my condolences for Carolyn's death, and congratulations on your son's birth. It's pretty easy for me to say from where I sit, but life will get better.

You'll always have a place in your heart for her, but life goes on for those of us still here, and for the new ones just joining us.

[hokoman]

So sorry for your families loss. My wife and I have a 3 month old and I cannot imagine your pain.

[fuzzalow]

That is tragic and heartbreaking news. Very sorry to hear. Condolences to you and your family for your daughter.

Congratulations on your new son.

[Tandem Rider]

I am so sorry for you loss, you will get better at coping with the void.

Enjoy your new son, he is special too.

[AngryScientist]

having only a very young son and a daughter on the way, the first thing that struck me about the article linked is the reference to the "woman" who was killed. I wonder does it seem odd to the parents of mature children to hear them referred to as a "woman", or are they always your "little girl" in your mind?

So very sorry to hear about the loss, such an accomplished young lady, any girl who pursues mechanical engineering is A-OK is my book. rest in peace Carolyn.

[J.Greene]

I'm so very sorry. That's horrific.

[Chris]

What horrible news. I hope peace can find you someway in the days to come. You are in my thoughts.

[93legendti]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[fa63]

Wow, that is terrible. My condolences to you and your family.

[Climb01742]

I wish I knew words that could ease pain. But the best I have are, you and your family are in my thoughts. Every day, every moment with a child is magical. I wish you peace, ORmojo.

[William]

So very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. The best I can say at this time is that you are in our thoughts and prayers.







William

[snah]

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[cfox]

My thoughts are with you, I am so sorry for your loss. I truly hope your wonderful new son offers you and your family some comfort.

[christian]

So very sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and I wish you peace and comfort.

[rugbysecondrow]

What a touching post. Very sorry for your loss. Congrats on your new bundle of joy as well.

[ultraman6970]

+1 with this post all of the others... :(

What a touching post. Very sorry for your loss. Congrats on your new bundle of joy as well.

[BumbleBeeDave]

. . . and I can't imagine getting such a call. Can't imagine what I'd do.

I will be thinking of you and your family and hoping for the very best for you given the situation.

BBD

[gasman]

I don't think there is anything worse that can happen to a parent than to lose a child. I'm so sorry.
There is nothing so special as the birth of a child, congratulations.

I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you and your family are facing.

Best thoughts go out to a fellow Oregonian.

[Elefantino]

Many prayers for you and your family.

[jh_on_the_cape]

My first thought when I started reading was, "Great name! My oldest son is also named Luca!"

Then I kept reading and I thought I was going to read about maybe your grandmother that passed and how she had saved people in WWII or something like that. But to hear about a 22 year old girl... as a father of three I cannot imagine.

My kids are going to freak out when I hug them so much.

[akelman]

Nothing to add that hasn't already been said. Well, nothing except this: after reading your post last night, I thought about the birth of my kids, contemplated the joy and pain you must be experiencing, cried for a bit, and then sat in each of the boys' rooms and watched them sleep for a few minutes. I should do all of the above more often, really, and I thank you for having the courage to share your experiences with all of us. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

[texbike]

Mojo,

I'm so very sorry to hear the news about your daughter. I wish your family the best with your new son.

texbike

[buldogge]

Nothing to add, really…and what can be said to comfort such a loss, except all of our thoughts are with you.

I have a 26yo son and an 8yo son…this made me think…we don't see my older son enough.

Also, I was just "fighting" with my 8yo yesterday before seeing this and this reminded me to cherish them, even when it seems "so hard".

Nothing could be harder than what you have just experienced…

Hopefully the joy of the new son can mitigate your pain to some extent…

-Mark in St. Louis

[joep2517]

ORmojo, I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you and your family are going through. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Joe

[bking]

Mojo, i'm so very sorry for your loss. I have six children, each one is my whole life. I can only imagine the depth of your grief. I pray that in time, time can heal even the deepest wounds, you and your family will find comfort again.

[jmoore]

I've got no words for this.

Prayers for you and your family. So sorry.

[Idris Icabod]

Advice taken, both children hugged extra hard today before leaving for work. My thoughts are with you, having to endure such a high with the birth of your son followed by such a sadness.

[timto]

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts.

