OT: I almost knocked out an 18 yr old kid yesterday and I feel horrible

[Mr Cabletwitch]

So yesterday I took my 3 year old son to the skate/BMX park in my little town. He likes to ride his bike on the ramps. Often times its inhabited by less than well behaved kids, but yesterday there was only 2 kids there so I figured it would be safe. When we came over the one kid put out his cigarette which I appreciated even though you can't smoke in the park to begin with. After about 5 mins the other kid lit up a cig and I asked him to do it somewhere else. He said he was leaving so I thanked him and continued playing with my son. A couple minutes went by and the kid didn't move so I asked him to leave, or put the cig out. It was followed by the kid getting in my face and telling me to make him... Well I knocked the cig out of his hand then he grabbed me by the collar. At this point I was furious and even though he was taller than me he was a skinny little kid. After he touched me I grabbed him by the neck and almost through him over a fence. After this he continued at me and after throwing him around a bit he decided to leave. He never got farther than outside the fence where he yelled expletives at me. At this point I called the police who came about 15 mins later. Once the officer found out the kid was 18 he talked to me for a few minutes and told me I shouldn't have touched the kid since I'm obviously a lot bigger and the kid was no real threat to me. ( I agreed). I then took my son and went home and he assured me that the kid wasn't going to be hanging out and smoking at the park again.

I'm angry with myself because my son had to witness me resolve an issue physically, and to be honest I almost knocked the kids head off, but fortunately better judgement prevailed and I only tossed him. Last night my son didn't want to sleep because he was scared someone was going to hurt me.

I'm also angry because these "kids" think they run the parks around here and tend to leave graffiti and trash everywhere they go. Making it difficult for my son to enjoy the areas that my tax money goes to. After another incident with a young punk racing his fourwheeler in my neighborhood my wife and I might just move out of this town, but that doesn't really make me feel better about when my son witnessed.

[charliedid]

Kids will be kids...

[craptacular]

Would you have done the same thing if it was an adult who was obviously stronger than you?

[Ray]

Rumspringa?

Tough situation to be sure, but if I'd had my kid with me, I'd have left and then called the cops. That's gonna be a tough memory for him to get past and not just out of fear for your safety. Best of luck helping him through it.

-Ray

[Mikej]

Yeah, I grew up a skater in the 80's, still hit the pools with my kids - just a little less gnar going down! It's hard to relate to some guys, but the parks are where they can do thier cr@p and not get chased out. Do they have a Saturday morning session for learners? Thats what I did for my kids untill they could snake for themselves. Maybe a couple Monsters or red bulls can patch it up and tour son can see its ok? That is if you still want to go. They are just kids, technically, thier brains (teenagers) may not be developed enough to understand. Also, there are 4 wheeling trash talking idiots everywhere -Even the richest digs prolly have a bus line!

[christian]

You should feel horrible. Someone smoking a cigarette gets filed under the category of "annoying." Physically engaging with them over this is pretty far over the line, especially in front of your kids. You're lucky you didn't get to spend some more quality time with the police.

You might want to talk to someone about your anger issues.

[G-Reg]

All that drama over a Fn cigarette? Really?

How exactly is harm going to come to your 3 y/o because he sees someone outside smoking?

People never cease to amaze!

[sloji]

There's always more to come in life from one source or another and choosing our battles turns out to be more of an inside job.

[BShow]

I hate cigarettes too, but dude. You could have distanced yourself from the situation. Attacking somebody because the are smoking a cigarette is inappropriate at best. It is not your place to enforce the rules of whatever park you are in with physical force. The fact that your kid was there to witness the situation is all the more reason for you to relax and look at the bigger picture rather than losing your cool.

[AngryScientist]

have to agree with the above. you were, of course totally in the wrong.



also - what was so bad about the cigarette really? i dont smoke myself, but surely you dont think there is an honest health hazard from occupying the same outdoor space as a smoker:confused:

[Dave B]

Interesting stuff.

Dont' know what I would have done, but I don't think this is all bad. I am guessing you didn't get all bent out of shape just on the smoking, as I would imagine the kid provoked you with behavior as well. could you have dealt with this another way, sure.

However, your son saw you deal with a problem right then and there. I think there is a little bit that needed now and then. You weren't there to cause problems, but you, quite literally, handled the situation. He saw that. he saw you make someone stop their behavior.

