"Teaching moment" for my kid last night

[jmoore]

I took my son and his buddy to see a 10U baseball allstar game last night. He brought his new glove we just bought on Sat to show off and play catch. At one point, I looked over and there were 8-10 of them goofing off on another field. His glove was sitting in the grass unattended. He just dropped it and left it there, so I went and picked it up and put it away.

When we were ready to leave I could see him looking around for it. I asked him what he was looking for, "I can't find my glove." We went through the whole "where did you have it last? what were you doing?" conversation. I told him to go keep looking. He came back unable to find it almost in tears. I said "so you mean to tell me you lost your brand new glove 5 days after you got it because you couldn't be bothered to keep up with it? Is dropping it in the grass the way to keep up with it? What if it got stolen? Do you have the money to buy another one?" I let him squirm for a few more minutes as he fought back the tears. Finally I gave him his glove back. He was relieved and kept saying he was sorry.

His mother was not to happy with my actions, but I bet he keeps up with his glove from now on.

Even super smart kids are morons sometimes.

[brockd15]

Good move, kids need to be taught and guided by their parents.

[Cicli]

That is a good lesson. My kids learn the same lessons. Sometimes its hard but its the right thing to do.

[texbike]

Sounds like a good approach to me.

We have a rule in our house: We'll buy the 1st xxxxx for our kids. However, if they lose or break it, they have the responsibility to replace it if they want another one. This year our kids have paid to replace a lost lacrosse stick and a broken Kindle. Is it mean? Perhaps. If nothing else, we're hoping that it teaches them to take care of their stuff.

[redir]

I was your kid and trust me what you did is not going to help. If he's absent minded and has attention deficit disorder like I did/do nothing will help. What happened to me growing up innately irresponsible with material objects and being forced by family and society and scolded and treated bad when I would lose something or do something otherwise irresponsible was and act of self hatred and loathing because I was not able to meet expectations.

I was the kid that showed up to baseball games and forgot my glove LOL.

I was also the kid who threw a no hitter in high school ball and who came in as relief in the bottom of the 9th basses loaded and struck out three batters for the win.

I still struggle with losing things almost every day. I walk down the stairs to get something and completely forget what it was because there are a thousand other thoughts going through my head. I still get angry about it but I mostly just let it go now. Drives my wife crazy

Not sure if your kid is the same but if he is nothing is going to stop it outside maybe drugs, I'm glad they didn't have them when I was a kid

[Tandem Rider]

Originally Posted by redir

I was your kid and trust me what you did is not going to help. If he's absent minded and has attention deficit disorder like I did/do nothing will help. What happened to me growing up innately irresponsible with material objects and being forced by family and society and scolded and treated bad when I would lose something or do something otherwise irresponsible was and act of self hatred and loathing because I was not able to meet expectations.

I still struggle with losing things almost every day. I walk down the stairs to get something and completely forget what it was because there are a thousand other thoughts going through my head. I still get angry about it but I mostly just let it go now. Drives my wife crazy

Not sure if your kid is the same but if he is nothing is going to stop it outside maybe drugs, I'm glad they didn't have them when I was a kid

HEY!!! You can't have those problems, I already took them. Unfortunately, we aren't alone, my son also does, apple didn't fall far from the tree. You are correct, derision, scolding, embarrassment, etc doesn't help, we have to learn the skills and techniques needed to function like other people. "Natural Consequences" seems to work the best with my son and did with me too.

[jmoore]

Originally Posted by Tandem Rider

HEY!!! You can't have those problems, I already took them. Unfortunately, we aren't alone, my son also does, apple didn't fall far from the tree. You are correct, derision, scolding, embarrassment, etc doesn't help, we have to learn the skills and techniques needed to function like other people. "Natural Consequences" seems to work the best with my son and did with me too.

There was none of that stuff. But he definitely had an "oh ····· I messed up" look on his face when he thought he had lost it and had to answer to it.

He's a good kid. Typical 10 year old. I've got no complaints about him. Except he needs to keep up with this stuff a bit better.