[malcolm]

No one should have to feel that pain. Do your best to enjoy your son.
heart felt sympathies

[MadRocketSci]

Heartbreaking. May peace and good memories be with you and your family.

[slidey]

The very best thoughts, and wishes to your family; hug and hang tight.

[avalonracing]

I'm so sorry. There are some long days and nights ahead. Wishing you the best during this time.

[Ahneida Ride]

I will keep you in my prayers ..

I understand ..... I too just suffered a tragic loss.

God Bless

[Matt-H]

So very sad. I remember from other posts how much you love traveling with your kids. I hope that some of those great memories will help you through this most difficult time.

Congratulations on your new addition as well.

[cmbicycles]

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[moose8]

I am so sorry for you and your family.

[DonH]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your loved ones.
I'll definitely hug my kids more than usual tonight.

[alessandro]

ORMojo, I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish the best of luck from now on to you, your wife, and Carolyn's siblings.

[alpsantos]

I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[Shortsocks]

Jesus Christ. This is F**cking Horrible. My condolences.

This is just horrible.

[DRZRM]

I am so sorry to read about your loss. You are in my thoughts in this unimaginably difficult time.

All my sympathies,

Zach

[Rada]

My heart felt condolences. As a parent I can't imagine a worst nightmare than losing a child.

[toytech]

I can't even find the words, my sons are about the same age as your daughter and I not even imagine the pain you are going through.
My prayers go out to you and yours.
Chris

[fiamme red]

Reading your post was gut-wrenching. What a tragic, senseless loss.

The driver of the SUV will have to live with this criminal negligence on his conscience for the rest of his life.

[sharkboyrob]

ORMojo, congratulations on the birth of your son, and my sincere condolences on the loss of your daughter. May you and your family find consolation in her having lit the world with her smile and joy, and the hope that she is an inspiration to all she met in her short time here.

[tiretrax]

My deepest condolences to you. My wife's neice was struck by a car and killed nearly two years ago this March, just shy of graduation. She was a ray of sunshine, and it was and still is painful. I hope the joy of your son will help to ease that awful pain and sadness.

[vqdriver]

Absolutely heartbreaking.
What a roller coaster for you and your wife with the birth so recent.
Thoughts and prayers for your family.

[d_douglas]

As a parent of small kids, I have recently starting worrying about the utter anguish I would feel if I lost one of them. These feelings happen when I look into their dark, soft little eyes, right now perfectly safe and healthy. My little Magnus has a magic smile as well.

You are now living likely te toughest moment of your life, but take solace in holding your new baby boy - he will be especially important to you, no doubt.

Rest in peace, Carolyn.

[SpokeValley]

My heart is broken on this sad news.

The peace of the Lord, which surpasses all understanding, be with you and your family.

[Black Dog]

As much as any of us can be, we are with you. I am very affectionate with my young kids and even they noticed all the extra hugs yesterday and today. Most of the hugs were not given with dry eyes.

[chuckroast]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[1happygirl]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[mtb_frk]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[the bottle ride]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[bikingshearer]

There simply are no words . . . .

May you and yours find the strength to make it through losing your precious daughter. And may your family continue to find joy in your new son and in each other.

[jghall]

Wow, I'm literally in tears reading that. So sorry to hear. As with the others, thoughts and prayers. A parents worst nightmare.

[Kirk007]

Nothing profound to say other than sharing your pain. My son is 21; spent his first 18 years in Eugene undoubtably crossing paths and frequenting many of the locales as did your daughter. I really can't imagine, not the pain, not the mental and physical exhaustion. Take care of yourself and family.

[msl819]

So very sorry to hear... praying for you and your family.

[bart998]

Very sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your family. I have a 21 year old daughter in college and I just can't imagine...

[rwsaunders]

Your son now has a guardian angel.

[djg]

I was all set Sunday evening to make this post the announcement of the birth of my son, and it still is.

Since I have alluded to the pending event in several other posts over the past 9 months, last Sunday - February 16 - my son Luca was born, and he has amazed us every moment since. It is our fourth child . . . and the first boy born into either extended family in over 26 years. We could not be happier or more pleased with this addition.

However . . . this Sunday - February 23 - I received a phone call that no parent should ever have to endure. Our second child, Carolyn, was killed in a senseless, avoidable car wreck in Montana. At age 22, she was just months from graduating from college and had so much ahead of her. At 6 feet tall, her smile (famous smile, according to her friends), literally shone above those around her.

http://registerguard.com/rg/news/local/31207042-75/montana-crash-police-thompson-university.html.csp

Please - as if I need to remind you - hug your children a few extra times for me.