I understand this is unpopular, but follwo up with him and make him understand why you did it. Don't apologize for the physicality of it, but also say you had other options you could have used in dealing with it. Your son might learn to stand up for himself. he might see your agression as something he doesn't want to do. but he also saw you stick up for yourself and that is also important.

I agree there are other methods to deal with this and not sure Iw ould have done the same, but kids need to see this so they understand it. They do not have to mimic it, but they aren't always damaged by seeing that type of response.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

I am well aware that it would have been best to just leave the park, and this "kid" wasn't a kid he was an adult. Your all right it certainly wasn't worth what happened. Keep in mine the kid grabbed me first and tossing him was my initial reaction, I never swung at him and he never swung at me.

My thought at the time was what am I teaching my son if we leave the park because someone is doing something they aren't supposed to. I never in a million years thought the kid would come at me especially after my first request for him to leave was met with his agreement. After the young man decided to not listen the first time I tried to get my son to leave, but he didn't want to, and really why should he. My main problem was that my son was asking what they were doing and why. He looks up to the kids on skate boards and BMX bikes cause they are cool.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

have to agree with the above. you were, of course totally in the wrong.

you better be avoiding that park in the future, if the 17 yo's parents heard some guy at the park roughed him up, i would suspect a call to the police and police report has been made. they may have their eye out for you.

also - what was so bad about the cigarette really? i dont smoke myself, but surely you dont think there is an honest health hazard from occupying the same outdoor space as a smoker:confused:


Did you even read my original post? or the title for that matter?

[G-Reg]

Interesting stuff.

....However, your son saw you deal with a problem right then and there. I think there is a little bit that needed now and then. You weren't there to cause problems,....


What problem are you refering to?

The problem was some jerk slapping a cig out of someone else's hand.

The OP was the ONLY problem identified in his telling of the story.

[Dave B]

I am well aware that it would have been best to just leave the park, and this "kid" wasn't a kid he was an adult. Your all right it certainly wasn't worth what happened. Keep in mine the kid grabbed me first and tossing him was my initial reaction, I never swung at him and he never swung at me.

My thought at the time was what am I teaching my son if we leave the park because someone is doing something they aren't supposed to. I never in a million years thought the kid would come at me especially after my first request for him to leave was met with his agreement. After the young man decided to not listen the first time I tried to get my son to leave, but he didn't want to, and really why should he. My main problem was that my son was asking what they were doing and why. He looks up to the kids on skate boards and BMX bikes cause they are cool.

Again I think what you did was one of the right things to do. Were there others "right" options???? Probably, but you stood up for yourself and for your son. I think that is an important message he sees. I am sure you have, but talk to him about it, explain other choices and why you did what you did, which I would imagine you have.

[AngryScientist]

Did you even read my original post? or the title for that matter?

thoroughly.

[Dave B]

What problem are you refering to?

The problem was some jerk slapping a cig out of someone else's hand.

The OP was the ONLY problem identified in his telling of the story.

The teen was the initial aggressor if I am reading correctly. If this was the case as I understand it, a son seeing their dad stick up for the both of them seems acceptable to me.

If the OP had started the agression beyond being initially polite then yeah, different story. However, we can disagree on this and both be right. :beer:

[Mr Cabletwitch]

Interesting stuff.

Dont' know what I would have done, but I don't think this is all bad. I am guessing you didn't get all bent out of shape just on the smoking, as I would imagine the kid provoked you with behavior as well. could you have dealt with this another way, sure.

However, your son saw you deal with a problem right then and there. I think there is a little bit that needed now and then. You weren't there to cause problems, but you, quite literally, handled the situation. He saw that. he saw you make someone stop their behavior.

I understand this is unpopular, but follwo up with him and make him understand why you did it. Don't apologize for the physicality of it, but also say you had other options you could have used in dealing with it. Your son might learn to stand up for himself. he might see your agression as something he doesn't want to do. but he also saw you stick up for yourself and that is also important.

I agree there are other methods to deal with this and not sure Iw ould have done the same, but kids need to see this so they understand it. They do not have to mimic it, but they aren't always damaged by seeing that type of response.

I talked to him about it all the way home from the park and we both agreed it would have been best to just leave the skate park and head over to the playground, but he understood that the other guy was being mean to his daddy.

This kid also stood on the other side of the fence and threatened to kill me if he saw me again. He was yelling loudly to the point that a few fathers from the nearby soccer game came to make sure I was ok.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

thoroughly.

