Crazy Craigslist Postings

[Wilkinson4]

Just seen on Denver CL. I never thought about stashing my stash in my revelate bag! Post your CL sightings here.



YOU stole my frame pack -revelate design- - $8008 (your ass is grass )

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/3483182232.html

You stole my frame pack off my porch and I really would prefer if you hadn't done that. The bag was expensive and rather dear to me as it is used for portaging beers, pot/ pipe, gloves/hat, aswell as camping gear when I go bike camping. I am also upset that you removed it from my bike when you did, because I need it for an upcoming bike tour.

I think you are a bad person. This bag has no use other than for mounting to a bicycle frame, so you are a cyclist and you have ruined my perception that all cyclists were generally good people.

Also why did you not steal any of my lights, or awesome bottle cage, did you just need the bag?

If you would like to return the bag you may do so by reattaching it to my railing, you know the address because you stole it from there.

If you do not want to return it but want to semi-redeem yourself I would appreciate if you returned its contents. If Im not mistaken that would amount to 1 derailleur cable, 1 beer koozie with a Pablos monkey in the color of green, 1 water resistant seat cover, and 1 pair of liner gloves (not positive if the gloves were in there or if I may have lost them)

If I see your bike with my bag mounted to it, I have a stealthy marking on the bag to prove it is mine, I will call my friends at the fire department and have them bring the jaws of life (in this case, jaws of DEATH -to-your-bike) and will cop your ride into one inch long pieces. I will then pour cottage cheese all over the pile in hopes that it will rot and leave your bike parts pile smelling very bad.

Of course if you return the bag I will not need to waste my cottage cheese or the fire departments resources. Or don't, and you will know that you are without a doubt a very bad person and you will probably die at a young age from the added stress this brings you.

mIKE

[Chris]

I like this one...

Hey Crackhead

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Reply to: anon-27499971@craigslist.org
Date: Sat Mar 27 15:36:01 2004



Yes, you. You sick ****er. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my
girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off
both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone
would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind
of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I
knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a
padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket
that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced
the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me
that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of
spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and
former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I
remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home
from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I
figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would
have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering.
Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days
and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating
knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how
****ed up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.

But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You
couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a
home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your
laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was
it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I
found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right
one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare
sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a
73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in
my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the
neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my
sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and
3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even
though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount
(I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should
have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the
whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not
finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway
so it's probably not worth it to take it back now."

OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done
me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable.
I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't
understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for
a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main
thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is
crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must
clown on you non-stop. I mean, the ****ing saw you used to saw off my
sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for
a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy
crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that
stupid.

I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be
tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically
California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated
that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to
spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering ****, and
it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and
fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat
poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it
was his idea.

2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison.
This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable
crime. I'm sure this is super illegal and ****, but it's not like anyone is
going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel
mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm
sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced.
I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and
buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience
and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.

Sincerely,
Matt

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please
disregard this posting ***



it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests

[bart998]

I wonder if he ever figured out that since he already owns the ratchet he could just remove the plugs at night and screw in a bolt to plug the hole....

[Louis]

Hilarious.

But how much can a crack pipe cost? Wait, on second thought, you don't have to answer that...

[monkeybanana86]

LOL

I especially liked the last sentence from the first one

and I live right by that darn UN Plaza

[oliver1850]

Pretty mean spirited, but it has its moments:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/1192150038.html

[Wilkinson4]

I'm selling a rack that is great for commuting and carrying your groceries. It's a Blackburn rack, with mounted a milk crate. The bonus of the milk crate is I have drilled it out for lightness and style, how awesome is that?

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/3466749293.html

mIKE

[oliver1850]

Saw a 2001 Cannondale today that was listed at $400 over the 2001 MSRP. The seller also stated it was the "Armstrong Tour de France bike".

[Wilkinson4]

Works

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/3516438222.html

mIKE

[slidey]

Check out this site...many gems in here!

www.dontevenreply.com/top.php

One of my all-time faves: http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=100

[ultraman6970]

WOW :) funny stuff "D