ORMojo I am very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain. I will follow your advice, of course, and you and your family will be in our thoughts.

[veloduffer]

It really saddens me about your loss. And best wishes to your new son.

[ORMojo]

Thank you, everyone, for all of the supportive comments and thoughts.

It has been an almost unbearable several days. Without the pure need of our newborn, and the innocent joy of our 4-year-old, it might be truly unbearable.

I won't dwell on details - just to say that I hope none of you EVER has to experience the loss of a child. The loss itself is horrible enough - right now I am utterly empty mentally, emotionally, and physically - but in situations such as ours, there is so much you must take care of - bringing our daughter's body back home, so many medical and legal issues, welcome, but, honestly in some ways, almost overwhelming offers of assistance (my wife is now sick of bouquets of flowers, especially since there had already been a few joyful bouquets in the house from Valentine's Day and the birth of our son).

having only a very young son and a daughter on the way, the first thing that struck me about the article linked is the reference to the "woman" who was killed. I wonder does it seem odd to the parents of mature children to hear them referred to as a "woman", or are they always your "little girl" in your mind?

So very sorry to hear about the loss, such an accomplished young lady, any girl who pursues mechanical engineering is A-OK is my book. rest in peace Carolyn.

You are correct. While over the past several years I have come to think of my 24- and 22-year-old daughters as young women, over the past several days every time I see one of the "Oregon Woman Killed . . . " headlines, my brain screams "NO, that was my child that was killed." I think my grown children will always be both women/man, and my little girl/boy.

The newspaper article was correct - but only partially so. Carolyn was set to receive two separate full undergraduate degrees simultaneously - one in mechanical engineering, and a second one in mechanical engineering technology. She worked very, very hard at this, and maintained a perfect "A" grade record (last I knew!). She always joked that she wanted engineering degrees because she loved to build things . . . and then blow them up -- a joke I urged her to use with caution in certain circles in Montana. We have already started inquiries about the possible awarding of posthumous degrees.

Outside of the classroom, Carolyn's life was her horses, and anything and everyone connected with them. (And the welding shop . . . but that is another story.) My memories are as clear as if it was yesterday of the early days of driving her 45 minutes each way to the stables where she first started serious riding and jumping lessons, many years ago. Those were nice stables - the owners often brought me a beer while I watched her lesson. She competed in both English and Western, and was out on the Montana trails the rest of the time.

The MSU Equestrian Team/Club posted this yesterday:
This weekend we ride for Carolyn Thompson. She was an amazing person taken from us much too soon.

Carolyn Thompson: 12/2/1991 - 2/23/2014

This past weekend we lost our teammate and wonderful friend Carolyn. She was an amazing role model for the equestrian team and the MSU community. Her dedication to this team, her riding, and studies as a double engineering major were inspiring to us all. She participated on the team not only for her love of horses, but also for the people. She was never on a horse without a smile on her face. We are so grateful for the time we spent with her. It was honor to have you on this team, we will miss you and always love you Carolyn.

-MSU Equestrian Team Memorial Meeting on February 25th, 2014

We are working on thoughts of the best way to establish a memorial fund in Carolyn's name in support of the horse rescue she worked with, or something else equine related.

Again, thanks for your support.
http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/CarolynJumping_zpsf6c7b7bf.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/CarolynJumping_zpsf6c7b7bf.jpg.html)http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/CarolynLayingOnHorse_zps95a5a75b.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/CarolynLayingOnHorse_zps95a5a75b.jpg.html)

[clyde the point]

Prayers sent Mojo for you, your family, and the people your wonderful daughter touched.

[Keith A]

Oh my heart aches for you and your family and I'm so sorry this tragedy has come into your life and taken your sweet daughter. I have three daughters that are around the ages of yours and our youngest is away at college and I just can't imagine how hard it would be to lose any of them.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

[jasonscott77]

I am so sorry

[Clydesdale]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is any way the forum can help you all, please let us know.

[binxnyrwarrsoul]

Condolences.

[cekte]

You are in our thoughts and prayers. My condolences, Truly sorry for your loss.