Perhaps you missed the part that the "kid" was 18 years old and a legal adult?

[AngryScientist]

The teen was the initial aggressor if I am reading correctly. If this was the case as I understand it, a son seeing their dad stick up for the both of them seems acceptable to me.

If the OP had started the agression beyond being initially polite then yeah, different story.

the OP slapped the cigarette out of a kids hand. he drew first blood.

also - c'mon, skate parks were created to give the "bad kids" an outlet. keep them off of peoples cars, handrails, driveways. give them a place where they can do their thing, and not bother the rest of society.

[jr59]

nm

[Dave B]

the OP slapped the cigarette out of a kids hand. he drew first blood.

also - c'mon, skate parks were created to give the "bad kids" an outlet. keep them off of peoples cars, handrails, driveways. give them a place where they can do their thing, and not bother the rest of society.

I must have misread things. I thought the teen came at the guy first.

COme on now, not all skaters are deliquents and dirtbags. ;)

[jmikeq]

Shoudlve just walked away, def not worth the trouble.

[Vientomas]

Well I knocked the cig out of his hand then he grabbed me by the collar.

I assume you hit his hand when you knocked the cigarette out of it. Battery is typically defined as an unlawful touching. You may have committed battery by hitting his hand. It appears you started the physical nature of the encounter.

The "kid" had a witness. Your witness is you child. If the "kid" and his friend have a different story than yours, you have no one to prove otherwise.

I don't want to cause you additional stress, but - In our litigious society, a civil suit is possible.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

the OP slapped the cigarette out of a kids hand. he drew first blood.

also - c'mon, skate parks were created to give the "bad kids" an outlet. keep them off of peoples cars, handrails, driveways. give them a place where they can do their thing, and not bother the rest of society.


The kid got within two inches of my face and told me to "F*Ck off and make him" My anger got the best of me and I knocked the lit end off his cig. This is when He grabbed me.

Skate parks are for people to skate not do things and act in ways that they won't in front of their parents.

[redir]

Best defense is always to avoid confrontation at all costs. But it happens. We all can snap and do the wrong thing. You'll be fine.

[texbike]

Cable,

I'm glad that you recognize that you were in the wrong on this one. You could have easily distanced yourself from the smoke (you were outdoors, right?). It should have been a non-issue and pushing the matter and slapping the cig from the guy's hand is what escalated the situation. I hope that you tell your son that you were in the wrong, detail the mistakes that you made in the situation to him, and encourage him not to engage in the same behavior.

Best Regards,

Texbike

[Mr Cabletwitch]

I assume you hit his hand when you knocked the cigarette out of it. Battery is typically defined as an unlawful touching. You may have committed battery by hitting his hand. It appears you started the physical nature of the encounter.

The "kid" had a witness. Your witness is you child. If the "kid" and his friend have a different story than yours, you have no one to prove otherwise.

I don't want to cause you additional stress, but - In our litigious society, a civil suit is possible.


Luckily for me I had a burn mark on my hand to prove I knocked the lit end off the cig and didn't touch him. Also about a dozen witnesses at the nearby soccer game that came to my aid. I was definitely provoked there was no doubt about that. The officer was completely on my side of things. I just feel horrible for exposing my son to it.

[Gummee]

Best defense is always to avoid confrontation at all costs. But it happens. We all can snap and do the wrong thing. You'll be fine.

While I agree in part with the first part of the post, there comes a time when you realize that if you don't do anything, the behavior will continue. By getting in the OP's face, the teen was assaulting the OP (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/assault). The OP committed assault and battery (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/assault+and+battery)

While 2 wrongs don't make a right, hopefully that teen will think twice about another confrontation in the future.

M

[Mr Cabletwitch]

Cable,

I'm glad that you recognize that you were in the wrong on this one. You could have easily distanced yourself from the smoke (you were outdoors, right?). It should have been a non-issue and pushing the matter and slapping the cig from the guy's hand is what escalated the situation. I hope that you tell your son that you were in the wrong, detail the mistakes that you made in the situation to him, and encourage him not to engage in the same behavior.

Best Regards,

Texbike


No doubt I acted in a wrong way, can't argue that. I talked to him and told him Daddy was wrong, he understands I think. Its hard to tell with a three year old.