[Bstone]

I don't think any shaming or derision took place here. The truth is that you want learning to take place. In order for that to happen, something has to make him form a memory.

Like it or not (look it up), we tend to remember things that have an emotion attached to them. It can be positive or negative. Doesn't really matter.

This wasn't mean. The wife is reacting as many wife's will do. When their children are upset, they find it upsetting. Again, not bad or good, just the way it works.

That doesn't mean that your actions were wrong.

[MattTuck]

You never know what experiences are going to be formative. Yes, there are 'teachable moments' that you want to seize, I'm not sure that is the right one or the wrong one. I'm not an expert.

From a psychological standpoint, I believe you'd rather have the learning happen when it is actionable (ie. when he put the glove down) in the future, rather than just rely on the emotions of the negative consequence. Even teenagers have problems with developing brains and understanding consequences.

I have no idea the conversation you had with him, but hopefully you gave him some tools to use next time. "Hey bud, next time you have some stuff and want to go play with your friends, bring it to me or your mom, or put it back where it goes."

Yes, he probably really hated the experience of thinking he lost something, but it is also important to remember that when he does something right, "Hey Dad, can you hold this while I go play with Erik?" that you encourage him as well and reinforce that good behavior.

[jmoore]

Originally Posted by MattTuck

I have no idea the conversation you had with him, but hopefully you gave him some tools to use next time. "Hey bud, next time you have some stuff and want to go play with your friends, bring it to me or your mom, or put it back where it goes."

Yes, he probably really hated the experience of thinking he lost something, but it is also important to remember that when he does something right, "Hey Dad, can you hold this while I go play with Erik?" that you encourage him as well and reinforce that good behavior.

This is almost verbatim what I said to him when I gave him his glove back.


He is a good kid and I praise him all the time. But that doesn't make up for him being a bonehead every once in a while.

This was not the first, nor will it be the last, conversation I have with him about this type of thing.

[redir]

Funny story. I was out hiking with a buddy of mine in the Red River Gorge KY (beautiful place BTW) and after several days we get back to our car and are unpacking. Down the trail we hear this kid whining and complaining and fussing and he comes out of the woods with his dad who was carrying all the kids gear. The kid was having a total melt down. He didn't want any thing to do with hiking and camping and I could see the total frustration on the dad's face. The kid was with the typical 'But I don't want to!' type attitude and the dad said, 'You don't ever want to camp again?,' 'No!' cried the little boy so the dad opened up a trash can shoved all the kids back pack and tent in it slammed the can shut and said 'get in the car.'

ROFL

I don't judge anyone's parenting because there are times that they can drive you to the brink but that just cracked me and my friend up.

[54ny77]

Wait till he starts liking Shimano (assuming you like Campy). Or vice versa.

What kind of teachable moments will there be then, huh?

"Dad, where's my [insert missing small part]?"

Originally Posted by jmoore

This was not the first, nor will it be the last, conversation I have with him about this type of thing.

[redir]

Oh and BTW my dad, retired Marine, and the most responsible person I've ever known in my entire life was wise enough to know to mark my name and number with a Magic marker on absolutely everything I owned

[jmoore]

Originally Posted by 54ny77

Wait till he starts liking Shimano (assuming you like Campy). Or vice versa.

What kind of teachable moments will there be then, huh?

"Dad, where's my [insert missing small part]?"

LOL!


He already wants and iphone like his mom. I'm all Andriod.

[Tandem Rider]

Originally Posted by jmoore

There was none of that stuff. But he definitely had an "oh ····· I messed up" look on his face when he thought he had lost it and had to answer to it.

He's a good kid. Typical 10 year old. I've got no complaints about him. Except he needs to keep up with this stuff a bit better.

I struggled with that with my son too, it's hard (at least it was for me) to remember that stuff is just stuff. Soccer balls, wallets, phones, library books, ballgloves, etc are small potato's. It finally started to "click" with mine when I finally got out of his way and let him learn life his way, but he was older than 10 then when I caught on. Great kid, doing well in college, etc.

Hard to pass up one of those opportunities though, not sure I'd behave any different