[LegendRider]

I'm so sorry. I'm grieving the loss of a friend today and I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. Words fail.

[Javaman]

Sorry to hear about your loss...did what you advised...I hugged and kissed my two daughters extra long and extra tight this morning before going to school...

[gasman]

Thank you for posting photos of Carolyn and writing a little more about her. She was clearly an amazing person. I can't imagine your and your family's pain. I'm so sorry.

I took your advice and have given both my kids and wife big hugs.

[bikingshearer]

ORmojo:

A little unasked-for advice that I hopw will help a little bit.

It sounds like you have a lot of family and friends who want to help. Let them. The love and support people can offer in times of trouble can be stunning. But that means letting people help who are actually helping, meaning doing things that feels like help to you or yours.

The flip side is to just say no - politely if possible, firmly if necessary - to people who are doing or want to do things that do not feel like help to you or yours. You need to be selfish now, especially with the new little one in the house. You top prioroties now have to be to your family, yourself, and to taking care of whatever it is that only you can take care of. There is no second priority for the foreseeable future. And that includes spending energy on people, however well-meaning, who are not offering or doing something that feels like help to you. It is not your job to make well-wishers feel good about themselves because they are trying to be supportive.

Commit this phrase to memory and use it whenever you feel it appropriate: "I'm sorry, now is not a good time." Most friends and family will understand. Humoring those who don't are not what you need to be dealing with now. It may sound mean or cruel, but it isn't - it is recognizing that this is one of the times in life where you have toake care of you and yours, and the rest of us will just have to take of ourselves for a while.

Tailwinds, my friend. Please know that there are a lot of people out here sending their pryars and best wishes your way.

[shovelhd]

God bless.

[tuxbailey]

As a father of a young girl, I am sorry to hear about your loss.

[SpeedyChix]

Left without words do simply, deepest condolences. Prayers to you and your family.

[WickedWheels]

My sincerest condolences...

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

[Raffy]

My deepest condolences for your loss. Take care of yourself and your family.

[tele]

Always great advice to hug/kiss the kids and treat everyday as special.

Condolences and sending thoughts your families way...

[malcolm]

I've read through this for the second time now and it's more heartbreaking than the first. While reading your note about your daughter I was struck by the positive. She was clearly a young woman that made the best of things and touched many lives in her much too short time. You and your wife have much to be proud of for she seems to have had a life well lived and many people that love her. Many live much longer and never achieve that.

[Uncle Jam's Army]

I can't imagine the pain of the loss of such a beautiful child. My deepest condolences to you, ORMojo. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[ORMojo]

Approved unanimously yesterday by the Montana State University Council, one positive thing to result from this. Past, present, and future students are now eligible for posthumous MSU degrees, perhaps bringing some small comfort to families in addition to ours.

http://www2.montana.edu/facultysenate/documents/2014/Posthumous%20Degree%20Policy%20Final%20022314%20LT .pdf

http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/news/montana_state_university/article_4707b5f4-a4c8-11e3-bf9c-001a4bcf887a.html#user-comment-area
MSU to award degrees after death of students
Montana State University leaders acted swiftly Wednesday to make it easier to award degrees to good students who die before graduating.

The University Council's 26 members voted unanimously to adopt immediately a new policy to award degrees posthumously.

. . .

Carolyn Thompson, a 22-year-old student in engineering from Eugene, Ore., and member of the MSU Equestrian Team, died in a tragic car accident, [MSU President] Cruzado said. She was a passenger in a head-on crash that occurred Feb. 23 near East Helena, according to news reports.

. . .

[Wilkinson4]

Just saw this and there are no words, other than you have all of our support. This is just so awful.

mIKE

[Louis]

A nice gesture for you and other parents and loved ones, who unfortunately have been or will be in a similar situation.

How have things been going for you otherwise?

[chomeo]

My deepest condolence to you for your loss ORMojo. Thank you for your advice.

[tctyres]

It is so wonderful to hear about the birth of your son, but I am so sorry to hear about your daughter.

My condolences to you and your family.

[eBAUMANN]

wow. this is supremely heartbreaking to read…my deepest condolences on your loss.