My initial problem was the smoke it was that my son looks up to these kids and trying to copy them.

[Mikej]

One additional note for everybody - just because you push around an 18 y.o. or any other adult, doesn't get you off the hook -This kid could have called an ambulance chaser type attorney and you would be looking down the barrel of a civil suite -In this day and age - just walk away, its not worth it. What if this was in a conceal and carry area where it is legal to defend yourself and this guy whips out a 45? All of the other guys are watching you throw him around and over a fence? Youre lucky you got out alive.

[Mikej]

Luckily for me I had a burn mark on my hand to prove I knocked the lit end off the cig and didn't touch him. Also about a dozen witnesses at the nearby soccer game that came to my aid. I was definitely provoked there was no doubt about that. The officer was completely on my side of things. I just feel horrible for exposing my son to it.

You were still wrong. Burn or not -you threw him over the fence.

[jet sanchez]

What if this was in a conceal and carry area where it is legal to defend yourself and this guy whips out a 45? All of the other guys are watching you throw him around and over a fence? Youre lucky you got out alive.

This was my exact thought when I read the OP. And it was all over a cigarette outdoors...hopefully the OP's kid won't remember this episode later in his life.

How will the OP explain to his son that they can never go to this park again?

[R2D2]

You never know who's carrying these days.
Things can get out of hand fast.

[slidey]

To this, I must admit that I do feel that passive smoking is quite harmful. I don't go to designated smoking zones for a fresh breath of air, so I'd ideally expect smokers to not pollute the air in a non-smoking zone either.


also - what was so bad about the cigarette really? i dont smoke myself, but surely you dont think there is an honest health hazard from occupying the same outdoor space as a smoker:confused:

For the incident in itself, I concur with most on here that your actions were pre-emptive, and extreme.

[bzbvh5]

Mr. Cabletwitch

Congratulations!! You were doing something the kid's father should have done a long time ago. For the kid, it is too late. He is a bully and will always be one.

As for AngryScientist - skate parks were not created to give the "bad kids" an outlet and give them a place where they can do their thing, and not bother the rest of society. The tax payers made a place like that and it's called jail. Skate parks are for tax payers who want to get along with others.

[AngryScientist]

what i take away from it is this: when you're a teenager, everyone tells you what to do. teachers, coaches, parents, the police, etc.

if a couple teens cant go down to the skate park, smoke a few butts and be themselves, where can they??

i was that age, years ago, and i remember: and you want to stand up for yourself, in a world that wants to tell you what to do and what fun not to have. then some old dude come into the skate park like a raving lunatic telling me to put my cigarette out?? who does he think he is, he's not my dad, he's not the police, and he's not the mayor.

then he comes up to me and slaps the cig out of my hand, yowsa, this could have gone much worse IMO.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

This was my exact thought when I read the OP. And it was all over a cigarette outdoors...hopefully the OP's kid won't remember this episode later in his life.

How will the OP explain to his son that they can never go to this park again?

I can and will go back to that park anytime I please. I'm not going to let some skinny teenager keep me away from a public park. Next time I'll just call the police and walk away.

[G-Reg]

..if I am reading correctly...

I don't think you are. Here is my summary of the events:

Dickie Peterson takes his 3 y/o to a skate park where the dad knows troubled youth hang out. Dickie allows his 3 y/o to aimlessly wander the park putting himself and anyone else in harm's way. The troubled Yoots don't want any part of running over a 3 y/o so they take a break from riding and light up a cig. Dickie then proceeds to go Yoot to Yoot demanding they put out the cigs. Both Yoots basically say "yea, yea, yea" just to get him off their backs. Within a minute or 2 of the Yoots not following the demands of Dickie, the dad goes back and insist that the Yoot obey his command. The Yoot tells him to go F himself. Dickie then slaps the hand of the kid to which the kid responds by a quick push to the chest. Dickie, wanting to be a superhero to his kid, grabs the Yoot BY THE NECK and shoves him around. After starting the trouble and almost strangling the Yoot, the dad then calls the police to report the smoking violation.


http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nsutj4U4LZU/0.jpg

[craptacular]

Mr. Cabletwitch

Congratulations!! You were doing something the kid's father should have done a long time ago. For the kid, it is too late. He is a bully and will always be one.


Actually, you have it wrong, the OP is the bully.

[SamIAm]

I have been in this situation before, well not exactly. But I have allowed my anger to get the best of me and then dealt with the guilt that comes afterward, especially when a child is witness to it.

