OT- Sometimes my job sucks...

[fourflys]

So I sit here and watch one of my subordinates have his supervised hour with his two young daughters... You can tell Dad is these girls universe but because of a marital issue, he can currently only see them an hour at a time...

It just breaks my heart when two adults can't be adult and these two beautiful girls have to suffer...

Well, at least I can facilitate am hour several times a week for them... Still sucks though...

[dekindy]

Divorce, whether amicable or not seems to be epidemic. Went to my 40-year old cousin's(bride) wedding this weekend. Both parents are divorced, the groom was divorced, the bride's brother is divorced. It is common for no children in a family to have the same last name and if living with Mom she usually has a different last name. And this is in the supposedly conservative Midwest. Pretty much the norm. On the other hand maybe this is no worse, or possibly even better, than couples living together miserably or leading separate lives, etc. Who knows.

[false_Aest]

I'm not married.
Never was.
But I'm a victim of marriage.

You know what sucks?

People putting so much weight on marriage that when it finally ends both parties are so effing bitter they ruin it for the other people involved.

People putting so much emphasis on the institution of marriage that a good portion of my generation are flinching at the idea of marriage.

People putting so much emphasis on their definition of marriage that they're taking away another's chance to try it out (.... and fail just like straight people do).


Now to go home and choose stones with MicroWatt.

[dustyrider]

Man oh man. I don't know how you find a positive in a situation like that. I've worked with DYC kids in different transitional living situations. Had to be the toughest job I've ever had, and I was just acting as a life coach. never mind sitting through the counseling and parental visits. Being able to distance yourself enough to care but not let the job consume was something I couldn't quite grasp fully. As it is I can't believe how many of my students I want to adopt and give a better chance to....alas there must be something that keeps you going in. Try to live those areas!

[firerescuefin]

As someone that's been married for awhile...I'd say selfishness and the disposability and non permanency of how society views marriage has much more to do with its failure than "weight" and "emphasis on the institution of marriage" and my parents marriage was a tire fire.

On topic...you're a good man Chris.

I'm not married.
Never was.
But I'm a victim of marriage.

You know what sucks?

People putting so much weight on marriage that when it finally ends both parties are so effing bitter they ruin it for the other people involved.

People putting so much emphasis on the institution of marriage that a good portion of my generation are flinching at the idea of marriage.

People putting so much emphasis on their definition of marriage that they're taking away another's chance to try it out (.... and fail just like straight people do).


Now to go home and choose stones with MicroWatt.

[MattTuck]

As someone that's been married for awhile...I'd say selfishness and the disposability and non permanency of how society views marriage has much more to do with its failure than "weight" and "emphasis on the institution of marriage" and my parents marriage was a tire fire.

On topic...you're a good man Chris.

Geoff, there's some good wisdom there from a good man...

I think there is probably a lot going on. In the past, in a more patriarchal culture, the females didn't have a lot of power in the relationship, without the ability to support themselves they were somewhat stuck if they wanted to leave.

Today, many more women can and do support themselves as equal partners in the relationship. Since there isn't as much economic reason for a relationship, the two people focus on higher order things like intimacy, emotional support, companionship. This requires a lot of honesty, and frankly self awareness, to be a good partner.

I am saddened also though, when people with kids divorce and doubly sad when it is really bad. It is hard enough with two adults with support systems in place, I cannot imagine the damage it does to children.

[fourflys]

Thanks all...

Marriage isn't easy and even when things go down a bad road, it doesn't have to be the end... We all make mistakes, some worse than others... It takes commitment and perseverance, but issues can be worked through...

I fear in a month or so, these little girls won't see dad very much and it's going to break their hearts...

[Ken Robb]

My second wife and I have had my ex to dinner at our place and had dinner at hers. It can happen---------but getting there isn't easy.

[Aaron O]

As someone that's been married for awhile...I'd say selfishness and the disposability and non permanency of how society views marriage has much more to do with its failure than "weight" and "emphasis on the institution of marriage" and my parents marriage was a tire fire.

On topic...you're a good man Chris.

+1 - people don't want to put in the work and it becomes like changing the TV. We're all victims of our own flaws and faults, so most of the time you'll have the same, or similar, issues with whoever you're with. I think people also don't do enough prep and thought before marriage.

I have a friend in a horrible custody issue with a terrible person, and I constantly remind him - you chose her. Yes, she's a terrible person who got worse over time, but you picked her (and the signs were there). I feel terribly for their child...she uses him as a pawn/bargaining chip.

[soulspinner]

Marriage does not mean you give up yourself:no:

[R2D2]

It is sad when a couple who once loved each other have gotten to a point they'd rather burn it all down than just move on.

[josephr]

We're a 'blended family' in that we both brought kids from previous marriages into ours. We opted not to have children together (got a dog instead!) as have seen too many 'step-kids' that have gotten left out when the new kid comes along.

We've had our trials too, but I've reached the conclusion that no matter if its the man or the woman, its when the adults stop thinking of the other members of their family and only thinking of themselves and their wants/needs...the selfishness takes over it becomes a fight over me vs me.

Joe

[bking]

A lot of expectations put on marriage, a lot of "emphasis", a lot of "weight", oh man yes.

I'm a product of divorced parents. My father went on to marry at least 6 or 7 times; A bigamist once (or would it be two[ice])
You're right on regarding the victims, it's always the kids. And more often then not, they're pawns used by those that should protect them. I feel strongly that it's one thing to divorce w/o kids, but when you have kids, you've surrendered some of your own "rights".
And in marriage it's not about you anymore, but about "us". It does take time, and effort, and sacrifice to come to that, and sometimes we are overpowered by "me" before we have a chance to really try out the "us". Self preservation, self gratification, self awareness gets in the way of something much bigger, much better, and much more powerful.
Of course, the key to this, in my opinion, is to get two to play. But always, you first, and and you must go all in. You can't play this game if you don't, it's way too hard, really hard under the best of circumstances, and that's why most fail: they hold something back.
I'm now married 33 years, and we deliver our last of 6 to college tomorrow. Of the numberless good things about long and faithful marriage, one is the memories. We share them all, we laugh and sometimes cry about many of them; but we made every one together, and we keep building. Thats just one of the amazing aspects of this wonderful institution.

[SamIAm]

I think its Neal Boortz that always says, the best status symbol anyone can have is a long marriage.

[norcalbiker]

Commitment
Respect
Trust
Patient
Serve

In my opinion these are words you need to practice to avoid divorce.