[vav]

Having two daughters myself, this sure is very tough to swallow. My heart goes to you and your family.
Vincent

[ericssonboi]

My condolences on your loss ... It put a smile on my face to read about the birth on your new born and it broke my heart about your loss. All the best to you and your family

[gasman]

MSU stepped up and did the right thing. A small consolation I'm sure.

Her obituary appeared in our local paper today. You can make a remembrance in Carolyn Thompson's name by sending a check to any Oregon Community Credit Union branch made to "MSU Equestrian Team "-which I'm going to do since it's my local credit union.
Other action the family requested in her name can be to contribute to your local blood bank. Something most all of us can do.

[ORMojo]

OK, I want to close Carolyn's story here. Mostly because I want to again thank everyone for the words of support, the PMs, and the donations in her name. I can't thank you enough.

This past Saturday there were two simultaneous events. Carolyn's celebration of life service here in Oregon, and a riderless horse ceremony at the MSU Equestrian Team's last meet of the year in Utah. The service was wonderful. Video of the riderless horse ceremony - one of her favorite horses, with her boots backwards in the stirrups - is very hard for me to watch, but it too was perfect for her. If you care to see it, it can be found here (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10153945192755475).

At the service, there was one of her first pieces of welding, and one of her most recent. I had joked with her that some day she would have to build me a bike.

Her ashes are now placed in a pioneer cemetery that overlooks horse pastures and barns. She would have liked that.

Thanks again, everyone.

http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/CGTMemorialTable_zps86ddf448.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/CGTMemorialTable_zps86ddf448.jpg.html)
http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/CGTCoatRack_zps5c01da46.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/CGTCoatRack_zps5c01da46.jpg.html)
http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/CGTHorseshoeArt_zps6699cf46.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/CGTHorseshoeArt_zps6699cf46.jpg.html)
http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/RiderlessHorse_zps19a65841.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/RiderlessHorse_zps19a65841.jpg.html)
http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv48/ORMojo1/CGTGrave2_zps8db576a8.jpg (http://s668.photobucket.com/user/ORMojo1/media/CGTGrave2_zps8db576a8.jpg.html)

[Louis]

Her ashes are now placed in a pioneer cemetery that overlooks horse pastures and barns. She would have liked that.

Nice. RIP Carolyn.

[gasman]

Thanks for update. I can barely read my screen and type this after watching that video and I never knew her. She was well loved. RIP Carolyn

[Matthew]

Beautiful tribute, beautiful resting place. RIP. Matthew.

[texbike]

Powerful and beautiful ceremony. I'm really sorry for your loss. She seemed to have been an extremely loved and respected individual.

Texbike

[George Ab]

My sincerest condolences. So sorry for your loss.

[bikerboy337]

How beautiful, found myself crying reading the most recent update. So sorry for your loss.

[onekgguy]

Profoundly sad. I wish you well.

Kevin g

[ORMojo]

She would have turned 25 today.

http://www.montana.edu/news/16539/msu-announces-new-memorial-scholarship

[weisan]

Mojo pal, ....

[SpeedyChix]

Major hugs out to you today. Well every day but especially today.

[Aaron O]

I think your post is touching and beautiful...I'm so sorry for your loss.

[tumbler]

What a nice way to remember your daughter. I wish you and your family the very best today.

[deechee]

That's an amazing way to honor your daughter, and I hope all is well with your young one. As a new dad, its easy to be exasperated and ready to rip my hair out (well, my son does it for me) but it really is a rewarding experience. I hope my son grows up to be someone to be proud of like your daughter.

Happy birthday to her.

[gasman]

I don't think you can ever get over losing a child.

Sincere condolences from a fellow Oregonian.

[Tandem Rider]

As time goes on you will get better at dealing with the pain. I can promise you that. You have created a beautiful way to both rise above and build above the sorrow and loss. I hope you have a peaceful weekend.

[livingminimal]

Best to you, Mojo. Best to you.

[jghall]

Hard to believe it's been almost 3 years. Still thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Worst thing to consider/deal with as a parent.

What a nice way to honor your daughter. I'm sure she's looking down with that big, bright, and extremely beautiful smile.

[makoti]

Dear Jesus...so sorry for your loss.

[soulspinner]

Never read the original post....wow. God bless you and yours.

[cadence90]

Wow. I had never seen this thread before.
Post #1 made me cry.

I really have no words, but I certainly wish all the best, many fond memories, and many, many happy future days to you and yours ORMojo.