What I would recommend, and what has worked for me is take your son back to the park, hope to find this individual and then genuinely apologize for your actions. And in all things, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but boy is it hard in the moment!

[Mr Cabletwitch]

what i take away from it is this: when you're a teenager, everyone tells you what to do. teachers, coaches, parents, the police, etc.

if a couple teens cant go down to the skate park, smoke a few butts and be themselves, where can they??

i was that age, years ago, and i remember: and you want to stand up for yourself, in a world that wants to tell you what to do and what fun not to have. then some old dude come into the skate park like a raving lunatic telling me to put my cigarette out?? who does he think he is, he's not my dad, he's not the police, and he's not the mayor.

then he comes up to me and slaps the cig out of my hand, yowsa, this could have gone much worse IMO.


Its a public skate park inside a larger community park. You can't smoke inside parks in the state of PA. Initially I just asked him to leave or put out the cig. The kid was 18 he can get a job and buy or rent his own place then he can smoke all the butts he wants, not in the same place my kid and the other kids in the area play at.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

I don't think you are. Here is my summary of the events:

Dickie Peterson takes his 3 y/o to a skate park where the dad knows troubled youth hang out. Dickie allows his 3 y/o to aimlessly wander the park putting himself and anyone else in harm's way. The troubled Yoots don't want any part of running over a 3 y/o so they take a break from riding and light up a cig. Dickie then proceeds to go Yoot to Yoot demanding they put out the cigs. Both Yoots basically say "yea, yea, yea" just to get him off their backs. Within a minute or 2 of the Yoots not following the demands of Dickie, the dad goes back and insist that the Yoot obey his command. The Yoot tells him to go F himself. Dickie then slaps the hand of the kid to which the kid responds by a quick push to the chest. Dickie, wanting to be a superhero to his kid, grabs the Yoot BY THE NECK and shoves him around. After starting the trouble and almost strangling the Yoot, the dad then calls the police to report the smoking violation.




Boy do you have it wrong :eek:

I called the police becaue the yoot was hanging on the fence threatning my life after I decided to no beat him to death.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

I have been in this situation before, well not exactly. But I have allowed my anger to get the best of me and then dealt with the guilt that comes afterward, especially when a child is witness to it.

What I would recommend, and what has worked for me is take your son back to the park, hope to find this individual and then genuinely apologize for your actions. And in all things, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but boy is it hard in the moment!

I actually did apologize to the young man in front of my son and the police officer to which I was met with hostility.

[jt2gt]

then he comes up to me and slaps the cig out of my hand, yowsa, this could have gone much worse IMO.

This is the number one thing you should be worried about when you confront people especially in front of your child. People are crazy these days and a simple argument can turn deadly in minutes. Read the news. This kid could have come back with a gun or other weapon or even had something with him already. Next thing you know, you and your son are victims of an "i'm not going to take it anymore" mental breakdown and folks will be saying he was such a good kid, why did he shoot up a skatepark.

It's tough sometimes, but probably best to turn the other cheek or kill them with kindness.

[Mikej]

Mr. Cabletwitch

Congratulations!! You were doing something the kid's father should have done a long time ago. For the kid, it is too late. He is a bully and will always be one.

As for AngryScientist - skate parks were not created to give the "bad kids" an outlet and give them a place where they can do their thing, and not bother the rest of society. The tax payers made a place like that and it's called jail. Skate parks are for tax payers who want to get along with others.

I was in the same boat as a kid, not everybody has a Ward and June to giude you through lifes little ups and downs. As skater you could sit alone in an open field of 100 acres and somebody would drive by and want a piece of you, just because. I figured it out and now am doing fine, and value it all the more since I truely understand the differences in people. The kid is a bully? He also could have a job and pay taxes. He bought his bike and smokes, so they are taxed -so he payed for it too.

[William]

I agree that were other avenues to handle that particular situation, but the President does have a point. When and where I grew up is very different to the norm today. You had to watch out when mouthing off to adults because there was a good chance you'd get back handed for doing it. People were a lot less likely to take crap from kids then they are today (and a lot less litigious). I'm not saying that's right or wrong, but it does tend to produce kids that are a bit more respectful of consequences.

