"Teaching moment" for my kid last night

[goonster]

Originally Posted by Bstone

This wasn't mean.

It all depends on how long he let him "squirm". At some point that can become mean, but that line is not the same for every kid, parent or situation.

Originally Posted by redir

'You don't ever want to camp again?,' 'No!' cried the little boy so the dad opened up a trash can shoved all the kids back pack and tent in it slammed the can shut and said 'get in the car.'

When a parent sinks to that level, he's lost, no?

[Chris]

Well, I am a psychologist, so take it for what that is worth...

I have two girls. One is the one who no amount of using a teaching moment will help her remember. Forgetting is a daily thing for her. She functions well in school (all A's) and in other aspects where she needs too, but she can be a space cadet at times. The use of a "teaching moment" would only worsen her self-esteem, because like the earlier poster, she beats herself up enough. Her sister does not have the attentional problems she does and would be more likely to benefit from such a moment. The skill set needed for parenting is to know what works for what kid. It sounds like you did well based on your son's needs.

[Bruce K]

I like your thinking on this.

I have used similar teaching moments for our son (now 27) and for some of my students.

Parents would hate to lose the trumpet, etc. that their child leaves out in the hallway at the end of the day where anyone could grab it (we have outsiders in our school building for evening activities).

It generally only takes one "OMG Mr. K, I can't find my trumpet for band practice" moment (and then me pulling it out of the closet) to have them leaving it in their locker or the classroom.

Teachable moments are generally a good thing.

BK

[redir]

Originally Posted by goonster

It all depends on how long he let him "squirm". At some point that can become mean, but that line is not the same for every kid, parent or situation.


When a parent sinks to that level, he's lost, no?

I don't know, impossible to tell. I think everyone is entitled to having a bad day and in this case maybe he simply got caught having a bad day. If you think about it he was a good enough parent to take time that he could have been out golfing and or drinking with his friends to be with his son camping. I guess the kid just didn't like it.

[pdmtong]

I hesitate to comment on these threads, because while seeming so simple, there are much deeper dynamics in anyone's family to say yea, good job, or no, you blew it.

what i can say though is time spent and relationship trump everything, and behaviour lessons are cumulative and constantly evolving.

today its a glove. in a few years its a $750 slab of mobile phone silicon and glass. and 18 and off to college is closer than you think.

[steelbikerider]

Maybe it's time for the parent fib.
You found it unattended and picked it up. But only tell him after he confesses to leaving it laying around and can't find it. Then have the discussion about responsible ways to keep up with the glove/phone, etc. I also agree with the "we''ll buy your first one." My son still has his 2000 Mustang we helped him buy in '09 while a jr in high school(no dents).

Raised just one kid of my own but still teaching jr high after 30 years.

[Tony T]

Better not leave your bike unattended

[Mikej]

Originally Posted by redir

Oh and BTW my dad, retired Marine, and the most responsible person I've ever known in my entire life was wise enough to know to mark my name and number with a Magic marker on absolutely everything I owned

That's just good old fashion Marine Corps for you - every piece of uniform, web gear ANYTHING that was yours was marked-not only marked, but marked a certain way with certain sized font within a certain measurement -and you didn't want to get caught - that is my 1st hand experience. I understand the op intent, but I always have to back away - I grew up different and don't want to nflict my kids with fear of life due to my experiences. I actually let them break their stuff and leave it on the play ground - gone is gone and broke is broke - use your birthday money in 4 months to buy another-that is the way my kids will remember- the REAL consequences work. IMHO -

[oldpotatoe]

Originally Posted by jmoore

I took my son and his buddy to see a 10U baseball allstar game last night. He brought his new glove we just bought on Sat to show off and play catch. At one point, I looked over and there were 8-10 of them goofing off on another field. His glove was sitting in the grass unattended. He just dropped it and left it there, so I went and picked it up and put it away.

When we were ready to leave I could see him looking around for it. I asked him what he was looking for, "I can't find my glove." We went through the whole "where did you have it last? what were you doing?" conversation. I told him to go keep looking. He came back unable to find it almost in tears. I said "so you mean to tell me you lost your brand new glove 5 days after you got it because you couldn't be bothered to keep up with it? Is dropping it in the grass the way to keep up with it? What if it got stolen? Do you have the money to buy another one?" I let him squirm for a few more minutes as he fought back the tears. Finally I gave him his glove back. He was relieved and kept saying he was sorry.

His mother was not to happy with my actions, but I bet he keeps up with his glove from now on.

Even super smart kids are morons sometimes.

Well done, yer wife is not correct, IMHO.

[fuzzalow]

This is intended as a general comment on parenting and not a comment, reflection or judgment on the OP. We have parents here, right? And parents talk shop just like any other occupation, right?

To me there is no such thing as a teaching moment. It is never as discreet and as isolated as that. Every single second of every single day is a teaching moment(s). Because kids see everything. And what they take as object lessons are less what you preach and more of what you do. As a parent you don't get to call upon yourself to be "ON" as a teacher/role model when you think you want to impart a teaching moment to your kid(s). They see everything and have already learned it from you. Whether you know it or not.

For better or worse, they all become replicants and walking little examples of yourself.

If you are smart, as a parent you'll recognize situations where there might be behaviors that involve moral ambiguity and those cases you will talk about it to your kids. Because they saw that too and it might not be clear what happens next. For example picking up stuff that doesn't belong to you with the intent of returning it to its rightful owner later on.

Don't be so quick to pat yourself on the back. You won't know you did good as a parent until much later on in life, when your kids have the freedom, judgement, morality, values, ethics and ability to move through life as an adult acting with their own behavior. Hopefully one that makes you proud. THAT moment of recognition is the "Teaching Moment" - a moment not intended for them but rather as a moment for you.

I haven't had this moment yet. I'm still working on it. I'm grateful and happy to do this job that may never see completion but will come to fruition.

[jmoore]

Originally Posted by Tony T

Better not leave your bike unattended

Never!

[cinema]

fuzzalow preach

[fuzzalow]

Originally Posted by cinema

fuzzalow preach

Huh? Say what you gotta say.

Not preaching man, different point of view.

[cinema]

preach is like an affirmation of something, in parlance of our times. compliment. "said to give encouragement to a person dropping mad knowledge." -urbandictionary.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3eaTBtJur8

[fuzzalow]

Originally Posted by cinema

preach is like an affirmation of something, in parlance of our times. compliment. "said to give encouragement to a person dropping mad knowledge." -urbandictionary.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3eaTBtJur8

Uh, OK. Thank you. I'm not up with the latest parlance. Which is no excuse because I can type into urbandictionary.com as readily as you just did. But I'd rather talk to folks than google-fu.

I sometimes think that complexity is a frowned upon thing for some around here. So for me, the "teaching moment" in this thread is NOT to hide the kid's glove to create a false anxiety and illusion of theft. To teach an honest lesson using deceptive means is a contradiction of purpose. A kid can't know the subtlety of what I just said but an adult might. Or not.

We all raise our kids to the best ability we know how. Let the chips fall where they may and good luck to every parent doing the most difficult of jobs in raising kids.