I had a somewhat similar situation happen when our son was 4 or 5 years old. I took him to a local elementary school playground on a Saturday and there were a number of other parents there with their children as well. There were also three older teens near by trying to bean each other with one of those large red kick balls. After a couple of close calls where young kids almost got clobbered by an errant or dodged throw I asked them to move off into the field because they had already came close to hitting some kids. They didn't mouth off, it was more of a "yeah yeah all right" and they moved off a bit. A few minutes later they were close to the playground again and I was about to say something when one kid hummed the ball at another who dodged it. The ball did one of those bounces where it hits the ground and then rockets off at high speed.......right smack into the middle of my sons face!!! You know that sound those balls make when they hit something hard? Kind of a loud "SMACK" with a hollow sounding "SROING" Well it sent him flying back on hiss a$$ and almost hitting the back of his head on the ground. I immediately saw red. The first thing I did was make sure my son was okay, and then went right up to the one who threw the ball (turned out to be the biggest one only a few inches shorter than me). Up to that point none of them had apologized or asked if my son was okay. They were doing that sort of surprised "Oh my gawd did you see that" laugh. I had the composure to check may language because of all the little kids and parents watching...and I laid into him about this was exactly why I had asked them to move off. The kid started to mouth off move closer (probably posturing in front of his friends) and I know my expression and body language went from bad to "your about to effin get creamed". ....(Would I have done it? I don't know, but I was at that point that had he pushed or taken a swing I would have done what was needed to be done to stop it)...He must have sensed it because he backed off, gave me a half assed apology, and they took their ball and left. It's nothing to be proud of, but then again, they hurt my boy after I had warned them to move off. The other parents asked if my son was okay....and thanked me for taking care of the situation.

I don't condone getting into confrontations, but sometimes you do need to take a stand.





William

[G-Reg]

Boy do you have it wrong :eek:

I called the police becaue the yoot was hanging on the fence threatning my life after I decided to no beat him to death.

I can not for the life of me understand why you would allow a 3 y/o to wonder around a skate park during open skating.

I see a Ferrari in his near future.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

I can not for the life of me understand why you would allow a 3 y/o to wonder around a skate park during open skating.

I see a Ferrari in his near future.

It was just us and two other kids in a small skate park inside a larger communtiy park , I was following him around videoing him. I think you are jumping to far to many conclusions.

[apeescape]

Ignoring that and walking away would definitely contribute to the pussification of your son. Hopefully that punk kid learned a lesson his dad never taught him. Why didn't the kid walk away when his cigarette got knocked out? Btw if people heard him give you death threats he's in the wrong. Good move but next time sleeper hold.

[flydhest]

Boy do you have it wrong :eek:

I called the police becaue the yoot was hanging on the fence threatning my life after I decided to no beat him to death.

This post is the most telling for me. That you had to make a decision not to beat him to death . . .

[azrider]

after I decided to no beat him to death.

woah dude. I'd def go and seek some help.

[bluesea]

I had a somewhat similar situation happen when our son was 4 or 5 years old.


William




You handled that situation with a level mind. Otoh the OP has at this point pretty much revealed a degree of self-righteousness.


http://imageshack.us/a/img846/3995/vicmorrow6.jpg

[Matt-H]

c'mon, skate parks were created to give the "bad kids" an outlet.

Yeah, skaters are no better than those stoners on mountain bikes...

[G-Reg]

It was just us and two other kids in a small skate park inside a larger communtiy park , I was following him around videoing him. I think you are jumping to far to many conclusions.

Great! A 3 y/o on with training wheels and his dad following him around the skate park with a video camera. Sounds safe.

Did you lecture the other boys for not wearing helmets too?

[2LeftCleats]

I'm kind of confused.

When the OP started the thread, I thought he was using the forum as a confessional to express his remorse for his over-the-top response to something as trivial as a kid smoking where he shouldn't be and for doing it in front of his own child. If you ask nicely and get no response, and there's no threat to you (there wasn't until OP got aggressive), then either put up with it, walk away, or call the police.

As the comments have progressed, the OP has become angry about some responses. Not sure what he expected. Hopefully not validation for his actions, and I'm frankly surprised he's gotten some of that.

So, I don't understand what the point of posting really was except to find somebody to tell him he wasn't totally out of line.

Look, I've embarrassed myself any number of times in the presence of my kids. And if it wasn't obvious to me, my wife wasted no time pointing those situations out to me. I try to use those unpleasant experiences as ways to learn more about myself and hopefully grow as a human.

Unless there is more to the story than originally stated, I have no sympathy for the OP's response. He should do some serious soul-searching, contemplate how he can turn this into a painful growth experience for himself and son, and move on.

[christian]

Skate parks are for people to skate not do things and act in ways that they won't in front of their parents.By this measure, I think you should stay out of skateparks!

[AngryScientist]

Next time I'll just call the police and walk away.

while that is indeed better than what you did this time, please let is know how that works out:

"officer, officer, there is one teenager smoking a cigarette in the skate park. please come quick!!"

with any luck they'll fire up the chopper to get over there quickly.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

what I did was stupid and wrong.... never Said it wasn't. with that I'm done... Its very obvious who in this crowd has kids and who doesn't....

[Mr Cabletwitch]

By this measure, I think you should stay out of skateparks!


Unfortunately I think you are correct.

[AngryScientist]

Its very obvious who in this crowd has kids and who doesn't....

is it, indulge us, who would you presume has kids, and who doesn't??

[Mr Cabletwitch]

So, I don't understand what the point of posting really was except to find somebody to tell him he wasn't totally out of line.



That was the point I guess.

[G-Reg]

what I did was stupid and wrong.... never Said it wasn't. with that I'm done... Its very obvious who in this crowd has kids and who doesn't....

On this forum it is pretty safe to assume we all have kids and most of us have raised them well beyond the age of 3.

Honestly, why did you care that they were smoking?

[Mr Cabletwitch]

On this forum it is pretty safe to assume we all have kids and most of us have raised them well beyond the age of 3.

Honestly, why did you care that they were smoking?


Because my son asked me what they were doing and why they were doing it and usually when we go to skate park the older kids think its great and show him all their tricks on BMX bikes, so he looks up to the older kids. I don't want him to think smoking is cool.

I try not to assume anything

[FlashUNC]

http://welldonefillet.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/overreaction1.jpg

[Dave B]

I agree that were other avenues to handle that particular situation, but the President does have a point. When and where I grew up is very different to the norm today. You had to watch out when mouthing off to adults because there was a good chance you'd get back handed for doing it. People were a lot less likely to take crap from kids then they are today (and a lot less litigious). I'm not saying that's right or wrong, but it does tend to produce kids that are a bit more respectful of consequences.
I had a somewhat similar situation happen when our son was 4 or 5 years old. I took him to a local elementary school playground on a Saturday and there were a number of other parents there with their children as well. There were also three older teens near by trying to bean each other with one of those large red kick balls. After a couple of close calls where young kids almost got clobbered by an errant or dodged throw I asked them to move off into the field because they had already came close to hitting some kids. They didn't mouth off, it was more of a "yeah yeah all right" and they moved off a bit. A few minutes later they were close to the playground again and I was about to say something when one kid hummed the ball at another who dodged it. The ball did one of those bounces where it hits the ground and then rockets off at high speed.......right smack into the middle of my sons face!!! You know that sound those balls make when they hit something hard? Kind of a loud "SMACK" with a hollow sounding "SROING" Well it sent him flying back on hiss a$$ and almost hitting the back of his head on the ground. I immediately saw red. The first thing I did was make sure my son was okay, and then went right up to the one who threw the ball (turned out to be the biggest one only a few inches shorter than me). Up to that point none of them had apologized or asked if my son was okay. They were doing that sort of surprised "Oh my gawd did you see that" laugh. I had the composure to check may language because of all the little kids and parents watching...and I laid into him about this was exactly why I had asked them to move off. The kid started to mouth off move closer (probably posturing in front of his friends) and I know my expression and body language went from bad to "your about to effin get creamed". ....(Would I have done it? I don't know, but I was at that point that had he pushed or taken a swing I would have done what was needed to be done to stop it)...He must have sensed it because he backed off, gave me a half assed apology, and they took their ball and left. It's nothing to be proud of, but then again, they hurt my boy after I had warned them to move off. The other parents asked if my son was okay....and thanked me for taking care of the situation.

I don't condone getting into confrontations, but sometimes you do need to take a stand.





William

This was said a lot better then how I put it, but my sentiments exactly. Often times young people, even 18 need to learn a difficult lesson. I was raised to respect adults, if I didn't I paid the price. I learned very quickly.

I don't know if this is the way things are anymore. People especially parents protect stupid.

[Dave B]

Because my son asked me what they were doing and why they were doing it and usually when we go to skate park the older kids think its great and show him all their tricks on BMX bikes, so he looks up to the older kids. I don't want him to think smoking is cool.

I try not to assume anything

Brother I hate to say it, but people are going to disagree with what you did. No use justifying your intentions anymore. Lots of good advice here and I am sure if you have this situation again you will act differently, regardless to what your actions are.

Good conversation though and just know that we all have our own biases when it comes to these things. ;)

cheers

Dave

[FlashUNC]

This was said a lot better then how I put it, but my sentiments exactly. Often times young people, even 18 need to learn a difficult lesson. I was raised to respect adults, if I didn't I paid the price. I learned very quickly.

I don't know if this is the way things are anymore. People especially parents protect stupid.

So adults have the right to beat the crap out of kids doing stuff they don't necessarily agree with, to teach them respect?

I think what you're teaching is a fear of violence rather than actual respect. At least in my life, I've tended to have more respect for those who think the immediate and best solution to problems is raising a fist.

[GRAVELBIKE]

This will not end well.

What's worse, letting your 3-year-old see some cool kids smoking, or having him see you get cuffed and taken for a ride in the patrol car?

And yes, I have children. I also skateboard.

[AngryScientist]

So adults have the right to beat the crap out of kids doing stuff they don't necessarily agree with, to teach them respect?

I think what you're teaching is a fear of violence rather than actual respect. At least in my life, I've tended to have more respect for those who think the immediate and best solution to problems is raising a fist.

agreed.

i wonder what would have happened if the OP calmly went up to the teen and said "listen, my little son thinks that skaters are the coolest people in the world, and he really looks up to you older guys, would you mind putting the cigarette down, it'll be a big favor to me"

who's to say, but maybe...

[texbike]

Its very obvious who in this crowd has kids and who doesn't....

Actually I do have kids (including a son that is close in age to yours). I'm also a fight versus flight kind of guy. However, I think that there are limits and you should know when to pick your battles - especially in front of your kids.

Texbike

[Mr Cabletwitch]

Actually I do have kids (including a son that is close in age to yours). I'm also a fight versus flight kind of guy. However, I think that there are limits and you should know when to pick your battles - especially in front of your kids.

Texbike


Totally correct.

[Mr Cabletwitch]

agreed.

i wonder what would have happened if the OP calmly went up to the teen and said "listen, my little son thinks that skaters are the coolest people in the world, and he really looks up to you older guys, would you mind putting the cigarette down, it'll be a big favor to me"

who's to say, but maybe...


Hindsight is 20/20, this would have been a much better approach.

[Ray]

Sometimes confrontation and physical action are required. But they're almost always the LAST resort, not the first. That said, the OP over-reacted and immediately REALIZED he over-reacted and apologized and obviously feels horrible about it. I've done the same - not in the same way or in circumstances even remotely similar, but I've done things in the heat of the moment that I later asked myself "what the hell was I thinking"? Hopefully he learns from this and doesn't handle it the same way the next time. I suspect the negatives of this will stay burned into his little one's mind longer than any positives he may get from it at some point. These situations mostly happened in my late teens and early 20s (like the kid with the cig) but I remember once or twice when I had little kids (late 20's, maybe around 30ish) and really reacted to things in their presence that I immediately felt bad about. And spent more time UNDOING the damage by talking to them about it over time than I ever would have spent by just thinking through the situation instead of reacting like I did.

So, to the OP - we've all effed up at times. Probably in somewhat similar ways. The key is to realize it was a screw-up, learn from it, and use it as a teachable moment for your kid - ie, Dad's not perfect, but he's trying really really hard to do the right things for you....

I don't see the point of beating this guy up for what he acknowledged right off the top was the wrong way to handle this situation. I think he was just looking to talk it out and gain some perspective but he's getting a bit of a beat-down for it.

-Ray

-Ray

[Fixed]

My only thought is about your son give him extra love as much as you can . imho
Cheers :)

[AngryScientist]

we got some good thoughts out there, and i'm going to close this one at the request of the OP.

as a closing remark - personally speaking, i added a lot to this thread which were just my thoughts on the matter in general, not against the OP. this forum is often a good sounding board, so thanks to everyone for the replies.

[William]

I agree. A good time to lock this up. A lot of opinions and good advice that we can all ponder.





William